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User Topic: Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, December 8th (Thursday)

This thread is for BS's that are dealing with sexually transmitted diseases. This thread is for advice and support only, and we recommend all BS's consult with a medical professional.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, December 8th (Thursday)

Oh, Wow!! Thanks, mods, for this thread!!

Unfortunately, I belong here. Before the A, I was my WSs 'only'. He contracted HPV and Herpes from his A. I was in the dark for a long time and I made HUGE mistakes right after d-day- like having unprotected sex with him. Sooooooo... I found some bumps two years ago and went flying to the Dr. to get checked for HPV. I was STUNNED when they called and said the HPV was negative, but the Herpes was positive. I started to remember when I started having what I called 'wicked yeast infections' and it was just after the A began. I went on Valtrex and have lived a pretty normal life since then- until recently...

I was scheduled to have an oral surgery and I wanted to go off of the Valtrex because I didn't want to admit that I had this- and I have HSV2, so they weren't in danger of getting it from me. So, I ditched the meds and thought I'd just go on them 'as needed'. I can't tell you how much I am regretting that now.

I started feeling tired- like I had mono or something. I have MS and Psoriatic Arthritis, so fatigue is common with those, so I didn't think much about it. I started getting itchy, so I switched-up laundry detergent and my shower gel. I still had problems, so I got a one-day Monistat (and here's where I should have realized what was happening), the applicator hurt. Then, the tell-tale signs appeared and I re-started the Valtrex, but I guess it was too late. That was early October and I am still suffering. Part of it is because my insurance company is jacking me around and required me to go on a less effective med, so I had overlapping outbreaks. The pain has been unreal. The Dr.s are having a hard time getting it settled down because of my other immune issues and I have now been referred to an Infectious Disease Specialist. I hope they can help me.

So, I've felt very alone in this. We are reconciled and I sometimes think it would be a lot easier if he were my 'asshole ex'- at least, I could express my feelings about having gotten this. He did this to me. And it's so hard for him to watch me going through this. It just sucks all around.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, December 8th (Thursday)

I agree, thanks mods!!

I got tested for STD's about 5-6 months after D-day because he TT'd me to death. Anyway, I got tested for everything but only was positive for BV. About 5 months later I wanted to be tested again just to make sure and the Dr told me I had HPV warts

We were onlies, so I know they are from one of his OW (there were 2).

I just hate being reminded about the A every night while using the medication. We are in R and it just brings it all back.

Thought, I'm sorry about your condition. I hope it clears up soon. I started having "wicked yeast infections" after the start if his A too but tested negative for Herpes. I still feel like something's weird.

Good luck


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, December 9th (Friday)

0115,

Thanks for your thoughts. I hope this clears-up soon. I have had about as much as I can take!!

I just wanted to make sure you knew that Herpes isn't included in the standard STD screen. I went in and specifically asked for everything, so I thought it had been done. If you didn't specifically ask for it, they probably didn't do it. I found out a couple years after my initial STD tests came back 'all clear'.

About the HPV, my H had an extreme case requiring surgery- it's really, really rare for that to happen. You are using a med? If it's Aldera, that one is really promising in HPV and certain skin cancers, as it helps your body to learn to fight the virus.

If you still feel like something's 'off' down there, go back and have them check again. Hang in there! We'll get through this!!


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
blonde1963
New Member
Member # 20806
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, December 9th (Friday)

Can someone please tell me how you get genital warts, FWH says they are from stress is this true??


I dont like being second choice

Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: australia
blonde1963
New Member
Member # 20806
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, December 9th (Friday)

Oh I should have mentioned he gave me Clamidea(i hope the spelling is correct)he kept saying, im not stupid I used a condom. He didnt use one on his tongue tho did he(Fuckwit)


I dont like being second choice

Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: australia
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, December 9th (Friday)

Wow. Genital warts are NOT from stress!! (((blonde1963))) Genital warts are cause by the Human Pappilloma Virus (HPV), which is a sexually transmitted virus. Use of condoms may not always protect you, in the case of both Herpes and HPV.

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
blonde1963
New Member
Member # 20806
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 9th (Friday)

I thought that you could have it for years without symptoms and stress can bring it on.


I dont like being second choice

Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: australia
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, December 9th (Friday)

I am struggling with the timing on HPV warts too.

Blonde, from what I've heard it's common that they show up in the following months of first exposure. If they don't, your body probably has fought the virus and they won't show up. BUT I have also heard that stress and pregnancy can bring them on AGAIN, assuming you got them the first time.

My Dr. prescribed Zyclara (imiquoimod) I worry about so many things...probably stupid things but I will say that I was very naive when it came to ANY type of STD's because I "knew" we were onlies. YUCK!

So he never got warts...just passed them on to me

I will say that I would have NEVER even known that I had them if the Dr. hadn't told me. I know that sounds weird too but they are very tiny lines and deep inside...it's not like I check there
I guess there are many forms of them because they don't look like the pics on the internet at all.

Thought, I did get tested for Herpes (only because the people on SI told me to specifically ask for it). i have Herpes simplex 1 but not 2. I really hope you get some relief! You sound so strong and I feel like such a baby!

I go crazy when I think back when he started the A. My body was acting up and I thought I was crazy!! They are so cruel that they didn't tell.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, December 9th (Friday)

I thought that you could have it for years without symptoms and stress can bring it on.
That can happen, but the cause is the virus.

You sound so strong and I feel like such a baby!
Oh, no! I've been bawling my eyes out for two months!! I try to understand that this won't kill me, but it is awful! And I get 'icked out' when I think about this coming from her. So, no, I don't feel strong. I've tried to be hopeful, but this is really wearing me down.

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 9th (Friday)

I found out last week my husband has the virus molluscum. Anyone been thru this?


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 616 | Registered: Oct 2011
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, December 9th (Friday)

Forgivingnow

Unfortunately, 4 out of my 5 children have had it. Nothing to do with sexual transmission for them (it tends to spread in pools) but it can be spread sexually in adults.

It's not horrible, just a pain to deal with. My oldest sons had theirs frozen off (liquid nitrogen)at a dermatologist, my daughter and youngest son used ZymaDerm and I think it works the best if used faithfully. It used to be only available online but now you can get it at Walgreens too. I've tried the silver stuff and it didn't work at all. They can go away on their own but it can take up to two years. They will still pop up every now and then but they are building an immunity to them.

I'm not really sure about the genital kind but I think it's more or less the same thing...a virus (like warts, but soft and bubbly) that eventually go away. They say they're contagious but my middle daughter never got them and neither did my H or I. I guess it just depends on your immunity to the virus.

Sorry you're dealing with it. Just checked your profile...good luck on R, we're about the same age and have been married the same amount of time.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
blonde1963
New Member
Member # 20806
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, December 9th (Friday)

Now I really really need to clarify something if there are any GP's on here. Can you go 15 years with the virus then the warts show up??? He went with a couple of prostitutes before we met (around 17 18)and got the warts at 35 before the the first known OW


I dont like being second choice

Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: australia
Elisabeth Ann
Member
Member # 28599
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, December 11th (Sunday)

I am HIV positive. My husband and I have been married since 1/70 and I found out 2 months after our 40th Anniversary that he had contracted HIV from a stripper that he had unprotected sex with in 2008. Previously in that year, he had cruised chat rooms and slept with several women he met online. Luckily for them, the person who gave him the disease was the last stranger he had sex with, so I was the only person he infected. Ironically, he doesn't have to take any medications but because he didn't tell me for 9 months after he was diagnosed, I am on a daily regimen of 3 pills a day for the rest of my life. If you read my profile or my journal, I hope you will all make sure to get an HIV test. They are not done routinely and since there are no symptoms until you are very ill (which can take years) you can be HIV positive without knowing it. To all of you I send prayers that none of you ever have to add this disease to the heartbreak you already suffer.

Posts: 134 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Long Island, NY
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, December 11th (Sunday)

(((Elisabeth Ann)))

I'm familiar with your story. Any of us here could be HIV+, many probably are and just don't know it- yet. You know you can talk to us here, whenever you're feeling alone. We're here for you.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
LionessQn76
Member
Member # 32366
Concerned  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 11th (Sunday)

(((Hugs)))

My exbf from hs had sex with me knowing he had an active outbreak.

XWSO knew I had herpes and for 8yrs we were together he didn't contract it. I never had sex while I had an flareup and we practice goodh hygeine after sex.

I have few flare up now seems to be stress related.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm


Only the strong survives!

Posts: 424 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: New York City
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, December 11th (Sunday)

Wow! I am so glad we have finally been given our own thread.

Yep, my H infected me with his whore's STD. That was how I found out he was cheating...my doctor told me, nice huh? :(


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, December 15th (Thursday)

(((Lioness))))
(((painpaim)))

Well, I see an Infectious Disease Specialist on Tues. and I'm ready. Hoping she can help me. I *think* I'm doing better- swelling is going down... Still itchy though. Still icing down the hoo-ha.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, December 16th (Friday)

Bumping for stillilovehim.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, December 16th (Friday)

Anyone getting the Gardasil shot for their kids?
I just took DS22 for his second shot, even though he has already been sexually active for years. His doc said it can't hurt.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, December 16th (Friday)

Before the A I was somewhat against it. Now my DD appt is next week.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, December 18th (Sunday)

re: Guardasil- I definitely plan to get it for DD.

Ya'll, I am struggling tonight!! Fresh new outbreak. I'm going on three months like this and I am losing my mind. I'm on meds, but they aren't working right. I went to an emergency doc this AM- she had nothing, but some lidocaine. She didn't even look- stood across the room from me. It made me feel so dirty.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, December 18th (Sunday)

Are you serious?? That's BS!!! I'm so sorry thoughtiknewyou. What kind of freakin' bedside manner is that???

I don't have any advice on what you're dealing with, just a compassionate ear and kind thoughts for you.

I have a Dr appt tomorrow. I've been on the meds 8 weeks now but the warts aren't gone and I still have tons of questions.

Good luck all.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, December 22nd (Thursday)

Well, I had my appointment with a really good Doctor (she teaches at the medical university where she also practices). It seems I have a medicine-resistant strain of Herpes. Well, shit!! They took swabs of the sores, so they can grow the virus in the lab and see which meds it's resistant to and which ones it responds to. She switched me to Famvir, for now, but I am itchy, itchy, itchy. I go back in early Jan. I just pray I don't spend all of the holidays crying and in pain. I'm scared of this stuff!! What I have been through has been really traumatizing. Three months... I can't do it any longer. I NEED for it to go away!!

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, December 24th (Saturday)

Oh no TIKY, I am soooo sorry!
I have a medicine-resistant strain of Herpes.
How horrible! I hope you find relief soon.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, December 26th (Monday)

Thought I Knew you,

Did the Famvir help at all? I hope your holiday was bearable. Been thinking of you.

0115


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, December 26th (Monday)

Thanks for asking!! It's so easy to feel alone in all of this!

I *think* the Famvir is working. I'm not 100%, but I'm not in awful shape, either. Just crossing my fingers that it continues to get better, whether it's from running the natural course of the virus or from the Famvir. I just want to feel normal.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, December 28th (Wednesday)

UPDATE: My Dr. called yesterday AM and I missed her call. I received a call from her nurse yesterday afternoon. She said, "You're calling about the results from your HSV?". I said that I was and she said, "It's negative." and I said, "Do you mean that it's not resistant?", and she said, "No. I mean that there was no virus for them to culture." I stuttered and stammered for a minute and, finally, asked her to have the Dr. call me back because I was really confused. I hung-up and called the first Dr., who gave me the positive results a couple of years ago, and left a message for them to call me.

Nobody called. Nobody called me back yesterday- and nobody called me back today!!!!!!

I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing!! Do I continue taking this med???? Is it Herpes or something else??? WTF??? THIS is EXACTLY WHY it took me two months to go to a Dr., to start with. They never help me. I just throw my money away and nobody ever helps me.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 7:41 PM, December 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 28th (Wednesday)

I was tested for all STDs and HIV after I found out she sleep with a military guy who was serving overseas. When i was 27 my 28 year old cousin whom I grew up with died of AIDS. It was one of the most horrific things Ive ever seen. I watched him waste away from 180 lbs to 89 lbs. The movie Philadelphia doesn't do it justice. We were married a year then and my WW saw how it effected my immediate family. It still does. My WW is on birth control so I know protection was not used. When I found out I was so judgemental on her and began screaming at her as to how she could put my life in jeopardy like that. I don't believe she was ever tested for anything. She said she was but I'm sure not for HIV. Please get tested if you haven't.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, December 28th (Wednesday)

Sean...so sorry for your loss. It's just so sad...he was so young Just sorry...no words to do it justice.

Thought...I agree...WTH??? My Dr is in health system where I can email ALL my questions. It's nice because he's good about replying to everything. If you get a new Dr, maybe something to think about. Please keep us filled in. I'm praying for you. Have you checked WebMD? Purplejacket4 was also very helpful on another thread...she might have some insight and said I could PM her.
Hang in there...it's GOING to get better and 2012 WILL be a better year!!!


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, December 29th (Thursday)

(((Sean)))

0115,
I FINALLY received a return call. The negative test doesn't mean I don't have it, just that there wasn't any virus on my skin, at the time of the swab. The Dr. was a bit surprised about that because of the amount of inflammation that she saw. So, I'm going back on Jan. 12th and she's going to try again. She said she'll do a biopsy, if she has to, so she can get it.

The drugs for the resistant strains are all IV and can carry some heavy side effects, so they want to know WHICH one instead of just doing it by trial and error. That sounds good to me. I just hope I can hold steady or improve between now and then. I DO NOT want to go backwards!!


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, January 4th (Wednesday)

Thought, are you okay?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Thell
New Member
Member # 34385
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, January 5th (Thursday)

Although I didn't get an STD from the unprotected sex my husband had during his affair with our close mutual friend, I just want to add my voice here to the support for getting tested. My husband's initial response on being asked (by my physician) to get STD tested after revealing the affair was that he had only slept with our friend, and she was definitely not sleeping with anyone but him and her husband... which was in fact true. He agreed to it despite his confidence that he had not been at risk for disease.

What neither my husband nor the OW knew was that her own husband was seeing a prostitute regularly. So even in practically the supposedly """best""" (did I use enough quotes?) situation in terms of disease safety, there was still a wide open door to the sexual history of dozens, maybe hundreds of other people.

Not sure if I should tell this part or not, but hopefully it's not offensive to anyone (I do take STDs extremely seriously)... He went to the hospital on the day he got blood drawn for testing on his motorcycle, but he didn't come home for quite some time and I grew a bit concerned. When at last he did get back, he opened the door and leaned against the frame looking pale and badly shaken. My heart went cold. He finally said, "well, I owe you an apology." My heart about stopped. Then, he finished, "it actually really, really does suck to faint." Oy.

Of course, we didn't have the results for several suspenseful days (he was clean in the end), but knowing he'd gotten a tiny bit of karma helped with the wait.


Please forgive typos - probably typing from my tablet.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Thell
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, January 5th (Thursday)

Is bacterial vaginitis always STD related?


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 616 | Registered: Oct 2011
realgood2u
Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 5th (Thursday)

Just sent you a PM.

In my case BV arrived with the A. Just sayin'.


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cngsVlG3Z60


Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, January 10th (Tuesday)

Bumping for newbies


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
southsidecali
Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, January 10th (Tuesday)

I just got back from a biopsy of some growths down there. I had a Vag inf awhile back but the itching never quite went away, then I noticed some bumps on the labia area and finally got around to working the courage to get checked out.
Based on all I have read I "think" I am leaning towards warts/hpv...I am scared, angry, I want to email him telling him to die a slow painful death.
To top it off we have visitation battle ongoing now, I have 3yr old girl will he infect her through kiss touch??? Ougghhh

Posts: 859 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, January 10th (Tuesday)

southside,
I doubt he could infect her, but you definitely need to get all this documented.

I am so sorry!


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
SkeerdButHopeful
Member
Member # 27541
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 10th (Tuesday)

Question: Do STD's have a foul odor?


Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 804 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, January 10th (Tuesday)

Southside,

So sorry you've been given this condition I am in the process of trying to build my immunity to get rid of them...tried zyclara and it worked a little but they're still there.

Skeerd I know BV has an odor...not sure about the others. Sorry you're here

Thought...how are you doing?

Thell...glad it turned out OK...you can't be tested for HPV but could still get the warts or the kind that leads to cervical cancer. Be sure to get your Pap smears and I'd keep checking for signs of HPV...mine appeared 9 months after dday. Hope luck stays on your side


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
southsidecali
Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, January 11th (Wednesday)

How the hell can you not stress when waiting for HPV testing in order to avoid an outbreak?

I am stressing and an emotional wreck.

I have no one to talk to about this because I am so ashamed and I haven't even gotten around to telling people the real reason why we split up a year ago.


Posts: 859 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, January 11th (Wednesday)

skeerd, yes, some STD's can have an EXTREMELY foul odor!

southside, you can talk to us...


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
southsidecali
Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, January 17th (Tuesday)

I go for my results tomorrow. I hope its something minor.

I tried to keep busy all week to not thing about it but now its THERE> I have to deal with it.


Posts: 859 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
survivor65
Member
Member # 34402
Default  Posted: 4:56 AM, January 20th (Friday)

I had my first STD test done a few days after DDay.

Results..BV and HSV. The dr told me the BV was most likely not related to the A, as I had been on meds from 2 surgeries. However, the HSV was and was recent to within a month of my test. (had only been with him 1 time since cleared from surgeries--of course he had been with her 1 time a few days earlier ) No answer as to whether it was type 1 or 2, was too early. Only 'combined' test was positive. It was at 1.61

FF 3 months--2nd test done this week: came back totally negative. Dr thinks that 1st test was false positive/lab error. Will re-test in another 3 months. So when discrepancy in my tests came back...fWH went to a clinic to do anonymous STD testing the same day..should have results today/tomorrow from his. (he is in process of acquiring insurance so had to find anonymous one)


UPDATE***** fWH test came back negative across the board!

Called my dr back...confirmed ---I AM CLEAR!!!!!

