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Just Found Out
User Topic: Hot For Teacher--First Post
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

One month ago I found out my WW was having an EA. She teaches elementary school. Two months ago my WW started taking her cell phone EVERYWHERE. This from the woman who could hardly keep track of her phone before. On my DS's 15th birthday she invited a co-worker and his family out to his birthday party. WW and co-worker followed each other around like teenagers. His wife took their 1 year old daughter home after an hour. He stayed past midnight around the campfire with the whole family. Hmmmm. Evidence gathering began the next day. I could not get to her phone she always had it with her. Listen up everyone!!! Verizon now offers a service "INTEGRATED MESSAGING". This allows you to have your text messages sent to your e-mail. I signed her cell number up for the service. I signed her up at 6:30 A.M. and by 10:00 A.M. there were 25 sexting messages, 2 pictures, and a plan to run away together. I confronted her the same day. She left me. That night as I researched phone records I found she and Mr. P.E. teacher had sent 95 sext messages on DS birthday.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
mysticpenguin
Member
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh yikes. I am so sorry you had to come here and join our community. The good news is, you're in good company and you're in the best possible place to get advice!

The most important thing to do right now is take care of yourself. Eat, hydrate, get an Rx for sleeping pills from your doctor if you need it. Also -- get tested for STDs. They are unbelievably common.

Have you informed the PE teacher's betrayed wife? Affairs bloom in secret. The best way to destroy one is to expose it to the light. Besides, the other betrayed spouse has a right to know.

Don't tell your wife of your plans to tell her affair partner's wife -- they'll make you out to be crazy.

So sorry you're here. Please keep reading & posting and most importantly, put yourself and your healing first.


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

OMG! I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you are in the right place. That's a handy little service you stumbled upon. I wonder if AT&T has that.

Have you heard from her since she left?

Sending you (((HUGS))) and strength to get you through this rough time.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Concerned  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Unwound

Sorry that you find yourself here. Our club of broken hearts but healing hearts too.

I am so sorry that your wife chose this path. We know the heartache that you feel.

Please take some time to breathe and read all you can in the Healing Library. It will help you get your bearings.

We are all here for you. Keep your focus on your children and know that you deserve honesty, love and truth.

Good luck.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Apr 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I had been working two jobs. I called as I left my second job and told her she needed to go with me to the hospital as I thought I had appendicitis. When she got in the car I drove to the OM house. He was not home but his BS was along with their 1 year old. I pulled up the Integrated Messaging on My Verizon and showed the other BS the messages and pics. It left my WW no opportunity to conspire and lie with Mr. Football coach. Oh I haven't mentioned he coaches DS football team and that he offered him one on one football coaching. Still contemplating getting him fired. She texted him as I drove her way with supposed appendicitis. It said "I could really use a picture of you right now, my husband is acting weird and I hate hospitals. I am so nervous". Glad she was worried about me.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

I just read Divorce Busting and am actively doing a 180. I don't know if I want her back though. That changes daily.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Welcome to the best club you don't want to belong to.

I admire your style, unwound. When was your "d-day", as we call it here?

Did the OBS (other betrayed spouse) and WH separate, too? Did you ask your WW to leave or did she voluntarily leave? How about your children, how are they doing? How are you doing?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9847 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
redrock
Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

(((unwound)))

Those are cyber hugs. Welcome.

Love that your "acting weird" turned out to be blowing her shit out of the water. How did she respond to pulling up to her schmoopie's house?

I would talk to a lawyer before you expose the coach.

I personally believe in exposure. But consequences work both ways. Your wife could also get fired.

He should not be permitted to coach your kid!


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
ionlytalkedtoher
Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

i did not know about integrated messager...hmm my question is that see my husband has these alerts built in when something changes on the account. Is there a way to disable the alerts so he won't know? And do you get actual text messages or just...so and so sent a message?time and where from? sorry you are going through this.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

The other BS and WH are divorcing. Interesting, they had planned on counseling but all of the sudden he pulled that offer off the table 2 months ago. Too bad for him because now she is going to take him to the cleaners. I on the other hand begged my WW to stay. Did all the wrong stuff. She left me sobbing on the front steps. It was the lowest point of my 35 years. I am not staying there though.

