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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Feeling empowered and I hope I don't make the IC mad
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, June 24th (Monday)

I was talking with a friend tonight and I told him how I think I said only 2 sentences to Jerkface McGillicuddy today besides texting him that his clothes were on the bed...and I didn't fold them! I said it feels pretty damn good. The word he used was empowered. I guess at the moment I do. Empowered to not care. Empowered to not get sucked in. I feel empowered because I know he can't hurt me anymore. Which reminded me of something funny (and that I have my first IC appt tomorrow!).

So when I emailed this IC to find out if she had availabilities, she had emailed me back and asked me to tell her what I was looking for to make sure she was a good fit. I kind of went on about what happened and used the terms NPD, passive aggressive, lack of empathy, emotionally and verbally abusive and codependency. She emailed me back and said it sounded like I was in therapy because I was using a lot of therapeutic words. I thought to myself...nope...I just have me SI! She probably thinks I'm a know it all.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Good luck tomorrow! I hope it's a good fit!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, June 24th (Monday)

empowered is a GREAT word!

You go girl!

Remember the IC is for you. If she can't help you, then keep looking. I like that she knows you are informed. She probably spent some time "preparing" for you!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5798 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)

It's important to know the buzzwords, but it's also important to let the counselor lead you down a therapeutic path so you can solidly attain the reality of those words.

You'll get there!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9623 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I recently stopped seeing my counselor because every time I went in (weekly) she would always turn the conversation to what was wrong with my WH. I had gotten to the place where I knew I could not fix him. It didn't matter what was wrong with him. What mattered was helping me become a better, happier, able to cope me.

These words:

I kind of went on about what happened and used the terms NPD, passive aggressive, lack of empathy, emotionally and verbally abusive and codependency.

make me worry slightly that you might get stuck on the same unproductive path. But only slightly. Your comment about being empowered is fantastic. Work toward having that feeling as much as possible. That and being content and happy.

FWIW, you have given me a new goal. I want to feel empowered.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Don't worry, I also added that this a ending in divorce and I needed support for myself to become a stronger better person. This is what IC will be for...so I don't end up making the same mistakes. I just wanted her to know what I have dealt with.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

You're starting therapy in a good spot, lol. I went in still sobbing about how I knew everything wrong with the whole world was all my fault...because STBX said so. lol Okay, the "whole world" might be a bit of hyperbole, but you get he picture.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I am glad I waited. I really think he needed to show me who he was and I needed to realize it was him who was the broken one.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

I am glad I waited. I really think he needed to show me who he was and I needed to realize it was him who was the broken one.

This is an important realization, one which will help you move forward, stay strong, and deal with the inevitable guilt & second-guessing that will pop up now & again. When I reached this stage there was no going back for me, and I knew it in my heart of hearts. Detachment had been reached and reconciliation was no longer possible.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9623 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 9