[This message edited by survivor65 at 5:30 PM, January 20th (Friday)]


BS Me 46
FWH Him 47 (extremely remorseful)
Married 22 /Together 24
DDay 09/26/11
Working very hard on R...
'My Journal' has my Healing Poetry--feel free to read

Posts: 269 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the twilight zone!
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, January 20th (Friday)

Great news Survivor!!! Enjoy the weekend


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, January 20th (Friday)

Anyone with HPV just itch like crazy sometimes? Comes and goes and is not yeast infection...ugh!!!


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, January 21st (Saturday)

Just a little update: I went back to the medical university for a biopsy to see if they could grow the hsv in a lab and determine which meds it's resistant to, but there were no lesions. The doc said it looked like the latest meds (Famvir) worked and told me just to contact her if it happened again. After a month on the outbreak dosage of Famvir, I dropped down to the suppressive dose...

Three days later, it came back. I'm scared. Of course, it's the weekend and I can't talk to a doc, so I went back to the outbreak dose. I just pray that it doesn't get as bad this time. Headed back to the University, I suppose.

On the up side, she *said* there were no visible signs of HPV, but I'm still waiting on the pap results to confirm that.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
Just K
New Member
Member # 34611
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, January 22nd (Sunday)

I found out about the affair from my dr when I was there for my yearly checkup. He didn't tell me but when I came up positive it kind of put the peices together. This was my gyn that I'd been seeing for many years who very nicely asked if we needed to be checking for STDS. (I didn't know but suspicions made me say yes.)
I'm clear now, it was treatable, but I still feel dirty. Sometimes I 'm never going to feel clean again and it's all his fault.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2012
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, January 23rd (Monday)

I am still wondering if anyone has dealt with the STD Molluscum? My husband has had several spots burned off, did anyone get this from their spouse, how long did the virus last?


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 616 | Registered: Oct 2011
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 2nd (Thursday)

I found out about the affair from my dr
Me too honey. Embarassing, isn't it?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
cdnmommy
Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, February 3rd (Friday)

I am embarrassed to admit that I haven't been tested for STDs. I was so humiliated and fWH said he was clean. Well, he had lab work today for a suspected bladder infection and it came back negative,but the doctor thinks it might be chlamydia. I am beside myself. I have had 2 miscarriages in the last 6 months, and maybe this is why. I feel so incredibly stupid stupid stupid. Now I have to go to my doctor and ask for the whole range of tests. I wish I had been braver before and just done it.i feel like such a fool.

I was feeling so good today and now I just want to crawl in a hole and die for being such a fucking idiot!


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1766 | Registered: Nov 2010
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, February 3rd (Friday)

((((cdnmommy))))
I have had 2 miscarriages in the last 6 months, and maybe this is why

I am so sorry.
This is the very reason I tell ALL newbies to get tested...

There is simply NO WAY for any of us to know who is 'clean' and who isn't.

You are NOT stupid, just naive...like we all were, once. upon. a. time.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, February 3rd (Friday)

(((((((cdnmommy)))))))

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, February 3rd (Friday)

(((Cdnmommy)))

I hope everything turns out OK. So sorry about the miscarriages.

0115


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
cdnmommy
Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 4th (Saturday)

After an agonizing night and some good talks, I am convinced that this doesn't change anything in terms of what I want and my commitment to R. However, it is a shock that this is coming up NOW and I feel responsible for being so embarrassed as to allow myself to skip that important step. I have an appointment with my doctor booked on Tuesday as a follow up to the last miscarriage, and I will ask for testing for everything then. I know they tested for chlamydia, syphilis, etc when I was pregnant with my son 4 years ago, so anything that comes up now is "new" (i.e. from the A.)

The things I am struggling with are my own guilt over not getting tested, as well as my worries that there is "more" than the LTA. I am trying to trust my gut, something I was poor at doing in the past, and my gut tells me there is no more but it is not always easy to put out of my mind.

It is possible, of course, that fWH's test will come back negative. The doctor mentioned that aside from a UTI it could be diabetes or possibly kidney stones, but didn't sound like he thought that was very likely. It doesn't change anything in terms of what I must do, which is get tested and insist that fWH get tested for everything else as well. It also doesn't change the anxiety I am experiencing now and will be until this gets answered. However, it would put my mind at ease if I couldn't tie the miscarriages back to this.

Thanks for being here, everyone.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1766 | Registered: Nov 2010
Sapphire_blue
Member
Member # 34074
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 5th (Sunday)

Just to clarify: you CAN get rested for HPV, it's new (I was tested 8/11) they test DNA from cells in your cervix & uterus.


I think NIKs DD said it best "Mom, are married people even supposed to be on dating sites?"

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” ― Oprah Winfrey


Posts: 887 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
cdnmommy
Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 6th (Monday)

Good news for a change!

fWH's test results came back today and he was negative for what they tested for: chlamydia and mycoplasma genitalium. And his doctor sent in a req for the rest of his tests. I see my doctor tomorrow.

I apologized to fWH for how hard I was to deal with this weekend and he said "you have nothing to apologize for. You should never have been in this position to begin with."

He's right, of course, but I do wish I had been able to handle the trigger more calmly.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1766 | Registered: Nov 2010
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, February 14th (Tuesday)

bumping for a newbie


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 15th (Wednesday)

Hello, all!! After months of suffering from an unknown condition that we assumed was herpes because I was diagnosed with that two years ago... I got word today that I DO NOT have herpes. My HPV came back clear, too. So, I'm off to try to figure out what is wrong with my body.

I guess the most important thing I can say is to get thoroughly tested AND, if something isn't adding up, seek a second (or third) opinion.

I hope we all find our way to healing!! Take care!!


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
Alwaysknew
Member
Member # 34808
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, February 20th (Monday)

HPV+ (don't remember which one) had colposcopy (sp) and all paps have came back clear for the passed year.

Just completed treatment for BV.

This was all before I "knew" I still have to have blood testing done, but I was tested 6 months ago due to WH career. I think I am going on Wed/Thur and Ill be a mess waiting to get the labs in the mail. I kinda feel like telling the phlebotomist why Im there. I have white coat syndrom with blood draws and I don't want her thinking ill of me.


BW 32
WH 36


Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: United States
Fathful123
Member
Member # 34867
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, February 21st (Tuesday)

I got tested for everything the day after Dday. I had female Dr and told her exactly why I was in for testing. I made WH go twice for testing since he had unprotected sex with the ugly cow. All tests negative. Oh he said he didn't use protection because she said.....wait...she said she was separated from her H and hadn't had sex in 10 years! Except her H lives in the house with her. That's how they were busted.


DDay-7/11/2011
Me(51)
WS(54)with ED!!!!
OW- 49, big manly looking, Amazon looking Ho ; works with federal government but in different state
Several EAs and one oovoo recorded masturbation chat!
We have been Married 18 years
3 kids youngest 17

Posts: 78 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Northern Virginia
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, March 2nd (Friday)

Everybody OK?

As the tech was drawing my blood, I just kept repeating, MY H is a cheating fucking bastard, over and over.

The poor med tech probably thought I was crazy.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Polly4
Member
Member # 31015
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 2nd (Friday)

Is bacterial vaginitis always STD related?

When I found out about the OW I got tested for everything. They all came back NEGATIVE except bacterial vaginitis? It took 3 doses of anit biotics to finally rid myself of this. I tried to get WW to get tested and he told me that "she" would never give him anything! That it had to be me! I have continued to have issues and have gone back to the doctor, could there be something else going on here that has been dormant for all these months? My WW finally went to doctor and now he is on heavy duty anti biotics but said that it was his prostate? I am so confused, angry and discusted with myself for trusting that he would of atleast used a fricken comdon!

[This message edited by Polly4 at 10:27 AM, March 2nd (Friday)]


BS 45
WW 46
OW old enough to be his mother
OW #2 Young and sleezy
He is on all of the dating sites, so I have no clue how many others there really are.
Not sure if she is the only one either?
4 boys
21,19,19 and 15
Married 17 years
dday- 13

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, March 2nd (Friday)

Polly I think technically BV is not considered a STD but its can be transmitted by others partners
I had it and I know it came from the wicked bitch.

Update. I'm neg for the cancer strains of HpV but had an abnormal pap...I go back in 6 months for a recheck. Stupid warts won't go away. I wish they were on her face instead


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
Polly4
Member
Member # 31015
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, March 2nd (Friday)

Yes, I know that I got it from WW via the skank. This sort of thing doesnt just appear after 17 years of having one partner.

It just pisses me off that he would blame me! but then i am the blame for all that he has done..


BS 45
WW 46
OW old enough to be his mother
OW #2 Young and sleezy
He is on all of the dating sites, so I have no clue how many others there really are.
Not sure if she is the only one either?
4 boys
21,19,19 and 15
Married 17 years
dday- 13

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, March 5th (Monday)

finally went to doctor and now he is on heavy duty anti biotics but said that it was his prostate?
This sounds like total bullshit to me, maybe one of our docs on here will weigh in on this. In the meantime, I would demand that he give his doc permission to talk to you, if indeed this is 'just' a prostate problem...there should be no problem with his doc explaining this to you. If your H refuses, then he is hiding something.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, March 5th (Monday)

Well today I joined this club. I was tested back in August and was negative for everything. Went for retesting last week as it had been 6 months and I came up positive for Herpes. I thought I just had a yeast infection but the red spots looked like the measles. Even my doctor thought it was a yeast infection but we tested for all STDS again.

What I can't figure out is how I got it since we haven't had sex since the summer of 2010. I haven't had any breakouts till now. Can it be dormant for 1.5 years? Could it be popping up now because I have 2 autoimmune diseases? Could it be the stress of all this crap (learning of his cheating and leaving him plus the divorce)?

I am 53 years old and now I have another incurrable disease. And the whole damn time he has been telling me that he never actually touched another woman, that it was all cyber sex. Fucking LIAR!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, March 5th (Monday)

Oh shit sovery...I'm so sorry!!!! Damn damn damn. Why are people so freakin selfish????? I don't know anything about herpes. I'm specializing in all strains of HPV currently. I've only been with one man and he's only been with me and 2 whores...hmmm wonder how I got it????

I hope Dr Purple comes on...she's always helpful.

Good luck. So sorry


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, March 6th (Tuesday)

((((soverybetrayed)))
I am so sorry hon. I am not a Herpes expert, but my understanding is that yes, it can lay dormant for a very long time, and that yes, other stressors could have awakened an outbreak.
And the whole damn time he has been telling me that he never actually touched another woman, that it was all cyber sex. Fucking LIAR!
^^^^^^^This is exactly the reason I tell all newbies to get tested regardless of what the wayward tells them. As we all now know: cheaters LIE!
Welcome to our sad little club.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:59 AM, March 6th (Tuesday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, March 6th (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone, this was one club I did not want to join. I got tested in August and was 100% clear but was told I need to get tested again in 6 months to be sure. I started having some itching but thought it was a yeast infection. I secretly worried that it was herpes but he kept telling me that he never physically touched another woman. I never really believed him and that was why I got tested the first time.

Now I have to face this mess alone and with all of my other illnesses it is just getting to be too much. I am now to the point of there is no point of hoping for a relationship with a man. Who will want a woman who is ill but also has herpes? Crap, I was only with one man for 12 years and I know I didn't have them when I met him. I got tested after my last divorce and was clean. Why is the karma bus hitting me when I didn't cheat? I had the opportunity to cheat but I chose not to so my did I get hit by the karma bus and not him?

Don't mind me I am just ranting and angry.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
sadnmad
Member
Member # 34847
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, March 8th (Thursday)

Last night I was talking to a friend about the recent events of the betrayal, breakup, etc and confided in her about the fact that I now have herpes thanks to my XSO. I was hoping for at least a little support, but instead I got, "Oh my god, that is horrible! I am SO glad I don't have any STDs - if I had herpes I'd absolutely die" Seriously!? Uh, thanks for the encouragement.


Onward & Upward!

Posts: 54 | Registered: Feb 2012
Polly4
Member
Member # 31015
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, March 9th (Friday)

I would demand that he give his doc permission to talk to you,

I have been 180 him for 2 weeks, he would never agree to my talking to his doc.

I guess too at this point I dont give a shit anymore, it is what it is. He is being served on Tuesday with divorce papers. I feel like I am living some fricken reality show! WTH?

He discusts me, I cannot stand to look at him!


BS 45
WW 46
OW old enough to be his mother
OW #2 Young and sleezy
He is on all of the dating sites, so I have no clue how many others there really are.
Not sure if she is the only one either?
4 boys
21,19,19 and 15
Married 17 years
dday- 13

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, March 9th (Friday)

sadnmad
I'm sorry. That is not a good friend...


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 616 | Registered: Oct 2011
Polly4
Member
Member # 31015
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, March 9th (Friday)

My hands are shaking right now.. WW is still proclaiming that the antibiotics are for prostate infection? I sent him an email on the causes of BV STD and I sent it to all of his known email addresses including his work one.
Why is that I am ashamed and humiliated by this and he doesnt see to care and passes it off as something else? This is the 4th time in a year that I have been treated for this! WTH????


BS 45
WW 46
OW old enough to be his mother
OW #2 Young and sleezy
He is on all of the dating sites, so I have no clue how many others there really are.
Not sure if she is the only one either?
4 boys
21,19,19 and 15
Married 17 years
dday- 13

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
Confused19
New Member
Member # 34880
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 10th (Saturday)

I'm sorry if I missed it, but I'm' new here...is anyone in an "after" stage with their post-divorce STD? I'm going through the divorce now and have herpes. I'm trying to imagine a life after this, but it's pretty difficult.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2012
Broken hearted61
Member
Member # 34931
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 29th (Thursday)

I am going to have my tests done in a few weeks. I have already contracted HPV of the cervical kind from what I thought was from his former girlfriend. This will be my second colposcopy, 6 months after my first diagnosis and original colposcopy.

Since I've recently learned of multiple women he's had affairs with (ouch) I am also going to request the whole shebang.

He does have both types of Herpes virus and, admittedly, we don't always use protection. I know, I know...dumb.

Question: I have individual health insurance and worry about getting cancelled or rates raised horribly if I were to have contracted anything else. Would anyone recommend I see a physician from a place like Planned Parenthood and have it done anonymously? Or just go straight to my regular doctor?


BGF (50) me
WBF (50) him
DD#1 02/23/2012

TT 03/19/2012
Working on R (03/21/2012)
It's over: 5/5/12


Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, March 29th (Thursday)

(((hugs))) to all of us. I just can't respond right now, too much other hell going on in my life right now, but I think about all of you, and sending hugs.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, April 6th (Friday)

Sadly bumping for a new comrade:(


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
whensitover
Member
Member # 31207
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, April 10th (Tuesday)

I have a questin about Herpes. Does a herpes outbreak occur in the exact same spot everytime? I have a spot that is not on my vagina directly, it is more on the mons pubis or just the part that pubic hair grows about midways down. It doesn't hurt, it does itch. But it always occurs in the same exact spot. Could this be herpes? Also I have had hand/mouth/foot virus 3 times in the past 3 years. Doctors have no idea why because normally, in children, hand/mouth/foot only occurs once and they don't get it again (sorta like chicken pox) Any info is appreciated!!

Posts: 452 | Registered: Feb 2011
lost family
Member
Member # 32578
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, May 7th (Monday)

bump

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2011
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 7th (Monday)

Whenitsover, please be checked for syphilis immediately. What you are describing sounds worrisome to me. The secondary stage of syphilis can present with rash on palms of hands and feet. Please see a doctor.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, May 7th (Monday)

Thank you for bumping this for me. How ironic that BV is being discussed right when I have concerns!

I have to go right now, but I will be back tomorrow.

Thanks again!


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 7th (Monday)

(((soverybetrayed)))

Ask for a second test to confirm the diagnosis. Blood and swab. I was "diagnosed" just over two years ago. I had what appeared to be a severe outbreak that started last fall. My OB/GYN sent me to an infectious disease specialist who finally determined that I did NOT have Herpes. I have several autoimmune issues, as well. It turns out, this is another one. I think it's called Lichen Sclerosus. So, I wasted two years trying to treat something I didn't have. The craziest part of my story is that the Dr. DID NOT get a false positive, he flat-out lied and told me that both my swab and blood tests were positive.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 9th (Wednesday)

Well, went to the Dr. again today. Everything looks great!! Clean slate!

Now...if the BV comes back again...ugh, don't even want to think about it!!

I do have a question though...anyone who has had BV did you notice that your period(s) were extremely heavy?


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
LS_Betrayed
Member
Member # 33697
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, May 9th (Wednesday)

Sigh... I've had herpes for years, he gave it to me when I was dating him.

I feel so depressed that nobody will even want me because of it.


Me (BS) - 49
WS - 51
Daughters 18, 13 and 12
Married 24 years, currently divorcing-- not soon enough

Posts: 5018 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New England
Broken hearted61
Member
Member # 34931
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 9th (Wednesday)

My STD tests all came back negative. And my HPV cleared up. My doctor did not run herpes test as one time years ago I had a cold sore. Said it would test positive and better to wait to see if I ever have an outbreak. XSO had 2 strains of herpes, and I now question the doctor's call on this.


BGF (50) me
WBF (50) him
DD#1 02/23/2012

TT 03/19/2012
Working on R (03/21/2012)
It's over: 5/5/12


Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
lost family
Member
Member # 32578
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, May 9th (Wednesday)

My HPV tests done after the laser surgery of the cervix are all normal, had 3 already.

But I will have to go for a PAP twice a year and not once for who knows how long.

At least I didn't get something even worse.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, May 13th (Sunday)

Here's some information I got from recoverynation.com regarding STD testing. I thought maybe it would help someone here:

STD Testing and Sexually Compulsive Behavior
One of the most devastating consequences of your partner having engaged in sexually compulsive behavior is the potential that they may have compromised their own and your physical health. What complicates this is the reality that most who engage in such behavior also tend to engage in 'magical thinking' in terms of contracting such diseases. That being, 'they likely won't; don't have an STD and so, there is no need to admit the possibility that they may'. The potential for having an STD is a reality that most in recovery choose not to acknowledge--especially if their addiction has yet to be discovered. And even when that addiction is discovered, there is often ongoing deception to protect the extent of the behaviors involved. This, even at the expense of their partner's (and their own) health.