[This message edited by unwound at 9:54 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh, unwound, I am so sorry. (((unwound))) We all understand that crippling gut wrenching pain that left you sobbing on the front steps.

I am glad that it sounds like you have found your "bitch boots". Please don't be offended, thats what we call it when you get tough here at SI, putting on your bitch boots. Somehow it doesn't sound right for a BH, though, sorry. I wonder if anyone knows what the male equivalent of "bitch boots" is called here?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9847 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

How 'bout I found my chore gloves Sister Milkshake?

Ionlytalkedtoher--Integrated Messenger is simple. Once you sign up for it the registered cell phone number gets a one time message. After that you can log into My Verizon and actually read every text sent. And look at pictures of your wife in lingerie being sent to the OM. You can also save them to jump drive and/or print them.

[This message edited by unwound at 11:00 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Well the kids are being kids. DD doesn't want to choose sides and I am very clear I do not want them to. DS is pissed his mom told him she needed to go find herself. They don't know about the OM. DS will find out from kids at school unless she hurries up and tells him. My IC suggests I let her choose when to tell them because she claims I am controlling.
BTW Mr. Football is DD's P.E. coach in school. I am just telling them repeatedly how loved they are and they don't have anything to do with the situation.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

My VAR did record them talking on cell phone after she claims NC. VAR is hotly debated between my closest confidants. One says it will get me in big trouble if she finds out. The other says if I leave it laying around in the home I own, well....
I would like to know if this is a bad idea. Basically if I find out there is a PA by the VAR they will both be out of a job since they work at the same school. Did I mention they sent eachother 2000 text messages in the month of May? I will never allow someone else to control bill paying again.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Oh when we pulled up to other BS house her eyes get big but she tries to play it cool. We are all friends due to WW pushing them on me. So this isn't too crazy, I said I faked sick because I had a special surprise for her and didn't want her to catch on. Selfish WW likes surprises. She walked out of the house once we all started reading the messages together. They had a vague plan to run off together in the future. We read what was basically a love letter from WW to WH. She got the inspiration from me as I had given her one the night before. So here we are one month later and she still keeps saying "What kind of person does that", as in the whole surprise. Are you kidding me?!! I would say your average heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on BS.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

For a month it has felt like I wake up every morning (4:00 A.M. nowdays) to go to my family's funeral. That is not an exaggeration. But knowing they are still talking has been a game changer. I got my chore gloves on now.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
hardtotake
Member
Member # 38172
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Sorry about your situation unwound. You found a great group that helped me out and you'll find great support here. A couple of pearls:

1) Keep your cards close to your hand and don't let your WW know that you have access to her messages.
2) Strictly apply the 180.
3) See an attorney and gather information.
4) Watch your finances and don't allow her to clean house.

Just curious if why you this this EA hasn't become a PA?


Me: BS
Her: WS
Married 13 yrs., together 17.
D-Day #1: 1/2006 (EA)
D-Day #2: 1/2013 (PA/EA)

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: DFW
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, July 12th (Friday)

My IC suggests I let her choose when to tell them because she claims I am controlling.

Your IC is wrong there. You can't control what your WW thinks about you. Because she thinks so, she will find evidence to support it no matter what you do.

Instead of trying to get into your WW's good graces, you should be protecting your child. If there's a risk at all they will hear it through gossip at school, you need to prepare them so they won't be blindsided.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11236 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, July 12th (Friday)

First, I'm very, very sorry you have any need to be among us. I am so impressed with your sleuthing and mode of exposure.

