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User Topic: Help brother is heartbroken
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shaking right now. My brother is a best friend and he just got off the phone with me saying he just found out he is getting a divorce. His wife feels that he is not fun enough, my brother is freaking awesome. She wants to go out and drink and party and hes a homebody. The last time she approached him about this she changed her mind. He told her next time you do this you dont get to change your mind. So he asked her like 4 times if she is sure. She said yes and left to stay with a friend. He has so many bills, financially he's screwed. He can't come stay with me because his job is too far (I asked him to come stay). I am so heartbroken for him, I thought they were so happy. I will be there for him no matter what and I still have love for her too but he's my brother he is my first priority. Any advice.

ETA: not sure if someone else is involved but she just has this constant need to always be doing something and hanging out and going out and he's not.

[This message edited by Unagie at 6:47 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most powerful thing you can do for him is to be there for him. Listen to him. Validate his feelings. Gently challenge his assumptions when they need to be challenged. Encourage him to stick to his guns if she tries to come crawling back.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you go stay with him? You telecommute, right?

I'm sorry. I know it's so hard to see our loved ones in pain. Hugs to you both!


Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will absolutely stand by him no matter what. TIKY I can go he lives 2 hrs a way at minimum and asked me to not come over. I asked if he was sure told him he shouldn't be alone and he said he just needed to talk. I told him to call me no matteŕ the time if he needed to talk. Hes a stuffer and he needs to not stuff this.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't talking about going to visit him. I meant can you go live with him, stay with him for a while, as you both support each other through working out the kinks in your life?

Try to let him know that if he stuffs this, it WILL pop-up later, and at the most inopportune time!

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 7:16 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]


Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its her mom's house they live in. He has to find a new place to live so I can't go live with him either. I asked about that and he said he'd look for places for both of us and by himself.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its her mom's house they live in.
Wow, that sucks!

he said he'd look for places for both of us and by himself.
That's great!

Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How sad. My cousin is losing her mind right now from something similar. She's been living with him for 3 years, and last Saturday he woke up, walked into their living room where she was watching TV, turned the TV off and said 'we need to talk'. Within 2 hours, he was gone. She's heartbroken and shocked. They had just gotten home from a vacation, and he was saying he loved her the day before.

How people can be so cold, I don't understand. What ever happened to working on things instead of just walking out the door?

I hope there is no one else involved with your SIL. If there isn't, then as awful as it is, I have to say that if she wasn't happy, she did what we all ask - why didn't you just leave?

I'm sorry your brother is hurting. I'm thankful that someone is so much pain has you as a sister to help him through this.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slight update: Brother seems okay so far, says life is shit but he's still alive and will be okay. Strangely enough he's more worried about me and my mental health. His words to me today were "you are so stuck with the debt and you went crazy there for a minute. I'm scared for you." My brother humbles me with his care but I'm still worried for him. Going to check up on him when he goes silent and make sure he's not stuffing this and is taking care of himself. I can be the annoying little sister I earned that spot years ago.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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