As a partner of someone you have discovered (or suspect) has engaged in potentially dangerous behavior (affairs, promiscuity, prostitution, etc.)...do not wait for confirmation of that behavior before you get yourself checked. There are addicts who are so emotionally immature that they would willingly jeopardize your life to maintain their secrets. They will continue to say that they only had protected sex--when that is not the truth. They will continue to say that there was never any penetration--when that is not the truth. DO NOT gamble on your life. You must protect yourself--even if that is to simply receive an "all's clear" with your health.

For you, the partner...there should be no shame in this testing process. You have done nothing wrong and so, walk in there with your head held high.

But what if it is unlikely that I have an STD?

You may feel that you can skip over this awkward and frightening topic if you do not have any symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease (STD), but in fact, some of the most widespread sexually transmitted diseases can be asymptomatic. That means that you may be infected even if you are not experiencing itching, redness, a fever, blistering, discharge or any other symptoms. The only way to tell whether you have been infected is to be tested.

If you are in a relationship and you know that your partner has engaged in behavior that may have transmitted an infection, you must approach this openly. The goal is to ensure that no infections have spread--not to add guilt/shame to an already difficult situation.

You do not necessarily have to seek help all on your own. You may wish to enlist the support of your family doctor, a counselor or a member of the clergy. It’s not usually a good idea to get a friend or family member involved, although it may be tempting. However, the intervention of a professional may be helpful in this situation.

Whether or not you choose to ask for help in having this conversation, this will likely be difficult for you both. A possible script of your initial conversation might run as follows:

“As you know, I am coming to terms with the consequences of your actions. One thing that I need to face is that you may have exposed me to a sexually transmitted disease. I understand if you don’t feel that you can tell me all the details of your behavior right now, but I do know that we both need to get tested and, if necessary, treated. I understand that you may be feeling resistant to this right now but this is something I need to do for my own health.”


If you do not have a current partner, for example if you have separated from your partner who was involved in sexual addiction, you should still be tested for STDs. You may feel that you don’t want to know the truth, but many STDs can lead to long-term health problems. By getting tested and (if necessary) treated, you are demonstrating to yourself that you value your own well –being.

Getting tested may seem daunting. You may be afraid of what your doctor says, or you may not be able to afford the doctor’s visit in the first place. Break this task down into smaller steps. For example:

1) Find clinic phone number in phone book.
2) Make phone call for appointment
3) Look for clinic on map
4) Drive to clinic on day of test.

And note, most cities provide either free testing or testing for nominal fees. And, such testing is completely confidential.

What should you be tested for?

A community member (who reports having an MD), offered the following:

"I can't stress enough the importance of std testing. Early and often. What is routine testing in the well patient exam situation is not routine in this situation. Here is my list of what you should be tested for:

Blood tests(serology):
HIV
Hepatitis B and C
Herpes simplex types 1 and 2 (type-specific antibodies)
Syphilis

Direct sampling:
Gonorrhea (GC)
Chlamydia (CT)
Trichomonas
HPV (Human papilloma virus, high risk type)
Pap test


Additional things to know:
GC, CT and HPV can be tested from ThinPrep or SurePath liquid-based Pap testing material. Most labs offer this, but check with your doctor. They can also be obtained by direct swab of the cervix.

GC and CT can also be performed on voided urine by certain methodologies.

Trichomonas can be detected directly in the office, or by lab testing from a vaginal swab.

Some of you may have had the HBV (Hepatitis B Virus) vaccine, and would not need this test. I highly recommend HBV vaccination to everyone.

For men, the only tests that do not apply are HPV, Trichomonas and the Pap test. For obvious reasons urine is the preferred specimen for GC and CT testing.

Most of these infections are clinically silent. Don't base your decision to be tested on the presence of symptoms."

Please note, this is not intended as medical advice but rather, information to take to your medical doctor for further discussion.

Conclusion

It may sound strange, but the ordeal of getting tested for STDs can turn out to be empowering. Take this step as a way of moving forward in your healing and self care. Once you have made the decision to get tested and have followed through, pause for a moment and experience whatever feelings come your way. You may feel both deeply ashamed and embarrassed. Acknowledge those feelings, and recognize that you have done nothing wrong and that by taking responsibility for your health you are looking after yourself and demonstrating self care.

For more information on STDs, you may wish to visit the Center for Disease Control’s website at http://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 14th (Monday)

I am so angry right now that I want to scream. I was reviewing my STD tests from last August and discovered that my doctor misread my herpes test. I tested positive in August 2011 so I never had a negative test like she told me.

It clearly states:
Herpes Simplex 2 Igg H >5.00

HSV IgG Index Value <0.90 =negative for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, 0.90-1.10=Equivocal for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, >1.10 Positive for IgG antibodies to HSV 2

This doesn't change the fact that my cheating stbx gave it to me it just makes me mad that I didn't know I had it back when I was first tested. I plan to call her to discuss this "mistake". How could she make such a huge glaring mistake? I have checked all over the net and it clearly states that the higher the number the longer the exposure so I have had this for years. I want to ring my stbx's neck for this crap.

ETA: I want to say how sorry I am to all the folks here for finding out that the one we trusted the most did us the most damage. I am so sorry that we are all dealing with these STDs.

[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 1:12 PM, May 14th (Monday)]


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, May 24th (Thursday)

SVB,
Did you talk to the doc about the 'mistake'?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, May 24th (Thursday)

No, I actually had an appointment to see the doc today but when we walked out to my car I discovered it had been broken into and someone took certain items only. Funny thing was is that it was locked last night and there were no windows broken or locks jimmied. I had to call the police and wait for them to come out and actually had to require them to take a report as they didn't want to since they couldn't see an actualy "break in".

I called my doctor's office and left them a message that I had to wait for the police so I need to reschedule an appointment to discuss this issue. I have had two tests and was told one was negative and one was positive. I have no idea which one is correct. I will update you guys when I find out. Thanks for caring, sometimes I feel so alone in this sea of STDs.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 26th (Saturday)

Sorry about the break-in. Bummer.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 27th (Wednesday)

Bumping for newbies


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, July 13th (Friday)

Finally talked to my doctor and showed her the actual paper she gave me and she said that it was correct that I tested positive in August 2011. I asked her why she told me that my tests were negative and she thinks the person who called me got it wrong. She also said that their is no way of knowing how long that I have had it but I know it goes back to the marriage as I haven't slept with anyone else since we met. I hate his fracken NPD ass!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 13th (Friday)

(((soverybetrayed)))

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
MistyMemories
Member
Member # 36197
Frustrated  Posted: 9:31 PM, July 27th (Friday)

Had my STD testing done today.

Had a panic attack as soon as my feet hit the stirrups. Couldn't stop shaking and crying. GAWD!!
How humiliating!!! My Dr. bless her heart, pulled my legs off and together, then talked me down. She just kept telling me it wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything wrong. Took me 10mins to settle down. She also stayed with me when the nurse came in to draw blood. Also told me I should be tested again in 6 months. Yay!! (sarcasm) just about the time I may start feeling better about myself....The Reality Bitch will slap me down again. Needless to say, she bumped up my AD meds.

Why do we feel such shame?? I can't even be pissed at my WH at the moment because the shame & pain is sooo overpowering. It's probably a good thing he doesn't live here.

We are riding together tomorrow for grandson's 3rd birthday (1.5hrs one way). I will have to play nice because I refuse to let that jackass make me ruin the b-day. I hope I don't puke when he picks me up.

WTF......


You've become nothing more than a disappointing memory.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Ohio
Hawkette78
Member
Member # 36094
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 4th (Saturday)

My tests came back negative except for the herpes. Both swab and blood test were positive. Can I just say that I want to puke? I just found yesterday and I am so scared. I haven't told anyone and don't even know how to tell my attorney. Do I need to call stbxh? What about his "friend"? What the hell do I do?

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Michigan
Hawkette78
Member
Member # 36094
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 4th (Saturday)

Bump for help

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Michigan
Hawkette78
Member
Member # 36094
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 5th (Sunday)

Bump for help

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Michigan
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, August 5th (Sunday)

Hawkette

I don't know what to say. I would post a std or herpes thread in general. I know people would answer you.

Good luck.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, August 14th (Tuesday)

so happy i found this forum, and yet so sad that my first post belongs here.

found out in june 2012 positive for genital warts.

A took place jan 2011 and while i had "yeast infection" symptoms a number of times beginning a month after the discovery of his affair, i clearly lived in denial until the symptoms became too uncomfortable.

worse yet, i work in the medical field and am on a very casual friendly basis with my PCP and my Gyn as well as their staff. i was mortified to say the least.

i'm so disgusted. using Aldara, i have an every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night reminder of what he did. I take a look down below with a mirror to apply the cream and cry every single time.

staying strong is more challenging than ever before.


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
Waiting@home
Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, August 14th (Tuesday)

Abour Herpes and BV:

BV is VERY difficult to get rid of and some never do. If anyone finds a great, non pharmaceutical cure, please post it. The drugs given to me have had huge side effects and done absolutely nothing for me. It is said that BV is not an STD; yet, I did get it while my XH was having an "EA." Besides drugs, I have tried folic acid, yogurt, and inserting lots of good probiotics.

For all those newly infected with Herpes, I know it seems like the end of the world, but it is not. Unless one has an autoimmune problem of the skin, the disease normally lessens as time passes; that is, year one is the worst and afte a few years one gets into somewhat of a rhythm with virus and understands its triggers, until finally one has only a few outbreaks per year or none at all. I have gone 5 years without an episode. The first year, I broke out 4 times. I have never, yes NEVER, been diagnosed with H. I have been tested twice. I know I have it. I had the swab test done of a sore and a blood test done.

The same place breaks out each time. It isn't large. I try never to touch it and if I must, then I cleanse my hands and the area of outbreak.

It may seem that no one will love you or want to have sex with you again, but this is not true either. I will write more about this later.

Oh, I do not take drugs for this. This can be done, but is not always necessary.


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)

I know there is probably no clear answer to my question but to anyone who has reconciled after an affair that resulted in an STD, how do you even start to consider a sexual relationship with him again?


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)

btl1980

First...I'm sorry you're here and even more sorry you're dealing with an STD on top of it.

I know how you feel...my backstory is my fWH and I were firsts and onlies (until the A) it was a 12 year LTA/PA and I got BV, genital warts and an abnormal pap smear that needs to be repeated.
He was sexually abused as a child and the A was a reenactment of his trauma (IC said this not me).

I remember when I went in for my check up my OB asked if the warts were bothering me...I said "not physically, just emotionally" The zyclara didn't work for me and they're still there...I'm not sure what option I will use next. I understand that it is just so hard to see them and it just makes it harder to let go of it.

We are 18 months out and are in R. He couldn't be working any harder than he is!! I still ask him to use a condom...I feel safer even though I know I have already been exposed to everything he's got. I see it as a sign of respect...I don't want anything touching me that has touched her...I know that it's all just a head game but it's where I am today. I'll get past this too someday but right now it makes me feel better. I also try to not do anything they did...of course that's impossible and just another one of my mind games but it works for now.

Good Luck...with a very remorseful spouse who will own his own s*** it can get better. It's hard...I get you and I hear you!

0115


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, August 16th (Thursday)

Had a meltdown tonite. Got a shower and had the aldara cream, the glove and mirror out. I broke down. I could barely bring myself to put the cream on. I thought "why fucking bother!". I had two days of no crying and was so proud of myself. I finally pulled it together and put the cream on. I just can't stand the glaring every other day reminder I have "down there".

Thanks for listening.


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, August 16th (Thursday)

(((btl1980)))

I'm so sorry. I hope the treatment works quickly so you don't have the constant reminder.


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18292 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 16th (Thursday)

This is my first post, and sadly, it is on this thread.

Waiting@Home posted about the diminishing breakouts of Herpes, the longer you have it. That may be true for some.

CDC acknowledges, and many .herpes web sites are reporting, many are suffering from strains of uber-herpes2 and are finding them non-reactive to the current oral and IV drugs. I am one of those people and it is hell, with very few days of relief in over 4 years.

I'm grateful for this thread and thank you to SI for hosting us.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, August 16th (Thursday)

(((btl1980 and alphakitte)))

I wish I could say something brilliant...all I know is that you didn't deserve any of this.

I just want you to know you are being heard and I'm so sorry for your pain.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 18th (Saturday)

When my WH and I were dating, I ended up getting a dose of Herpes 2 via oral sex with him. I remember getting the full battery of tests on my first visit to a clinic and thinking, well at least we're good to go after that.

For those of you who have recently contracted Herpes, I did a lot of reading about it when I did. They say a very high % of people have it, some without even knowing. They also say in some cases you never have a secondary outbreak. I am one of those lucky people who hasn't, and god knows I have had enough stress to trigger one with house moves, dday etc. Hopefully this may bring hope to some.

Anyway fast forward 14 years and again I find myself in a clinic, and again it's because of him

He is fully on with playing the blame game. He was in denial that he'd given me herpes 2 back then, when I hadn't had any sort of relationship with anyone for over a year before him. Then this last time, he was saying, "maybe you didn't get PID because of my ONS". He loves to distribute the blame. I did not let him get away with it though.

We've both had a full set of tests. He goes back for his second HIV tests at the end of August. I know it's unlikely from a ONS but I have insisted on condom useage since d day.

The thing that gets on my nerves the most is he KNOWS how worried I am about diseases. I once said to him, if you ever have sex with anyone else, please promise me you will use protection. Oh he promised alright.

So why then did he put his stupid self in her mouth and ass without any protection.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 18th (Saturday)

my WH still stands by his story that he was with someone 20+ years ago that had genital warts and that they 'popped up' on me now because of stress.

i could fucking scream.


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
kchip
Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 19th (Sunday)

Hello - just got disturbing news from the BW of the mOM who has fucked my wife 50 times w/o condom.

She didnt know how to tell me before, but they both have HPV and Herpes.......and I should be checked.

Wow

Confronted WW with this, and she says I am a liar. I showed my phone log that I indeed had a conversation with BW - my WW says she's a liar.

OMG right. Its Sunday, and I want fucking answers right fucking now!

Can someone tell me, what are the chances after so many encounters? Also, how long does it take to get back lab reports once tested?

DAMMIIT

[This message edited by kchip at 10:39 AM, August 19th (Sunday)]


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 19th (Sunday)

Hi kchip, I hope you are okay. I just wanted to say don't panic too much. Stress isn't good for either of those things.

Both are most likely to be spread if the infected person has an active outbreak. They can be spread at other times, but it is not as likely.

I hope you get some answers soon.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 19th (Sunday)

kchip,
this is a really good link about HPV for men.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm/

As far as the herpes, that can be passed even if they did use condoms.

I have had 3 rounds of STD tests since dday back in March of 2009.

All of my tests were back within a week if not sooner.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, August 19th (Sunday)

Damn it is right kchip. I'm so sorry you're going through this. The tests came back within a day or two for me. Sending strength!

0115


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 20th (Monday)

My WH is having his second HIV test on Thursday. That is exactly 3 months since his ONS.

I am scared. So scared.



D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 20th (Monday)

good luck, CallMeRed. i'll send prayers and good thoughts your way until the test results come back.


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
gutpunch33
New Member
Member # 36484
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, August 20th (Monday)

Ok, all of these posts have officially freaked me out and gotten me very upset again! My WW had a ONS with her old high school boyfriend. Coincidentally, she started having yeast infection issues at the same time (5 month ago) that still won't go away. She has been tested for STD's and says that she was clean (I've asked for the report), but reading all of this has me greatly worried that her continued yeast infections are not in fact actually yeast infections. Can it possibly be Herpes? or BV? I've talked to her doctor and the doc says that she is seeing lots of hard to treat yeast infections because it's been so hot this year. I guess I need to get myself checked out this week as well. Not sure how good this is going to be for R if she in fact does have something besides a really tricky yeast infection.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2012
Waiting@home
Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)

GP: Since you spoke to the doctor, and the doctor took a specimen, then it sounds like that's what it is. Could it be something else? If they misdiagnosed, then maybe it's BV. She could go to another doctor for another test. Yeast is sometimes difficult to get rid of and with yeast or BV the Vag PH needs to be restored. That can be really difficult to do. The doc can write a prescription for that gel too or you can get the over the counter Rephresh. (Hasn't helped my BV.) Some women get heightened yeast monthly, after using antibiotics, and after sex to name a few. Yeast are always present; it's all about balance.


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
Waiting@home
Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)

alphakitte pointed out an uber H. Yes, like I said, H takes off in some people. You see, some who take the suppressants and then pass on H to others may have created a more resistant Herpes simply by taking the suppressants. Also, people with autoimmune disorders have more trouble with H. My X used to get H every 3-4 weeks, that subsided, but now it's sacral Herpes. I htink he spread it by sleeping nude, touching the outbreak, and then accidentally touching open wounds around the buttocks and back. (He has a skin condition that caused teh H to run rampant.)


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)

Yeast infections are horrible but they are not always caused by any sort of sexual contact. I've had thrush on and off all my life, from before I was even sexually active. I have very sensitive skin so something as little as not wearing 100% cotton underwear can trigger it.

TMI: They are particularly common in women as the yeast occurs naturally in the digestive system so if you wipe the wrong way that can trigger it too.

Try not to hear "yeast infection" and think it is automatically related to sex... as that not necessarily the case.

GP: One thing maybe to suggest to your wife is to eat natural yoghurt (the ones with live cultures in) regularly. This restores the natural balance of the digestive system. It really can help with this.

[This message edited by CallMeRed at 2:27 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)]


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
gutpunch33
New Member
Member # 36484
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)

Aside from the anger, depression, embarrassment of having Herpes, I'm not sure it does much to change the status of our relationships. We are definitely working to R, she has been exceptionally open, honest and truthful through all of this and show HUGE remorse for having made the mistake.