I have to agree that attempts to manipulate your wife's thoughts (we're all too controlling!) are futile. You can't; the only thoughts, feelings, and actions you can change are your own. As a corollary, you can work to protect your kids' feelings. That part is tricky, and we never can quite do it completely. But we can try.

I think exposure is important. It may have job implications for your wife as well, but she chose them by choosing to have an affair; because it is summer, perhaps she can locate another position without the whole thing being blown up publicly and in a way that is devastating to your children. Danger of gossip and public exposure aside, I think your child/ren should not be in class/coached by a man who will (pretty inevitably, somewhere along the line) be exposed as the OM.

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:32 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8888 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, July 12th (Friday)

And because this tablet doesn't let me edit even when I don both bitch boots and chore gloves, I wanted to add that it does get better, unwound. You are handling this admirably--try not to view sobbing meltdowns as anything more than they are: evidence of being a loving man whose world has been turned on its head. You're doing so well. But you know what? Even if you did things 100% right 100% of the time (or 100% wrong 100% of the time, as I did for quite a while) it doesn't matter in terms of what your WW thinks and does. She's already got a fiction created; you could be ideal or idiotic; either way, she'll find things to support her inner dialogue. So. Why do we emphasize the 180 and all the things we recommend, if they aren't going to impact the WS? Because they help YOU feel stronger and healthier and more in control---of yourself. And I've got to hand it to you: you seem to be managing this part astoundingly well.

I'm glad you're here--not that you have reason to be, but because it's a good place for those who do.

I have a feeling we are going to be seeing a LOT of Verizon integrated message readers here in coming days, weeks, and months. I so wish I'd had a tool like that when I was systematically being convinced I was insane.

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:31 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8888 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Welcome unwound.
Your name describes exactly how I felt in those first days after dday.

Please take time to takecare of you. It sounds like you have done your research, and know how to go into stealth mode. Good for you. Have you seen an attorney? If not I would strongly recommend this. You need to know what would happen should you have to go down the road to D. Not that you will. But the fear of the what ifs can be paralyzing, and thinking I know what will happen has lead many of us here to make some bad choices based on that.

Also please go get tested for STD's. This is for you and your kids health. They deserve one healthy sane stable parent. Right now that is YOU. I too disagree with the therapist. My kids are 16 and 14, and they know what's up 99% of the time in our house. Even when we don't tell them. Finances - they know when we are struggling. Arguments - although rare, I have had them both offer advice, or opinions, and ask questions. Teens are very observant, and they may already know what's up, but I think with you son playing football, and summer practice and all that you need to let him know.

Keep coming and posting. We all want to offer support and advice.

Take some time to figure out what you want, if you want to R. What will it take? The ball is in your court, and you get to make the decisions. Don't feel rushed to make them either.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
crisp
Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Find out the law in your state regarding recording conversations. In most states, the VAR in your own home is not against the law. BUT, in some states there are more restrictive laws. A quick google search will help and probably resolve this issue for you. Any ambiguity should be resolved by asking the lawyer you should be talking to NOW about your whole situation.


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 425 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I don't believe it has become a PA only because I caught it in time and the content of the texts I am able to read. They were very much looking forward to the PA though, based on the sexting. She is unremorseful as of right now. I have consulted an attorney. She blew up when I made the mistake of telling her.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 12th (Friday)

As for DS. Summer football camp is next Monday. I don't think I will tell him about OM or threaten WW to tell him. I will just explain to her he will not be allowed to participate and risk being humiliated unless he decides to after being given the facts. Or should I just not allow it period? He LOVES football.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Unwound

Is she still in the house or did she move out?

What does she say she wants? Does she want a D or does she want to try for R?

I am so sorry that she is not coming out of the fog. She is living in denial.

Hang tough. You are doing great. Keep moving.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Apr 2013
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Helpless  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 12th (Friday)

Regarding telling your son. Talk with a counselor on this.

He is old enough to understand but it is a huge burden to put on a child.

Are there other coaches at this camp? Is there anyway he can go and NOT be in contact with the OM?

