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User Topic: Sex without a date
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Shutup  Posted: 4:22 PM, June 14th (Friday)

OMG I just got some new info that made me want to

I asked WH if he ever took MOW on a date and he said no. I believe him because their texts were always flirty and short, but never any substance to them. No scheduling a date or mention of a date. For the life of me why would you sleep with someone who has not taken you on a date? talk about a whore. My WH knows how to pick them I guess.

Did any of your WS's AP's have sex before a date? Talk about giving it up too soon


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
41andthankful
Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, June 14th (Friday)

My WS only had sex appointments no dates. That's all they both wanted out of it. Just sad.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 14th (Friday)

No dates here. Never ate out together, anywhere. Not once. Too paranoid they'd be spotted by other coworkers. I guess all their dating was done during work.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6353 | Registered: Jan 2011
Daisy312
Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, June 14th (Friday)

The first time wh screwed ow they met at a bar had a few drinks then had sex at her place. After that he never spent more than a few hours with her. He would go there, drink, screw, then come home. I almost feel bad for her that her self respect would be so low that she would allow someone to use her like that.

Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2012
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Main OW and my H went to lunch together once well after they had started sleeping together. He even called and asked if it was ok since I was working and he was off (how nice, right). His last OW came to spend a few days with him while he worked out of town. He actually spent 3 of the 5 back at home and she sat in a fleabag hotel 16 hours from her home. He said he took her to Pizza Hut and to a movie. The others, he never took anywhere. He couldn't really risk being seen if he wanted to keep his secret.

Posts: 1047 | Registered: Jan 2013
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, June 14th (Friday)

I think of her as nothing more than an unpaid hooker.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
JustWow
Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, June 14th (Friday)

no date and it even had to spring for the room he did her in. Quite a charmer, that one


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3600 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
doesitgetbetter
Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, June 14th (Friday)

My H never had dates either. In fact, he had one OW that he had seen a total of 4 or 5 times over an 18 month period. He only saw her when he wanted sex, and she was always home and let him in. She never charged him for her services either.... in my book, that just makes her a DUMB whore.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Mine used to go walk the flea market together. WTF?

Oh, that's so super klassy.


(not that there is anything wrong with flea markets. But that was the ONLY place they ever went together in public.)


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2698 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 14th (Friday)

My ws couldn't take ow on a date for fear of being seen plus his free time is very limited. Hr doesn't go to bars, out with the guys, or out of town. Their dates consisted of her meeting him for sex in a less than 30 min encountetr. He's not late from work and is extremely cautious. He did sneak a few hotel rendezvous in by using a vacation day at work so I wouldn't be able to see a change in his paycheck.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4881 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, June 14th (Friday)

These replies are just too much. I guess these OW stoop to a whole new level of low. They really do enjoy the crumbs. Oh well to each his own.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Yep, never a date. In fact, the few times I was out of town he didn't tell her, I suspect so she wouldn't have any expectations. Never any contact on any holiday. Not even a card on her birthday. Never said he loved her, in fact told her he loved me and would never leave me. Never spent the night, even the one time they were at the same conference out of town. He basically didn't like her.

She did accuse him of treating her like a whore, but he felt like one too. Often could not even perform, and would just leave, but would show up every month or two due to her threats.

On DDay she told me she was lonely and thought HE has issues! I actually have some pity for her; he did have issues but clearly she had serious ones too to be settling for such treatment. At least my H had a full, happy home life when he wasn't indulging his hidden dark side. She had less than nothing.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
struggling16
Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Did any of your WS's AP's have sex before a date?

Yes. There must be an unlimited supply of selfish losers out there.

He had never met the AP. They talked on the phone after connecting on a dating site, he drove to her father's house and they did it on the hide-a-bed in the living room. Apparently their initial meeting was supposed to be a dinner but she cancelled and invited him over instead. Later that day (after the sex), she called him and invited him for dinner the next night. They met at a motel first, then ate. That was when they learned each other's real names and ages (25 and 70). It's just gross. (I thought he was at the cottage doing "chores".)