Now, I feel bad bringing it up to her this morning. She's struggling just to get out of bed because she "hates herself". I know that me bringing it up causes her thoughts of self loathing all over again.

We start MC today at 1:45. She's already in IC as am I. Is there any more benefit to me bringing it up again? If she has it, she has it. Any thoughts on me dropping the subject?


Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2012
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)

The anger, depression and embarrassment will improve. It's a very common thing, much more than you would imagine before you look it up. I've seen estimates of between 20 and 40% of Americans having HSV2. I don't know if this helps at all, but if you Google it you would find a load of information. I would say deal with your marriage and R as a priority and if the herpes is a part of it it can be dealt with when necessary.

But please see my other post about thrush etc as well.

Good luck.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, August 23rd (Thursday)

WH is at the hospital getting his second HIV test even as I type.

Today's been a bit of a stresser. It's exactly 3 months since his ONS.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 23rd (Thursday)

Did anyone suffering from BV also have lower abdomen and lower back pain?

Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, August 24th (Friday)

coast, if you are worried at all about any sypmptoms please do get yourself checked out. Lower abdominal/back pain can be a symptom of many things, but only a proper examination will give you a definite diagnosis.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
whatnow8
Member
Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, August 24th (Friday)

There aren't words to describe how furious I am right now!
This week I found out that the pain that has been slowly increasing for the last few years is arthritis. Who knew it could be an STD? WTH?!? Do the consequence I suffer because of him not keeping his dick where it belongs ever end?!!!!!!


wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown


Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, August 25th (Saturday)

I had no idea arthritis could be a STD. You poor thing


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, August 25th (Saturday)

whatnow,

Can you elaborate on Arthritis as STD??


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
kchip
Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, August 27th (Monday)

Just got the news. HSV antibodies detected. 6.0. So, I have herpes. WW says she gets her results in 10 days.

I insisted that my doctor or a more specific tests to determine HSV 1 or 2. Results in 2 days.

This is all so surreal, I am not mad yet but I am sure I will be.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
btl1980
Member
Member # 36490
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 27th (Monday)

kchip, i'm so sorry to hear your news. hang in there. i wish i could offer more comforting words, but having been there myself, just know you can say and feel anything you want to everyone here. we're all in the same boat.


Me: 47yo
Him: 53yo
Married 15; Together 18
"Mid Life Crisis Affair Jan 2011"
I found his hotel charges on the Visa bill. How very Soap Opera.
Two beautiful daughters = my life

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: PA
ShellyBean2012
Member
Member # 36268
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 27th (Monday)

I am worried about my HPV test in a month. My doctor is waiting to give me this one since I have my well-woman exam then anyway. But I was already diagnosed with herpes in June.

I'm sad enough to be facing being a single woman dating again, but knowing I'll have to tell some man something so embarrassing and personal is just beyond me right now.

I'm so sorry any of us have to deal with this.


Me: BW (44 yo then); Him: WH (46 yo); No kids
DDay: 6-15-12
M 13.5 yrs; T 14 yrs (at the time)

Onward!


Posts: 225 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: the South
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 27th (Monday)

To every one here...I am so very very sorry that you joined this club. I too discovered that my cheating xwh gave me Herpes. I kept asking him if he had ever been with anyone during our marriage and he kept lying to me. When I asked him if I needed to be tested he told me "not on my end you don't". I came up positive 2 months after I left him and my antibodies were 5.0 which the doctor said I had had it for years.

I have just had my second outbreak in 1 year and I discovered that I have been having the same issue for quite a few years but I always thought it was caused by an ingrown hair. This time knowing I am positive I did more checking and it is Herpes. I have had these for at least 5 years but never knew or even suspected that it could be Herpes. I am so pissed at the scum bucket. In court he tried to say that I must have cheated on him to get it. Yet he was posting crossdressing pics and messaging men on disgusting websites. I never had the time or desire to cheat and I wasn't posting pics of me on the fracken filthy internet sites.

I really want to rip him a new one but instead I will suffer in silence and not poke the bear. I hate that I am paying for his cheating for the rest of my life. I really hope he has a major break out and it hurts sooooooo bad!! He is an unremorseful serial cheater.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1216 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, August 27th (Monday)

(((svb)))

It is so unfair that the innocents in this always seem to pay the heaviest price.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
starlightsky
Member
Member # 32571
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)

I was with my commonlaw husband 8 yrs. I had red flags of online sex chats & some txt messages from girls he worked with. He apologized, I didn't find any evidence to show he had sex or met with them so all was great. Till last year I found out he had an affair & I began to have what I felt was a yeast infection. But unfortunately for me after we separated 2 months later I found out I had HPV. Not only had I had it for quit sometime, but bc I thought we were both faithful & had no health insurance bc of our limited income, I let my regular paps go undone for yrs. Well I regret that bc now I have cervical cancer where I need chemo & a hysterectomy. I've tried other treatments this past year of surgeries & biopsies that r painful, but since its progressed, I need to have a hysterectomy. He is a narcissist. He refused to hear he gave it to me as I was always faithful. He abandoned our family & I. Never got closure, remorse, or accountability, or an apology. Being with a narcissist is aweful. These men once confronted & exposed leave u in the cruelest way. They become a person u don't recognize. U feel crazy. So I'm doing the best I can to come to terms with a lot. I pray to god soo much. It's the hardest reality I've had to face in my life.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2011
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Well I regret that bc now I have cervical cancer where I need chemo & a hysterectomy.

I am so sorry starlight.

((((starlight sky)))


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)

I am really sorry for everyone who has had recent positive test results.

starlightsky I don't know what to say. I hope your treatment works out okay. ((hug))


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
Waiting@home
Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Please look on-line for facts to help you through this. Oftentimes your doctor will not have as much information as you can discover by doing some research. Here are a few helpful links on the topic:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm

http://www.drlauraberman.com/sexual-health/stds/about-herpes

http://www.herpesresourcecenter.com/mvf.html

http://www.beyond-herpes.org/herpes-information/


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
Waiting@home
Member
Member # 24792
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Yes, having herpes can be frightening at first. Society tells us that individuals with this virus must be promiscuous. The virus is openly mocked on television sit-coms and mentioned by stand-up comedians routinely nowadays. The public is largely uneducated; as the virus is quite common, and many are unaware they are infected. In fact, most reports that I have read claim that 20 percent or more in the USA are infected.

I have had the virus over twenty years, but test negative. I haven’t broken out in about five years. At first I broke out four times annually. Over time the symptoms dissipated. Initially I would break out if I had inadequate sleep or experienced extreme stress. Now I can go a couple of days with no sleep and complete an entire divorce and not breakout. I learned to overcome stress. The body is resilient!
Normally you will experience a sensation, called the prodome, before a breakout; you will come to recognize this. It generally is experienced during the 24 hours prior to the sore appearing. You will probably get the sore in the same place or area each time. It is most likely to be spread during this first episode, so if you touch it, be careful not to spread it to other parts of your body, especially your eyes, and wash your hands thoroughly after touching the lesion. Also, when experiencing an active breakout I advise that you do not sleep in the nude, this way you will not accidentally scratch the lesion and touch your eyes or other parts of the body in your sleep. There are drugs available to help prevent outbreaks. At first, I took some of the suppressant drugs, but once I discovered that the breakouts didn’t happen all that often and that the drugs didn’t seem to shorten the duration by more than a couple of days, I decided not to take them. Your experience may be totally different and the drugs have probably changed since the early 90s as well. I would consider taking them to make my partner more at ease and to lessen the chance of spreading the virus.

It’s scary wondering how often the breakouts will occur and how long they take to heal. Mine usually take about ten days to heal.

If you chose to divorce and have Herpes, please do not think this is the end of your sex life. There are others who will love you and want to be intimate with you. You will have a new set of guidelines to follow:

Be honest. Date the person for awhile, before breaking the news. You don’t need to unzip your soul and spill your guts on the first few dates; after all, this person is a stranger to you. Once you have determined that you enjoy this new person and they enjoy you, and the person you are dating is trying to heat things up, slow it all down by telling them that you do not have sex for 90 days at least, because you want to get to know them better. If they don’t respect this, then they are not for you. Way before the 90 days is up, you should tell that you have herpes. You’ll know when the time is right. When they start getting attached to you, it’s time. It would be unfair to let them fall madly in love with you and then dispense this information. In the case of online dating, I have been known to just blurt out the news to a potential date. The results were surprising. You see, eHarmony has a series of questions that can be answered, that appear in a sort of drop down format and are attached to your profile. If your potential date has answered the same questions, then you can compare your answers. Several times, men wrote to me and we made it through the series of back and forth messages before I noticed that they had answered that they would not date someone with an STD. When I later spoke to these men on the phone and said I was not a good match for them due to herpes, I found that only one said it was a deal breaker and then he later wrote to ask me to call if I came to his nearby city so we could go out to dinner. Oddly, one guy told me, “Darling, herpes doesn’t count. Everybody has it. I have it too. I meant that I wouldn’t date someone with HIV.” I couldn’t believe my ears! I found his response to the question to be dishonest, since he had an STD! In the public realm, meeting someone new in person and going on a date, I have found that when I reveal that I have herpes, no one has ever broken off our relationship due to that. In fact, I preface the talk by saying that I have something important to tell them that may alter our relationship and they are relieved to hear it is herpes and not that I want to break-up. So fear not, it’s not as bad as you imagine. There will be those who want to get to know you better and those who ultimately are too afraid to have a full and complete sexual relationship with you, but this virus does not have to keep you from finding a significant other.

I will admit that after you have herpes and you do find a significant other, it does make one more reluctant to leave a relationship, because that means going through the whole process and explanation again. It feels safe to stay in the current relationship and hope it gets better.

To all who are new to herpes, hang in there, it gets better in time.


BS-me
DD1 Dec 13, 2008 EA
DD2 April 15, 2009 EA
M 17 yrs
Divorced the WXH


Posts: 321 | Registered: Jul 2009
starlightsky
Member
Member # 32571
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 28th (Tuesday)

Thank u for ur hugs & prayers. I really need them(: I struggle to come to terms with the great life with a great love & family I lived for so long becoming a dream. Also the great health I had bc I'm only in my mid 30's. I don't know how I've been doing it to help my kids to deal with the loss of our family, their father, & now my cancer, but god has been my only explaination. It's been 8 months since no contact, but it feels like it happened yesterday sometimes. The worse thing is he got a new girlfriend he met while still trying to keep me on a string saying he loved me but was confused, I found out through a friend he got her pregnant. She is 7 months...i have to admit, while she gives him the life of a new baby, I am having my ability to have children taken away..it honestly is a nightmare, & find it hard not 2 have hate & anger towards him. Soon it will pass I have to believe, I will make it & my life will b better bc there is a better plan for me.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2011
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 30th (Thursday)

Today we called for WHs final set of results and heard that his HIV and Syphillis tests for 3 months after "the event" are negative. What a relief.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, August 30th (Thursday)

waiting - that was a superb post. I have only ever had one attack and I fully expected this latest episode to trigger a second one but it seems I am one of those lucky people who isn't going to have another flare up (yet). I have read different %s, I am sure I've read between 20%-40% of adults have some form of herpes infection.

Your post was both informative and well written, thanks for sharing it.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, August 30th (Thursday)

starlightsky I am really struggling to know what to say but I want you to know I am thinking about you.

Cancer is such a horrible thing to be dealing with but to know it could have been caused by someone else must be worse. I am sure your feelings of hatred and anger must be very common in this situation BUT I will say this. With cancer, the best thing you can do for YOU right now is try and get rid of that negativity and somehow learn to relax, exercise, eat, well, treat yourself as best as you can, as being in a positive frame of mind will help during your treatment. It really will. I know far too many people who have had various cancers and the ones who have been positive and got on with their lives and look after themselves are the ones who are still around today.

How old are your children?

(((hugs)))


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
kchip
Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, August 31st (Friday)

confirmed hsv-2.

I'm was already depressed and nonfunctional. Now I'm shocked and angry too. All of this is so surreal. I woke up again at 2am (like every night) with mind movies and keep wondering when the hand grenedes will stop exploding mext to my head. Not one week has gone by since Dday that there hasn't been some sort of new revalation or TT bomb.

Now I really don't see much future. Having to explain this to a future possible SO. I've never had an ob, bit I've read everything I could possible google about this and I could potentially transmit this. Which makes more angry, because mOM never once warned my WW (LTA 18 mon) that he has H.
The final insult - she is downplaying it and saying what am I complaining about comparing my situation to a friend of hers who just got diagnosed with a brain tumor. In other words, I've got it made.

I wasn't sure how to recover from the LTA devastation, now this.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, August 31st (Friday)

kchip,

FWW contracted H from her OM. I wanted tested for that, and to Drs. told me blood test show exposure, but not necessarily infection. Both would not do test until I had an outbreak, then they would test the crusty, oozy stuff. Fortunately we rarely have sex any more so no outbreaks for me.


LTA FBS 54
dday 10.5.09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4147 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
exhaustedHeart
Member
Member # 36297
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 31st (Friday)

I'm waiting for my WW's results to come back. I've never had any symptoms. If hers come back clean, do I really need to have myself tested?


Me: BS,48
Her: WS,47

OW 51 Ex-con, HARD Butch Lesbian living in her mom's basement
OM (Previous 2 Year A)~62 Sleazy, Stereotypical Italian Hairdresser
M 22 years, 3 kids(8, 15, 18)

DDay1 7/21/12
DDay2 8/31/12
NC Broken 12/7/12


Posts: 81 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Hell
kchip
Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, August 31st (Friday)

atsenaotie

If you have antibodies - you have the herpes virus. You just haven't had an OB yet and there is no way to know when or even if you will.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
CallMeRed
Member
Member # 36312
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 31st (Friday)

exhaustedheart I'd say as long as you have access to her results and they are all negative AND you have only been with her, you probably don't need to have the tests.

If you'd get peace of mind though, it wouldn't hurt. But I'm in the UK where the tests are free so I expect that has an impact too, if you have to pay.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 41
Him - WH - 40
Stepchild: 16 Children: 9, 8, 5
Together 14 years, married 10.5 years.
Status: aiming for R with a Plan B just in case.

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: England
starlightsky
Member
Member # 32571
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 31st (Friday)

Callmered, thank u for ur kind words. My children are 15& 17. My son graduates this year. Urs its rough knowing someone who loved me so much gave me the std that contributed to my cancer. Im looking after myself & my kiddos as that is my priority. I am going to grief therapy for all the losses& changes have changed in the past year. im still having difficulty processing and accepting all of it. Ive learned so much. Still am. Im struggling to accepting the cold way my narcissist ex just abandoned us as if we never existed. After what I thought & remember of 8 great years he just left us 8 months ago& never turned back. Now he just moves on eith this girl who is almost due with his child. His serial cheating is part of this somatic narcissistic personality traits. To think he is just spreading the std around. He isnt the type to use protection I found out..the hard way. I miss my life I remember & loved, but separating what really is feels like a constsnt nightmare bc it makes no sense. It helps me to also talk to other spouses who have also had the unfortunate experience of dating ,marrying, or being engaged to a narcissist that has devaluef & discarded them with no closure,just pure abandonment. its horrible, but in time I will accrpy it all finish mourning it &move on...

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2011
esposa
Member
Member # 35068
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 4th (Tuesday)

Do people go on to reconcile after STDs? Mine gave me HPV and genital HSV1. I don't even know what to do.


Me - 40, Him - 36
Dday: May 2011 (my "friend")
Dday2 (same person): December 2011
Married since 1998
2 kids (12 and 9)

Posts: 127 | Registered: Mar 2012
esposa
Member
Member # 35068
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, September 12th (Wednesday)

Question...

My husband's affair supposedly ended in December 2011. I just now had a painful sore in my genital area. They did a swab and confirmed that it was herpes - but oral herpes HSV 1. This was my first outbreak. I have never had a cold sore in my life.

My husband had cold sores as a child and tested HSV 1 positive previously like most people.

Here's the thing....

I haven't had SEX with him in 2 months. I haven't hard ORAL SEX with him in 6 months. Why is this just happening now?


Me - 40, Him - 36
Dday: May 2011 (my "friend")
Dday2 (same person): December 2011
Married since 1998
2 kids (12 and 9)

Posts: 127 | Registered: Mar 2012
kchip
Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, September 12th (Wednesday)

The virus can be dormant in your body for YEARS. Some people never have an OB. Some people have one OB and then never again. Others, every couple of months and they take meds to help suppress the virus.

Basically, the virus is always with you - some people are 'luckier' than others.

GL


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, September 12th (Wednesday)

Do people go on to reconcile after STDs? Mine gave me HPV and genital HSV1. I don't even know what to do.
I am attempting to, but it is very very hard. Sometimes, I just want to give up when the horror of the day my doc told me I had an STD comes back to haunt me.

The only way I have been able to reconcile the horror of it is because most waywards do NOT use protection, and I figure it was just H's bad luck that he got one, and passed it to me.

Basically, any wayward not using protection is at risk for STD's, and it is simply the luck of the draw if they get infected. So, logically, I realize that that doesn't really make FWH any 'better' or 'worse' than any other wayward. (although, it sure does hurt)


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
fyou143
Member
Member # 36618
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 12th (Wednesday)

Reading this whole thread makes me scared and just break down and cry. My DD was on 6/24 discovered my WH answering Craigslist ads I feel like I stopped from it going to the next level but when I find condoms in his laptop bag I'm not so sure now. I'm scared to go get tested but I know I need to I've just been hesitant and really don't know where to start. I have no medical insurance so I can't just walk in and set up an appointment. I just know though that if I do get a positive he will blame me and accuse me of cheating he has been gas lighting and denying what I found on DD and actually blamed me when I found the condom in his laptop bag accused me of "planting" it that I "stooped low" to be doing something like that to get him to confess to something he didn't do. I'm just scared but I don't want to be in the dark either. I'm so sorry for everyone who has to go through this hugs to all


BS(me) - 26
WH - 34
DDay 6/24/12 at 2:04 p.m.
DDay 2 5/8/13-5/22/13 KIK App
2 Children ages 5 (boy) and 2 (girl)
I'm sorry is a statement I won't do it again is a promise how do i make it up to you is a responsibility

Posts: 144 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, September 12th (Wednesday)

Fyou143,
Please don't be scared to get tested. Chances are you are fine. The 'good' thing about this is that you did find condoms, so you know that he was at least using protection. (not that condoms are 100%, because they are not.)