I hate to see your son punished because of his mother's selfish choices.

Is it possible to call OM and say I am still send DS but you are to have ZERO interaction with him? May not be possible but just a thought.

Does your wife realize the hurt she has brought not only to you but to your children as well?

Makes me sad for you all.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Apr 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, July 12th (Friday)

She hasn't said it is time for a divorce but said she can't see how we can R. I had a face to face with Mr. Football Coach and put boundaries on him re: my kids. Or else I release the texts. Oh yeah, I talked to the superintendent. He goes to my church. He says he understands but if nothing happened during school hours he cannot do anything. So I am empowered knowing I could blow their shit out of the water. Coach Football even talked my son into going out for track. He helped coach that as well. WW went to the track meets and sat with coach while I worked weekends. Hmmm sounds like an abuse of power to me.

[This message edited by unwound at 10:21 AM, July 12th (Friday)]


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
toby
Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 12th (Friday)

I don't usually recommend this, but in this case, YOU need to tell your son what's going on. Not details, just the facts. Also, exposure needs to happen. Coach asshole, should be nowhere near your family! It's your job as their father to protect them at any cost. And if you think for a second that your WW is gonna tell your DS the truth, without sugar coating it, your very mistaken!

Posts: 1546 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 12th (Friday)

Good move on the Verizon gig. It does help clear up a lot of crap doesn't it? Not trying to t/j but I had something similar with email. When we initially set up our Comcast email accounts like ten plus years ago we were given passwords for online access to our emails (through their website). When I felt something wasn't right WW forgot I had both our passwords. We never had anything to hide so she never changed them, only use them for set up on our email software (Outlook). I went into my old Rolodex stashed in the back of my desk drawer where I had a card under Comcast (remember those!). The password on her email still worked and I found out everything. Specific mentions to dates spent in Atlanta together, etc. I even logged in there the days leading up to full disclosure and saw them chatting back and forth about how angry I was that I'm figuring all this out. I printed it all off and confronted her with the evidence.

Anyhow your WW brought all this on herself. And both their jobs could be in jeopardy you're right. Sounds to me like their fate is in your hands and you control the cards whether she believes that or not. Regardless of what happens and because they work at the same school, they can't be together and stay there. It will never fly under the circumstances and one will probably have to resign if they want to continue. Don't worry, the fog will soon lift and she will realize what a mistake and mess of her life she's made. Just get your ducks in order and make plans. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, July 12th (Friday)

I am quickly losing hope of the fog lifting before I shred my chances of R. Today is bad for some reason-high anxiety. I think I am dwelling on it too much.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 12th (Friday)

Keep silent about the VAR indefinitely..Is the integrated text messaging a feature on the family service plans? :-)
I echo crisp..Do find out the laws in your state in regards to recording conversations, hacking into e-mails, etc..In our state it is a felony punishable with up to 4 years in prison if the one making the complaint has a good case for invasion of privacy..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Nov 2011
redrock
Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, July 12th (Friday)

I talked to the superintendent. He goes to my church. He says he understands but if nothing happened during school hours he cannot do anything

Did I mention they sent each other 2000 text messages in the month of May?

Umm… they were texting in May. Thousands of texts. Some of that had to be during school hours right? Doesn’t that qualify? It certainly should be the fuel for an investigation. Can you get her SIM card and recover some of the messages? Does not sound like the super is interested in looking too hard at this. Perhaps you need to find out what the school policies are and who else you can talk to about it. What about the athletic director? He should NOT be allowed to coach your kid.

The other BS and WH are divorcing. Interesting, they had planned on counseling but all of the sudden he pulled that offer off the table 2 months ago. Too bad for him because now she is going to take him to the cleaners.
If the other BS plans to take him to the cleaners,

Does this mean that she will have no problem exposing the A to the community? A football coach with a baby(1 year is still a baby) at home cheating with a co-worker who also happens to be a mom of a kid he coaches?!?! That is pretty tasty news and it will travel far and fast.

