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User Topic: Another DDay- this time I'm out!!!!
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

Won't go into the sorrid details but, found out that my WH has NEVER stopped his A. And now he is telling her he loves her and wants to have a family with her.

I am so sick to my stomach. We were making some progress. Had some setbacks. I'm not completely surprised by this.

Today, I am filing for divorce. It is a sad day for me but, i refuse to let myself be disrespected another second.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

I'm so sorry to hear this.
i refuse to let myself be disrespected another second

Good for you.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4006 | Registered: Dec 2011
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

I am so sorry feelingfoolish. Many hugs to you.

Sometimes there is relief from finally knowing the path to take.

I wish you strength and ultimate happiness.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

Stay strong.

((((fellingfoolish))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

((((FF))))
Sending you much strength.

He has shown you who he is, and now you can take some peace in knowing you gave it all you could.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
pmal64
Member
Member # 13551
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

hugs to you. I am so sorry.


.:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:.
BS-me-50
fWH -54

Posts: 576 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: down south
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

Dear Feeling

I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this place again.

Follow your instincts and do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family.

Sending healing hugs and prayers.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

Thank you all of you. I really need strength today. It has been a long past few days.

And to top it off, my mom has to have open heart surgery this week---Yayyy me.

[This message edited by feelingfoolish at 9:23 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
NoTriangles
Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

False R is possibly the worst hell ever and I am so sorry you are hurting.

i refuse to let myself be disrespected another second.

Absolutely!! You most certainly deserve better and enough is enough.

Sending you strength and healing energy for your Mom.


Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
naivegirl
Member
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

Sending positve vibes to you. I would also mention the facebook hacking to your lawyer when you go to file.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1743 | Registered: Apr 2007
AlwaysBeenStrong
Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

FF, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Stay strong! I had many other life tribulations, on top of the A...losing family, and furbabies (to me those are my babies), but I still kept my head held high. Good luck and stay strong!!!!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

(((((feelingfoolish)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

I'm so sorry.
I hope your Mom does well with her surgery.

((((hugs)))))


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6141 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

I filed the paperwork with the court. Now, he will have to be served. We still live in the same house.

Tonight, i am going to tell him i would like him to move out. Also, discuss finances and child custody arrangements. Our son is 15, the other is 21 and is in college.

I don't anticipate this going well at all.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

((((FF)))))

Let his woman-child have him - dump his shit on her doorstep.

FTG.

This just breaks my heart - so many years and such a wonderful gift you gave to him -

You're right - enough is enough. We're here for you...please keep us posted.

When you say it will not go well, do you fear you will be harmed? Please have someone with you if that's the case.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Shocked  Posted: 2:08 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Stay strong and know that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

This is the consequence of your husband's horrid choices.

You have given him multiple opportunities to be an honorable man and father and he has chosen to disregard those chances.

This now stops because you says it stops. Done. He is no longer worth your attempts to reconcile or put up with his lies and the OW's psychotic behavior.

Stick to your guns and know that we are all here rooting for you.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

I don't fear for my safety. I think he is going to yell and fuss. There is nothing he can say at this point.

He has lied so much to me, i wouldn't believe anything he said anyways.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Strength to you.
It's so pathetic when these 40+ y.o. men actually believe that the 20- something y.o. age group are truly into them and will remain faithful. Ha!

Young howorker: "What do you mean, Old Hubby? I can't go clubbing with my friends and stay over at my other sex friend's house? You are so mean, daddy, err, I mean Hubby!"


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

I'm so sorry.

It's never completely wasted effort - you've learned that you can overcome something horrendous like this. Look, you've already filed and moved on to the next step. It's not going to be easy, but you sound so strong.

Sending big hugs and support.

(((feelingfoolish)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Hugs feeling foolish.
I am in your situation, although a few weeks further in.
Stay strong sweetie.
That first week I honestly thought I was losing my mind.
Stay busy, take care of you and your kids.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

FeelingFoolish, you're strong and awesome. Wish I was nearby, I would buy you a coffee and cheer you on.

You're handling this with integrity and dignity. You're an example for us all.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Hard to believe that they could put you through this twice, but they often do. So sorry the reconcilliation failed, but I think you will be fine and will now have the freedom to be happy. Good luck and keep posting!


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Strong? Integrity? Dignified?

Thanks so much for the encouragement! I certainly don't feel any of the above. I am a hot mess on the inside!! Can't quit crying.

Spoke to WH this morning. It was a rather subdued conversation. Told him i filed and that I could/would not live like this anymore. Telling the Howorker that he loves her was a dealbreaker for me.
Oh, and last night, he said to me, "I don't love that bitch!" That's too bad he doesn't because he lost his family for someone who wasn't really that important to him.

