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User Topic: How much money did your WS spend?
letitout
Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I am devastated on the amount of money my WH spent on his infidelity.

In two years he wiped out our savings account and had to take a $20,000 loan to cover the losses.

It's going to take 3 years for the loan to be paid off. For 3 years each month I have to be reminded of his infidelity.

How can I move on with that over my head? Did anybody else experience money loss?


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry you have to endure that "added benefit" of the affair. My FWW did not spend much, just the occasional lunch. But the OM must have spent over $1000 including hotels, lunches, presents, etc. ...But 20K !!!! I can't imagine!!!! Sorry you have to deal with that.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
keeponkeepingon
Member
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Yes, mine spent tons of money. I do not even really know the exact amount. Not sure I really should. I say that only because I am not sure that I could still R knowing it. Maybe I could and maybe I couldn't.

MrKOKO and I separated for over a year. So we had a mortgage and an equal amount for a lush apartment for him to live up the bachelor lifestyle during that separation. The TicK lived in another state so he had to travel to see her. Sometimes they would plan their trysts during a business trip so it was company paid but not usual. He always stayed in luxury hotels, usually the Ritz Carlton or the like.

The TicK told him once that she would still want to be with him even if they stayed in a cow field. So nice that she could give him that reassurance considering he was wining and dining her at 5 star establishments. Funny thing is that we once camped out in a cow field in our younger days as we toured around the country.

And he was always buying her jewelry from luxury companies as well.

ETA:Our life savings has been wiped out by his A. We live essentially paycheck to paycheck now.

[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 8:37 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I have no idea. Our money wasn't commingled and thank God for that. I would have murdered him if he wiped out the savings.

Anyway, I am sure he spent a lot because he is an idiot like that but it is ok.... His student loans and paying me child support will get him. The money river will be dried up by the end of the year as he has over 150K in debt.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 8:43 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

My future father in law spent $28k that we know of on his crack whore.


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Not an extreme amount...but WH took out most of the money from his health savings account to spend on OW. He sold his old truck once too and i never saw a dime of that. All in all probably not more than $4,000-$5000. They didn't go out that long and stayed local mostly. (other than Vegas)


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
deepbluesky
New Member
Member # 38671
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Mine spend very little, just for condoms. Lucky for me they weren't "dating" just hooking up and not going anywhere publicly. We have joint accounts so I would know if there was unusual spending or cash withdrawals.


BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
D-Day 23/01/13
Working on it...

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Razor
Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I dont have a accurate accounting. But it must range in the many thousands.

This was a long term affair as well as a long distance affair. WW was flying out once a month to visit *friends*. So just the airline tickets alone would be a large sum.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

hardly anything - I'm sure he expensed the lunches but he did pay for drinks, but one penny was too much.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5281 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

My XH was a tightwad, I don't think he spent much on the OW. There was a time when I wished he had spent a little more though, I caught him in bed with the OW in our home and and I remember screaming at him "why couldn't you get a motel room like a normal cheater?!" sigh...


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Chefj9
Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I would guess that the OW spent more on him than he did her.... but if I had to guess, less than a grand. He was traveling on the company expenses and had a large per diem that he would use as cash for meals and gifts.

They didn't use condoms, so that was $$ saved (insert sarcasm)

There were times that I went without insulin because $$ was tight, so that extra per diem could have been brought home to help.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
PowerInNow
New Member
Member # 36112
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Mine spent around $8000. She had some crisis each month to get cash from him. Once she wanted to start a new life so he gave her a lump $2000. He bailed her out of jail in another state for DUI and marjuana possession. He bought her gifts and paid big time for the lap dances and sex.

And this from a guy that holds pretty tight to his money


BW - 58
WH - 61
D-Day 8/20/2010
In R

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2012
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Enough to make me 99% positive bankruptcy is in my future. Asshole used credit cards that were in *MY* name..

Just sad how naive I was..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Thousands when I include gifts, wining & dining, plus outright cash given to her for whoknowswhat.

Tens of thousands, well, actually our life savings, when I consider lawyer fees & the money I've spent to live on while the divorce drags on.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

When I asked, he guesstimated less than $1000. Apparently he paid for the dive motel while the MOW paid for dinner.

