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User Topic: Ideas Thread: Getting the word out!
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, April 17th (Monday)

This thread is for the purpose of Porcupine's SI book idea.

Thanks

DS


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198846 | Registered: May 2002
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, April 17th (Monday)

Thank you, DS!

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 9:31 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
father of 4
Member
Member # 5866
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, April 17th (Monday)

That is a highly aggressive schedule you have put together there Porcupine!

Great idea! I would certainly be interested in helping out!

Wow!


"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: 32°01'22" N 81°06'05" W
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 17th (Monday)

This is SUCH a cool idea.

I'd love to help out.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
divinelioness
Member
Member # 7836
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 17th (Monday)


oops... didn't mean to post to a sticky thread... will pm my comment instead.

[This message edited by divinelioness at 3:47 PM, April 17th (Monday)]


As it turns out, physics, like a grating relative, has all the answers.

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Aug 2005
LizXJS
Member
Member # 8616
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, April 17th (Monday)

I'm in...all in!!

My birthday is in September...what better present!


Affairs cause a cycle of destruction - End the cycle and begin a new cycle of CONSTRUCTION

Fucked up people do fucked up shit - DONT be fucked up!

I am a vulgarian , from the planet Expletive!


Posts: 5186 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Pennsylvania
curiousgeorge
Member
Member # 1460
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 18th (Tuesday)

I think we need stories from people with different types of affairs.

1. The 100% remorseful WS with a successful reconciliation.

2. Infidelity with a serial cheater.

3. Infidelity where a OC is involved.

4. Infidelity as an exit affair.

5. Infidelity with a fence sitter who refuses to make a choice.

6. Infidelity through the eyes of children.

7. Infidelity with sex addicts.

8. Infidelity before marriage, e.g., a fiancee.

9. Infidelity with no children involved.

10. Infidelity during pregnancy.

11. Infidelity during an illness.

12. Infidelity between gay couples.

13. Infidelity where the WS is gay and the BS is straight.

This is just a list I'm making off the top of my head.

Georgie

[This message edited by curiousgeorge at 7:36 AM, April 18th (Tuesday)]


Sorry, I never told you, all that I wanted to say...

Posts: 2287 | Registered: May 2003 | From: Long Island, New York
KhristinaC
Member
Member # 6886
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 18th (Tuesday)

Also Infidelity from someone who's been on BOTH sides of the fence... A WS/BS


When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Me- FBS (34)
H - FWS (35)
D - 13 yrs old
D-day April 04
Reconciled


Posts: 3918 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: TN
ToddC
Member
Member # 9314
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 18th (Tuesday)

Georgie,

I will tackle number 11 on your list. It may take me a while however but I will start.

How many words should each of our stories be?


Posts: 18524 | Registered: Jan 2006
getnbetter
Member
Member # 9752
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 18th (Tuesday)

This is a great idea!

I think that a chapter should be for those who choose not R or have no choice as well (in terms of healing and recovery). I love curiousgeorge's ideas, just wanted to add another for consideration.

Let me know if I can help.


Me: BS37
Him:WH46
6 Wonderful Children

Posts: 277 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: US
DownNotOut
Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, April 18th (Tuesday)

Here's another one:

Infidelity in the military.

I know there are several of us who are either in the military or with someone who is.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, April 18th (Tuesday)


We can work further on this chapter structure. What I would like is for each person who "takes on" a chapter to compile stories of other members and blend them into a coherent collection within their chapter.

An idea could be (brainstorming here): pick a chapter, start by sketching out your own story and imbricate quotes from other members into your story to enrich it, create a new dimension...

First step: agree on a structure (titles, content) and on a tone-of-voice and chapter mechanism
Second: find volunteers for each chapter
Third: volunteers compile testimonies of other members and write their chapter
Fourth: a "chief editor" and myself stand by the whole process to ensure coherence...

So please continue to PM or post your ideas of ways to structure the book and volunteer if you feel up to a coordinating role!


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Lessa
Member
Member # 10136
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, April 19th (Wednesday)

I would like to see a chapter on Internet Infidelity - Including EA's and EA's leading to PA's that start innocently and on deliberate trawling for PA/Casual/Cyber Sex on Dating Sites. It is SUCH a growing problem nowadays and one which isn't covered much in existing books on the subject.


Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know

(Fleetwood Mac)


Posts: 434 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: UK
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, April 21st (Friday)

A LOT of you have voluntered as editor for different chapters.
Still no sign of a chief editor though, but I think we can still move forward and start putting ideas together. Let's see how far we get...

A few of you had the same idea of structuring the book in the same way SI is structured. The forums could serve as the main sections in the book, and within each section we could define different chapters.

For example:

**************************************
Section One- Introduction

Section Two-Just Found Out
Chapter 1: Types of A's
- PA
- EA
- ONS
- LTA
- sex addicts
- online affairs

Chapter 2: Finding out- Confession , Suspicion/confrontation, Being blindsided.

Chapter 3: Initial Reactions- BS/WS Physical reactions
BS/WS Emotional reactions

Chapter 4: Decisions!- Recon?, Divorce?,Separation?Fence sitting, Limbo.

Chapter 5: frequently asked questions-
#1 question - WHY?!
Should I contact OP?
Should I tell OP spouse?
Who should I tell?
ect....

Chapter 6: Coping skills- Taking care of you.

Section Three- General
Chapters:
- Dealing with a fence sitting WS
- OC
- A during pregnancy
- A during illness
- A in specific careers: military, police...
- gay couples
- BS is straight, WS has an A with same-sex OP
...