As far as the 'blaming it' on you...that is low....my H tried to do the same to me. I certainly don't condone, or encourage violence, but when he accused me of giving him the STD, I slapped his face.

Regardless, GET TESTED! Call your county clinic and see of you can get the testing for free or low cost.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, September 15th (Saturday)

I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer in 2002. I had a complete hyster. I did not have to have any other form of treatment.

HPV wasn't talked about in 2002, I didn't even know to ask about it. A few weeks after my hyster The TOday Show had a segment on CCancer being an STD. I was mortified. I figure I had to have caught HPV before I was married and it finally turned into Cancer.

I was too foolish to think that my H was cheating at the time so I never asked my Dr anything about HPV. Years later I finally did ask after DDAY. DR told me it was highly unlikely that I had contracted HPV 5 yrs prior to my diagnosis.



Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
Lighthouse Heart
Member
Member # 8899
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, September 20th (Thursday)

Most folks won't remember me from Adam and I post rarely these last few years. When I left my ex a lot of things changed for the better but I never told anyone I got the gift of HPV. I noticed some changes in my skin this last year and have seen two different specialist ( the first was a joke and wasted 6 months of mine and my GP's time). I'm currently awaiting results on vulvar biopsies taken last week and hoping to hell its something else like psoriasis (which I also developed in the last 2 years) or seboriac keratosis.

Not much I can do at this point except wait...and stay off google.

I'm just putting this out here as its like saying it out loud. It doesn't seem fair that after everything was said and done this happens.


I release the past so I am free to fight for my future unencumbered.

Posts: 2293 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Canada
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, September 20th (Thursday)

Hi, (((lighthouse)))

It could be lichen sclerosus.


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
Lighthouse Heart
Member
Member # 8899
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, September 20th (Thursday)

Hi TIKY - I'll look that one up. Not a term that has been mentioned at this point. My first thought was WTH ... Lichen as in moss? Lol.

Trying to just not worry about anything until there is something concrete to worry about...and then I move the wrong way and feel my stitches pull


I release the past so I am free to fight for my future unencumbered.

Posts: 2293 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Canada
hamster
New Member
Member # 36909
Sad  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 28th (Friday)

so it has been 10 days since I found out my WH had 3 sexual encounters. He also informed me that he tested positive for HIV. I have tested since then and am negative (for now. I'm 7 mons pregnant and my priorities are me and the baby. I'm just so devastated. It is still so new that it is surreal that all this is happening. We've been married for 11yrs together 16 with a 6YO. I go back and forth between love and hate, happy and sad with this man. Reading these blogs have helped but I just feel so lost. I have started IC, MC and he has started IC but it's like I don't even know where to begin. What has happened to my life? This was so unfair. What kind of future will there be? So emotionally drained...

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
0115
Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, October 2nd (Tuesday)

((((Hamster)))

I keep waiting for someone to put up something phenomenal for you...sometimes I just stumble on my posts but...

Oh my gosh my heart is breaking for you!!!! I hope he gets his head out of his a** and helps you NOW...seriously, seven months pregnant and dealing with all of this???? Please post and read...I wish I could help more!!


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
hamster
New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, October 11th (Thursday)

thanks for the hugs 0115...
Everyday is a rollercoaster.Days I feel lost and that this whole thing is surreal..it can't be true..but it is :-(my due date is fast approaching and that is what I am trying to focus on to get me through this. I will be happy then and for her. That has to keep me going. As for him & us..trying to reconcile..good days and bad days..but I guess that's expected. I can't predict the future or erase the past but in time I have to see where this goes.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Sleepless22
Member
Member # 36580
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 11th (Thursday)

I have a question. I had BV recently. I tested negative for chlamydia and HIV but now have a false positive on syphilis. They tell me that i don't have it but need to follow up and take the test again. I have scoured the internet but now I'm worried that there may be something else going on. Does anyone have any experience with a false positive for syphilis? They took it as a blood test only. I am freaking out. Is the doctor just being cautious? This whole A thing just sucks.


Me-BS 33 Him- WH 35 (ptsdandhoping) 3 Kids 10, 5, 2, and one due 12/23.
DD1: 12/2/09-PA DD2: 05/25/12-EA with Ho-Worker;
Status: Reconciling, I think.
My life needs editing. Mort Sahl

Posts: 153 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Crazy Town
sleepwalk
New Member
Member # 37171
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 20th (Saturday)

I haven't read through all of the posts here yet, I'm still working on it. So I apologize if my question has already been asked and answered.

Some of the things I've read say that a lot of STDs won't even show up on tests until somewhere between 3 and 12 weeks after exposure. My husband got tested about...8 or 9 days after the first time he slept with gutterslut mctrampy pants. (He slept with her 3 more times during the week he was out of town for his dad's death and funeral). He had sex with me exactly a week after the first time he had sex with her. I haven't been tested yet, because from what I've read it's too soon for anything to really show up. (Today is 1 week since I had sex with him). However... whatever "sources" say, I definitely have something going on. Intense itching of entire area (vaginal and anal, tmi i know), swelling, tenderness, thick, clear, discharge (no odor that I've noticed) and I'm also feeling crampy in the uterine area. I'm a bit concerned because I was towards the end of my period when I had sex with him... so everything was OPEN. I'm very concerned. Something is DEFINITELY going on, this is not normal, and it's not a yeast infection. But would it be a waste of time to go to my doctor and get tested now when it's only been a week and not the 3-12 weeks that it takes for most thigns to show up??

edited to add: after re-reading it sounds like we had anal sex and we didn't!!!! lol. i was on top so my rump was all over his scrotum (tmi again, I know!)

[This message edited by sleepwalk at 1:25 PM, October 20th (Saturday)]


Me(BS)- 26
Husband(WS- LiesEndHere) - 27
Together for 7 years, married for 3.5, 2 kids ages 5 and 2.
D-Day 10/14&15/12
In MC and trying to R

Posts: 26 | Registered: Oct 2012
lonely2009
Member
Member # 26370
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 22nd (Monday)

Get in to see your dr. asap.

They can better advise testing and determine what is going on. especially with the symptoms you describe.


BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead

Posts: 323 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: West Coast
sadandempty
Member
Member # 36710
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, November 1st (Thursday)

I had the same symptoms, itching, swelling, cramping... I thought it had to be a yeast infection. I have never had one before so instead of getting the over the counter stuff I went to the dr. Well she had to sit me down and explaine to me that I had a STI called trich!? I have never even heard if it before. I was so humiliated! That's how I found out about my WH A. To make things worse after all that humiliation, OW told my WH she got checked and didn't have anything so they both decided I had made the whole thing up to make him come clean about the A, so my WH didn't take the pills I gave him because he didn't trust ME about what I was giving him. Well two months later after he came out of his fog, and was truly sorry and R was going well he admitted this to me, so I got to go back to the same dr and be humiliated all over again. I made WH come with me so dr. could explaine to him what I came in for and what I had, then I got checked again and surprise I still had it. My WH was just sick and humiliated himself!


Me BS
Him WH

"For a minute there I lost myself"


Posts: 158 | Registered: Sep 2012
Decimated
Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)

My STBXWW was cheating on me for 1 ½ years. This started in 2009. I found out January 2011. After I discovered her cheating I asked her if she practiced safe sex and her response was "No, he is clean…he is married". I was stunned at her arrogance and asked her "how the hell do you know if he was clean?" She then said "whatever…go get tested if you want".

Apparently, in mid 2010 STBXWW tested positive for HPV…and never bothered to tell me. In June of 2012 STBXWW's pap came back abnormal…pre-cancerous/highly aggressive cells. Since then she has had a hysterectomy and all the while, hiding the true cause from me. By chance, I asked her doctor while STBXWW was in the post surgery recovery room..."what would cause this?" She looked at me in a confused manner and said HPV. I told her I knew nothing about this and then and then I proceeded to tell her about my STBXWW's affair. Much to my surprise her doctor showed me STBXWW's records that proved when she tested positive. We have been married for almost 16 years…together for 18. I had no sexual partner for 4 years before we met and I certaimly never cheated on her so I seriously doubt that her HPV was pre-marriage. I reviewed the timelines with her doctor and she agreed that STBXWW more then likely got it from posOM.

I later asked STBXWW when she was going to tell me about her HPV. She said she didn't know…wth? She even claimed that she didn't know where she got it for sure. I asked her how many other guys she was F*****g since we were married…she claims none, only OM.

Now I have to face the fact that I have more then likely, been exposed to HPV although I have no symptoms. Also, as of now, there is no HPV test for men. Thanks to STBXWW and diseased posOM, what am I supposed to do…never have sex again? I could never expose another woman to this. This stuff causes Cancer! I am shocked at STBXWW's selfishness.

It is ironic because after I discovered her affair I was trying to reason with her to break it off with posOM. I tried to give her a mental picture of what her life would be like if I divorced her. When I mentioned she would not have health insurance anymore she snapped back at me "I should stay married so I can have a pap smear done once a year?" Well, that pap smear saved her life!

[This message edited by Decimated at 2:36 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, January 9th (Wednesday)

Decimated, I know you are super upset by her actions and all, and her comment about her pap smear is the type of situation that made me choose my user name. Those ironies are so painful...

But really, 80% of adults get an HPV infection at some point! Around 70% clear it after a year, 93% after 2 years.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

Please research it. You will find that so many people have it that you really just have to assume that people do. Yeah, disclose if you have a new partner but it isn't a no-sex sentence.


Two gorgeous boys, 16 and 10.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 45
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 737 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, January 9th (Wednesday)

HPV is normally not that big of a deal.
OTI, are you seriously coming on to a thread specifically designed for victims of STD's to tell us that our STD's are 'no big deal'??? I'm quite amazed at that.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.
True, but I'm sure that doesn't make those that have gotten cancer from it feel like it was 'no big deal'.

Decimated has every right to feel the way he does. The fact that he is concerned about protecting himself AND future partners is a testament to his character, and I commend him for it.

These are the actual CDC figures on HPV:

Genital warts. About 1% of sexually active adults in the U.S. have genital warts at any one time.

Cervical cancer. Each year, about 12,000 women get cervical cancer in the U.S. Almost all of these cancers are HPV-associated.

Other cancers that can be caused by HPV are less common than cervical cancer. Each year in the U.S., there are about:
1,500 women who get HPV-associated vulvar cancer
500 women who get HPV-associated vaginal cancer
400 men who get HPV-associated penile cancer
2,700 women and 1,500 men who get HPV-associated anal cancer
1,500 women and 5,600 men who get HPV-associated oropharyngeal cancers (cancers of the back of throat including base of tongue and tonsils) 

Did you know that HPV is now the leading cause of oral cancer?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
notwarmorfuzzy
New Member
Member # 37868
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, January 12th (Saturday)

Got my negative results Thursday.... To wake up today with sores on my vagina! Holy FN Shit Balls!!!! I'm a nurse.... So the minute I took the mirror down... My face fall off... My heart stopped... I have Herpes.. Swollen itchy, painful sores. Courtesy if the WHORE that my WH was with without a condom!!! Oh yeah... I thought I had thrush in my mouth because I had just gotten over pneumonia (gee I wonder where my immune system has gone... Can we say STRESS) but... Nope, it now makes sense. It's not thrush, no white patches, FN SORES ON MY TONGUE!!!! I think I'm numb. Yes, I cried, we actually had a good day today, but now I'm sitting here... Blank... Typing... Wondering what this means to our R?? Can a R be successful with HERPES?! OMG... I'm numb.., 😶😐😕
BS-me 38
WH-39
M-20 years
DDay 11/12/12
2kids 19&16
I thought we were working on R.... Now... I'm lost in Herpeland?!?!

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2012
hamster
New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, January 12th (Saturday)

@notwarmand fuzzy

I just read your post ((hugs)). I am in R with my WH 3 1/2 mons now. He decided to hook up with a random starnger in Vegas and brought home HIV. Now I've tested negative but we get to live with him having it. I know I don't have the STD but I sure as hell feel like I do. There will be good days and bad days ahead but you just have to take care of yourself. It's time for you to be selfish and think of your well being. They say time make sthings better...I'm still waiting...


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 12th (Saturday)

(((decimated)))
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I found out my WH was cheating by being diagnosed with HPV. The nurse didn't think it was such a big deal. She told me how it could stay in your system for years before becoming active. When I told her my WH and I were "onlies" and had been together since we were 17 she started to cry. She felt so badly for me and for how she handled it.
I realize this is probably very little consolation for you but thank you for your reaction to being exposed to HPV. You make me believe that there are good men out there. My WH used to be one. I don't know what happened to him. I hope that when I'm ready I find a truly good man.

((notwarmorfuzzy))
I just want you to know you're heard and that I empathize with your pain.

((hamster))
Please be sure to get your follow up testing. It can take a while for things to show up. It's much better to catch things early.


Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.


Posts: 455 | Registered: Aug 2012
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 14th (Monday)

Hugs to all of you. I am so sorry you have had to join this sad little club.

Hamster, did you mean to type 'HIV'? Because there must repeat testing for HIV. I really hope that was just a typo.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
hamster
New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 14th (Monday)

@painpaingoaway...

nope that was correct HIV

I have and continue to get tested. Here's the kicker..I was 7 mons. pregnant when he told me. I have had baby tested, delivered on 12-6. She is healthy & happy.

Incredible how people can be so selfish and only think of their wants & needs.


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 14th (Monday)

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

I got cervical cancer from HPV, it was a very big deal considering that was all discovered when I was pregnant. I had a hyster shortly after I had my son. Thank goodness I had already had 2 kids.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, January 14th (Monday)

Oh hamster I am so sorry.

I have a friend from this site with HIV. She and her H both have it.

Her H got it from his whore, and the mother fucker waited almost a year to tell her. When she was finally tested, she was way sicker than her H.

I can put you in touch with her if you would like me too.

PM me if you would like.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, January 15th (Tuesday)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend at all and of course know HPV--which I have had personal experience with--can be devastating.


I guess the OP talking about never having sex again hit a nerve.


Two gorgeous boys, 16 and 10.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 45
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 737 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
hamster
New Member
Member # 36909
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, January 24th (Thursday)

well we're 4 mons.out now and I'm begining to think less about the "acts" and more about the consequences. This is a life long disease we will be dealing with. It breaks my heart because afterall I am still human and empathetic to him. But OMG I can't believe this. It's surreal..still.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
CreekWalker
Member
Member # 38215
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, February 11th (Monday)

My husband had unprotected sex with his ow. After his return, I had no idea it had been unprotected. When I found out, he insisted she is "clean." Over time, he admitted that she's the sort of older single woman who has some drinks and goes home with whomever.

Anyhow, he would not go get tested, and never has. I went. Everything was negative. I get tested still...my question is...how long before I can stop worrying? BTW the OW is a pharmacist...so she probably has access to treatments for herself if she thinks she has anything.

When do I stop getting tests and stop worrying?


BW, reconciled since 2009,
Him 42
Kids 3 Teens

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: NY
CrocodileTears
New Member
Member # 37699
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, February 15th (Friday)

I am one week out from having my STI test and the waiting is killing me. WH's A's were a little over six months ago but I only recently decided that he was lying about using protection. Ironically he just admitted to me yesterday (V-Day) that he indeed did not use any protection during either A. We have been M for 10 years and the day before our 10yr anniversary I had a hysterectomy because of HPV. I can't prove that he contracted it after we were married, but to have it pop up 8 1/2 years into a marriage that you have been faithful in is hard to believe. Just have to make it through the next couple of days until I hear from the Dr. I didn't know however that I had to ask to a herpes test specifically. I don't think I was tested for it. Thanks for all the helpful info in this thread and (((hugs))) to everyone that is dealing with the worst possible fallout of an A.


Me: BS 36
Him: WH 36
Married 10 years
D-day Sept 12, 2012
D-Day #2 Feb 14, 2013
OW: his student
OW #2: OW1's best friend
One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Dec 2012
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, March 3rd (Sunday)

Bump


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
missyv
New Member
Member # 38657
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)

My WS had an affair from Feb - May 2010. This summer i was diagnosed w/ HPV. Makes me PUKE!!!

Two questions if you don't mind
Q1) He has nothing. No breakout nothing. Can he have nothing and pass it on to me?

Q2) I've read that the is no test for HPV for men? True/False

Q3) He was just diagnosed w/ Prostate Cancer. Could his HPV status cause Prostate Cancer?

Okay 3 questions...Sorry!

M


Posts: 3 | Registered: Mar 2013
RAHwife
New Member
Member # 38351
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)

I have HPV from one or more of the women my WH had ONS with. This is how I found out about these ONSs. Anyhow, if it's the type of HPV that doesn't have warts, then there is no symptoms in men and no way to test for it. I don't *think* it can cause prostate cancer. I could be wrong though. I had to have a biopsy of the area and it came back precancerous. I have to get paps more frequently now to monitor it.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 33
2 Kids: 5 & 7
Multiple Ddays of porn & strip club
Big Dday: 1/30/13: Multiple ONS with howorkers while traveling, posted multiple CL ads in different cities.
Status: attempting R

Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2013
CrocodileTears
New Member
Member # 37699
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, April 22nd (Monday)

Found out today that I am hsv1 pos. It's been 7 months since d-day but because of his TT-ing I didn't find out that he had unprotected sex with 2 OW until 2/14/13. I immediately had all the tests I could but they don't routinely text for hsv. Now I find out that I have it after suffering for the last week with painful lesions that I have never before experienced. WH and I are in a rough R and this isn't helping. He has had cold sores on his mouth before and because there is no way to prove that it came from the OW he will not take full responsibility. How should I feel right now? I feel like such a victim, but I can't prove it. He may not have gotten this from them and I am persecuting him unjustly, but how do I know. Every future outbreak will be the biggest trigger, whether its unfounded or not. How do we R through this? Argh!!!! Hopefully the MC will have some advice tomorrow.