WH said that he thought we should just separate for a while and then file for divorce if necessary, that filing for divorce right now was 'a bit over the top'. I said "No, I'm not going to separate from you so you can go sow your oats for however long and then come back home. Not gonna happen. You don't want to stop seeing her. If you did, you would."

WH said he understood. I told him he could be free now to do whatever he wanted--text whoever, visit whoever, email whoever. And I wouldn't have to be home knowing he was disrespecting me by continuing the relationship with her.

That's his big issue with me, that i check his phone and email. I don't check it as often as some BS, i know that for a fact!!

So, that's my update. I hope to have him served today or tomorrow.

To all new BS's, remember---It's that simple. If a WS wants to end the relationship with the AP, they will. If they don't end it, it's because they don't want to.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
naivegirl
Member
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Good for you. Stay strong. I know it is hard. That is what my husband wanted too, time to be seperated and act single. When push came to shove he never went no contact and became completely transperant until divorce became a reality. They cake eat as long as they think they can. Sorry for what you are going through. You deserve better and a better future is ahead for you.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1743 | Registered: Apr 2007
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

What is FTG?


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

(((FF)))
YOU are amazing. Go girl go. Stay stong.

FTG = Fu*# That Guy.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
noprincess
Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

(((feelingfoolish)))

FTG is F*#k That Guy

Stay strong girl, I know how much this hurts. You're doing great and you're going to be ok. Believe it!

We're here for you.


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
luvbug0915
Member
Member # 22934
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

FeelingFoolish, I admire your strength and determination. I had a short period of false R, just 4 months but I too filed D the day after I confirmed he was still in contact and professing his love. I don't regret the D one tiny bit. Stay strong.

Oh and FTG = f@#k that guy or if you want the tame version...forget that guy.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1049 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

(((feelingfoolish)))

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you strength.


Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Happy  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

For what it is worth...

YOU ARE MY HERO TODAY

I can only imagine how incredibly hard this has been and is on you.

I don't want to minimize the magnitude of your filing for divorce. I am sorry that your marriage has ended this way.

I am, however, so inspired by your courage and your ability to stand up to your WH.

You took the power back and said enough. After three Ddays you had enough.

Stay strong and know that you are defining your life going forward. You are not waiting on him to "come around" or "recommit".

Kudos to you. You are not foolish you are incredible.

The best is yet to be.

Prayers and hugs


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

1Faith--Thank you so much! This has been an incredible decision to follow through with. I just keep telling myself-this is for the best.

I really appreciate your support. It made me cry.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Happy  Posted: 11:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

New Beginnings
by Gertrude B. McClain

It's only the beginning now
...a pathway yet unknown
At times the sound of other steps
...sometimes we walk alone

The best beginnings of our lives
May sometimes end in sorrow
But even on our darkest days
The sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best
Whatever life may bring
And look beyond the winter chill
To smell the breath of spring.

Into each life will always come
A time to start anew
A new beginning for each heart
As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great
And hands are bowed so low
The storms of life will leave behind
The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away
Our chance to start anew
It's only the beginning now
So dreams can still come true.

Stay strong my friend. Big hugs and many prayers.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Hey - 1Faith isn't the ONLY one with hero worship!

Put ME on the list, as well!

Job well done.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

To all new BS's, remember---It's that simple. If a WS wants to end the relationship with the AP, they will. If they don't end it, it's because they don't want to.

Well said.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

(((feeling)))

So true. Grown ups know how to end a relationship if they want to.

He didnt' want to.

I'm sure it hasn't hit him yet, but it will.

But it doesn't matter how hard it does or doesn't hit him. Like the other said "Stay strong."


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
feelingfoolish
Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

UPDATE: Yesterday, i worked until 5p. Came home briefly for a lunch break-WH was sleeping. When i got home from work at 5p, WH was sleeping.

I ran some errands with DS, cooked dinner and then had a counseling appt at 8p. WH was still sleeping when i was doing these things.

I went to bed around 10p. Slept in our extra bedroom-never have done that before.
I see that WH was up briefly some time during the night but he was asleep again when i left this morning.

This amount of sleep is rather unusual for him. Is reality of his choice finally sinking in?


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

feelingfoolsih,

Keep a diary of how much WH is sleeping and the fact that you are providing the bulk of care for your DS. Log it. Log that you ran the errands, you made DS dinner and that WH slept.

It may be useful in determining custody.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Extensive sleep is a sign of depression.

But he may also be sleeping to avoid the reality of his life and his choices.

Ball is in his court. Stay strong and hang on to the 180.

(((Hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
I think I can
Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

We say here--actions, not words. So don't worry about what he is feeling in the inside. What is he doing?

Jack shit. Selfishly sleeping.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8828 | Registered: Jan 2008
Topic Posts: 39