Section Four- Recon
Chapters:
- recon techniques
- IC/MC/Retrouvaille
- timeline
- false reconciliations

Section Five - Wayward
- NC
- Feelings for OP
- the fog
- understanding why
- how to help your BS
- ...

Section Six - Investigation

Section Seven- Inspirations

Section Eight- Divorce

Section Nine - Books that help

Section Ten- Humor in healing

***********************************
Thanks to all of you who sent in ideas, I tried to compile them here so we can start to move on...

Let me know what you think!

[This message edited by porcupine at 5:10 AM, April 21st (Friday)]


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Minigirl
Member
Member # 6586
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 21st (Friday)

I think we should also include a section under Wayward: Who is the OP?

We have several OP who post in Wayward that could help to define who that person is in the affair.


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow


Posts: 3941 | Registered: Mar 2005
HurtinPhx
Member
Member # 8044
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 21st (Friday)

This is a really AWESOME idea!!! I want to help out, but I don't know where to begin...


Me/BS: 30
Him/WS: 29
Married: 4.5 years
Together: 10.5 years
One beautiful little boy, 3 years old
D-Day: August 13, 2005
Divorce final: February 8, 2006

Posts: 1138 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: AZ
SacredSoul
Member
Member # 5361
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 21st (Friday)

I'm really excited about this. Ideas are flitting about in my brain...


The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.
~ Molly Ivins

Life is unfair for everyone – that’s what makes it fair.
~ Mr 2T

DDay 8/2/04, RDay 8/29/04, Reconciled and happy :-)


Posts: 17175 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Texas
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, April 21st (Friday)

I want to help too.


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
seashells
Member
Member # 8141
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, April 23rd (Sunday)

Raising my hand, here - as well ...

LOVE this idea ! ! ! ! !

seashells


First - D day - 9-15-05 ...

Second - D day - End of - October of 2005 ...

Not a good time of the year for me :(

www.ultimatebetrayal.com


Posts: 2458 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: The Carolinas .....
amsobetrayed
Member
Member # 9268
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, April 23rd (Sunday)

Love the idea, let me know if I can help..either from the military viewpoint or internet, encounted both unfortunately.


Me-BS
Him-WH
Married-19 years
2 D's 19 & 15
1st D-Day-3/18/05
2nd D-Day-12/27/05
Kicked him out on 12/27/05
Currently separated..I live in VA, he lives in Hawaii...he wants to reconcile...and I'm not sure yet, still living in limbo!

Posts: 545 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Virginia
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 23rd (Sunday)

Hi all,
A quick update:

I am sorting through all the great ideas and offers for help I have received.

There are 2 people who have volunteered for Chief Editor. I think we could actually use more than one pair of hands for the job, so I'll put them in touch and see if the three of us can come up with a common vision.

A lot of people also volunteered to contribute in one way or another, either by telling their story or being in charge of one of the chapters.
Getting the chapters divided is going to be hard work, so I need to know what areas each of you is interested in. If you haven't already specified, please let me know :)

I am keeping a record of every PM and post in a spread sheet, so I know exactly who has volunteered for what :)

If you are comfortable with it, please PM me your email address for ease of communication...

I hope once we get the roles sorted we can pick up speed and move ahead!

More news soon,
Sara


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Melanie
Member
Member # 4118
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 23rd (Sunday)

I think the book is a great idea!

I have a good eye for spelling and grammar mistakes, maybe I could help proofread. Let me know.


Me BS, 55--cancer 3 times since Dday. Him FWS, 55 (not sure how many A's).Last big Dday was 5/04.He admitted 1 PA, then recanted, I'm still waiting for the whole truth. I can't say everything I want here--OW has stalked me here. M 37 yrs.

Posts: 3005 | Registered: Apr 2004
dmanette
Member
Member # 1653
Wink  Posted: 11:54 AM, April 27th (Thursday)

Hello all,

I just came across this topic. I would like to offer assistance in the "finding a publisher/getting the word out" portion of the project.

I have already published a book on this topic and consequently have several contacts in the publishing industry. Additionally, as far as publicity goes, I was on Oprah last year, so once this thing is finished you can be doggone sure I will pitch it to her producers (can't get better publicity than that!!!).

Sooooo, please keep me posted as to when I can pick up this ball and run with it, okay? :)

Danine
http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com


http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com

That which does not kill us makes us stronger!


Posts: 208 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: California
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, April 27th (Thursday)

Sounds great

Can you PM me an email address so I can keep you informed more easily?


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
mannina
Member
Member # 5913
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, May 10th (Wednesday)

I just saw this. Would love to help. Not sure how... but I can certainly help with this.


Thank God for all the people who walked out of my life!!

Posts: 5805 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: RI
RooterBooter
New Member
Member # 10568
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, May 10th (Wednesday)

I would love to help. I would really like to put together a section perhaps impact of affairs when BS are pregnant, because I think that holds a whole new dimension.

I can also help with editing as I have a news writing background.


BS: Me (27) WH: 28
Married: under 2 years
Together since 14 years old
DD: January 17, 2006
Moved out and he is carrying on A with OW, and says he loves her.

Shit happens and sucks!


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Canada
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, May 19th (Friday)

Count me in!

I started the bipolar spouses thread over at Inspirations...lots of "hypersexuality" in all those "mentally ill" spouses not on meds/IC...let's not forget:
"Impulsivity is the hallmark of MANIA!"

So...what can I do, Porc?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, May 19th (Friday)

you can kick me in the butt so I finally have a look at the project I received from our volunteer chief editor.