Me: BS 36
Him: WH 36
Married 10 years
D-day Sept 12, 2012
D-Day #2 Feb 14, 2013
OW: his student
OW #2: OW1's best friend
One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Dec 2012
MissMarple
New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

I got tested a month ago and things came back clear. Apparently I was tested too soon. I started experiencing some symptoms, went to my doctor yesterday, and I have Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Yuck! More blood work that I will get the results on next week. I'm scared, as a month ago my WH had a positive HIV screen. He has to go back for testing later to confirm. I'm horrified that I might have HIV, and that my negative test last month may have just been too early.

I'm trying to reconcile, but I"m not sure I can get over this, and WH, although he says he's sorry, is still acting like a selfish jerk. He wouldn't even watch our son yesterday while I went to the doctor, I had to have a friend watch DS, as WH wanted to SLEEP! He said he didn't want our son (age 4) to destroy the house while he slept and then have me blame him. I feel like a crazy person!


BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, June 24th (Monday)

He wouldn't even watch our son yesterday
sorry sweetie, he is BEYOND a selfish jerk...

Bumping for a member


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
thebirdcage
New Member
Member # 39274
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 24th (Monday)

I posted this in the reconciliation board but thought I could get more support here...

Short run down:
-Lost our first baby in March.. Stillborn
-Dday April (sex twice with his ex gf)
-Had some hysterical bonding a few weeks after dday
-Decide to R around the same time
-Have been in MC and IC since two weeks after dday and R is going well
- find out I am pregnant again (high risk pregnancy due to disorder I found out I had after the loss of my son) and am currently 9 weeks

I got an STD test right after dday and was all clear. He just got his results this week and has herpes 2. I asked for everything during my test but am afraid that the herpes wasnt included( readin that it usually isnt) I want to continue R and we have a baby on the way. I called my doctor first thing this morning to check and see if I was tested for herpes and to get retested. Since he found out the positive results we have not had sex. It's been about a week since we had sex. How fast will it turn up on a test? . My main concern now is passing the herpes to my baby and I read some scary things about if you contract it in your first trimester the baby can contract it in utero. The odds are very low of that happening but after what I've been through I don't consider myself the exception. If its out there, it will happen to me. Now the possibility of a csection is present too. Also- if I don't have it. How do I continue a sexual relationship with him, who does have it?? There is no way I will have sex with him at all while I am pregnant. I will not put my baby at further risk. He's just totally beating himself up about this- seeing the full scope of the consequences of an incredibly stupid decision and how one moment can change and ruin so many things. He has been great at R (transparent, engaged in IC and MC, extremely remorseful, taking responsibility, answering repetitive questions.. You name it- he's doing all the eighth things)

Has anyone been through this? Any advice on herpes during pregnancy? Or deciding to R after STD's are thrown in the mix of an already extremely difficult decision. I need some light shed.


Posts: 30 | Registered: May 2013
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Schilling
Member
Member # 39774
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 8th (Monday)

Just figured I'd chime in here as it fits my relationship.

My partner is a cereal cheater.
9 years ago I was diagnosed with Chlamydia. Easily Fixed with Meds.
6 years ago I was diagnosed with HPV, cancer causing strain.
3 years ago I was diagnosed with HSV-1 vaginally.

HSV was the most difficult. It was painful and stressful and came at a time where I really thought our relationship was headed in the right direction.

I get tested OFTEN now, simply because I am paranoid.. because I don't trust him.


I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 11th (Thursday)

Bumping for learningtofly.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Heartbrokenjk
Member
Member # 38075
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I just found out that I have Trich after trying to R for the past 7 months. I'm really scared about my health and can't believe my H would do something this stupid again! The worst thing is he won't admit to doing anything wrong and claims that he has no symptoms.


BS(me) 31
WS (him) 37
Married 5/5/12
2 children ( both his from previous M )
D DAY 12/30/12
Not sure if we can R


Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ohio
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Heartbroken, your H is full of shit. He DID cheat.

Yes, it is true that men rarely have any symptoms with trich, but that does not mean that he did not have it, or that he did not give it to you.

I am so sorry. I went through the exact same bullshit with my H. Since he showed no symptoms, he tried to tell me that 'I' had cheated, and gotten trich that way. Fuckin bastard!

He did eventually confess, but that initial denial and blame shifting to me was horrible and devastating to me.

I'm so sorry sweetie.

Even though he has no symptoms, he must be treated, or will continue to pass it back to you.

However, I would not recommend having any sex with him at all. If you do, you must protect yourself.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
AroundTheWorld
New Member
Member # 40192
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

So I'm not yet sure if I belong in this thread. I tested "reactive" for Herpes through a blood test. So the lab proceeded to do further tests to determine exactly which strain so we would know how to treat it. Well I apparantly tested negative for all Herpes strains. The Dr. said they had never seen that before. Apparantly when they do the additional testing they are looking for the antibodies that my body is producing to fight the disease (not a dr. sorry if this is not an exactly correct description). No antibodies were detected. So now I am in limbo for two more months until they want me back to re-test.

WH went to be tested when I got the positive "reactive" result, but he tested negative.

I'm miserable.

I am also still awaiting the results from the pap (testing for trich, hpv, etc.) I also will have to be tested 3 more times for HIV and once more for Hep B and Syphilis before I am cleared of those. So I have 10 more months of testing.

Has anyone ever heard of testing reactive, but then negative for Herpes? When I asked the nurse what the odds were that it was a false positive, she studdered a bit then said that a reactive result is the same as a positive result. IE, honey, you probably have it.


Me: BS 30
Him: WS 32, serial cheater
No Children
Together 11.5years, M 1year
33 OW in 7yrs. 33 is not a typo
D-Day#1 - June 21, 2013
D-Day#2 - August 1, 2013
Separated

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013
brknwmn
Member
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I am so thankful for this thread. Reading this I know that I am lucky. Both times (that I know about) that my WH cheated I was told by my OB/GYN's. Every time I go in for my yearly I ask for an STD check just to be safe...something that I've always done (dad cheated on mom and she made sure that her daughters knew to ask and hoped we would never need to)but anyways the first time my doctor told me WH cheated i had contracted chlamydia the 2nd time I had contracted trichomoniasis. Needless to say I wasn't my best self when I found out (I lost it.) Called him all sorts of horrible names and told his mom and grandma! lol I let them know that he was trying to kill me and how lucky I was that I got something curable. that maybe if she stood up for herself in her marriage (his mom)that he would have realized how serious this was...(I apologized later, I'm not that horrible of a person)

The kicker is that his aunt has HIV bcuz her exH cheated and gave it to her. This past time I showed him a picture of her and asked him if that's how he wanted me to end up. If he wanted his sons to grow up with a only a part of the mother they deserved. I think he got it that time...but I still use condoms.


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
brknwmn
Member
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

So it just hit me. Although I've been tested for other STD's I haven't been tested for HIV

I had my first lap (for my endometriosis) in early April (DDay was in March) & I they drew blood but I don't know if tested for HIV. Do they normally for surgery? And a week after my surgery my doc called and said I had trich...so I was treated for that but I don't know what possesed me to not get HIV tested.

I just ordered my Oraquick online.

How could I have overlooked something so important?????


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

Hi everyone, just thought I'd pass along some info I found online about HPV and SCC (squamous cell carcinoma) and HPV16 and HPV18.

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1186%2F1746-160X-6-15/fulltext.html#Sec2_177

Here's a sample from the article: "Human papillomaviruses have been categorized by their genotypes into low-risk and high-risk types according to the risk of that virus causing squamous cell carcinoma of the uterine cervix [1]. Infection of the uterine cervix with any human papillomavirus (HPV) genotype is associated with high-risk sexual behaviour, particularly if started at a younger age; and persistent infection of the uterine cervix with high-risk HPV genotypes, especially HPV-16 and HPV-18, is essential for the development of squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) [1–3]. Recent evidence also incriminates high-risk HPV-genotypes in the pathogenesis of oral and oropharyngeal SCC [4–21], and it will be the purpose of this paper to explore this relationship.
HPV infection of the mouth and of the oropharynx, like HPV infection of the uterine cervix, is associated with high-risk sexual behaviour, in particular with orogenital sex; and high-risk HPV genotypes, in particular HPV-16, are present in many oral and oropharyngeal SCC where in some cases they probably play an essential aetiological role [17]. Persons with oropharyngeal SCC in which HPV can be detected intracellularly have a better prognosis than persons with HPV-cytonegative oropharyngeal SCC [11, 14]."


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
brknwmn
Member
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

negative HIV test. pretty freaking happy


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Brkn, I am happy that your HIV test was negative, but I am very concerned that your H gave you trich after D-day 2, and that was AFTER he had already given you Chalamydia.

Sweetie, I'm glad you are protecting yourself by insisting on the condom usage, but why are you still with this guy?

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:23 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm trying to find any hard documented evidence about herpes transmission.

I jfo that my husband slept with a prostitute (8/8/13). Well, he said they didn't have sex, but he performed oral sex on her........

But this question actually relates to suspicions I had 9 years ago.

I contracted herpes from my H after we had been married 3 years, & having sex for 3 1/2 years. Severe intense initial outbreak. Gyno said because of the severity of the initial outbreak that he was convinced I had just been exposed to the virus.

I'm 100% sure I did not have hsv before I 1st had sex with my H. I was std free (pregnant & tested) & no sex partners between last test & H.

I allowed myself at the time to believe in the 10% chance he had been carrying the virus before we met & it took over 3 years for me to get it. He says he never had any symptoms & didn't know he had HSV.

In light of my discovery of his "thing" for hookers, I'm having serious second thoughts about his fidelity 9 years ago.

I also had another 'incident' 2 years ago. Went for std testing then, doc screwed up my labs, but before I knew my labs had been compromised, he gave me flagyl & I began taking it. So when I got word that my labs got lost it was too late to get re-tested. At the initial appointment the gyno said he suspected it was either Trich or BV.
Killed me not to ever know the truth.
But during this time, there were also red flags that H wasn't being truthful.

Any help or direction on statistics for herpes is greatly appreciated.

XO
Fogged In


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Hi Fi. (I just realized that said, 'hi-fi', lol!)

I don't think there is any way you can get a 100% definitive answer to your questions...but I think you know what the answer is.

Sometimes, we simply have to make educated 'guesses' based on our gut, red flags, and probabilities.

In your case, I would imagine that what you suspect is true, that your H has been 'playing' around for years. I am so sorry.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Thanks for your reply PainPain....

I know what my gut is saying, but I need something to back up my gut with. (that sounds bizarre!)

The only way he finally came clean about his cheating last month was when I had him red handed. Emails arranging the meet up. I know he will not come clean about anything historical because he's terrified that would be the absolute end of our M. Working on R at the moment. Of course I've told him that any truths that come out way down the road, are deal breakers for me. If there's more to tell he better do it NOW!!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
Blameitontherain
Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Fogged in: you could ask for a polygraph. He may come clean with just the mention of one. Or he will he continue to deny. Either way if you ask for it, go through with it. Don't let him call your bluff.

I too thought my husband had been in the small percentage that carried a std dormnt or the test was a false positive. 4 years later, I demanded a blood test to see if he had the antibodies in his blood. All lies.... He cheated. He came out with the truth once I had him backed into a corner and was going to find out no matter what.


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, September 27th (Friday)

:: Blameitontherain ::

I've seriously been considering a poly.. I mentioned it and he immediately said it would not be accurate because of his anxiety issues. I assured him, that wouldn't play a role in the outcome.

I think I'll just schedule it and see what happens.

Thank you for your reply!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
brknwmn
Member
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Sweetie, I'm glad you are protecting yourself by insisting on the condom usage, but why are you still with this guy?

I understand it seems stupid. he said he used a condom with the last AP and I didn't believe him at first. I called my doctor and did some research http://www.cdc.gov/std/trichomonas/stdfact-trichomoniasis.htm and he passed a polygraph test that he really did use a condom. he also has been going to SA and I truly believe he's realized how serious his addiction was...and he's done nothing but prove himself to me.

he's agreed to STD checks every 6 months (or whenever I ask) as well as poly tests whenever I want...and believe me I'm testing every time I feel the need.


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
brknwmn
Member
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 27th (Friday)

that was in response to pain pain


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, October 16th (Wednesday)

After finding this site I realized that I should get tested for STDs. WH's "We never got together" excuse suddenly seemed unlikely. So 5 months after DDay I got tested, which was two weeks ago. I've been watching for the results in my mailbox and when they didn't come yet yesterday I had a feeling something wasn't right. Sure enough, this morning I saw that I missed a call from my Dr. yesterday. She left a message that her next day in the office is Friday, and I can call her then to discuss the results of "one of my tests." Hopefully if it was serious she would have told me to call the office in her absence?

I've had HPV in the past (WH is a carrier), which cleared up on its own. WH and I hadn't had sex at all in 3 years (and maybe twice a year for several years prior to that) before the "EA", so all of my exams have been clean for the past 5 years. Now this. I'm hoping it is just the HB we've been doing is making the normal exam out of whack again.

Can anyone weigh in?


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, October 17th (Thursday)

Raven, I wish I knew what to tell you.

I found out on Tuesday afternoon that I get to join this club now. Herpes and the two strains of HPV that put me at high risk for cervical cancer. WS said he had used a condom 'most of the time.'

When we got married, I was a virgin. I've never been with any other man. It feels like a cruel punishment for having "saved myself" for marriage and having stayed faithful to him all these years.

At work, they're concerned that I keep leaving early or taking sick leave for Dr. appts. I don't want to talk about what's wrong.

It's horrible to think that I could pass these viruses on if I ever got pregnant. Of course, if we get divorced, I may never get pregnant. I have no wish to put myself out there again. Why should I? Singleness is not pathetic, especially if you already tried true love and it ripped your guts out.

I'm getting a colposcopy done next week.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
StuckInHell
New Member
Member # 40741
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

I had STD testing done yesterday, and I am really freaking out about the HIV test. SAWH has admitted to unprotected sex with a stripper. I should have results Friday, or Monday at the latest. Anyone know what percentage the chances are that it could be positive?


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)

Stuck,
Came across your post and wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I was really freaked about HIV, too. A doctor friend told me that almost all people get really sick with the initial infection (like bad flu or mono sick). This happens a few days or possibly a week after exposure. While I was waiting for results, I felt hopeful because neither WH not I had been sick like that and his A had been going on for over a year.

This really sucks, but we are here for you.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
StuckInHell
New Member
Member # 40741
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

sailor- thanks for your thoughts. Dr. called today to tell me everything was negative. Finally some good news and a little relief. Will need to repeat HIV in 6 weeks in case it is 'hiding'. I was worrying myself because both SAWH and I had colds in late August. I am hopeful that the test in 6 weeks will also be negative!


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Stuck, I'm so glad for you! Today I get my colposcopy done for my HPV diagnosis.
I know the chances that I have cervical cancer are small, but I'm unhappy about it nonetheless. And herpes is never going to go away. If I ever get married to someone else (or, if WS gets his act together and we're actually able to reconcile...which I'm starting to think would take a miracle...), I'll have to always make sure they use a condom so I don't give them my STD's.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
StuckInHell
New Member
Member # 40741
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

marlie- I hope your results are good from the colposcopy. Doesn't it really suck that we can move on from this nightmare, but SAWH will still harm us with these STD's. I have never had a cold sore in my life until the recent cold I had. DR. said no need to test because that means I have been exposed to herpes. When I go back in 6 weeks I may ask if it is oral or genital and what that means for any future relationships.


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Stuck and others,

The colposcopy wasn't so bad. I went to a Dr. on the Mexican side of the border who charged me less than a tenth of what I would have paid in the US. He was far more gentle with me than my American gyno and it didn't hurt at all. It was kind of weird watching my insides on a video monitor (also something my American gyno didn't do), but he said everything looked fine, did two biopsies and said I'd have my results in 10 days. He also said to come back in 4 months to do it again, and that there was a good chance that my immune system would get rid of it on its own.

Herpes, though, I will never get rid of.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

Thanks mods for this thread. I just found it post 20 months DDay I have herpes. Soneventhough I had been tested twice last month I went in asking to be retested. I thought they had done herpes. See I believed my fWH when he said there was no sex. Stupid me we had HB for many many months. But once I got the truth we both got tested. But apparently not for herpes. So now I will send him. Even though he said what for now.
Anyway struggling so much. Crying all day.. Because I am worried about my DD getting it. We have been sharing a razor make up etc..
Thanks for support in advance.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)

So I braved up and went last week for all my std testing. I walked out with a prescription for antibiotic because of trichomoniasis. This dx was made because of "strawberry cervix" which I guess is a sign for trichomoniasis. Just got all the lab results back this morning. The trich test (urine) came back negative. So I wonder, was it a false negative? Are there other conditions that cause the strawberry cervix? Is there a high incidence of false negatives for this? I've just told my WH because I wanted all the results so I only had to have one conversation with him about it. So-I'm a little confused about the results! Any thoughts?


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)

Oh - and all the other tests came back good. I guess repeat HIV in 6 months......


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
nomoredreams
New Member
Member # 41907
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, January 4th (Saturday)

I read the first 8 pages, then my comp started pulling up blank pages. So, here goes. My husband generously gave me herpes one of the genetalia. The pictures that bring to mind turn my stomach. But he is not my main concern.

I have a young child with late stage cancer. My dr said no kissing him on or near the mouth, he is not to touch the adults' towels, washcloths, soaps, food/drink or dirty laundry. So when I hold my desperately ill child -after making him wait while I scrub my hands, I can kiss his head. If we touch hands, we both have to wash after.

While I have to be careful doing his injections and port care all the time, this dramatically ramps up the need for safety precautions. And while I have been praying for a cure all along, this adds another dimension to my prayers...do not let me make this any worse.

Does anyone have any idea just how contagious this is without sexual contact...including kissing?


