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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: stupid backwards thinking
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had the urge a while ago to text OM and let him know what she's been doing on this side of the fence. How they're just friends and apparently we're still fuck buddies. How despite her not wearing the ring no paperwork has been filed.

Couple of things "clicked". They met when he responded to a craigslist ad she had posted back in May looking for old doors, barn wood, etc. for her business. He was tearing down a barn on his property and responded to the ad.

He asked if she needed it cut to size and she had responded no, her husband could take care of that. By late June, she was asking him to cut it, saying we were separated (a lie I found about only recently). The texting / calling didnt pick up until right before the 4th. On the 6th I had handed her pre filled out paperwork to review. She disappeared for two days and when she did come back she had the paperwork sticking out of her purse.

Now, over the past few weeks she's been jumping back into my bed talking alternately about working on things then flip a switch she wants to divorce this marriage has been / is smothering her.

Personally, I'm done with the emotional abuse and her selfish behavior, the entitlement, the lying, the cheating, etc. and am looking forward to reclaiming my life in the next few weeks when she moves into the new place I just went into escrow on. But a sick twisted part of me knows that if she's been stringing me along, then she's doing the same shit to him. Would love to burst her bubble and let her wallow in her own shit alone for once.

Figured I'd post those thoughts here and get hit with a 2x4 rather than stir that drama llama from a nap though. Let'em figure her bullshit out on his own.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally natural urge, I get it. Focus on you, though.

(((H&L)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Forged1
♂ Member
Member # 43418
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing with cake eaters is that they eventually run out of cake. I think she realizes that she's pretty much out of cake. You're ready for D (you've got the papers signed) and she realizes that the doors on your particular bakery are swinging shut. I would imagine that OM is now staring down the barrel of the fact that she's going to be divorced from you soon and he might actually have to make good on whatever promises he made during the A. He's probably realizing that he doesn't want to do that, and she's beginning to realize that herself, so she's pinballing.

Do not engage with OM/AP and keep trucking on down the path to divorcing her ass. She'll be back banging on your door soon enough. Let her in if you feel like it. Don't if you don't.


Me: BH - 30s
Her: WW - 30s

Married - 2008
PA with boss for at least 5 months in 2013, possibly longer.
DDay - Feb 2014
Separated, heading to D
==================================
At this stage, I'm pretty much bulletproof.


Posts: 306 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, over the past few weeks she's been jumping back into my bed talking alternately about working on things then flip a switch she wants to divorce this marriage has been / is smothering her.

You know that whatever cooties he's got crawling in his bed are getting dragged back into yours, right? Protect yourself, please. Keeping her out of your bed would probably be the best way to do that.

(((H&L)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17785 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jrazz -

Agreed. Had several nights of blissful denial followed by extreme anxiety on that point. Have an appointment next week to do the dirty deed "gift" tests.

Not sure how to explain the situation. Not like Dday#1 back in 2010. Not HB (well, 1st time was). Emotional, yes. Roller Coaster? Yes, just not with the super highs or lows, maybe some resignation mixed in to compensate for that added to mild depression and anxiety. Against my better judgement? Ab-so-freakin-lute-ly. Do I feel used? Yep. Like a turd just before the impending flush.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 2:48 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let'em figure her bullshit out on his own.

Absolutely. It's not your problem. He dipped his pen her inkwell so let him clean the stinky ink off of his pen on his own.

She's taken up way to much head space. It's normal and that will lessen once she's gone.

One last thing, Jrazz is right. Keep her out of your bed. God knows what's coming with her.

Peace H&L! You are doing ok.

PS: Please keep posting and don't engage in any more conversations with her unless there is no choice. It's a losing proposition and one that you must refuse!


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 181 | Registered: Apr 2014
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to hear about the testing H&L. I didn't want to contribute to your anxiety, and I'm hoping that you have nothing to worry about. Just want you to be safe and to take care of yourself. You deserve so much more.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 10:43 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17785 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Commanche1
♂ Member
Member # 39692
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtingandLost, the OM threw a grenade in your lunch pail, Bucking the trend here but when in the boxing ring you get punched then you counter punch. you should never have a friend or an enemy that you did not pay back

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jun 2013
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My cake eating WW got the first batch of "THE SHIT GETS REAL" when I told her the other day that I was happy to be without her and she could just get out. The cake eaters only respond to, "you are not the prize, get out"....


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 498 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
Topic Posts: 9

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