I said "let's do the math." Since he admitted he averaged monthly hookups, and since it went on for close to 7 years, I have it at about $7500. I'm probably being conservative. Definitely not chump change.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Mar 2012
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I don't know exactly. He spent mostly cash and out bank account is in his name (I have a debit card for spending, but didn't have access to the statements at the time since it was all digital). I know he spent at least $300 at a time when he was out of town and l I barely had miney to feed me and the kids. He also had our only vehicle with him 400+ miles away even though he could have used company transportation. None of that counts his membership fees to online hookup sites or the gas he used to go see those women. But the $300 and taking the car still chaps me.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jan 2013
mentalmess
Member
Member # 31296
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Strangely enough my h spent very little on the klingon during the lta. Maybe a few golf games. Never bought her a gift and never took her out. Their one hook up in a hotel was when he was at a company function that was paid for. All the other hookups were a few at her house and the rest in the car parked in the woods.
It makes it easier to believe his claims of just using her.


Me BS 50
Him WS 48
OW 57 Boiling bunnies non stop for months!
M 25 years
LTA 5 yr
R'ed, very happy and we are enjoying his early retirement!

Posts: 83 | Registered: Feb 2011
AimfortheHeart
New Member
Member # 37195
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I count myself lucky in this regard since so many of you have lost vast amounts, which just horrifies me.

I estimate between $3000 and $5000: cash to the OW for "gas and utilities", flowers, gifts, sex toys, performance supplements, and subscriptions to online cheating sites. I wish he'd spent some on condoms...

No more joint checking - he doesn't know where my paycheck goes now.


Me - BS 63
Him - SAWH 61
D-day #1 8/22/12
D-day #2 11/3/13
D-day #3 12/15/13

Posts: 25 | Registered: Oct 2012
philly172
Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

My WH spent very little on the A.. I think the only thing he ever bought OW is a Happy meal (I kid you not)

It was OW spending the money on him... she paid for his stay at a hotel when I filed the PFA against him, she paid for his secret phone, bought him meals etc...


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4784 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

((((letitout))))

The fact that he spent even one cent on her when he could have been putting his attentions toward me really eats at me.

Fortunately, we did not go into debt over his A. I don't know how I would be able to get past that.

((((letitout))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2612 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Not much. He never bought it anything. OW paid for the majority of the hotel rooms, sometimes FWH pitched in.

(((letitout))) I am so sorry that is so awful. Is your WH working? He needs to get a part time job on the side to pay off his debt and build your savings back up.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Mine spent well in excess of $200,000 on 4 women in just the last year alone. Trips, gifts, hotels, jewelry. We have alot but he sure spent alot of it.

He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand and knew if I found him taking any more that I would put him in jail.

So I have all of it now and I am glad that something stopped the bleeding, although I don't approve of his choice.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

My STBX is no Don Juan. The occasional Applebees, pizza or diner meal was about as good as it got for her. He bought me a few random guilt-gifts (no big ticket items just things to show me how much he cares. Pfft!) She pretty much split as soon as STBX and I physically separated just a couple of weeks into their full-blown affair.

He was busy spending loads of money on himself though! Since his EA began he put himself in about $25,000 worth of debt. I wonder if the single life has been everything he dreamed of? No sex, no money, no love! A dream come true!!!


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
anewhaven
Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

You don't know how lucky you are. My WH had an OC, so his affair has cost him hundreds of thousands.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Nothing. OW paid for absolutely everything.

Apparently she was absent the day they discussed financial arrangements at whore school.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Hugs to you all, dealing with the WS's fallout from their cheating, financial and emotional.

Xpos had a separate bank account, so I really have no idea of a total, but know it ran into thousands.

We had a joint credit card that I didn't use, but found some old bills after he left. He spent hundreds at a time to PayPal, likely for the porn dating sites he frequented to find his sluts displayed in all their glory. Then there were airline tickets, rooms, meals, sex toy shops, viagra, a resort weekend, etc. Plus, he was spending $40 to $50 every 3 or 4 days on minutes for his tracphone to talk with them according to the financial paperwork he submitted to the court.
But as others have said, he saved by not using condoms!

