Hi, first time I'm posting in this forum. My story is here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=500961
Unlike a lot of people here who found out through texts/emails, or whose WS confessed, etc, I actually walked in on my WW and OM. (This was late January 2013)
As I mentioned in my story, I didn't feel anything at the time. I just thought about my son. In the following days, obviously I was incredibly sad, mostly over the feelings of my family getting ripped apart (she left and filed for divorce immediately after I caught them), but I still never had an emotional reaction to actually catching them. I chalked it up to having been numbed by her effectively clocking out of the marriage years ago.
And in some ways her leaving so quickly - I never even had a chance to yell at her or ask her why or anything - zero closure. She hid behind a lawyer immediately.
I feel like I very quickly went to acceptance and moved forward; exercised, never thought about her, resolved to never take her back, very quickly started to feel like I was happier without her, etc. And so again I never questioned why I never felt anything about the actual betrayal, and having it smashed into my face like that. I thought it was all just part of having moved on.
This morning, more than 5.5 months later, it hit me. Hearing the Killers' song "Mr. Brightside" for the first time in forever, and after nearly 10 years since i first heard the song, realizing the song is about being cheated on (read the lyrics!) and I just erupted. It's the hardest I've cried since this began. I'm having to type this stupid post through tears in fact.
I'm sure it's a good thing that these feelings are finally coming out. I had no idea they were trapped in me.
Guess I gotta keep tearing myself down before I start trying to build back up.