SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Started the ball rolling
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Met with a L today and retained him. D will be filed tomorrow. I have to get my ducks in a row then let him know when to serve WH.

I'm happy to get out of this disfunctional M and I'm sad that 16 yrs. together is coming to an end. Single parenting, again. Relocating to town. Dealing with WH's family and their BS. This ain't gonna be pretty.

When do I tell DS? This is the roughest part of all.

I just want to crawl in a hole and cry.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I went through this very recently, so I have some idea of how you're feeling. It's a really big step and it's ok to be freaked out and sad.

My therapist reminded me that it's a loss and there will be grief. She even gave me a paper outlining the stages of grief.

Try to stay focused on the concrete things, the legal steps, what you're entitled to, etc. and ignore the noise (drama) from any side show. I know it's easier said than done, but I've found the process goes better when I ignore the drama.

The initial part of my D moved really fast. L filed and served WH on the same day I retained her. It ended up being the best thing for me to move so quickly.

Hugs and best wishes as you begin the process. You're not alone.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 4:18 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 395 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

you are allowed to do just that. Long and hard and loud. Then pick up your mojo and soldier on.((((hugs whattodo))))


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I'm sorry, what to do. I'm in a simmilar place and sometimes the sh filter isn't strong enough or big enough.

Many similar things are happnening in our situations and so I wish you strength. One thing I've been told is to try the "bandaid" technique, once a decision has been firmly made.

I don't know if it will help any, but we are telling DD in stages. Some may say it's not fair to her and use the bandaid effect on her, but I won't do that to a kid. This is an area where I think TT sometimes can be better.

We told her today that our house might have to be sold and we may get a "new" one. We emphasized the good parts of one I found and are going to swallow our problems and drive her by it so she has us both "together". FWIW, she was very, very quiet and looked to be thinking very, very hard.

She has heard of a lot of relatives moving and found it fascinating, but I think never thought of it for herself-neither did I.

We made a big speech about the neighborhood it's in and what's near it and it has two people we know within walking distance...and a park!

We talked about possiblities of a new room, for she's been in the same one since birth and some decorations.

And I asked Perv/Happy Pants not to show it to her until I was there.

I don't know if that helps any, but she ended up going out the door smiling and I overheard her asking questions about "the new playground."

I hope all you have to do will be okay.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)

Thank you very much for your thoughts and ideas. It helps to get some support so I can stay focused on the things that matter now.

I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have the IC that I do. Without her, I would not have been able to make this decision. I would still be settling for what I don't want, need or deserve.

Hopefully I can get my discovery items and pictures by Friday then have WH served on Monday.

Part of this mess is my 79 yr old mother lives in an apt on our property. I have to find some place for her. The nearest town, where I work, has absolutely no place to rent and she can't afford retirement comm or assisted living.

Again, thank you and I'll keep posting. I'm glad I have SI peeps to talk to now.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5