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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling so much better
broken313
♀ Member
Member # 39006
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been 17 months since dday, finally the OW is gone.
He worked with her in an unpredictable shift pattern. Her last letter said she was going to leave and pleaded again to meet up to go over what happened.

Well I think shes finally gone. No more worrying he will see her today looking all pert and available. No more worrying that she would corner him and he would be too weak to resist.

That marriage builders guy says that the wayward and AP must have no contact whatsoever. WH could not move so easily and I prayed that OW would move.

Am over the moon. No more relentless negative intrusive thoughts, less triggering and ready to start moving forward finally. Its as if her still sniffing around was always a temptation to him as far as I was concerned (although he said she made him feel nothing at all, I have terrible trust issues now).

I have stuck for so long now, think our MC will be greatly surprised by my progress.

Of course I wont let my guard down, he has so much work still to do( which he is slow and fairly lacklustre about).

Its something that has helped my pain, didn't count on such a massive effect that it has....


Me 42
FWH 39
3 kids, 13,8,6
Dday 3/30/13
R- fragile

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013
Margypan
♀ Member
Member # 44427
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy for you!!! I'd be thrilled if my WS's AP moved, but I know that's not going to happen. BUT at least they don't work together, so I have that going for me.

Now to his lacklusterness working on the M... doesn't that bother you? Is he in IC?


Me: 30 BW
Him: 34 WH (Trip3)

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: South Carolina
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yay! I wish the OW in our case would move too. I'm not too fearful he'll start up with them again, I just don't want to trigger seeing them.

why is he lackluster about doing the work?


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5539 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
broken313
♀ Member
Member # 39006
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is lacklustre because essentially he is lazy. Facing your demons takes energy and commitment, he doesn't have this. He feels loved if we are physically intimate, I do if we spend time and converse about things.
He knows I am not leaving so why bother?
This definitely bothers me but I am sick of being Mom and inviting him to sit him down and work his stuff out.
He is going to start new IC sessions next week...only because I nagged him into it.
I'm hoping for him to get his act together, I am in a place where I can finally move,the OW is gone, I just am tired of carrying him.


Me 42
FWH 39
3 kids, 13,8,6
Dday 3/30/13
R- fragile

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He knows I am not leaving so why bother?
This definitely bothers me but I am sick of being Mom and inviting him to sit him down and work his stuff out.

why are you not leaving? yes, if he knows this what incentive does he have, besides being a man of integrity...
Don't be his Mom. You can't save him. But you can have boundaries...


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5539 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
SparrowSoul
♀ Member
Member # 44223
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He knows I am not leaving so why bother?
This definitely bothers me but I am sick of being Mom and inviting him to sit him down and work his stuff out.

Seconding what RachelC said. You should, for the M's sake and for your own, be ready to take "The Step" and leave if that's what it comes to. Have you looked into implementing 180?

I made it very clear to my WBF that I wouldn't hesitate to leave if it came to that ever again, and I'm sure that he believes it. I was happy in our relationship, but I was happy when I was single, too, and I won't die if I wind up taking that road again. The fact that I'm clearly not playing around about this stuff has gone a long way towards showing him what's at stake, IMO, and I think it could do the same in your situation. Be firm.

((( )))


Me: BGF, 29
Him: WBF, 35 (RMarred)
D-Day: 7/5/2014, seared into my memory like a brand.

"Dum spiro, spero." - "While I breathe, I hope."
The cure to all of life's problems is salt water; Sweat, tears, or the Sea.


Posts: 131 | Registered: Jul 2014
broken313
♀ Member
Member # 39006
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not leaving is because of the kids and the lifestyle we have. He knows if he steps out of this marriage again, I wont have any problem showing him the door.
He has always been lazy this way, and I have complained for years he doesnt share whats going on in his head or heart, I put it down to his being a man. Now I know how messed up his thinking can be, I am being more demanding of what is going on with him.
I know his FOO issues, low self esteem, depression all make him this way, but I am determined he works at these issues.


Me 42
FWH 39
3 kids, 13,8,6
Dday 3/30/13
R- fragile

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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