Since I'm now sure that he was doing it much longer than he has admitted, who knows?? Those items only include the ones I know about and he has admitted to.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2388 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

He killed himself last year when he had pretty much gone through his half of the cash on hand


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Ladyogilvy
Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I have no idea what WH did or spent his money on before he sobered up. I didn't even know about him frequenting bars until last night. The way I caught him was a $2,000 unexplained charge on a bank account without my name on it. I knew about the account and the statements came to the house but I didn't pay attention to it because it was only opened to get a line of credit for the business. I don't know what made me look at the statement that month. He was always asking me where all the money went. Now, I have to wonder, where did it go? I know we have been able to pay our bills on time since WH sobered up.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
scangel3
Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry you have to have that hanging over you for 3 years, what a great reminder to have. (said very sarcasticly)

I have NO clue how much WH spent, he claims barely nothing, they didn't usually go anywhere except her car. But we were living with my parents for the first 6 months of his A and yet we never had any money. So I would guess he spend at least 500-1000 a month. But again I could be way off either way.


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
WarehouseGuy
Member
Member # 6037
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)


I know of about $5-6K. I'm sure there is more --but it doesn't matter anymore.

whg


If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

Posts: 5376 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Michigan
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

He spent several hundred that I was aware of-- I have no idea what he spent in cash or if he had a secret credit card. He also likely spent a lot of money on gas since they'd meet to screw at the midway point between our two towns (about an hour's drive one way). It could have been a lot more, but once I knew I wanted a D, I stopped digging. He didn't wipe out any accounts or put us into debt, so I just did what I could to get the heck out of there with as decent a financial settlement as I could get (before he started wiping the bank accounts out).

Mine was also kind enough to save money by not using condoms as well! They're so thoughtful, aren't they?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

(((((((doggiemom)))))))))

This is so sad. I know of another man that did this as a result of his guilt. Impossibly hard to deal with.

SAfWH spent thousands. I estimate an average of $600 a month for 10 years or so. What I had proof of was statements showing $3000 for each of 3 months. I don't think even he knows how much. Fortunately, it didn't bankrupt us, I make as much as he does and I kept a close eye. But, I and my kids, lived within a budget, he didn't, nor did his whores. Still burns.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3669 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Not nearly the amount he has spent since I found out.
Italy trip
New House
3 new cars
IC - Me
IC - Him
MC - Us
Gifts

I take it all. Be very clear, that is not why I stayed. But, the cost after finding out about what he was doing was much more devastating & crushing than the money he spent on her little high school tokens and hotels.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I don't have accurate accounting either, but it's a lot, lot, lot!

Until it became a big trigger, I did find at least one account that got shut down by it's creditor because he charged and charged and couldn't pay...and it was a time in the year when I got nothing like the store sells from him.

The money for fuel, food, expenses alone for his double life have got to be staggering and he is now complaining of lack of money.

While I fear for us who depend on that money, I do not have any feeling except the word "Stupid" or swears. He also bought a vehicle while unemployed that goes back and forth that he did not have to, so there is no pity there.

When I mentioned a credit card or two that came in the mail he suddenly announced that he was changing his mail.

STBXH has not been employed for a long time and I've wondered how it's tolerated in Never Land? And I wonder how the tolerance is for the promises of big money to come...but it's not getting there.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
1devastedmom
Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I don't even want to think about how much money he spent on prostitutes over the last nine years. I think of all the times I wore holy underwear or the kids went without but he still had money to pay skanky whores for sex. He claims that he never spent more than $100 on his whores like that makes it better because they were cheap whores I guess I should just be thankfulthat I didn't get a disease.


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 140 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
MystiKay
Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I know of one time he sent something to her address. He asked me if he could send her daughter a birthday gift. Sense she used her as a way to get back into contact with him. It wasn't much, but now I am not sure if it was for the daughter or actually for 0W2. Not sure about OW1. He was going to take her out for a movie but she turned him down. I think at least.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Aug 2012
abigailadams
Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

My stbx since last October has borrowed 70k and taken 20k out of his retirement THAT I KNOW OF. There could me be more.

When I see him around drop off and pick up of our DD, I feel so bad. He seems so normal. I can't help but feel rejected by him. Why doesn't he want me? and then I think about the money and remember that there is something wrong with him.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Over 15 years I calculate over $100 K on hotels, $60K on dinners and over $30 K on booze that they drank at the office. This does not include gifts (there weren't many, but he bought her jewellery) and a few weekends away that she apparently paid for.

I foolishly left the finances for him to deal with. Had I ever checked his credit card statements, I would have discovered this years ago. It's all there.

He had me cash in my retirement savings, as did he, to pay for debts which had accumulated over the years. Now we have no savings, credit cards are maxed and we have personal loans from lots of friends and family that I was never aware of.

