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Newest Member: Sadmw (45324)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Poll: Do you think exes can/should be friends? Are you?
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWW is the mother of my kids and for that reason I am always cordial, and polite, when dealing with her. I can't be friends with someone who betrayed me. Also I have a S/O that means the world to me, I have always had good boundaries and I think to be "friends" with xww would be a boundary issue.

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2012
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:15 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am cordial to my ex only because of the children, I am indifferent. I really don't care what he does/doesn't do any longer. But he is not my friend. Friends don't hurt you like that.

One of my closest friends who's marriage ended around the same time as mine, we met after their marriage ended. He cheated on her and they rebuilt their marriage and then one day he came home and told her it was over. They did an inhouse separation for 2 years waiting on the sale of their home to move forward. They have no children. She is still friends with him. I just don't get it. She regularly sees him and they go out together. She is dating but can't seem to find anyone decent. I think it her reluctance to let go of the past that's the issue. I also think it is going to be an issue in any future relationship it's going to be a red flag to the new partner.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 31st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stayed friends with many people that I have dated. I think it is different to be friends with someone you were married to who cheated on you for the last 5 of the 17 years you were married. And took my kids on "dates" on weekends that I worked. My definition of friend includes the word "trust", so no I can't. And he still yells at me even in front of the kids. He doesn't understand the concept of agree to disagree and uses shame and manipulation when my opinion is different. So no, I can't. I'm curious about those who do. It might depend on the situation.


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 117 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 31st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have only stayed in contact with one guy that I've dated, and he lives on the opposite side of the US so we never physically see each other. By the time the relationship ended, we were basically just friends. It was a mutual ending, and neither of us did anything wrong. My feelings toward him now are strictly platonic. If I dated someone who had a problem with it, I'm honestly not sure what I would do. I feel like my boundaries are really strong. I would want to respect my partner's feelings, but I also see him as just a friend and would feel horrible cutting off a friend.

But... I don't want my SO to be friends with people they've slept with. So, double standard there. I'm not sure how to resolve that issue yet.

I could never be friends with xwSO because my emotions and feelings for him are too strong.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 7:43 PM, August 31st (Sunday)]


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2013
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, September 1st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have one ex (not ex H!) who I would consider a friend. We were together for two years, he left me and I thought broke my heart but when he tried to get back together I realised it wasn't what I wanted.

We were LC for about a year but now we will catch up for lunch or something every now and then. I can safely say though that I have NO romantic feelings for him anymore but genuinely care about him. This is the key to being able to maintain a friendship.

[This message edited by nolight at 3:46 AM, September 1st (Monday)]


Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
MelisssaZZZ
♀ Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, September 1st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have a strong opinion, but practically have never been friends with ex. Somehow it has never happened.

Sometimes I reach out to them, especially when my love life is going badly. Mostly for verbal validation


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am friendly with my ex's but NOT my ex H. You don't betray your friends like he did. You don't cheat,walk out and leave your friends with debt and a heart broken child.I have better enemies than that! No thank you!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like a previous poster, one of my oldest and best friends was a high school boyfriend.
I'm also friends with a couple of other exes.

That said, I have very firm boundaries and have cut off other exes who were "friends" because they did NOT have firm boundaries and kept trying to go the FWB route.

My husband is always invited when I go for coffee or lunch with my male friend(s). He knows them, they know him and there are no issues (that I know of).


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6521 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should add that of my exes that are friends, XWH is NOT one of them.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6521 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no need ever for this in my opinion. Why? And why would I disrespect myself and future partner by wasting my breath on a cheating whore ?


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 676 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Rdsxgrl
♀ New Member
Member # 44691
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am friends with my EX but our marriage did not end because of infidelity. We just stopped trying and it died, sad but not bitter.

Now if I went separate ways from WS, oh hell no. Like someone said friends don't do what he did.


BS - me, 53
WS - him, 55
3 grown boys - 30, 25, 23
2 wonderful DILs
2 little princesses 6yrs & 6 months

Confronting this Friday 9/5/14


Posts: 33 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: in hell
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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