Their "dates" were meals, wandering around malls while she hinted for him to buy stuff and motels (Red Roof Inns and by the hour places).

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:23 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, June 14th (Friday)

I would guess most of their "dates" were all the way out to the parking lot after work to screw on the floor of a moving truck.


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
scangel3
Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 14th (Friday)

WH and OW went on a few dates, one of their date spots was one of my favorite restaurants, they also went to the movies, and did a lot of talking in her car


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
NoMorDeceit
Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Yes. My husband took his long term OW out on dates. She thought she was his girlfriend. He took the others out to dinner or lunch or drinks. None of them knew he was married.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 485 | Registered: Apr 2009
Hearthache again
Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 14th (Friday)

No. They settled for a few minutes in the back seat of their vehicle. He wouldn't allow them in ours. We always had car seats in ours so to much hassle I guess.

OW are the most pathetic human creatures on earth.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, June 14th (Friday)

Does it count when the xOw was included when we went to eat, play tennis or go to the movies?

AFAIK the closest to a date between xOw1 and MrH was when she was the third wheel when we went places while her H was at work.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11109 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
seekingtomorrow
Member
Member # 39068
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

my hubby had a few dates flirty texts and love letters but no sex,,,

he paid the prostitutes for the sex separately.... all while we were dealing with bailiffs and struggling to put food on the table


D-day 1 august 1st 2012
D-day 2 October 31st 2012

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2013
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

If fucking my XH in my bed while I was at work counts as a date, then yes.

If not, then no, she was just a disgusting dirty slut who had no problem fucking in my bed.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

I can tell you, I'm not sure which is worse.

I have no idea how much or what kind of "dating" my X and the OW did.

What I do know is they somehow thought it appropriate to go together to services at the church my X and I attended. She was a "friend from work" (they did NOT work together - they met because of ads on "married but looking" newsgroups) who was looking for a new church and came as a guest with my now-X to check out ours. They did this once when I was out of town and a second time when I was actually at church. He managed to keep her from being too near me the entire morning - only possible because I play keyboard in our band, and so I spent most of the service up on stage and away from him/them.

So... in some ways, I think them not dating at all would have been preferable. I am long past it - D'd, on my own for a couple of years after that, and now re-married to someone else for going on 6 years now. But that is one that still makes me - that they had "dates" going together to the church my X and I attended (and got married in, and where my X was baptized...)


Posts: 2377 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Daysie
Member
Member # 38873
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

No - my WH went to her home for sex when her BH was out. Also the first time they had sex together her husband was sleeping on the couch. My sick WH and him had been out and BS had had a bit too much to drink.

Sick people to do this and risk getting caught. Amazing what people will do for a shag


Me BS 56
Him WH 56
M 36yrs
A 32yrs ago with my then BF
DD 1 / DS 1
Who is this man ??????


Posts: 85 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Want2help
Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

She slept with him the first time she met him. No, no dates. But, once I kicked him out and he moved in with her, she did loan him her car and he took other girls on dates.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Yes, he dated her. Took her to plays, out to dinner and lunch, to sporting events, you name it. She was by all accounts his girlfriend and he treated her "well".

She is a whore. Dates or no dates, she is a whore. She is a whore because she fucked a married man.

In my youth I had ONS from dance clubs, but I am not a whore or a slut or any other colorful name. I asked if they were married and checked for signs. Sex with no dating does not make a woman a whore.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Garnet
Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

No dates!! Dates were sex and blow jobs in the back seat of her clown car!! Pathetic whore with no self respect!! Btw my husband told me it was lame!!!!! Hahaha makes me laugh!!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I never wanted to know this much, but he lives there and has for some time, so I imagine they probably have a "whole life" together? It's hours away from DD and I, I'm told and he made pages on the web full of OW's tribe and OW junior.

What I don't understand is how they could think of themselves as a "family" when he was married and she knew? OW Junior also knew we are here and suffer and apparently has a "relationship" with him?

