Topic: this time last yr....
Member # 38591
| Posted: 5:12 PM, July 1st (Monday)|
WH started his 3 mth EA with her. Of course i know it didnt just start last july and that " it " built up before that but the secert meet ups and putting her before me and our 3 kids had started.
This time last yr WH made me feel like i was going mad,even blamed it on my hormones after having our son 3mths before.
I thought i was "waiting" for d-day to come around for "it" to hit me all over again ,but today has been hard.
Im now wondering how im going to get through the nxt 3mths?
R has been going so well and even been going days without thinking of it but today it all came flooding back,hitting me like a wave.....
All he put me through starting this time last yr.
[This message edited by melamber at 5:17 PM, July 1st (Monday)]
D-DAY -22ND OCT 2012
KIDS-THREE -8,5 AND 1
Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
Member # 38207
| Posted: 5:42 PM, July 1st (Monday)|
I've been struggling with this too. A year ago today is when he slept with the last OW. The next month and a half were awful as I tried to trust him and he made me feel crazy for doubting. We just spent the weekend away, but now we are home and I know tonight is going to be so hard. Hugs to you!
Posts: 1057 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 37044
| Posted: 5:48 PM, July 1st (Monday)|
I am in A season as well. Coincidentally I am in the same city, the same exact weekend, that falls smack-dab in the middle of The A last year. There have been talks, which is all I can suggest to you. Talk about your feelings.
Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
We are in R.
Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 37308
| Posted: 7:44 PM, July 1st (Monday)|
LRA22 was knee deep in his EA this time last year and was gearing up to start the PA. I feel you. I know that DDay is going to be a real motherf**cker to survive, but it seems like all this time leading up to it is also torture. Like watching a movie, knowing what is coming next. You want so badly to stop it, change it, pause it, but you are stuck, watching and feeling.
My C has diagnosed me with PTSD and I am seeing the mind movies and panic attacks and general shitty feelings amp up. I am terrified to keep marching through A season. And I am having a hard time some days not feeling extreme resentment for LRA22 for bringing this shitstorm into my life. But I just keep telling myself (with varying levels of success) that he can't MAKE me feel anything. All my feelings are my own. And since they are mine, I determine what I do with them. And I don't want to be a victim anymore. Yes, I feel some days like all I am doing is rubbing coarse salt in an open wound, but I try so hard to power through.
Keep talking to him. Tell him how you are feeling, ask how he is feeling, discuss those feelings, then talk about them some more. And if you are still feeling down, talk more. The more you can communicate, the more you can connect. I am a firm believer that my connection and the budding emotional intimacy between me and LRA22 is what is going to get more through A season without me getting committed.
Him: WS (longroadahead22)
DDay #1: 10/23/12
DDay #2: 11/7/12
DDay #3: 2/9/13
Kids: 2 boys
R, trying our best
Posts: 166 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 38591
| Posted: 2:18 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)|
Thanks for your replies.I think i find myself going over the same things with him thats i bore myself, so i think what if im boring him. Then i think he knows so why keep going over it.
He does tell me to tell him, that i needs to know. That i cant let it build up.
Ive told him and he understands. His reassured me, said sorry again.
I hate the endless "circle" of pain, chats and then more triggers.
D-DAY -22ND OCT 2012
KIDS-THREE -8,5 AND 1
Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
Member # 37543
| Posted: 2:24 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)|
I feel for you, Dday is oct 18th but today a year ago is when he first slept with her. Our son wasn't even a month old yet. He took the day off and has been trying so hard to make me feel better. He took the kids and I out to an arcade and wants to go to the park later. But I just want to lay in bed and cry, I keep thinking about what I was doing that day, waiting for him to get home so we could go grocery shopping and he called and said he would be working late, I offered to go meet him at work and he said no he would rather shower first. I thought that was so strange but it never even crossed my mind.
Now I sit here waiting for our child to be born any day now, the product of our hysterical bonding and I try so hard not to hate him.
D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn
Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Member # 31240
| Posted: 2:35 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)|
The A season - especially the 1st antiversary of the A season - is rough for virtually all of us.
If you're in R, talk with your WS. Feel your feelings. If you feel like asking more questions, or the same old questions, ask 'em. If you feel sad or scared, nurture yourself and ask for support. If you feel angry, vent, hit a pillow, write out your anger....
It'll be easier next year, but this year especially, be gentle with yourselves, folks.
fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 37765
| Posted: 5:56 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)|
It is coming up for me too. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was around this time last year that my WH was cheating, but won't let myself figure out the dates. I know Dday is two days before our youngest DD's birthday and that he had planned to meet up with OW on DD's birthday and that is bad enough. It is a couple of weeks out and I really don't know how I will feel on the actual day.
