SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Help! ...should we say goodbye?
Marley76
New Member
Member # 39506
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 24th (Monday)

So me and my daughters will be moving out permanently on Saturday. The shitbag has been in and out of the house to get his things and we don't talk and that is totally ok with me. My problem is that I haven't spoken to his parents since everything went down. They were always kind to me and my girls and no one blames me for leaving. All his siblings and nieces think he's an ass too. I've only texted them. I feel like I should take my girls to say goodbye to everyone on Friday. It's weird, but I don't want to just leave like I'm running away. I'm not. There's a good reason and its all been planned so is it good or bad to go tell them bye? *sigh* I'm not expecting a goodbye party LOL! Just want to be respectful....


Me: BSO 37yrs old
Him: Old enough to know better.
3 years -raising my 2 daughters and his son
Dday#1 6/7/13 Dday#2 6/9/13
R: not a chance
The further she walked, the stronger her stride became and the louder her broken heart sang. -anonymous.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jun 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, June 24th (Monday)

HI Marley,

Some of this is going on for me, too. It is astounding how much of life cheating touches.

We may also lose our house, as you are.

My reaction to your post is to ask some questions of yourself. What are you comfortable with? Do you need to go, or is it expected?

And then, there is the after-affect: what can you live with in your heart and mind, after it's all done? Will you feel bad or will it not be very important anymore?

Or will it only be a few minutes and you can be done and "after", know you did a nice thing for your kids?

Do they want to go?

It's pretty rare-sounding to me to have supportive in-laws as you do and the very few who show me kindness anymore, I feel lucky to have that much.

Something I tend to forget is that they don't owe me anything, in the long run.

Do you know what's making you think you should do the visit?

I'm sorry for all the questions, but since I don't have a ton of advice, can offer at least things that help me make decisions of that nature.

I suspect you would be forgiven for not doing it, if that is an issue, too.

It's not either good, or bad, which ever decision you arrive at.

The one thing I will say, is that it could be a little bit of closure for yourself and kids to go through with the visit. And "after", you can have pride in doing a nice thing for everyone who was there.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2302 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 24th (Monday)

Sine they have always treated you well and you have no reason to believe they think badly about you or talk badly about you, then I think you should take the girls and say goodbye to them. Since you do not want a big deal being made about it, call the day before and say you want to stop by for a few minutes and ask when it would be convenient. This will allow you to keep the door open to a relationship with them, especially if your kids view them as grandparents.

Good luck with your move


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17689 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 24th (Monday)

I agree with Dreamboat - she said it perfectly.

Best of luck with the move - I hope it goes smoothly.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Marley76
New Member
Member # 39506
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)

Thank you all for your well wishes and advice. This forum is truly a godsend. I called the in laws today and they are being so incredible supportive of me and my need to move on. I believe they are really dissapointed in their son for doing what he did. Me and the girls are going to visit them on Friday. This really helps with the closure process. Such good people...but their son is a rotten egg!! LOL!


Me: BSO 37yrs old
Him: Old enough to know better.
3 years -raising my 2 daughters and his son
Dday#1 6/7/13 Dday#2 6/9/13
R: not a chance
The further she walked, the stronger her stride became and the louder her broken heart sang. -anonymous.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5