I offered, before dday, to sell my jewellery to help with these expenses that I didn't understand and he let me do it.

He even owed MOW money, which she tried to come after using a friend as mediator. She sent WH a letter telling him that "not paying this loan was not an option" and "under no conditions was (I) FB to contact her as (she) didn't want any more drama"

WH wanted to pay the debt ($3k) because it was loaned "in good faith" and he wanted to "honour" that.

I called the friend, listed the costs of the A, divided it in half, and told her that I will consider that she owes me 3k less than 80k. MOW texted me that she understood and that the matter was closed.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

I don't know how that happy face got there at the end of my post. I am not laughing.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
mainlyinpain
Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I once estimated that his first five year ....I don't know what to call it and I just started crying thinking that "affair" is too glamorous, too pretty of a word for it...his first decision to torture and tear apart my insides...cost about $100,000...
He controls most of our finances (he is an accountant) and I never knew a thing about what he was doing financially. Whenever I would ask, he would do the "you don't ever have to worry your pretty head" thing that I lovingly believed.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
mainlyinpain
Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I once estimated that his first five year ....I don't know what to call it and I just started crying thinking that "affair" is too glamorous, too pretty of a word for it...his first decision to torture and tear apart my insides...cost about $100,000...
He controls most of our finances (he is an accountant) and I never knew a thing about what he was doing financially. Whenever I would ask, he would do the "you don't ever have to worry your pretty head" thing that I lovingly believed.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

We have a lot, too, BUT...

He gave OW a credit card so she could travel to meet when he was out of town on business, first class to Vegas, DC, London, New York, Philadelphia rinse and repeat.

Then, there were the designer gifts....and watch!

Add in The five star hotels and 300 dollar plus bottles of wine( dinners for two over 550)...

Adds up to way over 125,000!

But of course, my H said it was just for services rendered! Musta been some great sex!


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
JustForgave
Member
Member # 36038
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Wh and c***face were together physically for about 7 months, and in that time he spent a few thousand dollars on her. 6 weeks or so ago, I told him he owed me all the money he spent on her, and the money I'd spent on babysitters when I had to work and he was busy with her--I'd done some estimations and math--and today, he gave me a great big check.

He asked what I was going to do with the money, and I don't know. I think it would be best spent on us.


Me: 47
FWH: 40 (SI username: Bumbling)
DD: 11

DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present


Posts: 292 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Texas
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I would say he spent about $2K on a 3 month affair BUT we were actually talking today that it will end up costing us (assuming R) about $20K when you add in counseling and me "taking care of myself" (I have not been working and doing a good job taking care of myself)

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
SweetheartVixen
Member
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I was glad to see I am not the winner on this post. Isnt that sad. I feel bad for all of you.
Mine spent almost 100,000 on his (first) that I know of A several years back. Most of it was on dinners, booze and motels. And a 5,900 withdrawal that I suspect was a nice gift for her, a car.

And this past year he spent 16,000 in less than 4 months on WTF ever for he and his ho. The other 10 grand did go towards OUR bills BUT he withdrew 10,000 of my bond inheritance money. He called and transferred it to HIS account then had it wired to him. And I believe he spent around 35,000 the remainder of the year.
Sooo that equals 150 thou~! Not to mention the therapy bills and many other things..

And here my kids think they will get something from him when he dies LOL! He drained the savings and is now spending ALL of his income and letting me spend the rest of my inheritence to v=dover all of the bills. He is so nice like that.

He got SO pissed when he realized that all of the savings was gone! DUH! HE is the one who spent it all then figured out it was gone. What an idiot.

There is some in IRAS but not nearly as much as he spent of our savings.

And here he is "livid" because I got some inheritance and had it in my name as per attorneys instructions. And that's a good thing because that would all be gone to if he had control of it.

It will burn my ass to for the rest of my life. I did without most of h=my life to save it and boom add in a couple whores and its gone.


BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14


Posts: 3102 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
Strongmama
Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Probably 8 to 10k. Not sure, but when I was getting the discovery questions ready, and really dove in to his military and work "travel" schedule I was saddened (dates and locations confirmed with the other BS), and disgusted as to how he would travel to see the whore right before our weekend trips, and the weekend right before a big family cruise. Hell, for all I know the skank was there with us hiding her ample rump in the shadows...
I'm sure the Gov, and his civilian job covered a lot of their rooms and meals, but not all. Then there's the plane tickets, and all the hair dye he bought to try to not look like the old fart he is
FTG!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 14th (Friday)

My WH met the psycho OW on a telephone dating service. During the 2 year secret affair: He spent about $300,000 cash - and he ran up $77,000 Credit Card debt.
THEN, we incurred additional debt for therapist, MC...and legal fees when OW continually harrassed and we had to take her to COURT.
LOTS and LOTS of expense.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6133 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
avicarswife
Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

My WH is a tightwad.

I don't think he was very generous finanically to them but his affairs have still cost us $$$

He resigned - supposedly with burnout and depression. Mostly affair related in retrospect. So only small amount of part time income for the first year and now only 20hours a week.

Post d-day I could only just hold things together at work so didn't do any overtime to compensate.

I also had to pay another semester of fees at university. Post D-day I was unable to focus and complete my thesis on time and had to get a semester extension.

Then the $$$$ we have spent on IC for each and MC.

Then extra doctor visit for anxiety and ADs and the STD screens etc


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 728 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

XWH#1 spent all of my Mother's inheritance (over 100,000) and the kids college money. Stupid me put it into a joint account I am not sure on exactly what he spent it on. OW left after I filed for D because his money was gone. He didn't work and was on false SSI. Since the D he has taken his parents for all of their money too.

WH#2- I am not sure how much he spent on OW over the 3yr LTA because we keep our money seperate (Yes, I did learn one thing from XWH#1). I know he bought her an engagement ring, nice dinners, hotels, etc..When I went to work out of state she lived in my home so they could save $$ on hotels since her grown kids lived with her. The month I found out I made him pay her part of the monthly bills plus his. I know of several porn movies, a new CD player, sex toys, viagra,vacations, etc. Now when he offers to pay for anything such as dinner out I let him. After DDay#1 he offered to buy me a cruise or pay off a student loan that I had taken out. I of course did not want anything from him and still don't. It cost me a fantastic job that paid very well and all my expense were paid by my employer. I have not been able to work since DDay#1 due to health issues and have went through my savings and checking. Just last week I had to break into my 401K just to pay my bills, something I always swore I would never do. I still have 6 weeks before I can look for a new job since I just had surgery this week. I am just glad that we didn't have a joint account.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

It may not be totally healthy BUT given that my WH spent $4000 in 3 months on dinners and alcohol for their 5 mid-week out of town 2 night rendezvous, and given that everyone has been telling me to take care of myself, I am spending at least that on ME and the people that have been loyal and loving throughout this. I also am taking off this summer (not such a big deal as I am a consultant) so we have lost income there too.

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
ImNellNow
Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 15th (Saturday)

Holy crap, y'all! I guess I'm lucky that Daffy's choice of AP was a cheap whore. He only spent $4000 in two years. Well, plus the cost of divorce.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

I don't know exactly. Even $.01 spent on any of the OW is way too much for me to stomach and pisses me off to just think about. He got so sneaky about it after I started jumping on his ass for spending money on the OW that he started trying to use hotel 'reward' points because he saw that as a way to *get around* my "stop spending $ on your whore" rule. Sneaky, grey-area dwelling fucker.


Nothing. OW paid for absolutely everything.
Apparently she was absent the day they discussed financial arrangements at whore school

^^^This is hilarious!!!


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8087 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
grapefruit
Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Wow, big hugs to all of you.

My H spent a lot of money on prostitutes, during years when we had very little and I was supporting him financially. This really rankles with me. My parents also gave him money to help with his overseas study. He still cannot explain how he managed to withdraw money without me noticing as I handled all the financial stuff. Urgh


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, June 15th (Saturday)

Hmmm,

How much money did WS spend on MOW?

Directly: Maybe $25 on skype credit.

Indirectly, going out with her and her group of friends, he probably spent about $400 on drinks for himself and food bills split amongst a group. $100 on taxi fees to transport them.

Add another $2000 worth of alcohol he drank at home while skyping with her.

$200 on new underwear to impress her (similar to the infamous pair she bought him)

$600 in marriage counseling

Oh and then there is the fact that he got a marginal job review and no raise for that year. He was upset, but I pointed out it was damn good considering he was toasted or hung over the entire time AND spent most waking hours chatting with MOW. I have no idea when he really got work done.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 54