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User Topic: How does it happen??
Betrayed07
New Member
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

My WH and I are trying to R. His A came up last night in conversation related to our move. He is still ashamed, embarrassed, etc, and said he was always proud he was not like father who is a huge cheater. He said he had been propositioned before and always turned them down. He hates that after so long (13 yrs together) he finally gave in. I was actually a good conversation. It reassured me that even though we don't talk much about it, we are far from being past it. I was glad to hear that it is still plaguing his mind, not just mine. I felt less alone.

So I questioned the previous proposition who was by yet another woman at his work. He said she was always asking him to give in and at one point even showed him her breasts. He turned her down and she couldn't believe it. WHO DOES THIS???? And at work??? I guess I was raised differently and just don't get it! Its just an unfathomable concept to me.

So now I see every woman as a threat. I thought other women were like me. I feel like a crazy woman now thinking every woman wants to f^$* my husband! So now not only do I not trust men, I don't trust women either! Am I in the minority in this world??


Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
Heavy Sigh
Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

A woman at an arts event propositioned my husband right in front of me, so I don't know what ever happened to women, self-respect and morals.

But I don't trust men, either, so in addition to thinking your husband's co-worker is a cuckoo off her meds, I will also wonder if he exaggerated all of this to make him seem a hero and to make you insecure enough to try to please him to keep him rather than withdraw emotionally or sexually into the BS form of Pain Zone or Anger Zone.

So if you think you're a crazy woman, then you have plenty of company, including me.


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
DragnHeart
Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

My wh first ow, a co worker, exposed her breasts to him. Other than knowing that one detail I know nothing more of what they did.

Knowing that, however, always sickened me. How could anyone be like that, In. A. Place. They. Work???


Posts: 2792 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
broken81
Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

people have no self respect anymore..its unfathomable to me aswell.
I guess women have no problem exposing themselves since men watch porn at work?!?!?!???
OW over here went on step further...she was taking pictures of her vag touching herself at work! WHO does that???
She does not have her own office.


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 232 | Registered: Sep 2012
SilverFlame
New Member
Member # 39929
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I guess certain women (people) have no sense of decency and no personal boundaries. I put this type of behavior down to a lack of self respect. These are people we share the world with (however I wish some of them would just get hit by a bus...)


Me 37 BGF
Him WBF
Relationship of two years.

Him: inappropriate emails with ex girlfriend. She was OW during his last marriage. OW- skank with no morals or ethics (personal or professional)
D-Day mid July 2013


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2013
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Your thoughts have been through my head...I think it is why I was so depressed and stuck under the "people suck" bus.

So I had to go and find me some peeps that didn't suck - woot - found SI. Some other people too.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

You're not crazy. The OW in my situation took her clothes off and danced naked in front of my WS and their boss about a year before A. He told me about it the next day, and I remember thinking WTF. A year later, they had sex. I know it's my WS's fault, but I also get angry at these girls for providing so much temptation to men. Why can't they just accept no????


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Jul 2013
pewpewpew
Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I hear ya sister.

Ugh. My WHs A happened with a female co worker who is a grandmother. Really? Do you not have ANY respect for yourself nor your family?!


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 25th (Thursday)


..
So now not only do I not trust men, I don't trust women either!

see my tagline..

trusting people, even being around other people, can give you cause to pause.

..betrayal completely changes our world.. in the worst way

sending prayers and support..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4101 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Betrayed07
New Member
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you all for agreeing!! Seriously, I don't know what happened to morals and decency! Why don't they think of the wife and kids they are trying to break apart? How can you live with yourself?? I know its my WH's fault for eventually giving in to one, but I am just so angry with HER and these women!!! Sometimes I wish I wasn't so "good" b/c apparently, they are not suffering like we are now. They go about their lives without a care for anyone else.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

A woman at my WS's work was constantly texting him telling him he was hot, that if he ever left me she would leave her H, etc. She was a piece of work - living off welfare with a pregnant teenage daughter who had her baby then got pregnant again right away. I know her life was pretty screwed up but trying to purposefully ruin other people's lives I will never understand. :/


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

If some dude showed me his junk, got naked and shook his money maker..i would not ride his pole or slob his nasty nob! Its called character.

Temptation, shady people...that crap is everywhere. Mow laid it out. Wh jumped on it. I blame him 100% for that not mow's old trashy ass.

Is she a trashy slut? Ya but seriously trashy sluts are everywhere and if wh cant keep his dick in his pants anytime he comes across one. He is the problem not the ow.

Dont get me wrong I truly hate mow..but im not giving her or her magic vaj that much credit.