It will be interesting to see if he chooses to save his reputation by tossing your wife under the bus to salvage the things he holds dear. I am not talking about his wife and kid- I am sorry to say. He has already demonstrated that he cares little for them. I am talking about the ego kibbles he gets from his job and status. Do not underestimate how much that means to him. Use it to your advantage whenever possible.

mom told him she needed to go find herself.

Uggh. Yeah because finding yourself always starts with sexting.

So here we are one month later and she still keeps saying "What kind of person does that",

I always love to hear a cheater talk about integrity. From the lady who used her 15 year olds birthday as a beard to see her OM. Nice. Please let me know when she puts out her parenting book.

I would want to clarify first and foremost if something can be done about him coaching your kid. Keep up the 180 and investigate your options with the lawyer before making any concrete decisions.

Hang in there.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

Redrock you are right on target on all of this.

The Superintendent didn't poke around because I told him there was nothing more to find. Keeping my Ace in the hole. WW and WH both know it will be job ending if I provide all the info I have.

Yes many of the texts were during school hours.

The other BS is using it with her attorney but really hasn't gone public yet. She thought it would be best to get what she wants out of the divorce with that leverage.

Mr. Football thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He is basically claiming to choose his job, and ultimately will because he is an ego maniac, but is still contacting WW.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

Doggiediva,
Yes it is available on the family plan. If you are the account manager then you can sign up any of the phones on the plan.

I would suggest doing it when you can delete the text notification that goes to the phone you sign up.

Or if you are like my WW you ignore the message because you are in such a hurry to get back to sexting.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 13th (Saturday)

LOL!
"Please let me know when she puts out her parenting book."
Redrock scores!

unwound))) brother, please get at least a consult with a lawyer. ASAP!

Never reveal your sources.

This is one story where fuckball coach has a high probability of being horsewhipped outta town -
and
Your dear wonderful children are completely protected to boot!

Speaking of boots - got my Keltic ASS-KICKING BOOTS on for ya!


Posts: 6675 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Thanks jjct. She is pissed off today! She found out I am still helping the other BS with any needed info. for her divorce. She told me it is over and we should use the attorney I have spoken with for the divorce, in a text. I chose not to reply. We will see. This woman in the fog is not my wife anyway....


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

DS now knows there was some "inappropriate texting" between WW and OM. He is 15 and quiet. Hopefully I can bring him out of his shell to talk about what he is feeling.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Oh you will brother, you will.
Just make sure to get out of your own fog first (oxygen mask analogy).

Since she found stuff out, you need to plug the hole in your intel as much as you can, play it closer to the vest. As close as you can.

Being pissed is NOT the sign of remorse.
Protect yourself.

Have you ever heard the question; "Why do the heathen rage?"
It applies here.


Posts: 6675 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Uggh. Yeah because finding yourself always starts with sexting.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:49 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8112 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Good advice jjct. I wish now she didn't know about integrated messenger but oh well. I know what they say to each other. She has no knowledge of the VAR but is paranoid hell. I better quit dropping innuendos that I know stuff still. It's hard not to dangle it out there.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
guarded
Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

In addition, as much as it may burn our asses that it is possible, there is nothing to have him removed as your son's coach, either.

The most that might happen is a warning/ counseling memo in their files for inappropriate use of school time for the texting (provided it was not during prep or lunch). But once formally counselled or warned, if it doesn't happpen again, there isn't legal standing for losing their jobs.

I know that sucks, but it is what it is. Also be careful, because unless it is written into a separation or divorce agreement or a restraining orderin place, you can't even limit your child's interaction or exposure to OM if your WW allows it.


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
guarded
Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

sorry. duplicate post

[This message edited by guarded at 10:12 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

Gaurded it would be easy to get my son to discuss with the superintendent that Mr. Coach was promising one on one coaching for him. And offering to drive him to and from practice. As the superintendent is a very religious man he will not be happy with this. We live in a very small town and this type of thing is still judged, as it should be. In the best case for the lovers they will be forced to not teach in the same school anymore.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

This is definitely abusing his power over children.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, July 13th (Saturday)

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal.

