I keep asking what it is he is taking to his grave. I get days of new information and gut wrenching details (November, January, June and August) and Everytime he swears we are at ground zero. He was so giddy in June with the fact that he felt so free it was all out there.
Yesterday i woke with the sensation it was the tip of the iceburg. I found out about a long suspected fling that really was consummated though he denied it for 28 years and another ONS with a stranger he met in w hotel bar from 25 years ago.
Today he had a physical and blood work done. I finally made my appointment with the Dr. for STD testing, too. He had three short term affairs early in our marriage 28, 26 and 25 years ago. He then "found Jesus" and all was well until 1 year ago when he fell in lurve with a COW. In the trickle truth today he told me he led her to believe he was willing to leave me, though he would "have to take care of me". This conversation was the very day that I walked in on them in bed together. He dropped her like a rock.
I think I need to separate from him for awhile until he realizes the TT is killing me. It has physically taken a huge toll on me. Today part of his list of things to do is schedule a lie detector test. I have an apartment at a friends house that is open to me. Should I leave and do the 180?
[This message edited by Ginny at 11:27 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]
"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1
For a time, before I knew everything, he was behind the steering wheel and now I kick myself. But not long because it can't be undone. So I move on.
I just wonder how you can move on for yourself and attempt to get healthy if you keep finding out more and having setbacks. During the false R's, that's what kept happening to me. I almost let myself go to ruin over that man, who did end up ruining my life and I am at ground zero.
The bottom line is, unfortunately, that we have a threshold and I hope you can decide before you get to crash-burnout.
Don't forget you. Don't make him more important.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Separating from him to try to get his attention wont necessarily work. You are trying to get a specific outcome. You are trying to get HIM to do something different.
Separating because TT keeps hurting you, and you are getting space to protect yourself from continually having the scab ripped off and the wound cut deeper, makes sense. If you focus on what YOU want to have happen for YOU when you are away from him, then it is more likely to be a good choice.
Ask youself "If I move into the apartment, what will my life look like? How will I conduct myself? What will I do with myself? If he goes ballistic or if he hoovers me back in, what will I do?"
I tried everything to get my WH to straighten his act out. He just didn't want to. The lying was so ingrained he couldn't stop lying or hiding things from me. I think it was indicative of how little he really wanted our relationship to survive. I couldn't make him reconcile on my terms.
[This message edited by heartbroken_kk at 7:45 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.