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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What is your opinion on getting involved?
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you feel it is important to be honest? Or do you think you should hold your opinion if they are an adult? I think if you care you should say the truth and my friends think so too but they are my friends.

On a side note if you see a close friends parenting skills not helping their child do you say something or is it not your business?


Posts: 1055 | Registered: Jul 2012
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding parenting, I think that's none of my business.

If I saw someone cheating, I think I would probably say something, because I wish someone had told me.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7814 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Parenting advice...unless it is asked for hell no.

Opinions are just that, opinions and unless somebody is asking for yours a lot of the time it is better to say nothing.


divorced!

Posts: 2735 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not knowing what you mean by 'getting involved' it's hard to really answer your question.

You can always ask if someone wants to hear your opinion. They might just say no and there's your answer. Or they might be happy for input. No harm in asking.

Butting in to other people's business in a righteous, abrasive way never does any good though. I think permission needs to be given, and even then a lot of care has to be taken with words chosen, as well as a lot of self understanding so that your motivation for sharing is really clear and not twisted by your own needs/triggers/unresolved stuff.


As a kid, I would have liked it if someone with their head screwed on right would have found a way to speak to my parents.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 12:56 PM, August 23rd (Saturday)]


BS, now age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5895 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the insight. I think I will ask if they want my opinion.

I do ask those close if they want the fluffy answer or honesty but with my closer friends we are always honest and count on it.

I think newer friends you don't know them as well and for them their situation is better than the past.

I will try


Posts: 1055 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you asking if you should be honest with people or whether you should be offering unsolicited advice?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe a combination of both.

I am the same way with my close friends as I am with newer friends 2 plus years but I don't know if they want me to be honest. Maybe they know and I hurt them without realizing it. I don't know their history and maybe they are doing better.

For example a close friend said to be honest but she took it as I think the guy is bad for her but it is more I pointed out she has been upset for months about the same issue and it is who he is and by repeatedly going back it is going to possibly continue. I said to enjoy life without an SO. She doesn't find it exhausting but maybe it is better than her former relationships.

I take pause because I think with her she knows it but just wants someone to listen while she goes back and forth and my history is that is a lot of work regardless of her or the guy.

The other is just I hear of newer friends being lonely and well I tell them to get active and see what they enjoy and they might meet someone girls or a guy. Maybe that is annoying.

My old friends and I can just be honest and it is a ping pong of advice and it is simple. I think maybe I will need to know these people for 20 years and I may just give my opinion a rest. They do appreciate it but I feel like I am blowing their story.

Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by fireproof at 11:42 AM, August 24th (Sunday)]


Posts: 1055 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If someone asks you for your advice or opinion, I think that it's fair to give it. I do think that it's good to learn how to be tactful when delivering something you don't think they'll want to hear.

Unsolicited advice, however... I think it's generally a bad idea. It comes across as condescending.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Topic Posts: 8

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