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User Topic: Trickle Truth D-day yesterday..Total mindf***
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At MC yesterday, I told WH I was stuck because I still have questions and I have felt like when I try to ask them he shuts down and isn't able to talk...doesn't want to relive it. So I had a list of questions and he very reluctantly agreed to answer them after our session was over.

OW found out she was pregnant a few weeks after D-Day.. I knew this. When my H found out and told me he was in shock... told me he didn't think she could get pregnant, etc.

The truth came out yesterday.. She wanted a baby. I had just had a baby and she was jealous. So she told him she wanted a baby and stopped taking the pill and kept F***ing away. He knew it. he said at that time he didn't care if she got pregnant and he didn't want to lose her!! There was a plan in place to leave me and go off to lala fantasy land with her. It was supposed to happen on April 1st but he kept putting it off and finally told her that he couldn't do it. Not be because of me but because of the kids. He said he loved me, but at the time he didn't want me..he wanted to be with her. He loved her...they had a bombshell sexual connection.. until she realized he wasn't leaving me and started fucking someone else. He would not tolerate her cheating on him... wtf?? so they broke up

idk what the f*** to do with this. They were trying to start a family while he ignored the one he already had. I hate him right now. I really do. I was nothing but a pawn in his game.

oh. and the there is this... she called him at work after the baby was born and told him that he could come see the baby. He td her that he didn't know if the baby was his and he wasn't interested until paternity was established. She called him a coward and said that paternity won't be established because you don't deserve to be a part of his life..

so yep, broken NC. this happened in January. when asked why he didn't tell me he said because he wasn't proud of the conversation!

I feel like I am dying inside. I don't think am able to R at this point. I need help... prayers... 2 x 4s. anything. advice from WS and BS welcome. So lost and sad right now.


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 176 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT sucks! all an effort to make our decisions for us by keeping us blind from the truth. IF you have other questions give him a list and he should wade through them. Then and only then can you really make the decision to R.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1908 | Registered: Nov 2010
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Lucy))))

That's big TT. I wish I had something to help or comfort but I'm at a loss. He doesn't deserve you. Not as the man he is now.

He needs to grow the f*ck up and man up to help heal what he ripped apart.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11224 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucy. I'm so sorry. This is a huge revelation.

Take some time to process this. You don't have to decide right now.

I'm sorry. ((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6808 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
paperweight
♀ New Member
Member # 44151
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through or the crapstorm of emotions you are feeling. But you will get through this, we all will.

(((Lucy)))


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gods below, sweetie. This is a particularly gut-wrenching TT. Just gut-wrenching. I can only image the pain that this truth is causing you. It really is another body slam. An un-fricking fair body slam.

May I suggest that you call your MC and ask for another session ASAP and tell the MC why? I think that it might help both of you and give you an outside person IRL to talk to, to help process this. And as awfully strange as it sounds, remember that your WH did indeed, give you information that your gut told you was still out there. It would have been far, far better if he had given it to you much earlier, but he DID give it to you. That's a step in the right direction. And if you think that there is any chance of R at all left on the table, you might consider that he needs to be encouraged? (not sure if that's the right word) to continue to tell you the truth. I'm not saying to hide the righteous and legitimate pain that this has caused you. I sure didn't when I got TT. But I was able, maybe not that immediate minute, but later to tell my WH that that I appreciated the effort it took, to come clean to me. My goal was to keep any revelations coming. It was hard, to thank someone for being truthful when that truth tore my world apart, again. I just felt that it needed to be done, in my situation at least, to encourage as much truth telling as possible.

I'm so very sorry. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, Lucy. No 2x4's here. Just love and prayers and good thoughts and everything I can send from all the way over here.

Take care of yourself. Try to practice the 180 with him till the world stops spinning. I mean, if you feel compelled to go in for more counseling right now that is up to you, but I would need some time to digest this.

We're here for you. Wish I could give you a big hug.

(((LtL)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17810 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, Lucy, I am so so sorry. I cannot imagine, that revelation is a special kind of fu*ked up.

