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Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

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User Topic: WH - I've become a better person"
sohurtbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During the last few months, WH has said to me a number of times that "at least something good came out of this....I've become a better person."

Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't. Yes there are some improvements, yes, I can honestly say he is trying to work on his issues. Maybe not in the way I think he should, but he at least acknowledges things now...but

Why was the cost of becoming a better person at the expense of my sanity, my security, my emotional health as well as my physical health? Why did it take destroying me for you to become the person that I always believed and he led me to believe he was?

I'm glad he's happier with himself, but so sad that he ruined me in the process.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 296 | Registered: Aug 2011
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a horrible truth. I'm living it too.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 472 | Registered: May 2014
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi sohurt:

I really resonate with your post.

I am 2 plus years out, and last night my wayward said something similar.

I had the same question for him.

He's happy that we are together, he's happier with who he is as a person, and he thinks everything is okay.

Well, maybe it is okay for him, but it's not for me.

Yes, he says he has become a better person, the person I thought he was.

But prior to his affair I always thought he was a good person, that is what he lead me to believe. But he wasn't.

So how am I to now simply trust his words. His words are mud, and meant nothing prior.

I have no answers for you, but wanted to offer my support.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1220 | Registered: May 2014
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not fair and it sucks.

I have to say though that his comment doesn't sit well with me. It still sounds like justification for destroying you.

When my WH made comments like that he wasn't remorseful. He was trying to convince himself and me that it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, because hey-now we have a nice new me!

No.

So his comment and your "maybe, maybe not" comment make me wonder just how committed is he? And is he doing everything you need him to?


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1762 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"at least something good came out of this....I've become a better person."

That's a crock of horseshit. Sure, he may be a better person, but most of us don't need to skewer our spouse's emotional well-being in order to become better. Next time he wants to improve himself, there is a whole section of self-improvement books at his local bookstore.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1986 | Registered: Jan 2013
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him "Bravo"! Now you have a few thousands of days ahead to prove it each and every day.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 206 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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