I would almost rather there were no dates because it may seem less planned on his part?

Did OW's know your WH's had a spouse?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Garnet
Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Yes she did!! We all went to highscool together and me and H have been together since we were 17 & 19!!!! She could of cared less!! LOSER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

For the life of me why would you sleep with someone who has not taken you on a date?

I'll ask my wife, she's been a "booty call" twice in her life that I know of. Once with someone before we even met (I didn't find out until after we were married - it would have given me pause if I'd known that before proposing), and as recently as 4 months ago with her AP.

Classy babe I married, huh?

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 3:10 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
PMs with men only, please
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1351 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

WH never took MOW out on a date.

The first time they hooked up, WH didn't know her name. MOW propositioned him on the way back to the hotel after a group went out drinking together.

The in-person part of their relationship consisted of only a hand full of days at a work conference. They would go out for drinks with a large group of people at the end of each conference day. Drink until they were completely toasted and then go back to their room and have drunk sex.

In between the conferences, they saw each other only on skype.

She dumped her husband for that. Unbelievable.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 829 | Registered: Jun 2012
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 16th (Sunday)

they somehow thought it appropriate to go together to services at the church my X and I attended.
what? Unbelievable! So twisted. I think people go to hell for things like that.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:48 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7035 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Mine took his AP on dates... Ruth Chris, Hibachi, museums.... They were very much in a relationship.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Nope. Met online, first time they met up was to drive out to a field and have sex in the middle of the day. The rest he'd call and she'd drive to his house for sex. She was just a booty call for him, he'd call and she'd run over to his place to be his sex toy. Still don't understand how anyone would let themselves be used like a free hooker, but apparently there are tons of them online. My wife was just one of many that he was using.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3849 | Registered: Dec 2011
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 17th (Monday)

This thread made me feel better. My WH didn't date, just meet and fuck. He looked for married women he knew from long ago (thanks, Facebook) because he thought they would be safer. Isn't it fun to have to rely on your charm from high school to pick up unpaid hookers at 40? Now that I think of it, he was an unpaid hooker too! One of the hardest parts of all of this is realizing how many fucked up people with no souls are out there.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 17th (Monday)

This thread made me feel better. My WH didn't date, just meet and fuck. He looked for married women he knew from long ago (thanks, Facebook) because he thought they would be safer. Isn't it fun to have to rely on your charm from high school to pick up unpaid hookers at 40? Now that I think of it, he was an unpaid hooker too! One of the hardest parts of all of this is realizing how many fucked up people with no souls are out there.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
2oldforthis
Member
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Yes, no dates. It was a here I am let's do it and I am out of here.

She begged WS to take her someplace he adamently says he told her, No.


He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.


Posts: 1639 | Registered: Jun 2008
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 17th (Monday)

No, he just screwed her in her cave - I mean, bedroom, or she'd stop by his workplace and give him a blow job. Once she paid for them to stay at a B&B because they couldn't go to her house because her mother (WH's psychiatrist) was home at the time. A few times they went to the dump together. One time she even gave him a BJ on a pile of garbage in the back of her car because she was on her way to the dump. Oh, the romance.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 17th (Monday)

One time she even gave him a BJ on a pile of garbage in the back of her car because she was on her way to the dump. Oh, the romance.

unbelievable.

Of course my WH told his AP that she should consider a career as a phone sex operator. She didn't seem offended. And he seemed serious.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 829 | Registered: Jun 2012
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, June 17th (Monday)

No dates with my h and Ow either he would go to her house and screw around. She has a 10 yr old and a 16 yr old and they would be home .... Great example setter she is...not. She is nothing but a slut


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 17th (Monday)


..

..they both know what their reasons and motivations were, and it had nothing to do with a 'romantic' date!!!

.. smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4117 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 17th (Monday)

Oh yes, they were so in love that when he traveled to her city, she came (literally) for lunch or between meetings then pulled those panties up and went home to her husband.
Ain't love grand! Wow.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 40