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Reconciliation
User Topic: Need Quick Advice
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 1st (Monday)

First let me give a quick background. We are 4.5 years into R, WH has been remorseful there has been NC since the beginning of R ( OP moved to another state) We have been doing great, he says that it all seems like a bad dream to him and he never wants to see or hear from her again. The only issue that has been a hold up for me is he really does not want to talk about the A, he will answer questions that I ask, if he remembers the answer, but most of the time he would say he didn't remember. I do not ask many questions now as so much time has passed, but I have been on the 5 year plan. Okay, now with all that said, I have been out of town with my Mother with some surgery she had. I come home everything is good as normal. I am looking online some a job related item and can't find it so I go to history to look for it, and what do I see but a people search for OP, and lots of links for cheaters and porn! WTF is going on?? WH is at work and I just found this, I am soooooo angry!!!!! Any suggestions on how to handle this????


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I wouldn't say a word. Put a keylogger on the computer and watch his actions. Searching for her was bad enough..I would want to wait and see if he attempts contact..

Easier said than done,I know. My advice is to always wait and watch...but Im not always able to do that.

Is porn a dealbreaker? If it is..confront and handle it.

The search for cheaters has me concerned...was he trying to find ways to get away with it again?


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7136 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Oh Healing....

I think this is all of our fears to some degree as we are in R.

I agree with confused. Get a key logger and you know what? Start investigating NOW.

You have been to this rodeo before so now it is about protecting you, getting all the documentation and get to an attorney to know your rights. You don't have to file but get all the information you can so when you do confront you are prepared.

RED FLAGS all over the place. His behavior speaks volumes.

He is willing heading to the slippery slope. Not acceptable.

Sending strength and hugs. Protect yourself.

We are here for you.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, July 1st (Monday)

I am not really computer savy, where can I get a keylogger? I am not really sure that porn is a deal breaker, I have never known him to look at porn much, I do not like it and if I knew he did it a bunch it would be a deal breaker.
I hope I can have the patience to wait, I have a hard time with that.


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Google keylogger...


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Thanks so much!!!


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Gosh! This just makes me so DAMN mad!!!! Is there ever a good time to deal with this crap! After all this time, and it make me think this crap has been going on all the time and this was the one time he forgot to clear the history


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 1st (Monday)

Chances are you're right about that..he forgot to cover his tracks this time.


((((((healingk)))))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7136 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
anonymous823
Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Don't tell him what you know. I agree that you should get a keylogger and watch him for a while.

I'm upset for you and am sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 1st (Monday)

maybe he was just looking her up and doesn't intend to start up an affair though. thus, nothing would show up on keylogger. whatever the intent though.... to me:
what do I see but a people search for OP

that is breaking NC - dealbreaker.

[This message edited by rachelc at 3:38 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Dec 2010
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 1st (Monday)

Thank you all, I am going to install the keylogger and see what happens. But just doing a people search for her is to much for me... One of our rules is do not do or say anything you would not do or say in front of your spouse, I know he would not people search her in front of me, so that is a broken rule. Thanks to all again, not sure what I would do without SI.


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
healingk
Member
Member # 28889
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 4th (Thursday)

Ok, I have googled the Keylogger and there is one that is free most are app. 100.00 I do not mind spending the money if needed to get a good result, I just wondered if anyone had any luck with the free ones?
This is the hardest thing to not mention what I have found. There has been nothing else in the history since the 28th of June. But I have not been gone either.


Ws 59
Bs me--57
Married 39 years
D Day 11/30/08
Just trying to feel normal.It is getting there, but very slow.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tennessee
Topic Posts: 12