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The Book Club
User Topic: Top 3 Book Recommendations
windowsnotwalls
Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I've been riding this infidelity train for a few years, and I couldn't count the number of pages I've read on infidelity, SA, co-dependency, abandonment, etc. (and I'm still reading!) I know others have bookshelves full of books as well. Out of them, what are your top three that you feel were most helpful and why, so newcomers can maybe review our suggestions to pick a book? Mine were:

1. Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass
I can't say enough how much of an eye opener that book was on what healthy boundaries are and the anatomy of infidelity, how it begins, the warning signs, etc.

2. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
This one really helped me with self-soothing, not panicking when he made choices that harmed me, beginning to envision a better, healthier me, and without this one, I'd have never been able to have a successful 180.

3. Mending a Shattered Heart, Stefanie Carnes
This one was super beneficial for my understanding of SA, helped me move from "maybe" to "this is my life", helped me prepare myself for stronger boundaries and be prepared to follow through, helped me have some compassion for him while not allowing his behaviors to harm me also.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
GonnaGetThru
New Member
Member # 38817
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

1. Not Just Friends. Honestly, the best book I've read. Both FWH and I liked how "real" it was. No psychbabble, just honest to goodness help & healing. I think it's a great read for ANY couple who wants a better marriage, even without infidelity.

2. Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis Ortman. Very helpful to me. It was refreshing to read how well he "gets" how truly traumatizing infidelity is and that I was not alone in feeling that way.

3. Healing The Child Within: Discovery And Recovering For Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles Whitfield. This one I found helpful for my personal healing of FOO issues/codependency (my fwh is also a recovering addict and I come from a family of alcoholics). I found it helpful with my own boundry setting, dealing with toxic friends/family, etc.


BW (me): 30
WH (him): 31
Taking R one day at a time

"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."


Posts: 44 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: North Carolina
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)

Shortly after D-day, I went looking for a book to help me cope. Literally every book I picked up about "recovering from infidelity" was about how to save the MARRIAGE. In my already fragile state, I found this devastating, because my marriage was over!! My then STBXH had zero remorse and couldn't wait to get on his way and live with the OW. I didn't need a book about saving my marriage, I needed a book about saving MYSELF.

The one I found is called "Getting Past Your Break-up" by Susan Elliott. Though it isn't specifically about infidelity, the issue is addressed. I have found it to be really helpful, and comforting to read as she describes actions, thoughts and feelings that are exactly what I am going through.

There's a section about evaluating the relationship, that really helps you see it for what it truly was, not what you thought it was or wished it was. This was tough but very important, as it helped me see that I haven't lost as wonderful a relationship as I thought I did.

If your spouse walked away like mine, with no hope of R, then I recommend this book.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 747 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 12th (Friday)

1. How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald. This one is straightforward and doesn't bullshy#t.

2. Shattered Vows by Debra Laaser. This one acknowledges the feelings of the BS and helps to put words to the loss. It also focuses more on the BS's healing, with or without the WS's participation, which is especially important if you are facing recovery and healing alone.

Can't think of others right now... those two.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.


Posts: 3901 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
burnt_toast
Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

1. How to Love Again: Moving from Grief to Growth, John Monbourquette (Original Title : Aimer, perdre et grandir). An easy read in an simple language, yet, this book truly captures the pain of greif and offers invaluable advice and wisdom.

2. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
Plainly, this book kept me from going insane. Helped me understand and normalize what I was going through. The exercises offered in this book were very helpful and a pillar to my healing.

I'd have to think hard for a third choice. I've read other books but not as helpful as those two.


It is what it is.

Posts: 4699 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Topic Posts: 5