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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: No contact (for real, this time)
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soooo, my WS, whom I am separated from, could not give me what I needed for even 5 months, despite his 'deep love' for me and the fact tht he would do 'anything' to come home (well, anything except for what I asked of him) He is a real piece of work. He started reverting back to his old ways about a month ago. So slowly that I really did not even notice for about a week or 2. But since I have, I really feel like an idiot! But not as big an idiot had I let him come back home. So, I had learned enough not to trust him completely again, so that is a step up. A week ago is when it really came to a head. I was done!! I am trying no contact whatsoever unless it is about the kids and he has agreed. Not out of respect for me, of course because he doesn't know what that looks like. But because he has found 'something' else I occupy his time, I am sure. So anyway, he called me Sunday and Monday nights about 11:00, the same time each night. I texted him Tuesday morning and told him that I unblocked him from my cell phone but to please only contact me about the kids. And he has not called to talk to me since. Which is great but I am having trouble letting go of talking to him. I have resisted the urge and done great! It is hard though. I still crave hearing from him and the ego kibble he would give me. I know that they are lies and manipulation, but I really wanted to believe them! But I am getting stronger every day. My stomach is still anxious but I can do this!! In fact, I got some sad news from a mutual friend of ours and actually thought about texting him about it, but I did not!!!! That is progress!! Maybe one day this pit in my stomach will go away and he won't be the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I can't wait!!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The false R is the worst Hopeful. Going complete NC is such a good move.

It is exasperating how our cheating lover will sing beautiful words to do "anything", but refuse to do what we really need. That final realization that they are not at all close to remorse is such a heart breaker. ((Hopeful74))

I completely understand the difficulty in not contacting your WS. I too have broken NC several times. What I find most helpful during those weak moments is reminding myself of why she is not remorseful, and how I felt the last time I contact her ( ). So far it is working.

[This message edited by justme1264 at 8:16 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's very tough in the beginning. It's like you go through a sort of withdrawal, and you have to wean yourself off.

Don't let him use the "kids" as an excuse to talk to you though, that's a common tactic that they will try to suck you back in. As soon as it goes off topic, shut it down. If it's not completely necessary about the kids, don't respond.

Be gentle with yourself. It takes a long time.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3350 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks JustMe and sparky!! I have compared it to a drug withdrawal. I just need to detox and then I will be fine (I hope!!). I try to bring my thoughts back to me when I think about it. I get a little mad at myself for letting him in as far as I did, just to have him do it again. But then I tell myself that, no, he wasn't calling the shots. I was in control and he couldn't handle it. I am the prize and whatever flings he is having are not my issue any longer. I am working on finding my own happiness, and that is what is going to make me better and stronger. I don't need his lies to make me feel good. That is a cheater' tool. And I am no cheater!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will get there. Each time you refuse the craving you move forward in healing, because contact really does hurt--cake-eaters love to keep spinning out whatever sounds good, or to lash out, and either is hard to take. Call your friends instead, come post here, turn off your phone, take a hot bath, or just let yourself cry, and know that you're right, you *are* the prize! You got this!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4168 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks NoraBird !!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Topic Posts: 6

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