so sorry you are here. I want to say everything I am about to say as gently as possible. Nobody here wants to 2x4 you too much but I think you have a big problem here and you are headed for big trouble. First of all I read the post regarding the funeral and the red flags were flying. Trying22 he manipulated you. He didnt want you to go and that is it. He wanted to see OW. A WH who is truly remorseful and changed will not go anywhere near OW and especially without his wife. Saying that showing up to a funeral or ANY event with his wife is in poor taste or would be disrespectful is a huge load of shit. The only person who he disrespected was you in this situation. He was worried that the presence of his wife would upset his OW and those who knew of the affair, he was protecting their feelings and he wanted to see ow without you. This is wayward thinking. The only person he should have been worried about would be you, how you feel about him seeing OW and if he went he should have WANTED you there so you could feel SAFE, or not go. That his what a remorseful wayward would do. He wanted to see ow. I would be checking phone records.
And this boss situation has more red flags flying. No way a remorseful wayward is going to go out one on one with a female, never. Especially since you had already expressed how this made you feel. He simply did not care and went anyhow. Your safety and feelings were tossed aside so he could spend one on one time with his boss. I have never heard of anyone's boss calling or texting around midnight. Unprofessional and totally inappropriate. Again he didnt care about your feelings and you're correct, he didnt answer because you were there. Had he answered it would have looked a tad better but he knew he couldnt take that call with you there. Again, Trying if he is remorseful he would not be snappy with you when you express your feelings, he wouldnt tell you that you are insecure. His wayward behavior is making you feel unsafe and I believe your gut is screaming at you Trying22, listen to it. He would never put you in the place he did for this funeral and he never would be getting calls from a woman late and night and going out with her alone. Knowing each and everyone one of these things hurts you and makes you feel unsafe. He knows it is wrong and he is trying to manipulate you and blameshift onto you. These are huge problems.
Do you have total transparency with him? Passwords etc? Can you check his phone and emails anytime youd like to? If not ask for that asap. Check everything. If texts and emails have been deleted big problem. Check phone records took, Id go into investigative mode asap, I am so sorry.
Trying22 I know you want everyone to say it will be ok. Someday it might be but your WH as to get to a place or remorse and truly get it and change. You cannot go on living like this. It is unfair to you. Right now he is not even close to remorseful, and I think there is a huge problem brewing. You deserve to feel safe in your M. You deserve it. What he is doing with his boss and with regard to his past OW are wrong and highly suspect.
Im so sorry ((((hugs))))