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Newest Member: TryingToReform (45458)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: NC letter question
luluphoenix
♀ New Member
Member # 44168
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, we sent a NC letter two days along with 2 small gifts she had bought him. We sent it via UPS, but due to a miscommunication, a signature was not required even though I had asked one employee about it, he wasn't the person who checked us out.

I didn't say anything when we got the delivery notice that it was left at the front door. My H text me today that it bothered him that he didn't know for certain if OW received it or not (we live in a big city where it's not uncommon for packages to go missing).

The question is this: should we send a duplicate letter registered mail just to be certain?


When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
-I am going to be one damn sparkly oak when this is done.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jul 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO
Assume she got it.
If she reaches out again, then you can send her an email stating the same thing.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Him wanting to reach out, is not ok. Whatever his excuse. It's hard to break the habit of the A, and may require a few attempts to sustain NC.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
luluphoenix
♀ New Member
Member # 44168
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's bothering ME more than him. He was the one that said no contact is good contact. I REALLY liked the letter and would LOVE to know she read it.


When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
-I am going to be one damn sparkly oak when this is done.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jul 2014
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Assume she got it. And no matter how good the letter was, she probably wasn't in a place to learn from what you said. She probably doesn't care, and nothing you say can make her. The whole idea of the NC is that you send it, and you're done. Getting a message back from her saying, "roger that" breaks the NC you requested.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 616 | Registered: May 2014
Anik1989
♀ Member
Member # 44228
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with tushnurse and irish girl.

Assume she got it.
No contact means no contact. For both of you.

Focus on your relationship, not on her.

Good luck!


Me: 25 WH: 25 Married for 3 years
OEA for 3 months with some sexual video messages
DDay - 30 June 2014
TT - 21 July 2014

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
luluphoenix
♀ New Member
Member # 44168
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. What you all said is what I knew to be true, but needed to hear it.


When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
-I am going to be one damn sparkly oak when this is done.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jul 2014
kaylee711
♀ New Member
Member # 44435
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

luluphoenix,

I know exactly how you feel. I have a LONG e-mail that I want to send to OW, RE: no contact from my point of view.... even though WS sent OW his own short-and-sweet no contact letter after initial discovery on my part.

I think people here have given you great advice on "assume she received letter and just move on" and "let sleeping dogs lie"....

When you hear "crickets" after sending such a letter, it's natural to assume the worst, and you just want to make sure that OW received this, so that you can work on reconciliation.... You are looking for a sense of closure so that you can work on moving forward.

I agree that the best thing (even thought I know IT'S SO HARD to do), is to try to move on by telling yourself "She received our letter.." Just tell yourself this, even though you don't have return receipt or a signature delivery confirmation....

Focus on your future. This is where you need to put your energy.... I am trying to do the same in my situation...

Awesome healing/reconciliation quote I found and often read:

"Life is short. Time is fast. No replay. No rewind. So enjoy every moment as it comes."

-Kaylee


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 7

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