It's beeing in my mailbox for 3 weeks, now buried under a pile of other shit I have to take care of

I'm sorry, I don't want to let you all down. I will take care of it this weekend.


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
MoeGreen63
Member
Member # 6832
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, May 19th (Friday)

Way to go Porcupine!

We can add a chapter on post-marital slacking.


Posts: 14112 | Registered: Apr 2005
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 19th (Friday)


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
drowninginsorrow
Member
Member # 4545
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 19th (Friday)

(((porc))) this is a wonderful but big undertaking... you can't do everything at once

it's amazing that you are willing to do all this


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
Minigirl
Member
Member # 6586
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, May 19th (Friday)

Take your time porcupine- we are all busy people- STUFF HAPPENS


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow


Posts: 3941 | Registered: Mar 2005
MoeGreen63
Member
Member # 6832
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 19th (Friday)

I was kidding.

Posts: 14112 | Registered: Apr 2005
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, May 19th (Friday)

Thanks minigirl - I'm really sorry...

I know, Moe, don't worry.


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
MoeGreen63
Member
Member # 6832
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 19th (Friday)

Whew! I have been eating a lot of shoe today.

Posts: 14112 | Registered: Apr 2005
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Target  Posted: 8:11 AM, May 20th (Saturday)

WOW! Guys, our chief editor is amazing

Well, I've read through her proposal and have sent it off to DS for approval, but it looks great!

I am so, so sorry it took me all this time to get round to it, I really could have managed to do it sooner, I can't explain why I didn't, I guess I wasn't in the right place for it, but that's no excuse.

Okay, well, we have a chief editor, we have about 30 volunteers (or more, I've lost track) and we have an amazing idea and structure for the book.

As soon as DS approves, we will be contacting everyone who has volunteered so that they can decide which chapters they want to work on.

I would love to hear from some WS who would like to participate, as their input and insight will be invaluable, so keep PM'ing me if you are interested (if you've already said you were interested, I've kept note of it, don't worry).

Group hug!


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
JadedMusicWidow
Member
Member # 975
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 26th (Friday)

Chapter on marriage inside of the music/touring/entertainment industry?
I have much input as a BS of someone(he has also been dgnsd w/ NPD) in the music industry who tours heavily and I know there are a few other members here who have similar situations as well. In fact-most of what Ive dealt with would make the average persons knees shake! I figured out that NONE of the things he has pulled are "typical" or the norm for your average cheater when I was talking to my therapist for the first time and giving her the rundown of everything and she gasped several times througout the conversation.
I would be more than happy to get my experiences out there if it has even a chance of helping 1 person avoid (or get through in 1 piece) the nightmare that I have experienced-not that the cheating and "goings-on" of someone in this field is unknown or really shocking to the general public but for those that arent privy to the unpleasant detail via first hand experience-they will know what to avoid!


I used to have a handle on life ...but it broke off.

Posts: 398 | Registered: Jan 2003
JadedMusicWidow
Member
Member # 975
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, May 26th (Friday)

Porcupine- I PM'd you but I wanted to repost part of my PM to you because you are you!

GREAT IDEA-GREAT JOB!!You are doing wonderful! I think it really helps tie all of us together even more as a "family" and interact more while in our own healing process as well as helping others who are at the first stage of complete loss with no clue where to go from the initial impact of it all. You are a beautiful person for your compassion and efforts to pull all of this together! Thank You!

BRAVO!! GREAT JOB PORCUPINE!!!


I used to have a handle on life ...but it broke off.

Posts: 398 | Registered: Jan 2003
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Target  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 27th (Saturday)

Here it is: a proposed structure and briefing for our volunteer editors!

First, let me introduce Minigirl as our chief editor. She has already done some awesome work and will be coordinating the style of the different chapters.

Can I ask you to read through the briefing and structure and PM either Minigirl or myself (or email if you have our address) with your top 3 choice of sections you wish to be editor of by Friday June 2nd?
Please include your RL first name and email address to help us organise communication. We will not give out your email address to anyone else and all emails will be sent with everyone in blind copy.
We will allocate sections/chapters by June 6th and then you can all get to work!

I will be coordinating with MH and DS on the best way to gather information, so the board doesn't get taken over by this project Please follow any instructions we give you. Given the enormity of this project we are going to need to be quite organised.

Anyway, enough said, we hope you enjoy reading Minigirl's proposal and hope to hear from you soon!

porcupine & Minigirl

************************************************************

Structure and Briefing Notes

First a big “Thank you” to all of you who have agreed to donate your time to helping make this book project come to life. This is a large undertaking, but because of the wonderful volunteers, I believe that we can make the definitive, insider’s look at infidelity as well as providing information on SI and showing readers what a wonderful network of support and wisdom it is.

At this time porcupine and I would like to give you the outline as we have developed it for the book. Please review it carefully. There are a few sections that need to be added to, and we are open to any ideas that you may have. We have a lot of information to amass and put into an organized structure. With this in mind, I would like each of you to determine which section you would like to be the editor for. Please submit your top three choices. We will then assign you to one of those three areas, all efforts will be made to assign your number one choice, however please understand that we need expert help in all areas of the book. Also know that your input, contributions and ideas can be used in any other area of the book that you are willing to work on.

It looks as though there will be at least 2-3 editors for each section of the book. Which is a good thing- some of the sections are lengthy and we can spread out the work. So, you will be assigned as an editor of a section and assigned specific chapters within that section to edit. It will be your responsibility to gather the information, to assign the contributors/writers their tasks, to keep things running on schedule, and to organize the material into the structure for the book. I will review all of the chapters/sections to make sure they flow and keep the book structurally uniform.

