I'm 5 months post DDay and I've been successfully working on my 180 for about a month. I've had some progress in the sense that I'm less focused on WS and what he is doing, feeling, thinking, etc.
I'm much more focused on me and the baby. I have to see him on almost a daily basis and I've come to think of him as the guy who drops the baby off at home for me. I'm more in control of my emotions...but something weird has occured....it's almost like I can't FEEL anything anymore. I still have triggers and thoughts, but my feelings have normalized to the point where I feel like I'm not feeling anything anymore. I don't feel anger, hatred, disgust, hurt, pity, sadness...I just feel emotionally numb.
A couple of days last week went well at work and for a brief moment I thought I might have even felt "happy" if that's even remotely possible.
I just came from my IC who said that this was good and that maybe "numb" isn't the right word since she says I'm still feeling things. But I don't know. It's not indifference...it's just numbness. Maybe my new normal is to be crying and sad and mad everyday that NOT feeling out of control is starting to feel weird.
Anyone go through this before? It's weird...because on one end I'm happy that I'm not as obsessed with this situation as I once was, but on the other hand am I in protection mode? Are my feelings for my WS gone now?
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm interested to see if this is a "phase" in recovering from this kind of trauma or if I've successfully detached.