Do you have someone who can help you with your boys so you can get out of the house this weekend for awhile and try to process this?

Hugs....


Posts: 7590 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Lucy))

That's a lot to digest. I'm so sorry things happened this way. If there is a positive in all this, Skan has described it well.

No big decisions now. You need time to wrap your head around everything. I would think a counselor, at least for yourself, would be necessary. It's a huge shock to your understanding of the story of the A and hence your understanding of reality. I hope your H understands how badly he effed up by withholding this for so long. I know it's a painful thing to have to reveal to someone, but it's so much worse to be TT'd!

((Lucy)))


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2014
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've often wondered how you were doing Lucy and I'm sorry to see this post. Those are massive secrets he's been keeping. I remember his attitude when he found that Var you had put in his car and how angry he was at you that you still didn't trust him yet - and all the time he was still lying. Wow.

I agree with the others too. Take some time with this Lucy - there's no rush for you to decide anything. It is a massive dose of TT and broken NC that will take you some time to process. However, the one thing I will say in his favour is that at least he has actually come clean now. How does that fit with how he's been recently? Has he seemed more remorseful than he was being previously?

Lucy, my advice is to give yourself time to weigh all this up before you make any decisions. You know we're all here for you whatever you decide.

(((Lucy)))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1880 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow that's not trickle truth that nuclear truth. Seriously I hope he gets the damage he has done by withholding this piece of things this long.

Don't make any decisions today or tomorrow. Give your brain a chance to comprehend this.

If it makes you feel any better I want to kick him in the jimmies for you.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8698 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lucy)))


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1070 | Registered: Dec 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I'm ticked off for you. Instead of just telling you at MC where you could have had the support of the MC, he selfishly waits. So *he* can do it alone and not have to reveal that horribleness for the first time in front of your MC.

I'm just at the thought.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11224 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your support. I was having a hard enough time with the fact that he allegedly "accidentally" got her pregnant. But to do that shit on purpose...while married... And babies at home??? I don't think I can ever forgive him for that...ever.

Also, I can't stop thinking about how he has not offered to go for paternity testing. He wanted to wait and see if she would force him.. I mean ...if he was active participating in knocking her up..then he damn sure should be responsible for the child financially..What kind of man did I marry? I don't even know this guy.. I think OW might have right on the mark when she called him a coward. But that is out of the mouth of a whore who started an affair with him knowing that He was married and I was pregnant. However, it does seem to be the case. He can't take ownership of anything.

I am a wreck... I have sat at my desk and cried all day.

Ann B. my SIL is moving this weekend and having surgery on Monday and I am going to stay with her for a few days to clear my head. I couldn't even sleep in the bed next to him last night.

Sins of the Father
He really doesn't seem remorseful. I don't think he can totally connect himself with all that he has done. I asked him why he didn't tell me the truth about the baby from the beginning and he said "because I didn't want to believe that I had actually been that terrible." So I guess he just blocked it...lied to himself.. He is still very emotionally handicapped...not much there when I am crying and upset. He hugs me and tries to comfort me, but I look in his eyes I see nothing.

I am thinking of calling his IC and going for a meeting with him. I bet he doesn't know of any of this fuckedupness.. That went on.


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 176 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
determinata
Member
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to say. I just want to give you such a big, big hug. I'm sorry.
(((((((((((((((LiedtoLucy))))))))))))))))


M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay


Posts: 288 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LiedtoLucy, I am so, so sorry. This is horrible.

Has OW sought any type of child support from your FWH? Do you know if she has sought any kind of financial assistance? I ask because if she has applied for anything (state medical for the baby, anything), then the state will try to force her to name a father so that they can pursue him for child support.

I am so sorry, I am absolutely sickened for you. Being in an OC situation myself, if I found out FWH had actually been trying to get OW pregnant... I don't even know what I'd do. Probably lose my mind.

((((so many hugs to you)))


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2311 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 16

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