That she was just to persistent and tempting! Bullshit. Wh was just a weak dog.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Just had to add...i no longer trust ANYONE OF ANY GENDER or age. People to me are all out for themselves and what they can get. Im sure their are good ones but i am just to jaded now to give them a chance.

I hold people at a distance...always wondering what they want from me. Sad but true. When it comes to other women I have learned women can be each-others worst enemy. There is no sisterhood.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Just had to add...i no longer trust ANYONE OF ANY GENDER or age. People to me are all out for themselves and what they can get. Im sure their are good ones but i am just to jaded now to give them a chance.
I hold people at a distance...always wondering what they want from me. Sad but true. When it comes to other women I have learned women can be each-others worst enemy. There is no sisterhood.

This is how I feel too. It's sad. I used to always see the positive things in people, and now I go into conversations assuming the worst. Does it get better with time?


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Jul 2013
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

For me? Personally...no. It hasnt gotten better over the last 3 yrs. But i had trust issues before my wh did what he did. A lot of horrible things done to me as a small child by people. My wh also hasn't really changed or stopped adding new hurts no matter how minor they may seem to him...they still set me back.

So at this point...i have my guard up 24/7. Dont see that changing


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

You know what is interesting to me, is that your husband waited all these years to tell you about Tits McGee. Looking back, you can see the lack of communication and lack of understanding of proper boundaries. He should have told her he was disgusted, stormed out, told their boss, and told you. It's the breadcrum trail of an affair. I hope he recognizes that in himself now.

[This message edited by Rebreather at 1:08 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

These are needy, attention driven women. That is all they are. They are quit sad in my eyes. How horrible that you have to behave less than to get attention. Men, really only fuck those type of women but rarely want them as a woman. They are not tactful or have class or self respect. Just sad.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2653 | Registered: Aug 2011
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

In our case, OW ( who is 20 yrs younger than I, divorced, no kids) flaunted around work in tight low cut clothing all the time, & she sat next to WH @ work. She has a rep of having slept with quite a few of the men there.
According to one of our kids, who went to work with WH one day, OW could not keep her hands off WH, constantly touching him & giggling in his ear.
She pursued WH as if she had him in the crosshairs of her rifle. One day, she got in his car, told him she had a crush on him, threw herself on him, & said "Why don't I be your mistress?"
I know that WH could have said no.
But what kind of woman does something like this? Knowing that WH is married with 4 kids?
The answer is: someone who is selfish, who could not care less about anyone else , who puts her own instant gratification over everything else, & someone who has no morals.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

But really, whats that say about our wayward spouses who fall for that bullshit? Yes yes these women are everywhere but really whats that say about our wh? That they would bang the office tramp too or screw the easy skank down the street etc. i just hear thing after thing about these "seductresses" Is that even a word? Lol! It just gives them so much credit..and feels like a scape goat that they were just so tempting. It just bothers me. I bash mow for being a slut...yes i do but...wh gave her that opportunity and power. Im just saying..but im more mad at this point and disgusted at wh than mow. I dont believe to truly recover its better to flip all that on AP. if i cant get passed anger at wh then maybe its a sign he is a pos and this is all a deal breaker..cuz as sleazy as AP is

Whats that say about our spouses and their part in it all.

The sleazy wh who banged the office slut or the f'd up dirt bag wh who screwed another mans wife...im just sayin..


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Betrayed07
New Member
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Rebreather - he did actually tell me about Tits McGee (LOL)years ago, but I pretended I didn't remember to see if I got the same story. It matched.

Trust me, I know my WH is at fault and HE is responsible for what HE did. I am just venting my anger right now at these women. I'm actually glad I'm feeling some anger b/c up until now I've been a depressed zombie. We met our new neighbor yesterday and she was already the "enemy" in my eyes. You're right, Sunflowergirl30 - people are out for themselves only. I am very jaded now as well.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Vent away Betrayed07, I will shut up!


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
broken81
Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

No matter if its the slutty OW or the sleazy WH, Why do people not have more self respect to not put themselves out there like that??!!!
I know after DDay i wanted my WH to hurt as bad as I did. I contemplated a RA but i kept coming back to thats just not me. I didnt want to lessen myself by going against my beliefs for him.
That to me is self respect.



Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 232 | Registered: Sep 2012
SuperSadWife
New Member
Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

I agree I think I am suspicious of all women now but my male friend who's ex had an A was even suspicious of my H with his new wife. Now I even think back did he send any signals that I didn't see.. Or are we hypersensitive.
Oh I have a good one.. Tell me what y'all think..
My H was in the hospital because a routine procedure went bad. The nurse a young**** comes in and introduces herself since she's coming on shift. Ok cool.. Old nurse comes for last vitals and says she leaving.. No big deal. New nurse comes in 10 min and says she has to take vitals.. Ok.. She starts.. She keeps saying how he doesn't look sick..he's pail and in pain.. Suddenly she's pulling his gown up.. She's like to take your pulse.. I'm ok where the groin.. Then she's oh wow you are fit. Look at that six pack.. Then she proceeds to tell me how lucky I am.. And she has to palpate his stomach... Wait the other lady didn't do it. Which I mention to her.. She's like well yes I need to since I just came on.. So she's pressing his stomach and then she mentions again .. Wow your abs are so hard... And she literally starts to stroke his abdomen down to his groin.. Then she lifts up the gown and looks at his junk.. Then she asks if I am spending the night.. I was WTF bitch hell no.I walked out told her and her manager totally inappropriate asked for a different nurses. She was like no I didn't mean anything.
I think people and these women have no morals..


Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

It's actually pitiful. I can't imagine having so little self-respect.

How sad for these women that they have no idea what it's like to be desired for who you are on the inside. To be admired for your intelligence, strength, kindness, and integrity. Yes, it's nice to be wanted for my body, but if that's all there is to it, how shallow and fleeting . . .

What must their role models and childhoods have been like that they are desperate to "get" a man by flashing boobs, flattery and begging?

Here's a decent idea: Be yourself. But wait, that doesn't work when there's nothing appealing or interesting or good about yourself. I would not trade places with the OW for anything.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Meh...people can really suck. Im on high alert 24/7...its draining. No, it seems a lot of people do not have ethics, character, integrity or self respect.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
BFFGone
Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

I'm in this club too!

I used to be very proud of my WH at work...so powerful...so smart....until d day and finding out his OW 's were people who worked for him way down the food chain that he "mentored".

Fancy word for fucking, huh??

I hate his whole industry now. I go to work events, and I want to glare at all of them and think of them all as whores in Armani suits.

Fun fun fun....


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
BFFGone
Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Oh, and all the OW's met me, met my CHILDREN and slept with him in a condo we owned that was covered in pictures of me and my kids!!

Needless to say....he now works 4 days a week from home, condo sold 3 weeks ago, and there are no business social events without massive boundaries and parameters in place.

Such whores in the workplace! I had NO IDEA until the moment I did!!!


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
SSmile
Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

These are needy, attention driven women. That is all they are. They are quit sad in my eyes. How horrible that you have to behave less than to get attention. Men, really only fuck those type of women but rarely want them as a woman. They are not tactful or have class or self respect. Just sad.

WELL SAID FAITHFUL and I agree 100%. They are pitiful and losers.


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Bffgone, thats just beyond f'd up. A lot of women arent pro other women. We women should have each others backs!

Im so disappointed in other women. I know there are amazing ones out there in the world(me) lol...no seriously im a fiercely loyal friend. Loyalty is big on my list and then integrity.

I heard a saying cant quite recall. Something about loyalty first unless it compromises your honor...

Sadly i think a lot of people just arent deep enough to even get that.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SSmile
Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

yep...The OW met my H during Basketball season for one of our kids (friends with hers). I didnt know her... flirted with him at practice and TADA--------------------------------------------------yep and the 2 others hit on him when he was away on deployment..just great huh? I DO 110% blame him but these women are a piece of work-I told him you are TAKEN..you say NO!! I AM IN LOVE WITH MY SPOUSE. I don't know if I will ever get over this...Id like to believe there still are good people in this world.


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
hurtincolorado
New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

I hate to be the bearer of this comment but folks get propositioned often (unless they are a celebrity) only when they put off the vibe. Most people on the make enter slowly and give many clues before they openly proposition someone. Your other hasn't shut those opening moves off. That is why he was in that position. For many years I was the focus at work as I was single , smart, good looking and kind but everyone knew I was dating someone else and I received no overt propositions. Why? Because I didn't put off the vibe of availability.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
tryingmybest2011
Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

I've never been propositioned either. Hooted and whistled at, but nothing at work.

What kind of vibe do our WS's give off? I haven't noticed this vibe in any male coworkers either. What do they do? Smile? Laugh? I feel like I'm in school. Sluts 101.

WH's howorkers sent him vag shots. Um, why...what...I mean, c'mon. If some guy sent me pictures of his dink, it would gross me out. So very strange.


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Hurtincolorado, i dont agree. But thats my opinion. Im sure it can and does go down like what you described but i dont think people are always giving of that "vibe"...


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

If some guy sent me pictures of his dink, it would gross me out. So very strange.

ROFLOL!! I agree!

I have good female friends that I think are moral people, but even so...I wouldn't trust them alone with my H...I guess I'm right with everyone else...I don't 100% trust anyone anymore.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Topic Posts: 34