So, now you are wondering, WHAT IS THE STRUCTURE? We have determined that in order to give a good reflection of what infidelity is from those who experience it, and in order to keep the spirit of SI alive and promote SI, that each chapter should read like a thread on one of the forums. Real stories with real advice and real wisdom, from those who have/are experiencing infidelity. The only chapter that I feel should look differently, will be Chapter One of Section One- JFO, the types of affairs. I think this chapter should be a series of vignettes. It would be great to have several stories for each type of affair. In this chapter, we will want to make sure we touch on each of the types of affairs as outlined, and as editor, you may choose several stories and piece them together as one, powerful story. At the end of the stories, it is our opportunity to respond with “Welcome to SI- a community of people here to offer you support, caring, wisdom, a place to release your feelings, etc…… (give an intro to who SI is and what it is about).”

The rest of the book should read as posts on the forums- with one general post (a good story, with detail, and with relevant topic information) dealing with the outlined areas, and several responses, providing answers, opinions, insights, and information. Keep in mind the way responses are on SI- let’s make it as real as possible. Let’s get across the feeling of what it is like to be at SI- some people will commiserate with you, some people will give their wisdom, some will make you smile. Again, you may piece together several contributed stories/writings in order to get one very powerful piece to begin the topic/thread/post. In order to get real responses, we may need to post that beginning piece and ask for responses from the SI members- with the disclaimer that the material that is provided may be included in our book project.

This is the proposal for key dates:

Volunteering for chapter editing: June 2, 2006
Allocation of chapters/sections: June 5, 2006
Writing/interviewing/compiling information completed by July 31, 2006
First draft of your assigned Chapters/Sections to chief editor by: August 7, 2006
Review and comments back to you by: August 25, 2006
Revisions/re-writes back to chief editor by: September 18, 2006
Review and comments back to you (if any) by: September 25, 2006
Final version of book (after as many revisions as needed): October 30, 2006

Some suggestions for making your assignments to contributors/writers:
• Be specific- make sure the writers understand clearly what you are looking for. Make sure they understand the outlined topic and what to include.
• Get as many versions from different contributors as possible- this will help you make one very strong, compelling initial post/story. It is easier to pare away material than to not have enough.
• Give them a deadline- I always set my own deadlines early (if the deadline is Friday, my deadline is Wednesday).
• Give each of your contributors a disclaimer. Let them know that during the editing process, you may be making changes or adding to their writings. Let them know that not all writings will be used; sometimes portions of it will be woven into other’s writings. Sometimes it may be passed on to the next section or to a different area of the book. Explain to them that ALL submissions are valuable and that even though we may not use your story in its entirety- we will be interested and will use it somewhere. The important thing to remember is that we want to make a lasting and strong impact. We want the stories to be real, and we want them to be inclusive.

If you have any questions at any time or if you need any assistance or guidance- please contact me by PM or email - I will make my phone number available upon request.

Again- I would like to give each of you a big, heartfelt thank you.

************************************************************

Outline S.I. Book

Introduction and Acknowledgements

1. Introduce the book- how it came into being, the purpose and idea behind the book, etc… ( I think we should have disclaimers here also as to the emotional content of the personal stories- sort of like the disclaimers for the forums).

2. Acknowledge the hard-working staff- coordinator, editors, writers, etc… Oh, and DS and MH too.

I. Section One: Just Found Out

1. Chapter One- Types of Affairs
a. Physical
b. Emotional
c. One Night Stand
d. Long Term Affair
e. Exit Affair
f. Affair with Co-worker
g. Affairs in particular environments
- Military
- Music/entertainment
h. Affairs in gay couples
i. Same sex AP

2. Chapter Two- Online Affairs
a. Internet EA
b. Using the Internet to meet people/PA
c. Cybersex- is it cheating?
d. Online pornography

3. Chapter Three- Discovery
a. The Confession
b. Suspicion/Confrontation
c. Blindsided: Advised by third party, walking in on WS/AP, etc…
d. Coping with friends/family who knew about the affair

4. Chapter Four- Initial Reaction to an Affair
a. Physical Reactions
- The Infidelity Diet
- STD testing/waiting for results/ coping with results
b. Emotional Reactions
- Anger/Sadness/Depression
- Fence Sitting
- Cake-person
- Limbo

5. Chapter Five- Decisions
a. Deciding to Reconcile
b. Deciding to Separate
c. Indecision
d. When the WS leaves (the decision is made for you)

6. Chapter Six- Frequently Asked Questions
a. Why did you do this to me?
b. How could this happen to us?
c. Should I contact the AP?
- I want to see what the AP looks like, should I seek them out?
d. Should I contact the AP’s spouse?
e. Who do I tell about the affair?
f. What do I do now?
g. What does “I love you but am not in love with you” mean?

7. Chapter Seven- Coping Skills
a. Recovering from dday
- Taking care of you
- Re-gaining self-esteem
- Depression/Anxiety (stages of grief)


II. Section Two General

1. Chapter One- Dealing with a fence-sitter/cake-person
a. The 180 rules
b. No contact with the WS

2. Chapter Two- The serial cheater/sexual addict
a. How many affairs- dealing with the numbers
b. Why am I not enough?
c. What do I do now that I know my WS is a serial cheater? Sexual addict?

