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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to split back-to-school expenses?
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do y'all split back-to-school expenses? This is not addressed in my final divorce decree.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10014 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FuckTard refused, so I just got the list and paid for it all.. It really should have been split 50/50, but my decree didn't specify these expenses either..

He refused to by any clothes or shoes for them either.. "It's part of child support" ya know.

Well then how about sending me some of that $12,000 in arrears ya owe me? Asswipe..

I'm the only one who truly cares about the kids and takes care of their responsibilities, and I refuse to let them suffer because he's a douche, so I just keep taking it up the ass..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2667 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case, I don't even bother asking. It's not worth the agita it causes me to ask and be rejected.
In a just world, they should be split 50/50.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2611 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is not addressed in my decree either so all those expenses fall on me. It sucks. VERY expensive, but he doesn't feel any obligation to help.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has never spent a dime in the past on back-to-school expenses despite being asked. This year, though, I'm out of money, he's thousands of dollars behind on support, and I have three kids.

I am thinking of scanning the receipts & just emailing them to him, asking for half of it to be reimbursed. I figure worst case he'll either ignore me or tell me to go fuck myself. Best case he might through a few bucks my way.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10014 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only out of pocket expenses my ex has to legally pay is medical and childcare. I tried to get him to agree to paying the other stuff but he wouldn't agree. He couldn't be forced to since he wasn't legally obligated.

My ex also does the, "That's what the CS is for". Even with the medical and childcare. He won't pay for what he is legally supposed to. I have never bothered asking for anything extra because I know I won't get it.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My divorce decree says 50% of all school expenses.

However, what it says, and what he actually does, are two different things. He's also supposed to pay 50% of daycare and 50% of extra-curricular, sports, activities, etc.

Guess what? He owes me about $XXXX and I'll have to take him back to court to get it.

I bought all of her school supplies this year, she's in kindergarten so there weren't many, plus I had a lot of the stuff that she needed already. I asked XWH to buy one pack of Crayola twistables colored pencils. That's it. Haven't seen them yet. I reminded him, and he says he'll get them. We'll see.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's amazing to me what can be made difficult when this stuff happens. The smallest things, the most fun things, can nearly be ruined.

We had this "non-discussion" (my new word) too.

I put this in the NPD category for Perv because even though it's money for "here", not his home with OW, when DD gets to school with her supplies, she enjoys remembering who gave her what and tells people she shows things. He knows this and wants that attention even if he is not there. This will help him look good and supportive even though he is really not, because instead of waiting for a list and divvying, he ran ahead and bought her what he wanted.

I being me am waiting for the school's directions but did buy her a notebook and some folders so she is not empty handed the first day-his worry.

But, if I myself suggest he get anything, he has a cow-tantrum-and won't buy a thing. Even for his kid(s). So the words and actions do not match even years later. It looks good, though, as we go to court and meet with lawyers, he can mark it on his good behavior list.

So back to how to handle, splitting, 50/50 works like other expenses or I have things I like to buy and so does he...I also try to pawn off some of the more expensive things because he has more money. (He does not do it)

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 1:29 PM, August 24th (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Split expenses?? Do exWS actually do that??

The Doosh told me he would NOT be splitting the cost of back to school supplies - including clothing, shoes, backpacks- because "that's what I pay child support for!"

(Wrong- child support goes for the daily support of your children: food, housing, utilities- not to mention I support 24/7 our teen daughter because he hasn't spoken to or seen her in 14 months. So everything she needs "extra" lands in my wallet, including all meals and living expenses even though technically he should be Paying for her every other weekend)

So he then reminded me that at the beginning when I filed for divorce we both had to complete a budget of our independent living expenses. Okayyyyy- so because I filed in October, and completed that budget in Nov/Dec, I didn't have any "back to school" supplies included.

Such a Doosh.

My son is beginning band this year and I have to pay for his instrument and lessons. So I also forwarded that bill to the Doosh. He again reminded me that he pays child support for a reason, and he won't be splitting the cost of our kids' music stuff with me.

SUCH a fuckwit. So instead of telling my kid I cannot afford the extra $50 a month, I cancelled our cable subscription.

WORD TO THE WISE!!! When preparing your decree, be sure to specify all extra crap gets split 50/50!! Or else, as you can clearly see, it won't happen.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 1:48 PM, August 24th (Sunday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3630 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Xh paid nothing other than cs for years. Youngest 2 DD's conned him into paying for a couple of years. They stroked his ego,and he took them shopping and paid.
Thankfully they understand how to navigate his npd,


K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5529 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was lucky to have a great mediator, and it's in my divorce agreement that we split any expenses (clothes, school supplies, etc) that are over a certain amount. My ex pays up. He makes a lot more than I do, and it makes him look good (you know he makes sure others know about it). Whatever works!


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ac
Xh paid nothing other than cs for years. Youngest 2 DD's conned him into paying for a couple of years. They stroked his ego,and he took them shopping and paid.
Thankfully they understand how to navigate his npd,


K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5529 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just pay for them myself. It's easier. I usually let him get shoes for the kids whenever they need them, so I guess it averages out over time.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4223 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWH doesn't pay for anything extra.

He is current on child support, though.

Can you send him to jail for being so far behind?


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2323 | Registered: Jan 2012
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My attorney told me that school supplies would fall under child support. Doesn't seem fair really to me. I don't bother asking him for anything. It's not worth the drama.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 15

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