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User Topic: Shit hit the fan
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been in this hellhole for 10 months now: affair discovery with a COW (who is still there), false R, rediscovery, WH with zero communication abilities, etc, etc.

Yesterday, my DS(19)revealed he knew his dad had an A (could it be b/c we were in separate bedrooms with "How to Help Your Spouse Heal.." on his nightstand?). DS said he told his sister (my stepdaughter, 31).

So, I talked with both of them, then headed to our first MC session (we had gone before, stopped after false R & attended IC).

Talk about a "deer in the headlights"! My WH is beyond devastated. Shell shocked. We haven't talked since he learned THEY knew. But as my son said, "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time."

I am so sad that it has come to this, and I didn't want the "reveal" to happen this way. I didn't want our children to know any of this, I wanted us to heal and "get better". But WH wasn't doing the work and I was definitely in limbo and on the fence.

On the other hand, I think my WH now knows true pain. The kind of pain I have been through - which may sound a little vengeful. Of course, he didn't want his children to lose respect for him.

The next few days should be very interesting.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 495 | Registered: Nov 2013
10yearsafter
♂ Member
Member # 43139
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for what you are going through. False R is hard and your WH not doing the work is painful.

The chickens have come home to roost and now your WH gets a taste (a very small taste) of the pain you have.
Vengeful, no he is only getting a little of what he deserves.

Sending you strength.


Posts: 207 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Texas
sorrowfulmate
♂ Member
Member # 43441
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We weren't telling our kids part of it was DD2 was in the hospital for depression.

We thought we were protecting her.

DD2 overheard a conversation between my BW and myself. She came into the bathroom and asked me point blank.

I have been learning to own my shit and this was the time to step up. I told her. I told her it was all my doing. I told her that it wasn't anything that her mom did or the family did.

She was devastated. The next day we went to a forest preserve to talk. I gave her a general outline of the timeline and what I have done.

Yes the shit hit the fan... But I feel like I'm taking responsibility by owning up to what I have done.


Me-WS 50
Her-BS 50 Questioningall
5 kids
Dday 1 12/12
Dday 2 - 3/14 EAs, 2 ONS, 1 LTA
TT until 7/14 when I gave a timeline
"Good night, Sorrowful. Good work. Sleep well. I can always divorce you in the morning." Dread BW Roberts

Posts: 208 | Registered: May 2014
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

which may sound a little vengeful. Of course, he didn't want his children to lose respect for him.

I don't think this makes you a vengeful person. And even if you are a little vengeful in this regard, I'd say you've earned the right.

Don't feel bad about appreciating that he is experiencing a little pain. He gave no thought to your pain when he stepped out for 18 months!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone!

I think he is taking responsibility now. He has talked both children and has a call in to his oldest daughter.

Now, we'll see if he'll be able to talk to me.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 495 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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