3. Chapter Three- When the spouses are both WS and BS
a. Dealing with each other’s emotions
b. Revenge affairs

4. Chapter Four- Children and Affairs
a. What do I tell my kids?
b. Helping the children cope with the fall-out
c. The impact of affairs on children

5. Chapter Five- The Affair Partner
a. Why do I hate the AP so much?
b. Why don’t I hate the AP?
c. Confrontation with the AP
- Do I believe what the AP told me?
d. Revenge
- Fantasies
- Actual revenge
e. Getting rid of the mental images
f. Moving to indifference

6. Chapter Six- An Affair During Pregnancy
a. Coping with the emotions
b. Coping with the physical effects
c. Taking care of you and your baby

7. Chapter Seven- An Affair During Illness
a. Coping with the emotions
b. Coping with the physical effects
c. Taking care of you- healing during trauma

8. Chapter Eight- The Other Child
a. How to cope
b. Is it strategy to “trap” the WS into the affair, or is it real?
c. The legal consequences
- DNA/Paternity testing
- Child support, visitation, and custody

9. Chapter Nine- Reactions as Time Passes
a. Triggers
- What are they?
- How do I deal with them?
- Triggers and anniversaries/occasions
b. PTSD
c. Plain of Lethal Flatness
d. It has been several months, why am I still so angry?
e. How do I control my emotions, how do I move forward?

J. Chapter Ten- Polls
a. What do you do with the rings?
b. If you knew, would you have still married your WS?
****Many more polls out there to choose from

K. Chapter Eleven- Venting
a. The best of SI vents and responses


III. Section Three- Reconciliation

1. Chapter One- Tips and techniques for reconciling your relationship

2. Chapter Two- Should I seek out counseling?
a. Independent
b. Marriage
c. Retrouvaille/retreats

3. Chapter Three- The No Contact Letter
a. Why is it written?
b. What should it say?
c. Do we have to write a No Contact Letter- is there any other way?
d. No Contact when the WS/AP work together

4. Chapter Four- Creating a timeline

5. Chapter Five- What questions do I ask my WS about the affair now that we are reconciling?

6. Chapter Six- False Reconciliation
a. Multiple ddays
b. What do I do now?

7. Chapter Seven- Taking Care of You During Reconciliation
a. The bumpy road to reconciliation
b. Coping strategies
c. How do I stop attacking my WS?
d. Getting through the emotions as a couple
e. Should we renew our vows?

8. Chapter Eight- Dealing with mental illness
a. Bipolar
b. NPD
c. Passive-aggressive behavior

IV. Section Four: The Wayward Side

1. Chapter One- How do I help my BS?
a. Tips on helping your BS heal
b. Dealing with the BS’s emotions
c. Forgiveness and re-building trust

2. Chapter Two- Feelings for my BS
a. Rediscovering your feelings
b. Tips to rebuild your relationship/rekindle the spark
c. Why can’t I feel that passion with my BS that I did with AP?

3. Chapter Three- No Contact
a. Going NC and maintaining NC
b. Do I write a letter?
c. Coping with the urge to break NC
d. I’ve broken N3. Now what do I do?

4. Chapter Four- The Affair Partner
a. Who is the AP?
b. The end of an affair- from the AP perspective
c. Coping with the truth about the affair
d. Re-gaining your self-esteem

5. Chapter Five- Feelings for the AP
a. Coping with the loss
b. Is this an addiction/obsession?
c. Just Friends- why you can’t maintain a friendship with an AP
d. Discovering who the AP really is

6. Chapter Six- The Fog
a. What is it?
b. How do I get through it?
c. How the BS copes with the fog

7. Chapter Seven- Getting to Why
a. Understanding why
b. Shame and Guilt
c. Forgiving yourself
d. Re-building your self-esteem


V. Section Five: Investigation

1. Chapter One- Becoming a Detective
a. Keeping a good poker face- while acquiring evidence
b. What do I do to find out information?
c. How can I tell if he/she is lying?

2. Chapter Two- Resources


VI. Section Six: Divorce

1. Chapter One-Lawyers

2. Chapter Two-Filing/ getting served- coping with the emotions
****More here from those who have been there


VII. Section Seven: The Book Club

1. Chapter One- Books to help you heal
a. Member reviews of books


VIII. Section Eight: Inspirations and Fun and Games

1. Chapter One- Healing through humor
a. Funny Stories
b. Personality tests, jokes, etc…
c. Fun, fun and more fun- in all forms

2. Chapter Two- Inspirations
a. Inspirational Stories/articles
b. Words of Wisdom from SI
c. Quotable Quotes

IX. Conclusions- After word

******************************************************************************

Edited May 28th to add chapters on
- When both partners are WS and BS
- dealing with bipolar/NPD/passive-aggressive behavior
- Affairs in different environments (military, entertainment...)
- distinction between LTA and Exit Affair

[This message edited by porcupine at 6:18 AM, May 28th (Sunday)]


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Sad & Alone
Member
Member # 10183
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, May 27th (Saturday)

Wow... just WOW! Simply outstanding work there, to both porcupine and Minigirl!

Good job!


We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, writer

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. - Robert Quillen, journalist


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Southern California
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, May 28th (Sunday)

I have just updated the structure to incorporate some extra ideas.

Please keep volunteering for specific chapters/sections by PM'ing myself or Minigirl

[This message edited by porcupine at 5:43 AM, May 28th (Sunday)]


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
sweets2u
Member
Member # 2409
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, May 28th (Sunday)

Hi porcupine. I would love to help out with a special section on Fidelity and Sexual Addiction. Sweets


With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
Me: BS
Bubba WS,SA

Posts: 1840 | Registered: Oct 2003
jean
Member
Member # 6387
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, May 28th (Sunday)

Porky,

I should have raised this with you whilst in Belgium.

We were having far too good a time! However!