If one is so inclined, one can fire anyone they want to. Misuse of school resources (even if it is just time that belongs to the school) is a good start.

If your wife says she wants to D and that the papers should be done by your lawyer, you should jump at that just for the opportunity to not have to pay two lawyers to fight.

As Mark Twain said, One lawyer in a small town will starve to death, two can make a damn good living.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
seriouslylostit
Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 14th (Sunday)

I think driving over to the other BS house with unknowing WW in tow is one of the best things I've read on here! Brilliant!!

Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Unwound, in the I Can Relate forum, there is a thread called Betrayed Men http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/text.forums.asp?tid499130&hl&ap761. I would suggest that you go there. Those guys are fantastic and extremely supportive. I daresay that you''ll get plenty of advice and support there as well.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
toomanyregrets
Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, July 15th (Monday)

Something tells me this was more than just an EA.
Did your WW ever have to stay late to grade papers, do extra work?
They had plenty of time to do extra curricular "activities".


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 485 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
Snowy
Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 15th (Monday)

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

I agree with guarded. When we first find out after D Day, the BS feels there should be some sort of consequences directed at the OP. This is a natural reaction given the great trauma that has been suddenly inflicted on you and the anger and conflict that develops inside you.

Other natural reations are to snoop, investigate etc, control mobile phones (I did a lot of that)

The reality is, in our western culture we all have the choice as to who we have as our partner provided both people agree to it.

A person can not be forced, either by law or threat, to stay in a marriage if they don't want to.

The key question to be asked after d-day is do both people honestly want to stay in the marriage and do everything we said in our vows on our wedding day?

For the WS, they need to be answering the question within 2 minutes. If they say yes then the BS has about 6 months to contemplate their response (you need time to get your emotions together).

If the WS can not answer, I believe it is a coward's way of saying no.


Posts: 160 | Registered: Mar 2007
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

We all missed something - and that's a dam good question.

All I got for you right now is to protect yourself. Lawyer up.
Think and ask about appropriate legal ways to separate finances.

I'm sorry man. She's...not right.


Posts: 6675 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

You missed the fact that the person you married is a fucking moron. Don't worry, I completely missed that too.

Posts: 1756 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
redrock
Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Oh yeah, half your pension or 401k. And a million other things.... She can make all the demands in the world and that doesn't mean jack until the court says so.

On that note:

Be careful.

Buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you at all times.
She has motivation to try to get you out of the house and at the same time make you the 'bad' guy so that her rep in that small town is preserved. And you know what moves that along nicely for her-- a domestic violence allegation. She could involve the cops, courts etc... tmrw and have you escorted from the house.

PROTECT yourself. Right now. Even if it sounds far fetched, it has happened. To members here. BE very, very careful.

Do not leave the house before you talk to a lawyer about your rights in regards to the home, custody, furnishings etc...

Exercise to get the stress out. And take care of you. And your poor son.

Infidelity frickin' sucks.

[This message edited by redrock at 9:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 18th (Thursday)

((Unwound))

Bitch boots, chore gloves and how about...Shit Kickers!
I am sorry you are here.

Tremendous responses for you.

I wish you well.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2483 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 19th (Friday)

[This message edited by kickboxer at 9:54 AM, July 20th (Saturday)]


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, July 19th (Friday)

(((unwound)))
Time to get your ducks in a row. I would strongly recommmend against using the same attorney. I have seen some nihtmare scenarios develop for that.
You did nothing wrong. She is smoking some good stuff if she thinks home, kids, and the ony change in her life is the mand next to her in bed. Deep into fairytale land for sure.

