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User Topic: I don't think there is any getting over this
houseofpain
♀ Member
Member # 25706
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS has not done any of the work required to fix what he has done (no MC, IC or transparency), but even if he had, or was willing, I don't think that I will ever get over his infidelity. I don't even like to call it "cheating." This is full-on betrayal. The worst kind.

I know that people reconcile and I think that's great, but I don't see it happening for me. Right now everything has been swept under the rug because my WS acts as though his behavior is too painful for him to talk about. So we don't, but even if we did, I don't think he is trustworthy. He is a liar and a snake and I don't think that he can ever be the good guy I thought he was.

The truth is, the person that I trusted with my heart, and my life, has thrown me under the bus. I don't really care why. He did it and he can't undo it. I don't believe that a person can say they love someone and then betray them. I just don't. That's not love - it's the opposite of love.

This is how I feel today, and most days.


D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
Me: 49
WS: 45
Blended family with 5 kids

Pain is just fear leaving the body


Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((houseofpain))))

Have there been two affairs or more TT?

Focus on you, HOP, your kids.

If your unhappy and cant move beyond it, start setting those ducks in a row.

you cant live unhappily the rest of your life.

hugs,....


Posts: 568 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree completely!! I have recently come to the same conclusion and sort of feel like a weight has been lifted. I no longer have to worry about how I am going to live happily ever after with a lying manipulator!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
brokenheartinga
♀ New Member
Member # 41142
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 4+ years out and I am still not over it.
I have good days and bad days. Although time
has helped ease the pain. I will never forget and
I will never feel the same about him. Although I do love him more than he deserves. He is very remorseful and doing all the right things. I am thankful for that.
It feels like a big red spot in the middle of
a white sheet.


***Go with your gut***

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ga
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right there with you HOP. My ws has done nothing that he promised he would do and given me no info regarding the A. I've just given up on any hope of this mess getting repaired. I just want to run away from it all.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
houseofpain
♀ Member
Member # 25706
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kiki1 - I have found some evidence that there have been others (email addresses that I didn't know about, questionable Facebook friends, hiding women's phone numbers under guy names in his contacts, and hiding his work phone from me) but I only have solid evidence of 2 EAs that may have been PAs, though he won't tell me.

I'm convinced that he is self-centered hypocrite and liar and he was very good at hiding it for a very long time.


D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
Me: 49
WS: 45
Blended family with 5 kids

Pain is just fear leaving the body


Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
BlueBlueEyes
♀ Member
Member # 43949
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(()HOP)))
I wish I could give you words of wisdom. I'm almost three months out and still can't believe anything. He lied so well and I really didn't know.


BW - 49
WH - 50
Married 30 years
Beautiful Son, Daughter and 2 Grandsons.

OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.

Hopeful but cautious


Posts: 194 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Texas
EmbraceTheChange
♀ Member
Member # 43247
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking the same thing.

Even though my husband is professing his love for me and the kids everyday, his actions just don't match. He has promised me to change job - i'm still waiting for him to send an application. Promises to leave home early so he can come home early - doesn't happen (when he would jog with his AP, he would be out of the house at 6.15). Promises to call the kids more - nope. We get the customary email in mid-afternoon. He was texting his COW from 7am to 10pm everyday, constantly.(around 100 texts per day, more on weekends). I asked him about it, and he said that he really SHOULD email us more often. Really, did you think this with the COW, that you should text her, or were you just doing it? Or did you ever think that you were texting her more than it was appropriate?

I am done with all this pretending. I'm not healing at all, i'm just as mad as I was on DD.


Some days I feel we will make it. And some days I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to start afresh.

BH: me (40)
WH: him (45)
5 kids
Married for 20 years

My husband had an EA (prob PA but doesn't admit it) with a co-worker last year.


Posts: 87 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Texas
sunny58
♀ Member
Member # 43645
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((houseofpain))))
You are not alone. We are survivors and will get past this somehow. We have to just accept what happened and try and move on with our lives.

Posts: 74 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree with every word you said. So sorry it's been so long for you too and hope that things get better for you soon


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2011
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you ever 'get OVER it.' You just get through it as best you can. If you have a ws who makes the effort @ 200% speed, that helps with getting through it. When you have a ws who is too self-absorbed to do what needs done for getting through it, it's ten times as hard to reach the other side of the abyss. (((( House of Pain)))) This crap just plain isn't easy. My lying, cheating wayward husband became my lying, cheating ex husband. What's to miss about that ? Nothing ! Put your hip boots on and start wading. (((( sending more hugs ))))


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't R with an unremorseful WS, but you can heal yourself. Have you considered starting the 180?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10089 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, there is no getting over this..In healing, with or without the marriage, there is eventual acceptance and living with what has happened..
Similar as to when one has lost a person to death or sustained his/her own life changing injury.. All one can do is his or her best to cope with the changes that the permanent damage brought on, and rebuild his or her life at some point..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 13

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