What I wanted to say is there going to be a chapter on marriages 30 years plus? or 20 years plus? As you know GHD and myself fall into these categories?

Just a thought!


Posts: 5927 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: England
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, May 28th (Sunday)

sweets2u, thank you for volunteering!

unless you really have a problem with it, could you PM me your email address so we can communicate more easily? Thank you!

jean, can you explain where you would see that chapter fitting in the current structure and which questions you would address?
I can see it in General, next to A during illness, A during pregnancy...

Or we could add a chapter to General: Marital status and an A;
with subchapters on
- Unmarried couples
- Long term marriages
- A during or just after marriage
And how that influences reactions, decisions to stay, etc.

Are you volunteering to coordinate it?


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
jean
Member
Member # 6387
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, May 28th (Sunday)

Me and my big mouth! Yes that would be a good place to put it!

Regarding me coordinating it? Yes if I was not working full time six days a week I would bite your hand off, but you know what my work schedule is! I will do what I can, but I have very little time to myself!

I have just realised WH left me with all his jobs and mine, but he has someone to do my jobs!

[This message edited by jean at 8:18 AM, May 28th (Sunday)]


Posts: 5927 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: England
Minigirl
Member
Member # 6586
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, May 28th (Sunday)

jean- maybe we can count on you to contribute to the writings?


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow


Posts: 3941 | Registered: Mar 2005
jean
Member
Member # 6387
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, May 28th (Sunday)

I would like to think I could manage that!

Posts: 5927 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: England
SCORNED
Member
Member # 6301
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 28th (Sunday)

if it has already been posted an i missed it , sorry.

I would love to see something in the book about addiction .... drug , alcohol ...yada yada ....how addictions play into A's and how the A's and the addictions are a *symptom* of deeper rooted underlying problems....whether it be past trauma of some sort...childhood abuse....yada yada....and how until these people get to heart of what set off there addictions through the help of a IC.....blah blah blah ....

hope I made sense ....sorta


"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 12201 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: southwest
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, May 29th (Monday)

Hi Scorned,

Thanks for your input, I've taken note of it and will see where we can add it in. Perhaps chapter 8 in Reconciliation could become "dealing with mental illness & addiction"?

We still need a few volunteer editors, so please PM us if you are interested and let us know which chapters you could coordinate!

Thanks
Sara


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
rachiem
Member
Member # 9925
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, May 29th (Monday)

Wow! I want to know how long this book is going to be! It sounds like it could be an entire series!

Or, like an encyclopedia set. An Infidelity Encyclopedia! A Concise Readers Encyclopedia Concerning the Influences, Effects, Aftermath and Recovery of Extramarital Affairs.

Can you all tell I am horribly bored and can't sleep? <sigh>


It's ok to not be fine sometimes.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: Idaho
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, May 29th (Monday)

<A Concise Readers Encyclopedia Concerning the Influences, Effects, Aftermath and Recovery of Extramarital Affairs>

nice one.


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
rachiem
Member
Member # 9925
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, May 29th (Monday)

Yeah, I thought the word "concise" lent an extra special feel to it. All the "fancy, smart" books have "concise" in the title. Well, who knows really. I just thought it sounded very official.

Oh, I can't wait to actually be in Oregon so I can close my eyes and sleep!!!!!


It's ok to not be fine sometimes.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: Idaho
SCORNED
Member
Member # 6301
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, May 30th (Tuesday)

adding this here so I don't forget....

how about a "TIPS" section for those who will be D'ing or whose WS is showing signs of hiding assets...what to do to protect themselves financially.


"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 12201 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: southwest
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, May 30th (Tuesday)

I admit, the Divorce section needs some work done to it, as neither Minigirl nor I are in that situation, we are not very familiar with it. So your input is welcome!


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Minigirl
Member
Member # 6586
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, May 30th (Tuesday)

SCORNED,

wow- you have some great ideas. Yes- the divorce section needs some help- ANYTHING that anyone out there can give us to help out in working on that area will be greatly appreciated.

porc- I like the change- "dealing with mental illness & addiction".

I will be working on this a bit today- so, porcupine- I will email you later on!!!


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow


Posts: 3941 | Registered: Mar 2005
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 30th (Tuesday)

Hi minigirl, I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

Have you seen all the responses we've received? This is awesome!!!

WooHoo!


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 2nd (Friday)

UPDATE:

Hi guys,

This is awesome. We have 20 editors on board and are in the process of attributing the chapters.

There are 46 chapters, which means about 2 chapters per editor.

More volunteer editors means we can spread the work over more people, so if you are interested in coordinating a chapter please PM myself or Minigirl!.

Chapters we definitely need an editor for are:

General
- An Affair during pregnancy
- The Other Child

- At least 2 chapters in the "Wayward" section

- The Book Club: this will be a reference chapter, with member reviews of the best infidelity books

- Humor in Healing

Anyone who feels they can take care of one or more of these chapters (or any of the other chapters mentioned in the post at the bottom of page 2 on this thread), please let me know asap


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Target  Posted: 4:09 PM, June 14th (Wednesday)

UPDATE!

We have 27 amazing volunteer editors

Almost all chapters have been handed out, except for "dealing with an OC" and a couple of chapters in Wayward.

We are however continuously looking for back-ups in case anyone needs to drop out of the project or needs help on their chapter.

Our editors will be getting to work this week... and working through the summer

I really hope we can pull this off and hopefully have a beautiful xmas present for DS and MH to thank them for all they have done for us

I'm looking for anyone who can help us get the book published. PM me if you can help so I can look into it while the editors are at work. We have a good outline and chapter structure to introduce the book to potential publishers.

