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Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sundays suck
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was his weekend with my babies. As per usual, I woke up this morning feeling melancholy. I knew he would be dropping the kids off this afternoon and I might see him. However, I made it a point to be in the shower when he dropped them off. I know NC is key and is the only way to survive this. But I find myself hurting, because he is only too delighted to oblige. I can't lie, it hurts so badly. A month and a half ago, he couldn't see me enough. He was telling me everything I wanted to hear. Of course, I know he is with someone else now and everything he told me were lies. Or the truth changed when he started seeing whoever he is seeing. I can't wait to get to indifferent, but after a month of NC, I'm still not there. It hurts just as badly. I am sticking to my guns and have not even texted him anything that was not kid related. So, the result is a lot of posts from me on here. And it does help. But, when does the pain of being discarded like a piece of trash go away?! He has done it to me twice now. Why can I not walk away as easily as he has?! I know what he is, but it doesn't stop the pain and I even feel like I miss him some!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember that they detached long before us. They also apparently are cut from a different cloth. They jump from one relationship to another without batting an eye. They are looking for someone to complete them, because they are hollow and empty. Otherwise why would they throw away family connections and a belonging to have sex with someone to feed their ego.

You will heal without the need for someone else's company to validate your selfworth. When you reach that point you won't be looking for just anyone to share your life with.


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hopeful)))

Posts: 617 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys! I understand they are detached. I guess I jut don't understand how or when it started I didn't see any signs during my M until he was caught and I didn't see it during false R until I became suspicious. I don't get where it comes from. And I can see him jumping from girl to girl, only finding women of the caliber he thinks he is worth. They are no prize or completely screwed up, so he won't build anything lasting. And I actually have not been lonely since he has been gone, which has surprised me. I just feel so disposable to the man I chose to love and trust. And that usually sucks on Sundays when he has the kids.


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It especially sucks when you have overlooked all their less than qualities because you loved them only to have them throw your less than in your face and use that as an excuse for cheating. We don't see it happening because we aren't looking for it and they have learnt to wear the face they want us to see. Once again sucks, but if beautiful confident women like Sandra bullock are also fooled, then we aren't fools, we just married them.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Wontdefineme. Yes, they are fools. And they don't even see it. Do they ever recognize what they lost because if their selfishness? Or do they spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it, believing they are better off without us?


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a journey and you are in the beginning. Hang in there. NC = no new hurts. In time you will realize that you are not a piece of discarded trash. Continue to focus on you and the healing will slowly begin.

Do they ever recognize what they lost because if their selfishness? Or do they spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it, believing they are better off without us? When you get to indifference, you won't give a flying fuck. I promise, it just won't matter to you.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Dmari, I sure hope you are right about that!! Indifference would be a welcome relief!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have hit indifference. It took a lot of getting hurt and rejection and also what seemed like indifference from WH to hit rock bottom and get indifferent.
I lost something of myself when I hit indifference. Hope I get it back whiteout losing indifference.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3049 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're still early in the process. You will get to indifference one day at a time. I'm about 1.5 years out from Dday, a year out from divorce and I'm still not indifferent. I'm much better than I was a year ago though. I see the light at the end of the indifference tunnel at least.

It gets better. I promise.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also a year and a half past d day and one year into divorce. I guarantee it gets better and easier but no I am not at indifference although I think I know what it looks and feels like now. who knows if I want to go there? anger protects me still. all the best you are not alone , I am sorry


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 676 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the support. I am so tired of feeling inadequate and like the bad guy. We were supposed to take the rest if this year to work on ourselves and he said he didn't want to be with anyone else and he would wait for me (I know, why would I believe anything he says?! I did not understand that working in ourselves meant I would go to counseling and he would whore around!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Topic Posts: 12

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