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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Rough Morning
Futurefear
♀ Member
Member # 43176
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my asshat and his whore are off on a romantic getaway 'fun' because he is so stressed out with the divorce and kids. Seriously?? He is stressed out?? I don't think he knows the meaning of stress.

My 8yr old daughter went off this morning crying, fighting with her sister, threatening everyone and everything. I know it is because he is gone, off work and not home and she had to go to daycare. I just calmly told her that she is angry at the wrong people and to use what her therapist told her to do when she feels this way. Just not a fun life right now...

I also just called my attorney's office and asked what the next step is regarding this process. I was told that if I am ready to do a proposal then I need to have all my ducks in a row such as what I want visitation wise, vehicle, household goods, custody, money, etc. WTF!! I am not an attorney!! I have no idea and am feeling 110% overwhelmed and out of control. Period.


me-40 BS
him-38 WH
together 9 yrs, married 7
kids-8,5,15 mon
DD#1-Jan 2014, numerous others followed
filed for divorce April 2014

"The worst part about being lied too is that knowing you weren't worth the truth."


Posts: 129 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Focus on getting those ducks in a row.

Think about what you'd like out of a divorce. Start with the big ones, like custody, house, child support and spousal support. There should be guidelines for your state related to all these things. Your lawyer is probably trying to save you some money by having you bang all this together beforehand.

The L will, or should, provide guidance as to the amounts of child and spousal support you can expect (if any), and other details about property, etc.

Focusing on this now will help you detach from him, and that's a good thing. Look after those kids too, and spend extra time with them. It'll make you and them feel better.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 317 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take a deep breath, sit back for a moment. This IS an overwhelming process, but if YOU can sit down, take out a piece of note paper and write down a list of all belongings that you will need, the car (and any loan info), your house etc...then open your bank account and write down account numbers, balances, bills and balances / payments, and gather his info BEFORE your next visit to your L, you will save time and a sizeable chunk of $ in L fees. And if you can do this, you will also regain control of the situation, and should lessen some stress.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 967 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Futurefear
♀ Member
Member # 43176
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just feel completely overwhelmed and very sad...that our life together has come down to money, custody and things...that I was so easy to walk away from and how little I really meant to him. Really really hurts right now especially since he's off relaxing and I'm managing the 3 kids, work and trying to hold myself together.


me-40 BS
him-38 WH
together 9 yrs, married 7
kids-8,5,15 mon
DD#1-Jan 2014, numerous others followed
filed for divorce April 2014

"The worst part about being lied too is that knowing you weren't worth the truth."


Posts: 129 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's horrible, Hon. It isn't fair when they skate away with no difficulty while we pick up the pieces.

You can figure out what you want. The rest of us did, so you can, too. It is piddly, it will trigger you like mad, but you can do it. Just one step at a time, okay? Pick one thing to figure out and stop when you're done with that one thing.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my asshat and his whore are off on a romantic getaway 'fun' because he is so stressed out with the divorce and kids. Seriously?? He is stressed out?? I don't think he knows the meaning of stress.

Its so damn typical...

Nothing personal to WSs looking in but good greif, wtf! Such entitled children! Sickening


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 406 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Futurefear)))

His walking away -- running, more like -- has nothing to do with you and everything to do with *his* brokenness.

Keep taking care of things and know that it will pay off when you are the one your kids know they can rely on. Do you have friends and family for support with logistics and just as shoulders to cry on?

It's not fair, but one day it will be behind you and you'll have a happier life.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Futurefear
♀ Member
Member # 43176
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.
I do have a pretty strong support system of friends but no one is divorced so they can only say/do so much. Both of our parents are OOT and supportive but can't be here a lot.
I know I'm not alone but today just feel lost. Almost like I just found out again...
I plan on sitting down tonight and writing down what I want in regards to the kids. They are my main priority.
Just still really struggling with the unfairness of it and how cruel he is. Things that have been said to me should never be said to the mother of your children, or thought.
Basically he wanted his cake and eat it to and I put my foot down saying 'no'. Can't have it both ways...I wonder if he is narcissistic


me-40 BS
him-38 WH
together 9 yrs, married 7
kids-8,5,15 mon
DD#1-Jan 2014, numerous others followed
filed for divorce April 2014

"The worst part about being lied too is that knowing you weren't worth the truth."


Posts: 129 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There will come a time when you cherish him being far away, when you haven't heard from him in a while. Be ready for him to come back with bullshit stories about how he thinks you should try again, etc, etc. As soon as he realizes you are starting to detach, he may try to feed his pathetic ego by trying to get you back on the line. Don't fall for it.

You can do this. You will find strength you didn't know you had. Living well is the best revenge. It's true.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 317 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Topic Posts: 9

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