Thank you all for believing in this crazy idea

Hugs,
Sara


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
usedtobeme
Member
Member # 5918
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, June 15th (Thursday)

Is the A during pregnancy subject still open? How about a section on Pregnancy during R? I've got a lot I could assist with on that front.

Is PTSD going to be touched on? I know that there are a few of us who either actively have PTSD, or are trying to R with someone with PTSD (different types). It adds a totally new dynamic.

Either way, I'm interestd. Send some work my way!

[This message edited by usedtobeme at 12:10 AM, June 15th (Thursday)]


Where are we? Here.

What time is it? Now.


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Nov 2004
porcupine
Member
Member # 7543
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, July 2nd (Sunday)

I wanted to quickly update you on the book project.

So far, 20 editors have confirmed their participation and are working hard on their chapters

Unfortunately, a few editors have had to pull out due to lack of time to commit to the project.
This means the following chapters are available again, should you wish to work on them (PM me if you do).

----------------------------------------------------------------

Chapters needing editors:
Section One- Just Found Out
I. 3 Chapter Three- Discovery
a. The Confession
b. Suspicion/Confrontation
c. Blindsided: Advised by third party, walking in on WS/AP, gaslighting techniques
d. Coping with friends/family who knew about the affair
e. Partial disclosure - getting the whole truth

I. 4 Chapter Four- Initial Reaction to an Affair
b. Emotional Reactions
- Anger/Sadness/Depression
- Fence Sitting
- Cake-person
- seeing through WS excuses for the Affair
- Limbo

Section Two General
II. 1 Chapter One- Dealing with a fence-sitter/cake-person
a. The 180 rules
b. No contact with the WS

II. 8 Chapter Eight- The Other Child
a. How to cope
b. Is it strategy to "trap" the WS into the affair, or is it real?
c. The legal consequences
- DNA/Paternity testing
- Child support, visitation, and custody

II. 12 Chapter Twelve- Venting
a. The best of SI vents and responses

Section Three- Reconciliation
III. 1 Chapter One- Tips and techniques for reconciling your relationship
a. Defining boundaries
b. The stages of reconciliation: what to expect during the first year

III. 7 Chapter Seven- Taking Care of You During Reconciliation
a. The bumpy road to reconciliation
b. Coping strategies
c. How do I stop attacking my WS?
d. Getting through the emotions as a couple
e. Should we renew our vows?

Section Four: The Wayward Side
IV. 3 Chapter Three- No Contact
a. Going NC and maintaining NC
b. Do I write a letter?
c. Coping with the urge to break NC
d. I've broken NC. Now what do I do?

IV. 7 Chapter Seven- Getting to Why
----------------------------------------------------------------

The first step in the editing process is defining a chapter outline.

This is an example of outline made by SacredSoul for one of her chapters - she's done a great job, so this will give you a good idea of what we expect to receive at this point in the process.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Section Three, Chapter Five, What questions do I ask my Wayward Spouse about the Affair now that we are reconciling?

III. 5 a. Should I ask questions?

How getting (or not getting) the answers affects the BS; wondering vs. knowing; creating triggers

III. 5 b. How detailed should the questions be?

Should the BS get only the basic information, or ask detailed questions; questions about sex; not asking for more than BS can handle

III. 5 c. How do I ask?

Ways to present questions, (e.g. on paper, asking when the question arises, or conducting a Q&A session with a time limit); how the BS should respond when answers are given; asking the same question repeatedly

III. 5 d. What if WS doesn’t want to answer my questions?

Joseph’s Letter*, fear of hurting the BS; “window/wall” analogy

III. 5 e. When WS answers with “I don’t know” or “I forgot”

How evasion hurts reconciliation; how “fog” affects the WS’s memory; sometimes the details are lost forever and how to deal with that

III. 5 f. Is it possible to reconcile with unanswered questions?

When the WS remains evasive

* We have received permission from Peggy at DearPeggy.com to use Joseph’s Letter.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Don't hesitate to get in touch if you want to help out!

And to all the editors already working on this: you're all doing a great job! Thank you!

Take care,
Sara

[This message edited by porcupine at 10:02 AM, July 2nd (Sunday)]


The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Posts: 4271 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Belgium
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 1st (Tuesday)

Porc, I actually JUST read this

I would be GLAD to help out anyway I can.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Revkwd
Member
Member # 4933
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, August 2nd (Wednesday)

Porc, I am interested also. 3 years down the road and I am online because I can't sleep!! I want a chapter about the difficulty of healing without knowing the timing, etc. I found out almost 25 years after the fact; and because my husband can't remember; I don't know when, exactly. I am unable to put my life back together as it actually was. My daugter told. She was informed at 13 by one of the OP. This is a whole other ball of wax. Also, I believe secrecy is what promotes infidelity and I am all for bring light and knowledge to the subject. Even smart people assume the marriage sex is bad, right off. In all honestly, that is probably what I believed.

kwd


kwd

Posts: 218 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: DC area
Revkwd
Member
Member # 4933
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, August 2nd (Wednesday)

Porc, I am interested also. 3 years down the road and I am online because I can't sleep!! I want a chapter about the difficulty of healing without knowing the timing, etc. I found out almost 25 years after the fact; and because my husband can't remember; I don't know when, exactly. I am unable to put my life back together as it actually was. My daugter told. She was informed at 13 by one of the OP. This is a whole other ball of wax. Also, I believe secrecy is what promotes infidelity and I am all for bring light and knowledge to the subject. Even smart people assume the marriage sex is bad, right off. In all honestly, that is probably what I believed.

kwd


kwd

Posts: 218 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: DC area
dmanette
Member
Member # 1653
Wink  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 19th (Thursday)

Okay Porcupine, I've resurfaced. Sorry it took me so long but I've got SOOO much going on these days. Now, where are we with this book project and when will it be ready to pitch to publishers?