Stay strong. Let your son know how much he is loved, that sucks for a teen to find out about a parent. You need to let him know that it has nothing to do with him, and you will ALWAYS be there for him. Offer counseling. Too often our boys tend to bottle it up, and become frustrated, and confused, and then depressed. (I have dealt with this, not about infidelity but death and my son was confident enough in our relationship to share with me that he was depressed, confused and even cut himself once) We got him the help he needed. He is much better now.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Of course she does....it is classic false entitlement syndrome. Nope, not a real disease but it should be, we see it here enough.

Just wait, next step is her twisting it all around so she can portray herself as the victim.

It is all very amazing when you try to understand their version.

Sighhhhhhh

Keep your chin-up, lots of BS is coming but you CAN do this!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2185 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 19th (Friday)

Thanks everyone. It gives me strength to read your responses. I am meeting her for lunch to discuss the divorce.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

How did lunch go?


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 20th (Saturday)

The lunch went fairly well. Compared from her first divorce settlement requests to her tune yesterday things have improved. Basically she wants to split everything 50/50 so she can be done. Including custody. 50/50 custody is as good as it will get for me, if I am being realistic.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

It is amazing how she has twisted this around and made herself out to be the victim. Especially to her family. I understand family taking care of family but in 17 years she never went running to them due to a bad marriage. I can't believe how quickly they have turned on me. I had a different perception of my ties to them. They are helping nail the final nail in the coffin. Taking her to parties, concerts, etc. At least my kiddos are sticking by me. I am ready to get divorced from this person but keep quietly hoping my wife would show back up.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
redrock
Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

It sounds like your wife has her head firmly up her ass. Her family is going to stand by her, even if they think she is an idiot. Blood, it's thick.

She may never wake up. It is sad to see someone you thought you knew descend into behaviors/ personality you never knew were in them. Some people just lose their damn minds. I know mid-life crisis is a cliché but when it fits, it fits.

Parties and concerts are a nice distraction from facing up to the fact that she cheated with a guy who has a baby and made everybody 'friends' to maintain access. Who wants to look at that sick mess too hard?

That would mean she would be 'finding herself' an asshole. It is easier to lie to everybody, herself most of all.

[This message edited by redrock at 5:43 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
unwound
New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Thanks Redrock I needed to hear it from someone today. I rented a house today. It was a big step towards what appears to be the inevitable.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
happyman64
Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Unwound

Families tend t stick with their own, especially in these type of matters.

In time the truth comes out.

As much as you want your wife back she is no longer your wife. It looks like her. It sounds like her.

But no longer acts like her.

Lawyer up. Protect yourself and the kids.

Get a good divorce attorney.

And after you are divorced I would take all of your information and nail both of those waywards as well as the school district.

Because not only are they horrible spouse, horrible parents but they are are horrible teachers abusing their authority.

Hit them where it hurts the most. Their reputations.

Not out of revenge but as a lesson they need to learn. Humility.

I had a buddy who this happened to. Him and his ex were both teachers as well as the OM.

He sued the school district and got both of them fired after the divorce. She did not get any spousal support after she lost her job.

But the kicker was she never told her family why they were divorcing. He invited her parents and siblings to the hearing. They were very surprised...

Good luck.

HM


Posts: 906 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
redrock
Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

((unwound))

No great wisdom.

It ain't over till it is over.

Sometimes they have a cranial extraction. But that is not something you can control.

You CAN take care of you and the kids. You can do what you can to mitigate the shitstorm she brought into your lives.

You didn't let her cake eat. You are keeping the focus on you. That and having the best lawyer you can find is what you can do right now.

I do agree that you expose these assholes as soon as the ink is dry. But only you can make that choice.

She will be surprised to learn that her 'prize' will probably move on to another mom or teacher or available ego kibble provider once her act gets a little stale. He will move right on down the road to the next conquest without a beat.

PS--If you need distraction, try a book tape. They kept me sane in the post dday days. I wore my library card out. It was a great way to keep my mind off the A. I really enjoyed the murder mysteries at that time.

Hope you are okay today.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 65