Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: whathappensnext (45075)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: does WH have "A" on his forhead?
hihn
♀ Member
Member # 43986
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH, me, his mom and his sister went camping for a few days. Everything was going great until I hear a unfamiliar female voice from outside while I was in the camper. I go outside to see who belonged to this unknown female voice. I see this female smiling and looking at my husband in a way I am all to familiar with. You ladies know the look. It's the one where a woman eyes are locked on to your spouse or mate just a little too long. The kind that makes you susect she wants him. I have since discovered via TT that those very women I got those vibes from, my WH did in fact sleep with them. I also heard this females voice go from adult sounding to sweet little girl voice in about 15 seconds. So I decided to stand next to my spouse and just stare at her. I gave her the kind of stare that makes a person uncomfortable and it worked she left quickly. After she left I told my husband that was a huge trigger for me and didn't like it, she looked and acted just like such & such and such & such that you ended up sleeping with. My WH said he understood and that he was sorry. This woman fit into his preditory profile of women he would sleep with. That is to say, short, 50 lbs. over weight and brunette and not real smart. So I decide to deal with the trigger by walking it off. I took my dog for a walk around the campgrounds. Just across the road from our campsite is the woman's campground. I can see her watching me and see that her man was down by the lake doing something. So after I walked about 50 yeards away I see the woman returning to our campsite by herself. I then turn around and head back to our campsite fully prepared to tell this woman that she was not respecting my boundry and tell her to leave. But she managed to leave before I arrived. So I told my husband that she was not welcomed to return to my campsite and if she did I would teach her a whole new meaning of the word bitch when I got done with her. I told my WH that I realize that if he is going to cheat there is nothing I could do to prevent it, but what I could prevent is her coming on my turf and disrespecting me that way. I said I have been given enough to cope with when it comes to him having 20+ affairs, I wasn't going to cope with one more. He then asks me if there was anything he said or did to give her encouragement. I told him no, which was the truth. So at that point I am wondering if my WH has a Giant "A" in the middle of his forehead which is advertising to every cheating & poaching women that he may be willing to commit adultrey. I am also wondering if every short, over weight brunette talking to my husband is going to make me trigger. UGH! What should I do or think about this. That isn't who I want to be like for the rest of my life. Wanting to bitch slap every woman that looks like his past affairs is not what I had in mind when I first agreed to try and reconcile with WH. HELP!!


Me BS 58yo
Him WS 55yo, porno & sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1 1991
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14,he moved in with OW 3/9/14, moved out from OW 4/8/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners
TT is

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: colorado
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any advice, but I completely understand. I'm not sure what it is, but my WH seems to attract a certain type, too. They're always unhappy, insecure, low self-esteemed, amoral, emotionally needy women with hinges on their hips so they can swing their legs open quickly. He liked the loose ones. He also attracts a lot of women who are attracted to happily married men - they're generally shameless, aggressive, highly flirtatious and broke.

I think men who look at a lot of porn give off a "vibe", whether they mean to or not. It was in my WHs eyes - I recognize it now because it's gone.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to go through this. 20+ affairs is an awful lot to process. I am quite sure I would be completely beside myself in your position. Gently, you cannot lose yourself in stress and worry over what he is going to do or what opportunity he is going to take. It is so infuriating when other women are so disrespectful, but he is the one who needs to be giving the "step off" look to poachers.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He may not have said or done anything specifically wrong, but he was probably subtly welcoming to this woman. A small smile, happily introduced himself and didn't say, "I'm here with my wife, let me grab her". I'd like to think that I'm rather attractive, but I very rarely get hit on, (maybe because I'm less attractive thank I think) probably because I'll smile and say 'hi' but I keep moving/going about my business.

The woman only left because you gave her the death stare. On e you were gone, your H again appeared available for conversation.

Not saying he does it intentionally, he may be the friendly type. But given his title of WH, he needs to work on being less friendly with women when you aren't there to introduce.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 478 | Registered: May 2014
hihn
♀ Member
Member # 43986
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you plainpian & irishgirl for your comments they were helpful to me and WH.


Me BS 58yo
Him WS 55yo, porno & sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1 1991
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14,he moved in with OW 3/9/14, moved out from OW 4/8/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners
TT is

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: colorado
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken puts off a vibe that other broken people can else a mile off. It's like sharks getting a whiff of blood in the water.

I was a girl who was an epic flirt. Never met a stranger. Batted my lashes at anything in pants. I could tell in 0.2 seconds who responded to the vibe.

In the aftermath of Dday I realized quickly who the problem was. Me. Locked down the boundaries. And shut off my "Yo hubba hubba" vibe. There is a difference between friendly and friendly. Focused on my husband. He became the object of my attention and flirtation. I'm so far off my game now, I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it. I just state the obvious for him and he's cool with that.

Maybe your husband isn't emitting vibes or looks or whatever. Some people are true idiots and wouldn't sense a roadblock if they totalled their car into it. That's when your husband has to step up and be an enforcer. He puts his arm around you and makes positive "we" and "us" comments. Or he flat out tells her to talk a long walk off the short pier her husband is fishing off of.

I'm sorry she triggered you and I hope your husband handled it correctly and is doing what it takes to fix himself.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6259 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
hihn
♀ Member
Member # 43986
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Aubrie. I was hoping a Wayward side would also shed some light for me & WH. Greatly appreciated it.


Me BS 58yo
Him WS 55yo, porno & sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1 1991
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14,he moved in with OW 3/9/14, moved out from OW 4/8/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners
TT is

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: colorado
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.