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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Genius's [almost] Last Stand: another vent
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Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But this time, he wins. I don't think I have a chance to submit anything else. We had 10 days to submit any amendments to the divorce decree. We did - vacation, medical expenses, and a specific date each month for EX to submit CS and SS.

This was his reply to our Motion. Obviously it veered off course quite a bit, and it's not clear to me if he's allowed to even do that after the 10-day window is over. If he had a problem with the schedule, he should have filed ten days ago to amend it, just like we did.

I'm an attorney, not family law but... I would absolutely respond to anything I wanted to respond to, especially if he raised something new in his response.

Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1514 | Registered: Nov 2010
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Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sudra. Respond to anything new with any evidence to support your case. The worst that can happen is they don't look at it.

BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Jun 2011
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Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, too, that you are going to get a chance to respond, especially since he went off the rails again in his "response." He made new accusations? Then you get to respond.

I know it's irritating that he lied about how the exchange went down, but don't let that stop you from being reasonable. I always told myself, no matter how fucking unreasonable and ridiculous he is, *I'M* going to keep being reasonable.

By denying my phone calls and fucking with the schedule and causing problems all over the place, I think he was hoping I would do the same. Like I really would stop letting him see the kids, in retaliation for everything he was doing. He was TRYING to get me to make a mistake. But I promise! Taking the high road really is best!!!

I really didn't know all the divorce laws in the beginning, but I just kept asking myself, if a judge were to read it, how would he want me to handle this? What would a "normal" person do and say here?

So if he asked to see the kids or asked for a switch, I obliged. He asks so rarely anyways, but I blew any kind of case he had for parental alienation out of the water. All just by being reasonable.

And THAT is what made no contact so easy for me. I cut off all in-face and over-the-phone conversations during the divorce, and saved every last damn email and text message. Black and white emails and texts don't lie. MAYBE the moron will learn one day that these are actual "evidence" in a court case, and his bullshit ramblings ARE NOT.

I also had texts between my ex and DS10 from when ex had bought him a phone, and the genius decided it would be fine to bash me to my son ON THE PHONE, calling me a bitch and all sorts of names, telling DS10 that I can't be trusted, trying to change the schedule through my son, asking him if he wanted to him to pick him up without ever fucking communicating with me at all. As you can imagine, this broke just about ALL the administrative orders that had been put into place, which are there to PROTECT THE CHILDREN. Fucking moron.. Ex got a really good ass reaming from the judge after seeing those messages..

My lawyer told me I had every single item needed for a case for parental alienation EXCEPT that my kids were actually alienated from me. Him "trying" to alienate me wasn't enough. I had to be able to prove that the relationship between the children and I had been damaged, which it wasn't, so we didn't have a case, even though we could 100% prove he TRIED to alienate them from me.

Really, the truth will set you free. Try to believe that.

I think these fucktards really do get a kick out of making us pull our hair out. You KNOW he is completely gaslighting and lying about how the exchange went down, but it sounds like you have proof, so don't stress it! Relax! Don't let him make you feel crazy! Which is what he is TRYING to do. The fact that you can ALREADY disprove his ridiculous response will just make him look worse in court.

You know he's making new claims against you, so OF COURSE you are going to get to defend yourself.

Seriously, just relax and let this guy hang himself. He's tying himself one of the prettiest nooses I've seen in a long time

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:55 AM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2639 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
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Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I would also respond to any new items that he has brought up regardless of the 10-day window. You're not initiating a new item, you'd simply be responding to his idiotic claims.

Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

Posts: 1750 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Is there any reason why her kids and his kids shouldn't be there together? I know you don't want them over there at all, and if they have opposite visitation, he most likely won't bother with visitation. But suppose he gets them every single weekend he's scheduled to have them?

Maybe it's better if they have to be there, they are with other kids? That way the gruesome twosome can enjoy their activities on kid free weekends. And the kids would be safer?

Think about it...

And I WOULD correct his recollection of events with the judge.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kajem. I know. It's a crapshoot, but I'm going on the "best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." And he keeps blowing off his own kids for OW.

Here's my update. My attorneys do NOT advise me to go on vacation. They say I'll be in violation of a court order. They do not think the judge will do anything terrible to me, but they are afraid that he might let Genius have equal vacation time with the kids, or switch the weekends, because I'm in violation, which is a very serious thing. (Esp. for me, the rule follower.)

They are also concerned that even though the judge seems to look favorably on me (certainly compared to Genius), this could change at any time, and a great way to do it is by breaking his Court Order.

I said I understood, but I wasn't worried over time. This is the ONE thing that was a problem from the start of the Order, and one of only three things that we asked to have amended.

Anyhow, I told them that I would take the risk. I might be crazy but my dad nearly died from open heart surgery in January. My mother isn't doing all that great - we think she *might* have very early Dementia signs. And my father has given up the past three years of his life to take care of me and his grandchildren. He has suffered a lot of financial hardship and emotional stress because of this divorce. This vacation is at a home rented by them, and so we are going. There is nothing more important for my dad than seeing us all together. And nothing more important for my kids to be there.

So we filed a counter-motion. I think it looks good. We still probably won't hear back in time for my trip, so I'll still be in violation of the Order (scary), but I'm going.

Prayers gratefully accepted. I think this is a new low for me: asking for prayers for a VACATION. I had to refill my xanax prescription tonight. So sad. Such a fucking MESS for what??? Really??? For WHAT, Genius??? So you can preserve your CraigsList anonymous S&M sex time with fat OW instead of spending it with your beautiful, wonderful kids? So you have to destroy ME, the mother of your kids who has taken such good care of these kids while you have destroyed everything around you????

It's really the face of evil. How much effort and manipulation has gone into his attempts to preserve his CraigsList anonymous sex time is really really scary.

[This message edited by ChoosingHope at 9:43 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Oct 2011
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Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, I am so stinking proud of you!!!!

Yes, proud.

You are weighing the options, getting advice, and making your own decision based on what is right for YOU right now!

Go back and read that again.

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5906 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
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Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm proud of you too, Hope.
I second Caregiver's post.

I hope you have a freakin' awesome vacation.

BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1449 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 28
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