Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Port (45718)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: inexplicably innapropriate
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So since each moment is more horrible than the last..my youngest- my baby -got arrested last week...for selling heroin to a co worker. I knew he smoked pot....and somehow in a blaze of stupid..he thought he'd make some easy cash. I cant even talk about that right yet.
What I do want to talk about is how his father ..my WH..took my sons 18 year old gf out to talk. He had her meet him at a restraunt up the street and they sat at the bar and he drank too much and they were gone over 2hours. She texts me and my son (who were left behind) that its "going ok" but his dad is "acting weird"-touching her leg and lots of hugging. Wtf??
Has he lost his mind?? Have I been crazy-blind all our lives? How am I supposed to protect everybody??!


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 147 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't. And you'll lose your mind trying. Your kids are both legal adults now, even if they aren't as mature as you'd like them to be. They have to suffer the consequences of their own actions or they'll end up entitled asses like their father.

Why in the world would the gf meet with your ex anyway, and then stay that long? That girl sounds like she's missing a few screws herself. The correct response to his request was NO.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2371 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
MegM
♀ Member
Member # 34941
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is horrible - for your DS and his GF. It is really quite scary to be a young woman in a situation with an older male who you wouldn't want to upset or be rude to - who starts acting inappropriately. Especially at a time of great stress.

Between 16 and 19 this happened in a number of situations for me. It took quite a few years, confidence and some self esteem to not only fully identify these situations but be able to respond assertively and without apology.

It is horrible for you that he has again shown who he is, with someone vulnerable, at a vulnerable time for the family.

You can't protect everyone. Both your DS and his gf are young adults. You can only do what you can. but there is only one person in the above scenario (drug issues aside) who is responsible and that is your WH.


BS / fWS me 41 (@ DDay)
fWS / BS him 39-BlindFreddy (@DDay)
My DD's 13 Jan 2012 / 29 Jan / 27 Feb (Trickle truth for 5 wks)
His DDay Dec 2003 (details 06/12)
Married
3 ch(6 - 16 at discovery)
remembering "Sunshine on my shoulders"

Posts: 669 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Australia
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both. One of the hardest things to all this is how I no longer trust myself and my judgement or even feelings. You were both so on-target, even without listening to my story day by day for the past couple years, it is comforting that you see it too.
Stbxwh wants my son's gf to go to court with us -- he almost certainly won't. "Too busy/Too much work", but I think that I won't take her. It's not for her to go.


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 147 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not imagining things. He is acting very inappropriately. First, he has no business inviting his son's gf to a bar. Second, he should NEVER touch a woman's leg - not an old one or a young one.

Can you confront him about this? Can you offer to help him find a counselor or a program to help? This is wrong and borders on dirty old man behavior.

Your H needs to learn proper boundaries. I'm sorry you are going through this but it shouldn't be your job to protect everyone. Hugs.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry about your ds situation. I've had to deal with similar issues and its horribly stressful and heartbreaking
Secondly, makes me sick that during this difficult time, ws chooses to be the "creepy dad" to this gf. So so inappropriate, boundary bashing, and just plain sickening. I'm so sorry I m with you on leaving the gf out of the court session. Last thing you need is to witness the asinine ws acting stupid. You have enough to deal with.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have I been crazy-blind all our lives?

I'm coming to realize that there is a fine line between accepting differences and rugsweeping flags, sometimes.

Don't blame yourself for not seeing this coming. Post-Affair a lot of reframing is going to happen, and you will see things in a new light, and that's ok.

This clustermess that your WH and youngest are participating in is not your fault or your responsibility. Tell the GF that if she knows what's good for her she will keep away, and keep lining your ducks up.

(((IGB)))


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18283 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.