I do know that I feel much worse if I don't tell WH when I am triggering or if something comes up. I end up carrying it around with me and feeling crappy for days whereas if we talk about it I can process it a lot faster.
I figure after what they did to us the least they can do is take whatever comes their way during A season, especially around the first anniversary of Dday.
Taking it one day at a time.
Posts: 453 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 38139
| Posted: 9:22 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)|
i am right smack dab in the middle of my first A season. it sucks. i had a complete breakdown last weekend when the realization hit me like a mack truck.
i wish i had words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to send hugs your way and remind you that you are not alone.
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 33956
| Posted: 9:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)|
i feel your pain...i am a few weeks away from a year ago...when i found the dirty text in his phone at 4am, and realized i was in false r.
we have been aruging a lot lately...and i think this is why. i was on a cruise with my husband during this time...for our anniversary...it is not a good time.
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bi
Posts: 934 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Member # 38763
| Posted: 11:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)|
One year ago today...I've just kicked the OW and my H out of my house but have to give her 20 days (legal) and him time to find somewhere to be.
I'm at my daughters apartment with my three minor kids, sleeping on her couch.
I'm crying all day, every day.
I don't even know that they have already slept together. I kicked her out for meddling with my kids behind my back. I told him to f off because when we got together after our long separation 3 yrs before, I said I would not live a poly lifestyle with him. He abused it and me so badly, I was a shell of my former goddess like self. He agreed...until he decided he wanted other women again. And on and on...to finally tell me I wasn't the most important thing to him and he chose polyamory over me and our family. So, I said goodbye to him...and died inside.
OW got angry when she realized he didn't choose her either. I knew she was his target but she was my close friend who Loved me, understood my pain and the situation. She said, when I asked her point blank, 'come on! Give me a little credit!' And then she outted their affair over that last year.
Last year, I celebrated the 4th at my daughters apartment and my baby's 9th birthday on the 6th...cobbled together randomly because I was out of my mind and couldn't put together a coherent thought. My H showed up at the park but I couldn't look at him or talk to him. Their are family photos of him with all the kids...all of them looking miserable except my youngest and her dad.
A year ago today, my house is being trashed by OW. She's insulting my parents to their faces. She's locking my kids out of their own home in which their stuff still resides, threatening to tell them all about their dad if they dare come in without an appointment.
My dad falls in a hole in the field next to my house trying to spy on OW because he heard suspicious noises. He breaks his ankle severely and has to crawl home on his belly in the dark because my mom had gone to bed and didn't know he was gone.
A year ago now...my life was in ruins. I had been in a 3 year false R and his treachery fueled with considerable help from the OW was excruciating and so much worse than anything from our past...and please believe, that is saying something.
I'm having a hard time being even slightly normal right now. The pain is so deep. The shame and embarrassment almost more than I can bear. Knowing I was expendable for a woman so fucked up its unbelievable. I must be really awesome :/ my self esteem is dragging on the floor even though it was actually pretty good while the poo was hitting the fan. After this year of him really becoming a real boy...me, facing the hard stuff like never before...I feel completely worthless.
That's my year in a nutshell.
I'm so sorry for you all.
Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.
Posts: 252 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Member # 38789
| Posted: 5:13 PM, July 4th (Thursday)|
Affair season is coming up for me too. This time last year I thought everything was so great with my little family, we had so much fun celebrating the 4th, complete with a fun trip to the mountains where we watched some amazing fireworks and a silly little small-town parade, ate melty ice cream and had so much fun. I was so in love last year,and thought he was too. At the end of July last year we took another trip to the mountains (it's where my parents lived) and sat their house for a few days while they went on vacation; we went out to dinner and breakfast and had a golden day at the lake, where we saw river otters and our son had a blast, we walked hand in hand down little trails with our son skipping ahead of us and everything seemed so perfect and wonderful... about two weeks later he was getting a blow job from my best friend and lying to me.
Thinking back to this time last year, I just feel like I am dying inside, and I am dreading this August, which is when his affair actually began. How could my life change so drastically, and how could the man that I was so in love with and who I thought was so in love with me, do such a hurtful, horrible, awful thing? Lately I feel like maybe his affair is just too much for me, like we not repairable. Is that because it is affair season?
Also for anemie, I am curious about your pregnancy; I am also pregnant as a result of hysterical bonding and I feel like I was dealing with all this stuff better before I got pregnant, do you feel the same way?
[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 5:15 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]
Me: 29 BS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
Trying to reconcile
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."
Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
|Topic Posts: 12|| |