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
nomoredreams
New Member
Member # 41907
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, January 13th (Monday)

My gyno said I think you have herpes...I did because hubby had a girlfriend. The herpes is enough for me, but no.

It seems to have met and become great pals with my MS. My left hand is nearly useless and it is spreading. My vision is just a blur, to the point I am afraid to drive. (I have to drive my son to chemo every week. It is one hour each way.) Left side foot drop is getting worse. And the sores! They won't go away!

It has been 2 months. The gyno says ask the neuro. The neuro says ask the gyno. Both say it is a combo they are unfamiliar with...I know other MSers are here. Has anyone found some magical combo of meds that works?

And,please, do not suggest I avoid stress. Thank you, thank you, thank you. nmd.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, January 13th (Monday)

Oh dear God sweetie! I don't have any answers for you, but I want you to know that I will keep you and your child in my prayers for strength and healing for you both.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
mystified1970
Member
Member # 36291
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

WS tested positive for herpes. I live in a foreign country that will literally revoke my employment visa if I test positive for certain STDs so I don''t know what to do now.

These past 24 hours have felt like D day all over again, minus the breaking of things.
So sorry for everyone going through this.


heavy sigh

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
nomoredreams
New Member
Member # 41907
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, January 19th (Sunday)

Mystified, I am so incredibly sorry you wound up on this thread. Unfortunately, it is not one that many people come rushing to when they want to talk. If you are up to that much sharing, you might have better luck posting on the general or just found our forums. Prayers...nmd

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
mystified1970
Member
Member # 36291
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, January 20th (Monday)

nomoredreams, I found out a long time ago...about the betrayals. Only recently found out about the STDs. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to get tested here without getting booted out of the country and losing a job I love.


heavy sigh

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
mystified1970
Member
Member # 36291
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, January 20th (Monday)

pardon...double post.

[This message edited by mystified1970 at 4:16 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]


heavy sigh

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
LotusFlwr
New Member
Member # 40485
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, January 27th (Monday)

I found out I have HPV 2 Weeks ago. My world has stopped. It is one thing to know of the A and be told but another to have to deal with the side effects staring you in the face. I don't think I will ever be okay again.


Me: BS

Him:WS

Married: 13 years

Kids: 12 and 10


Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
MoyBerry
New Member
Member # 42396
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, February 7th (Friday)

Just found out Monday. HPV High Risk and Chlamydia. Husband still won't admit there is OW but pretty sure this and the fact he didn't question my fidelity tells me what I need to know.

It is not possible for me to have these any other way right?

(I have been faithfully all 8 years of relationship)


Truth can set you free

Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
mezmer
Member
Member # 42406
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

My WH last saw the stupid hag in September. She told him after they first had unprotected sex that she has herpes. God only knows what else she might have. I guess I have to bite the bullet and go get tested.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Washington
mystified1970
Member
Member # 36291
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

MoyBerry, it's highly doubtful you contracted those STD's in any other way. I'm so sorry.


heavy sigh

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
OneBrokenGirl
New Member
Member # 41700
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, March 16th (Sunday)

So I was tested 4 months after I found out about OW. My blood test and the other tests can back neg. Should I get tested again in 6mo?


Me: BS, 39
Him: WH, 40,
Married 15 years


Posts: 45 | Registered: Dec 2013
soloney
Member
Member # 42621
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, March 18th (Tuesday)

I contracted HPV genital warts and scabies from my H's A.

The scabies were awful. I was going crazy, thought we had bed bugs or something.

The ironic thing of it all is I actually work in an STD/HIV clinic...


Posts: 84 | Registered: Feb 2014
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 18th (Tuesday)

It's funny, when I talked to my elders (church) about WS's escapades, I was able to keep from crying...until I told them he had given me HPV (two types, both high risk) and herpes. Then I couldn't keep myself from bursting into tears. It's such a very personal violation.

That's what is so awful. It's not just emotional pain. It's actual physical damage that has been inflicted on me, and I did nothing -- nothing to deserve or cause it.

I'm due this month to get another exam to decide whether or not I will opt for a hysterectomy. My HPV is apparently so deep that freezing or other procedures won't help, so if it doesn't heal on its own -- and it may not, since I'm in my 30's -- and I don't want to have continual PAPs and COLPs to check for cervical cancer, I might have a hysterectomy.

At least I wasn't planning on raising any more kids...


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, April 4th (Friday)

My W had an 'EA/semi-PA' with a co-worker from Aug-Nov last year. I have been told repeatedly that they 'never had sex', and talking to OMW, she agrees that she doesn't think they did either based on weight of phone messages/email evidence.

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed a flat single bump (not even half a millimeter high) at the base of my genitals. I thought it might be a small swollen gland, but a check up today revealed it to be a small genital wart. I have never had an STD in my sexual life from 18-34. The doctor froze it off and said I might never see another instance of it ever again. He was brilliant, and he could see how upset I was despite my brave demeanour.

I should also add that OM admitted to my W that he had slept with 8-9 hookers during his 6 year marriage. I find it infinitely miraculous that I have my first STD now at tbe age of 34, and literally 5-8 months after my W's affair...which just happens to coincide with the average incubation time for the genital wart strain of HPV.

My W swears on her life that she never had sex with OM, but I am seething. I am pragmatic enough to believe that I may habe had this dormant for years, but the timing seems very convenient. I now don't know what to think of my W; it might not be her fault or it could be that they had sex afterall. I'll never know.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 7:42 AM, April 4th (Friday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
trojan007
Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

I haven't really spoken to her or returned her calls all day because I've been pissed off at her. I call her half an hour ago (10:30pm) and she's out with a bunch of guys at an evidently loud bar.
I'm done.

Hey buddy I hope you're not buying that Bullshit she's feeding you. you know the AP and your wife had sex buddy come on don't let yourself. It's bad enough that Your WW is and has been lying to you this whole time, check your get feeling buddy. I feel so bad for you. Let's face it buddy after reading all your post. She shows you nothing in the terms of being a loving wife. That should know that you're devastated hurt and in a lot of fear about the future of your marriage. Come on she's an officer in the military. And she thinks it's appropriate to hang out at bars with men on a business trip right after her A with a coworker. You know that there something wrong with her. You know that you're going to have to file for D. I'm sorry dude if this really hurts you... buddy you came here for a reason. To get help with this fucked up situation. Please keep posting buddy

[This message edited by trojan007 at 6:03 AM, April 6th (Sunday)]


Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
cluless
Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

My WH had UNPROTECTED sex EVERY time he slept with his ####. I'm on immunosupprants so IF I caught something, it could be a death sentence. Like I wasn't suffering enough already.

I've been to the doctors twice, having tests run for EVERYTHING. I didn't catch anything, but just the thought of him being so selfish and believing everything his #### said makes me want to scream.


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Marlie, I was almost 40 when I was diagnosed with high risk HPV and had my first abnormal cells. I don't know how severe yours is but I had a colposcopy that took three punches. I told my doctor that I wanted a hysterectomy so I wouldn't have to trigger at every PAP while I waited to be told I had to have another colpo or worse. This gentle man asked me to wait. He said HPV has a very high chance of spontaneous resolution with a healty immune system and since I didn't drink or smoke and was otherwise healthy, he felt sure my body would take care of it. I was so unsure but he was right. It's been 11 years since the abnormal PAP. Within that first year, my PAPs went back to normal. After two years, I no longer had to have them every 6 months.

In addition to that, my husband developed genital warts at the same time (evidence that she gave him more than one type of HPV). He was a smoker and they bothered him terribly. He went and got the cream from the doctor but when we read about the burning he might experience, we decided to wait. He stopped taking Nsaids (like ibuprofen and tylenol) because they can depress the immune system and he cut back on smoking as much as he could. He quit drinking altogether and he started eating healthier. The warts went away on their own.

I know you are in your 30s but if you are healthy, you may just get rid of it on your own without having to go through the risks of a hysterectomy. Talk to your doctor to be sure.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Hurthalo, Your wife may be using semantics to lie. She may not have had intercourse because HPV lives in the skin. Skin to skin contact is all it takes. Even a condom doesn't offer much protection. It's also possible to transmit orally so if she's one of those "blow jobs don't count" kind of people, she may have allowed him to perform oral sex.

Like you, I find it odd that you'd develop warts at the exact incubation time. While HPV can live dormant for a long time and manifest under stress, the fact that your wife's infidelity happens to coincide with the timing is either very unlucky for her or she's lying.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
Hurthalo
Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, April 26th (Saturday)

Tears, tell me about it. In all my sexual years (18-34), I've never had an STD, so I found the timing of having something show up 5 months later quite 'convenient'.

It's gone now, and the doctor said it was so small I may never see another one again, but it makes me wonder. OM was a prolific customer of hookers afterall, so it was probably all over him....despite my wife claiming they absolutely never had sex or oral sex.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
sadcountryboy
Member
Member # 43058
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Got my tests back today. I'm clean. whew. I do have HSV1 but I already knew that. I get a cold sore on my lip once or twice a year for as long as I can remember. But clean everywhere else. What a relief.


Me: BH 34
Her: WW 30
Lived together 5-1/2 years
Married almost 2 years
D-Day 3/17/14
Affair for 8 months with a married man at her job
I don't even know who she is. Maybe never did.
Separated 3/21/14
headed to D

Posts: 67 | Registered: Apr 2014
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

Bumping for a new member


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Question  Posted: 9:43 AM, May 18th (Sunday)

Anyone familiar with HPV here?

This is a strange situation. My WH ex-wife just contacted me out of the blue a couple of days ago. (She knows nothing about WH affair, None of WH family knows, only my BFF and my Mom know!) Also even though WH and his ex have children together, they have always lived with us (we've been married 12 years) & she's rarely participated in their lives.

Anyway, she contacted me (FB message) and said she had something she needed to tell me concerning my health that's been bothering her. I responded and said, Ok please feel free.
She said that WH is a carrier of the cancer causing strain of HPV. She found out about 7 years into their marriage and it has been on her heart to tell me. She had problems because of it and it caused her to have a complete hysterectomy. She encouraged me to make sure and always have my yearly pap's done and be on alert to the issue.

She is a nurse, but she's also a little crazy. (I mean she actually takes meds, I don't actually know what, but it's easy to tell when she isn't taking her meds, because she gets very weird!) Not knocking anyone who needs or takes meds to maintain, just to clarify she rides a roller coaster of "I don't need these meds" and then things go south real fast, and we start getting strange communication from her. So I'm not sure what to make of this.

I did some research and it doesn't look like there is actually a test for men for HPV. Is that accurate, does anyone know or have any experience with this?

She also had 2 affairs during their marriage (idk the timing of both, the 2nd was towards the end of the marriage, caused the D, & they were M'd 10 years) So if she is basing her std problems solely on WH, it is possible that she caught whatever she had from one of the other men she was sleeping with.

I'm certainly not granting WH a pass on any of this, I'm just trying to understand and figure out WTH the truth is in all of this. As well as trying to decide if I should ask her if he had HSV when they were married. (I contracted HSV from WH 3 years into M, swears he was faithful and he must've had it when we got married......) Although they had been D'd for 7 years I believe before we got M, so he could've gotten herpes during that time I guess.

Any info is appreciated!!!


(edited for typos)

[This message edited by FoggedIn at 9:48 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
oldtimer97
Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, May 18th (Sunday)

Fogged in, I'm not up on all the specifics of HSV currently, although in researching it a few years ago I found out the genital warts he had removed from his penis before/right after we got married were not caused by warts on his/my hands or elsewhere. There hasn't been a recurrence, but I would assume the virus would stay in your body. Kind of a moot point for us since bad health choices has rendered him impotent, so sexlife is zilch!

Anyways, after that long intro what I wanted to say was, if you are going to contact the exwife again, why don't you let her know that he said she had 2 affairs when they were married and see how she reacts to that. I'm assuming you only have his word for it? You know that little detail about how cheaters lie? Yeah that one. Good luck to you, I hope you remain safe & healthy and keep going in for those checkups.


“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou


Posts: 3277 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

Fogged In,

I contracted more than one strain of HPV from my husband after his first affair. Based on my experience, the ex-wife could not know that she contracted HPV from your husband if she had multiple partners. If your husband is symptom free (no warts or symptoms of penile, anal, or oral cancer), she cannot know if he is or isn't a carrier as there is no test for men.

That said, the fact that she has it means that he could also have it. Therefore, you do need to have regular paps. However, you will want to discuss with your doctor how frequently those need to occur based on the possibility that you may have been exposed to HPV. As long as you are having paps and your doctor is aware to be thorough, you don't need to be on any special "alert" over it.

The fact is, it's a very common STD and most people who are exposed fight it off with their own immune systems- even the high risk strains. While it can become cancerous if you have a lot of risk factors such as smoking, heavy drinking, high rate of cancer in your family, if you are healthy, you would likely fight it off. Given that you have been married to him for so long, if he were a carrier, you most likely have already been exposed and your body has already taken care of it.

In my case, we know my husband contracted both a high risk strain and a strain that causes genital warts. The high risk strain was caught because the OW wanted sympathy and emailed about her "cancer scare". As soon as she told me it was cervical, I went right to my doctor for a pap. I knew that a 21-year-old doesn't get cervical cancer without high risk HPV. I had abnormal cells and the DNA test from my pap showed that it was, indeed, a cancer causing strain. After a colposcopy, my doctor felt sure that my immune system would resolve the HPV on its own so he just put me on a 6 month pap plan for the next two years. Two years of normal paps and I'm back to the regular schedule. The wart strain was caught because my husband developed genital warts. He had them for about a year before his immune system took care of it. They went away on their own with no treatment. Mind you that we both had our symptoms in 2003 and have not had an issue since those initial outbreaks.

So, I believe that it's likely that if you've been having normal paps, you are probably not going to have an issue. Continue to have them as ordered by your doctor but I wouldn't let this message freak you out.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 12:19 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

Fogged
HPV is very serious. Because of HPV diagnosis I had paps every 6 months because I started having high squamous (sp?) Cells. Anywho long story short I had cancer when I forced my doctor to preform the hysterectomy. I was .1 mm from being staged! This shit is serious.....Pay attention to your body I never got the warts....
I was cheated out of more childen it is not fair!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3197 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

I responded to her message. All I said was "I didn't realize there was a HPV test for men".
She responded & said, "You're right, so I guess that means I could've gotten it from anyone."
hmmmmmm, wonder if she's just trying to stir the pot, or what it was even all about.

If she was positive for HPV while they were married, does that automatically mean WH has HPV? And that it/'s likely I will or do have HPV? Guess I need to do some research.

Why is it that women are always the ones that suffer with symptoms and the forever hell of STD's while typically men can carry the virus and never suffer a single day? It's so screwed up!

Like WH giving me HSV (herpes) 3 years into our marriage, and he's never had an outbreak (or so he says....... he lives in the land of denial and minimizing, it's a lonely little island), yet 10 years later I'm still having miserable outbreaks. Awesome!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

Tearsoflove & Heartache101

So a simple regular pap is what detects HPV? Should I request something else in addition to my regular screenings?

After I found out about WH prostitute obsession I went in for an STD panel, but I don't believe that HPV was part of that panel.


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
jendo
Member
Member # 43059
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

Ok, just reading this and having concerns...my husband had an EA with a much younger intern at his office. Dday was 6 weeks ago. We have been married for 20 years- have been together since we were 17. I had 2 sexual experiences prior to marriage- at ages 16 & 17. I was his only sexual partner. This is unless of course the EA was actually also a PA. I do not think it was as reconciliation is going well for us and he has been very honest about all kinds of things, but I will always have my doubts. 2 weeks after Dday we found out through the grapevine (there has been NC) that OW was diagnosed with cervical cancer that is far enough along that it is requiring radiation and chemo and a hysterectomy. I assume from this that she has HPV. WH claims that the only physical contact they have had was a few hugs in the presence of others. I did find extremely graphic messaging between them, but there is no admission of PA. I did make an appt to have a pap done this week- is it too soon?

Posts: 260 | Registered: Apr 2014
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, May 19th (Monday)

So a simple regular pap is what detects HPV?

Yep. Ask your doctor if they routinely do DNA testing when they do their paps if abnormal cells are discovered. The DNA testing will tell them if a high risk form of HPV is causing the abnormal cells.

If you've been married to your husband for a long time and have never had an abnormal pap, there are one of three possibilities:

1. You don't have it and never have had it.
2. You've had it and your body's immune system took care of it.
3. The virus is there but is dormant.

Just because his ex had it doesn't mean he gave it to her. And just because she said she got it from him doesn't mean that's true either. She could have gotten it from anyone she slept with. She may even have contracted it after the marriage was over and is lying about the timing.

If you have regular paps and they have been normal, I wouldn't worry about this. If you ever have your pap come up abnormal, then you can worry if you want to. But even then, it's slow growing and highly treatable. Yes, for some people it does become cancerous and require surgery just like any other cancer. But if you are having paps and they've been normal so far, there is no reason to become alarmed. I certainly wouldn't freak out over a message from an ex-wife who might just have her own agenda. I seriously doubt she's as "concerned" about you as she is pretending to be. The fact that you've already busted her lying is a pretty good indication. It must have been pretty satisfying when she backtracked on blaming your husband when you called her out on it.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, May 19th (Monday)

Jendo,

According to this site:

https://www.health.ny.gov/diseases/communicable/human_papillomavirus/fact_sheet.htm

the average incubation period is 2 to 3 months. If you suspect that he's had sex very recently, you might want to wait a couple months.

In my case, my husband had stopped sleeping with her in February of 2003. I first slept with him after 8 months of him being away in March of 2003. In August of 2003, she sent an email looking for sympathy over her cervical cancer scare. I went and had a pap in September which showed abnormal cells. By December, my husband had developed genital warts. A few weeks after the abnormal pap, I had a colposcopy which was determined not to be cancerous. Every pap after that was normal. For two years, I had them every 6 months. After I hit the two year mark of normal paps, I was put on a 1 year schedule for the next several years. I still usually go have them every year with my new doctor but they are always normal. My husband's genital warts went away on their own within 6 months of their development and he has had no other symptoms.