Let me know,
Danine


http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com

That which does not kill us makes us stronger!


Posts: 208 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: California
seashells
Member
Member # 8141
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, October 20th (Friday)

Hi Danine !!!

Please notice my tag line ...

Geez, I've been meaning to "write you" for a while, now ...

I hope, that you are doing amazingly well, these days ? ? ?

shells


First - D day - 9-15-05 ...

Second - D day - End of - October of 2005 ...

Not a good time of the year for me :(

www.ultimatebetrayal.com


Posts: 2458 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: The Carolinas .....
stupidme
Member
Member # 7991
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, October 21st (Saturday)

Porc, I just saw this and realised that everything I have written for you is still sitting in Word.

I will get it out for you tommorrow and finish it off for you.

Just some minor amendments to do and it is then all yours.

Sorry, mate, I forgot all about it.

My sincere apologies.

SM


Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall ~~Confucius~~

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.~Og Mandino~


Posts: 5231 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: The Great Southern Land
Sad & Alone
Member
Member # 10183
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, December 24th (Sunday)

Hi all, it has been several months and I haven't heard anything at all about this. I was just wondering if anyone could provide an update on the status of this project and/or tell what was still needed to do.

I should hate for something this important to be forgotten...!


We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, writer

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. - Robert Quillen, journalist


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Southern California
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Content  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 25th (Monday)

It sounds like an amazing book already...Between work, school, and STBXH's crap I don't have much time left but anything I can do to help


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3352 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
blujay4
Member
Member # 16209
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, September 16th (Sunday)

I would also love to help out in any way that I can! Reading has been one way that I, as the WS, have been able to make sense of some things.

Posts: 492 | Registered: Sep 2007
moveon?
Member
Member # 10445
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, September 16th (Sunday)

Obviously I am getting in on this very late, but wanted to know the status now. I can definitely edit/proof read and could contribute to a chapter...maybe a bit on infidelity in NONmarried relationships and the challenges of that...and the stigma that comes along with being THAT person that stayed with someone you "weren't eve married to!" after they cheated...I know there are several of us like that on this site. Just let me know.


Age 43, trying my best not to become jaded...

Posts: 347 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: TX
capri
Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, October 15th (Monday)

If you are still looking for writers, please pm me. I do a lot of writing, and have debated whether I have the time for this, but I think I'll make time. Please let me know what you need.

I'm probably too late, but I'd also be willing to do proof-reading.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
HurtingInDenver
Member
Member # 15974
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, October 19th (Friday)

I am a graphic designer and would be happy to do the cover design if needed. PM me if I can hlep.


I'm flat out spent, this woman she been driving me to tears
This woman so crazy, I swear I ain't going to touch another one for years -B.Dylan


Posts: 781 | Registered: Aug 2007
bayview
Member
Member # 17057
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, November 17th (Saturday)

i would love to be a part of this project from the view point of online affairs and second life affairs and the dark dangers of internet and cyber affairs please let me know if i can help would love to do something constructive with the mess ive been handed


2 daughters/teenagers
married 19 years
on my way to divorce

Posts: 136 | Registered: Nov 2007
cheerleader
Member
Member # 3246
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)

just checkign to see hwo this is going...


Well f@#$ me running, sometimes it isnt worth the effort to chew thru the restraints!
Where the is hope there is love.Where there is love there is life.Life is for living


Posts: 29038 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: we are never really sure are we?
TearInYourHand
Member
Member # 14193
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)

I'm curious, too. For some reason, I have never noticed this thread in all this time. Would be interested in helping in a small capacity. I have writing / editorial / graphic design skills that are very donatable to this wonderful place.

[This message edited by TearInYourHand at 12:36 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)]


35 - FBSO
“Integrity has no need of rules.”

Posts: 957 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Maryland.
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)

Procupine has stepped back from this project.

It is currently on hold.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198846 | Registered: May 2002
wanting to heal
Member
Member # 9942
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)

I agree with adding infidelity in the military. Been there and done that (not the cheater but on the other side.)



Posts: 885 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From:
Debs
Member
Member # 21933
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, November 16th (Monday)

Deeply Scared

Hi I know porc has stepped back but can we kick start it again? The structure is there done by those wonderful pair.. what is needed to get it going?


I lost my heart and found myself!

Posts: 804 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Orange NSW
onestepforward
Member
Member # 21589
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, December 9th (Wednesday)

I think it's a fabulous idea. Count me in.


BS (me): 49
STBXWH: 53
(PA's: 1 proven, 1 unproven and probably more; EA's: multiple over 10+ years ... ongoing)
Divorcing.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: France
hardtimes09
New Member
Member # 26884
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, December 21st (Monday)

i was reading these and didnt it occurr to anyone the ideas came out in 2006??? Just a thought not to get ur hopes up for this is all im saying lol!!!

Posts: 48 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: home on laptop
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)

what is this thread about? i can't seem to find it. thanks!


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Doubleblame
New Member
Member # 44588
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday)

Great idea


hurt forever
Me BS
Him WS
Together 14 years
DD #1: 5/18/2014
DD #2: 8/20/2014
DSD 20
Status: Think it becomes clearer every day, then I panic

Posts: 44 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: MN
Topic Posts: 82