Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: hurtingnTN (44890)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: No motivation
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Frustrated  Posted: 4:26 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need it. Can't find it.

I've been struggling with this lately and the "spring cleaning" thread really hit a nerve, in that it's a reminder how MUCH I need to be doing, that I'm not doing. Kudos to all of you who are taking care of business. Because I'm not.

I have PILES of work I need to be doing. I'm self employed and while that equals a lot of freedom, it also means I'm my own boss and when I decide to blow things off and not work, there's no one to yell at me. It takes a tremendous amount of self discipline and lately I am finding that in short supply.

I need to clean. I was keeping up on a huge house, WHY can't I motivate to clean my adorable little apartment?? It would take me all of half an hour, for crying out loud.

I have some tax and legal paperwork blah blah that I need to take care of. Granted it's a sucky project so I'm never going to be *excited* about it, but I am stressing over it. I know I'll feel better once it's done so WHY can't I motivate myself to do it??

On the upside I am working out more, but that's due to the timely return of one of my very favorite Zumba instructors. I have missed her classes so much and I'm so excited she's back!

But everything else? I don't necessarily feel depressed, but maybe I am? I don't know. I don't feel sad, just...well... lazy. The excuse I've been telling myself is that the stress, drama and actual work involved with selling my house and moving was exhausting, so I "deserve" time to relax. But it's been two months. I feel relaxed. I need to snap out of it, and I'm having a hard time doing that.

Any advice, inspiring stories, or kicks to the fanny are welcome.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 805 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get like this occasionally -- I feel like it's just a normal part of life. You can't be ON all the time, and you can't be good at everything. We need time to relax and de-stress!

I know my house isn't as neat as I would like, I'm not doing enough yoga, my laundry is piling up, and I frequently eat a creative dinner since I haven't gone grocery shopping recently!

However, I'm doing well at work, training for a few ultra marathons, and have strengthened some important friendships.

I remind myself that I can't be good at everything and try to give myself permission to slack on some things right now. Everything that needs to get done gets done.

When I have things that I really need to get done, I make a list, breaking it down into manageable chunks, and putting easy things, like "Water the plants" on the list so I can cross things off and feel more productive.

I wish I had better advice (for myself, too!); unfortunately, there is no motivation fairy. I feel like getting this way is our body's way of making us relax and focus on what's really important.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3349 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey - this is exactly where I was when I started that spring cleaning thread. ((((gypsybird)))) I was stuck in neutral for months. I made the thread to make myself accountable, because that can kick me into gear sometimes.

Another thing that has helped me before (but again - not always) is to take the smallest, easiest task, and make myself do it.

I have a friend who kick starts her motivation by doing ten minutes on, ten minutes off. I.e.: set a timer for 10 minutes, and spend that time straightening, cleaning, organizing, whatever. When the timer goes off, stop. Reset it for 10 minutes, and do something relaxing - read, watch tv, meditate, sit with a pet, whatever. When the timer goes off again, repeat the process. After a couple of times, she ends up ignoring the timer and just keeps going. I wish this one worked for me, but once I sit down, I'm done. I mention it because it might work for you better than it does for me.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25259 | Registered: Aug 2011
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am self employed as well. I'm a landscaper so my job is very physically demanding. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I don't have the energy to keep going. But the lawns won't wait until next week. They must be done on schedule or I will lose the client.

There is no one there to motivate me, to tell me to get up and keep going. So I have to motivate myself.

I have a few tricks I use to motivate myself.

First of all, I give myself pep talks all the time. I tell myself I'm the best at what I do. There is no one better than me. I'm the greatest there is. I build confidence in myself.

I don't give myself the choice to quit. I'm not allowed to quit. If I'm tired it doesn't matter. If I'm depressed it doesn't matter. No excuses EVER! Excuses don't pay the bills. I've been known to scold myself in a work day if I start to slow up and get lazy.

I have a playlist on you tube of motivational speakers that I listen to all the time. Usually in the morning right before work while I eat breakfast. It's how I like to start my day. Throughout my day the words from that video roll through my head.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3009 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have plenty of periods of no motivation. Work keeps me going, I'm not self employed, but there are plenty of evenings and weekends where I accomplish little or nothing.

Love the ideas here - MyName's are awesome and nik's too. What is the saying? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And some days I'm just not ready to take that bite - but some days I am. Even if it's just a small bite.

Gypsybird87, just work on that small bite. You will progress and any progress moves you forward.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4508 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spent a lot of time where you are after my third and fourth moves. Especially after unloading the house.

It took months -- *months* -- to get moving again.

Sometimes it's OK to just admit that you're drained. Energy will come back, it's just not time yet.

These days I'm stoked if I get to the farmer's market, run the dishwasher and make the bed.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17381 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice and support, everyone. It's a balance I need to find, I guess... between being too hard on myself and being too easy on myself. Like myname said, slacking on work can mean lost clients, and that would devastating for me financially right now. You'd think that fear in itself would be motivating; I'm not sure why it's not.

FF, I can relate to what you said. I did a *single* load of laundry today, and I'm feeling pretty damn proud of myself.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 805 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I tell myself to just do 10 things per room: as small as putting the TP on the actual holder or putting a magazine back in the basket, to things like vacuuming the rug in the room or dusting 10 items.

It kind of makes it like a game to pick what I will do and won't do yet, and then I move to the next room. Some rooms end up getting really good and clean if they were already tidy! I'll find 10 things to donate to clear clutter or wipe down the inside of the drawer.

Another variation is I will pick a section of each room and deep clean it. My mom thinks it's hilarious that I will have a few really great looking areas around the house when the rest is chaos.

Am I weird?

Then I get to watch another episode (or 4) of House MD as a reward.

[This message edited by Harriet at 12:41 AM, August 25th (Monday)]


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 458 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disclaimer: the below may sound weird, so feel free to ignore it if it doesn't make sense to you. And it is absolutely not intended to sound patronizing--this is something I have figured out / evolved towards recently and it seems to be working quite well for me, so far.

Anyway...

It can help to learn to let go of the idea that you have direct control over what you get done, and instead focus on doing things to keep yourself healthy and in good spirits, which will then lead to you getting more done. You will still strive to do things, but you will worry less, and you will get more done than you otherwise would have. (And even if you do worry, that's okay. You don't have to worry about worrying either. :) )

Accept that no matter what happens, things are okay. Focus on your achievements.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 1:05 AM, August 25th (Monday)]


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 824 | Registered: Nov 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome idea!!!

I have a playlist on you tube of motivational speakers that I listen to all the time. Usually in the morning right before work while I eat breakfast. It's how I like to start my day. Throughout my day the words from that video roll through my head.

My idea is different. And this is from a motivational speaker!!!! He says, "You are the creme of the crop. You are the top. If you do not like cleaning your place or mowing your yard, and you have a little extra $$, for God sakes, get someone who DOES enjoy that type of work for their livehood and pay them to do just that!" There's nothing to feel guilty or stupid about. Someone out there has a cleaning service because they need the $$$ and possibly they even like cleaning houses. Give them your business!! Think how much more clearly you will think if you don't have this weight on your head! They could come over 2x a month! If you pay someone 50.00 and you make an extra 250.00 because that stress is gone, then who is the winner??

BTW,,, My friend has someone clean her house... she said it overwhelmed her and she was going to need therapy, so she decided the cleaning person was cheaper than the therapy! LOL

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:04 AM, August 25th (Monday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2111 | Registered: Jan 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((gypsybird))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4139 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.