So, from first sexual encounter in March to first abnormal pap in August, there was 6 months. From my husband's first sexual encounter with her which was either October 2002 (according to her) or December 2002 (according to him) and the first development of genital warts was 10-12 months. If the average onset of symptoms after exposure is 2-3 months, I could have expected to have had an abnormal pap as early as May of 2003 had I been checked.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4261 | Registered: Sep 2005
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, May 21st (Wednesday)

I'm new to this group - my doctor just diagnosed me with herpes. I was in so much shock, and the Dr. was not super helpful in his delivery. I'm wondering about the possibilities of passing this to my kids via sharing towels, etc. Should I be concerned for them?? Just had my first obvious breakout, but I was infected a year ago.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

PlainPain

Sorry it's been a while since anyway has been on this board. I popped on to make a post, but I'll respond to yours first.

HSV cannot live outside the body. It is only a 'live' virus on the skin or in the body, once it leaves the body it dies. So from what I've read and what I know, you can't pass it on to your children by sharing a towel or a cup etc. Kissing them on the mouth if you have a mouth blister, that can share the virus for sure!
If you have HSV 2 (vaginal) like I do, then I would be less concerned about sharing the virus with your kids. My WH has (I assume, because he's refused to be tested) HSV1 & HSV2, and has frequent fever blisters, I refuse to kiss him when he does! I've never had a fever blister or mouth sore.

In a quick google search I found this.
http://www.hellolife.net/herpes/b/can-i-catch-herpes-simplex-off-towels-cups-or-anything/


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

So I've been suffering a severe HSV outbreak for a couple of weeks (contracted HSV2 from WH 10 years ago,..... after 3 years of M). Still have regular OB's, 8 a year probably. Then on top of that got a yeast infection that I couldn't get to clear up with the over the counter meds. So I made an appt with my gyno & went Thursday.

First glance he says "whoa you have the mother load of yeast infections" asks some more questions, I have lower belly pain, pain with urination, bleeding in between periods (I'm on the pill). And the nurse says, "Do you want me to get the prep ready for a Chlamydia test?"

Sh*t!!! That hadn't even crossed my mind really! I did a full std panel, 3 weeks out from Dday. (had HB about 5 days from DDay) Hadn't thought about the follow up panel that I think you should do at 3 or 6 months. (stupid! I know!)
Anyway, doc says yes, need to test for that and G too.

We're almost 10 months out........(8/8/13-dday), can I really just now be having symptoms of an STD I contracted 10 months ago? Or did I just get the STD he contracted 10 months ago?

Gahhhh I'm so confused.

He gave me a script for diflucan, 1 dose, says symptom improvement of yeast infection in 2-3 days & I took it on Thursday. No improvement....

[This message edited by FoggedIn at 1:50 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

(post overload....sorry)

Quick update to the my post a couple of weeks ago Re: WH's ex-wife contacting me about him being a carrier of the cancer causing strain of HPV.

I responded to her and simply said, thank you for the info, I do get my pap's regularly, I have a family history of uterine & bladder cancer so I am diligent about my health. But I will be a bit more alert. I decided since she opened the door...... I'd ask if WH had HSV while they were married. Things then got weird (or weirder I guess)
I'll substantially shorten her response!
She said she already knew that I knew WH had HSV, one of the kids 'overheard' us talking about it and they asked her about it (whatever). Said she didn't know he had it until she had already contracted it from him and then she felt forced to marry him (WTF!). But how grateful she was that she got 3 beautiful kids from the union. She apologizes that this happened to me (of course I never said that I had it, just asked if he had it). Then offers if I ever need to talk or have questions she's available anytime.

I gave no response. Until about a week or so later, I decided to clarify, because she can be sketchy and change her story quite rampantly (I take everything with a huge grain of salt).

So i pop open my Facebook messenger and type out "so WH had hsv before you met? and click send. I get the message "you don't have permission to message this person"
We aren't FB friends, but you can message people you aren't friends with, which is how we were communicating. But now she blocked me. Weird!!!! Her last words were "If you ever need to talk......."

So...... Whatever I guess.


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
Healinggirl
Member
Member # 39747
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, June 15th (Sunday)

I'm scared I have herpes. 19 months since DD and I have a sore area. I thought I felt a tiny lump or possible blister down there but it washed away whilst in the shower.

FWH has never had any symptoms and STD tests have always been negative, although I know herpes isn't tested for. He is my 'only'.

I will see my doctor but could anyone give me the benefit of first hand experience in the meantime? I would really appreciate it.



Me 58
WS 58 Sexually abused as a boy
OW Prostitutes in double figures
OW Home wrecking, work-shy, gold-digging secondary abuser

D Day 11 November 2012
Reconciling

You can't scale a mountain in a single step


Posts: 145 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Uk
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 16th (Monday)

Healinggirl

My first herpes ob was like a living hell, I knew for 100% that something was not right. However it literally never crossed my mind that it could be an std, much less hsv. That was 10 years ago.

I can assure you that a herpes blister/sore will not wash away in the shower though. It takes days if not weeks for the sore to heal on it's own. Faster if you're on meds, but still a good 5-7 days.

Not everyone experiences the same severity with their first ob with herpes. But mine included the skin on my leg, buttocks and back to be in so much pain, just the slightest touch would send me through the moon. Had fever, felt like I had been hit by a truck, basic flu like symptoms. I occasionally still have these severe ob's.

I also understand sometimes it is easy to miss a positive result without an open sore. That's how mine was diagnosed. My gyno swabbed the sore.

My WH has never had a symptom in his life. I guess unless you include minor (and I mean very very minor) fever blisters. They never get bigger than the head of a pin, never scab or anything. tiny tiny. I'm certain he actually has hsv 2 and hsv 1, but will not get tested.

I would encourage for your own sanity to get the full std work up and ask for the hsv testing as well. However what you're describing doesn't necessarily sound like herpes. Which is a huge blessing. I pray the results say the same!

(((((Healinggirl)))))

My WH has a thing for prostitutes too. Crappy thing to have in common.


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, June 16th (Monday)

Quick question.

Anybody know if you can be tested for chlamydia while you are on prescription meds for a YI?
Specifically the cream Terazol that you insert nightly?

The local clinics are currently offering free STD testing. It would be a good opportunity to get another test since I'm concerned the test I had a few weeks ago may have been crappy timing.

Symptoms of YI, but I had just finished a round of zpack for an eye infection, then had sex with WH, saw gyno 9 days after sex for the YI, he suspected chlamydia and did test for it and gonorrhea, results came back negative. I'm on the 3rd medicine to clear up YI and not working. I suspect that it actually is chlamydia, however since I had just finished the zpack, had sex with wH and tested so close to new exposure, it didn't show on the results.

So a free test would be nice! But I have 3 days left on the YI meds.


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
Healinggirl
Member
Member # 39747
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)

Thank you FoggedIn.

I think I might have a dose of thrush, I certainly don't have anything like you describe and no more blisters if I ever had any in the first place. It's been hot here in the UK and I've been wearing tight jeans, so that may explain it. I've had thrush in the past that hasn't been sex related.

FWH phoned the STD clinic to ask for a blood test for herpes and the doctor replied that the test is about as useful as a chocolate tea pot! So we will probably never know if he's a carrier unless he develops symptoms.

What honestly puzzles me is how he got away without picking up a thing from these women. He's had all the relevant tests, as I have. Nothing. Nada. That's why I think I panicked....he can't have gotten away with it so lightly, but maybe he has.

I even apologised to him this morning for jumping to conclusions and making him feel guilty all over again. He just sat with his head in his hands.

Dealing with adultery can really mess with your head.


Me 58
WS 58 Sexually abused as a boy
OW Prostitutes in double figures
OW Home wrecking, work-shy, gold-digging secondary abuser

D Day 11 November 2012
Reconciling

You can't scale a mountain in a single step


Posts: 145 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Uk
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)

Healinggirl

Don't feel guilty...... He put you in this mess. It's a natural response (trust me, I've been there, am there now) anytime something goes haywire with your ladybits to go straight to the thoughts in your head that it must be affair related. It's nearly impossible not to!

About 6 weeks after DDay, I had already been tested for std (WH had not) & we were in & out of the HB phase. Literally in the second after he came (tmi) I threw him off of me & had a full on meltdown. He smelled funny, or I smelled off. Something wasn't right. I screamed yelled that he was a liar cheat, even after std testing it was still a viable option I could still catch whatever crap he was pay money to get from a whore because he didn't get tested.
Turns out it was BV, which some believe is an std is all practical senses.
So don't kick yourself for getting upset. It's normal, & likely to happen again. Your WH should understand he out you in this situation & needs to be willing to face the fallout on occasion. It's crappy, but it is what it is & it eventually gets better (so I hear)

I'm beyond thrilled that it's not HSV! It's not easy to live with physically or emotionally!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
woundedwoman
New Member
Member # 41639
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, July 6th (Sunday)

WHEW! ALL results came back clean.

I'm waiting for std test results now. With the holiday on Friday...hoping to get the results on Monday.

My hubby strayed, went to a massage parlor, got freaked out because the woman started to perform oral sex, he waited three days, got tested, got the test results back four days later (negative and yes, it was full panel of std tests), resumed normal relations with me and tried to bury his visit. Six weeks later, and yes, sex weeks of having sex because I didn't know, I find out about the massage parlor. He gets retested, everything is negative again -but during those six weeks he was on antibiotics for a week due to minor surgery.

Fast forward to the present...I've suffered UTI infection (never had one), intense pain in the pelvic area, and sex becomes painful so I go to my doctor. He's concerned it could be chlamydia and so I went through the std testing...now waiting. Also, on antibiotics -two types.

My doctor is great, said this happens all the time. I could barely get the words out to ask for testing. He said he sees women like me daily...and he doesn't understand why men do those things, especially when many STDs wreck havoc on a woman.

Anyway, I just don't know how I'll handle it if my test results come back positive. I have a husband saying there's no way he infected me (um, yes, there is) and I certainly haven't strayed. So dang angry I'm in this situation.

[This message edited by woundedwoman at 12:25 PM, July 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 16 | Registered: Dec 2013
FeelingMN
Member
Member # 32240
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)

woundedwoman, I'm glad for you that your results were clean. That has to be a weight lifted off your shoulders.

My FWW contracted an STD from a ONS. I had to go to the Dr. last week to get something checked out and I haven't heard back about my tests yet so I had to call the office this morning. Of all the reasons to have stress this just seems like the most unnecessary, doesn't it? I'm glad you're ok.


Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state

Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Minnesota
FeelingMN
Member
Member # 32240
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)

I just talked to the Dr office. No OB for me right now. I guess that should be some relief, it doesn't totally feel like it.


Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state

Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Minnesota
FoggedIn
Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)

Doesn't it suck that even when the results are negative, it still feels like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like somehow you just haven't contracted whatever crap your WH has brought home somehow?
Frustrating! I'm almost 11 months out & have have 1 full std panel come back negative & a 2nd partial panel (symptom related) about a month ago, also was negative. Yet I still am fearful. It could be because WH has yet to be tested.
I finally told him last night (over 2 months now without sex) that there will continue to be no sex until he gets tested.


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
MadOldBat
Member
Member # 44146
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

I went to my first ever visit to the GUM clinic this morning.
I've definitely got something stingy & worrying.
Discovered last weekend that my husband of 30 years sleeps with prostitutes.
Have freaked myself out looking at websites of Portuguese strip clubs (who knew prostitution is legal there?)
- Husband's response is that he has no idea why he did it, and no, he didn't think of the consequences.
He's so, so sorry though.
Just a group of business colleagues "letting their hair down" - not bad lads.
Doesn't know what came over him.
It was just the once, and he was so drunk he couldn't even manage sex.
Oh - then I checked his phone, pictures of two girls in his hotel bedroom.
Oh - then I checked the online banking - he'd drawn out two lots of (max) cash at 3am in the morning - two nights running.
(And the year before as well - so it's obviously a "what happens on holiday, stays on holiday" regular occurrence. Which he didn't deny when I put it to him.
Have convinced myself that not only do I have gonorrhoea, but probably syphilis, herpes, hpv and aids.
Get initial results next friday, but now have another 12 months of tests to complete before any categorical result re HIV can be given.
Have been gaining strength to call it a day (with dignity hopefully) by reading posts for the last two nights.
Goodness how i despise him!
Stinging at one end - and steaming at the other.
Wht an absolute shit life sometimes is!


Trying to keep my chin(s) up

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United Kingdom
brokenhearted76
Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)

I now find myself here :( i want to curl up and die. Things had been going good for me. Until now. I broke out in a blistery rash. So off to the doc i went yesterday. No cultures no blood work..just took a quick look and said i have a herpes outbreak. Gave me a script for pills and sent me home. I am beyond miserable. Im in pain. And i cant stop crying. Sorry for any spelling errors. Its hard to type while crying and shaking. I really dont know what to do. Ive researched obline until my eyea crossed. And nothing ive read is good. Weeks!! This may last weeks! Only to come back over and over! I cant deal with this. I am so alone..now even more. And now as if emotional pain wasnt enough. Now physical. I just wabt to go to sleep and not wake up.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)

I am so very sorry. I completely relate. It is just the final kick in the face, to know that I bear his infidelity in my body forever.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)

(((brokenhearted76)))

They need to do a test to confirm it. My Dr. maliciously (IMO- he had a negative test and told me it was positive) told me I had herpes and I DO NOT. I would have never known if I hadn't had an auto-immune condition called Lichen Sclerosus and thought it was my "herpes". None of the meds were working and I was eventually sent to an Infectious Disease Dr., who did a DNA test and determined that I NEVER had herpes. So, MAKE them test you. And HUGE (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
steppingup
Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)

To all reading this, in this day and age with the power and information of the internet do some of your own looking into symptoms before you go to the MD office to ask somebody (who is typically rushing) to make an accurate diagnosis.

You can talk your MD into just about any test. When possible test using more sensitive and more expensive DNA tests, not antibody based tests, which can have false negative or inconslusive test results.

If you get a negative result and you do not believe it, ask for a retest or ask the MD to ask the lab to test the specimen again.

I know labs make errors - you will have to trust me on this one.

If anyone has medical or STD related questions message me and I will do my best to support you.

Regards, Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1


Posts: 646 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)

I haven't gone through all the posts on this topic yet but I'm just looking for those of you whose WS has a STD but you don't. My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything. While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex. He said his dr told him they will not give him oral meds for the HSV unless he has a breakout (which to our knowledge he's never had) and the one time we tried using condoms it upset him so much he actually got up and left.

Lately he keeps telling me that he intends to remain celibate and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal. I avoid hugging and kissing him now because it always tends to lead to other things and I'm really lonely and hurt. I don't really have any friends where I am and the closest family is literally almost 1,000 miles away. I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this. How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
steppingup
Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything.

I am very familar with HepB with my medical experience, the kind of test you take can really alter the result you get, if the test was "antibody" based you can miss what is called the "window period" and you could be infected while your immunesystem was not yet producting antigens for it, which such a test looks for. What you want is a DNA test, a PCR test for HBV, qualitative test, not quantitative test. The HBV virus is a sneaky little devil and its titer in a body can vary depending on many factors. In a few weeks go have another test. Seriously, unless you had the HBV vaccine, if you did, don't bother getting tested.

While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex.

He needs to, becuase he is carrying HBV and there is NO CURE and that virus will kill your liver and cause persons great hard and early death. He will kill others (early) if they get that virus. If he ever does have sex, he must wear a condom 100% of the time, and get the really good ones! Kissing is fine, just make sure he didn't floss or has any blood in his mouth.

and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal.

DONT DO IT.

I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this
.

In time you will, and it will feel good.

How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.

In time you will see clearly what to do, when we are hurt and sad and anxious we cannot do anything. In time my dear. God Bless, Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1


Posts: 646 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Thanks for your thorough reply Step:

I actually did get vaccinated for HepB in hs because I took a class where we did clinical rotations in a hospital. However, I will take your advice and get tested again in the future.

Just really frustrating dealing with the fallout of his garbage over and over again. Stuff like this makes me want to throw in the towel. I've reached the point now where I'm constantly asking myself 'what's he going to tell me this time?'. I really need to hear some 'yeah it sucks but we made it through anyway' stories from people.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Frustrated  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)

Any HPV-havers in the house? Just got my test results back and this was in my app smear results.

Last pap smear was just before the ex, and didn't have HPV; we had a non-monogamous relationship for a while but I was using condoms then, so don't quite know if this is to be attributed to the ex's cheating or not. Certainly his cheating seems to have pervasive for many months of the year we were sleeping together without condoms.

Regardless of blame...I'm not quite sure what to do with this news? My doctor says 80% of young women have it; I was slightly too old for the vaccine. Guess I just have to tell the current guy I'm dating and sort it out with him.

Sigh.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
whattheh
Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)

I have hpv from my fWH cheating with craigslist ho. I've been told it can be passed thru genital to genital contact so condoms do not fully protect. Also passed via oral. So condoms won't entirely protect you from hpv. Herpes also is passed even when condoms are used.

My obgyn tested me further to see if I had one of the main cancer causing hpv strains. Evidently there a couple or few which cause 70% of the hpv related cancers. Men can also get cancer on their penis and testicles from hpv and ppl can get throat cancer.

Fortunately I don't have one of these but mine hasn't gone away after 2 years so it may do damage yet to me...

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:51 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 587 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, October 24th (Friday)

Bumping for those in need.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
neecee
Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, October 26th (Sunday)

Not sure what to think. Just had my annual pap and was told I have cell abnormalities. Last years pap was normal. Have a colposcopy scheduled for Thursday. At first i was worried that it may be cancer, but further researching has me worried that I could have HPV. I never got tested after dday and I continue to have sex with my FWH. Has anyone found out through a routine pap that they have an STD??? I'm praying that its nothing. I remember having a colposcopy 20 years ago that turned out to be fine. This sucks! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate to think about!!


What doesn't kill me.....better run cause when I get back up I'm gonna kick some ass!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 178 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
Topic Posts: 271