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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

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User Topic: I'm feeling unloved...family issues
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NA))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2606 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NA))))

Glad you're going to use the 180.

But I guess I figure since I live a little out of the way, it would put them out and I don't like putting people out.

This can be a good trait in small doses, but at some point, you have to learn to impose on people, to a healthy extent. Not forcing or manipulating, but accepting their help, and being able to ask for it when you need it. People are not mind readers and they also may not mind going out of their way for special circumstances. Treading on eggshells because of the fear of being a burden is no way to live.

Is there a smaller home or apartment in your area/school district you could rent? There must be something out there that would help lighten the financial/yardwork situation.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, you have a 15 to 16 year old living at home, and she can't help cut the grass?? As far as keeping her life stable, it doesn't seem too stable now with all of your problems. Getting them under control might be better than staying in the same school.

Also, if you have crushing chest pains, call an ambulence! That's what they're for. People die because they don't want to 'bother' anyone and drive themselves to the emergency room. Those brought in by ambulence get seen first.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I GOT A CAR!!!! I have freedom again!!!!

Not forcing or manipulating, but accepting their help, and being able to ask for it when you need it.
I'm trying to learn to do this. I have been way too proud my entire life and would walk 30 miles rather than ask for a ride before, and when I was in my abusive relationship, instead of asking others for help, I figured it was my mess so I needed to figure out how to clean it up. I'm not good at asking. So when I finally get to the point of being totally desperate for help, I think it probably comes out a bit frantic.....

I'm getting a little better at accepting help now and then though....because I also learned that some people truly do like to help others and it makes them feel good, so I can give them that opportunity (I like to help others, so why wouldn't other people?)

So, you have a 15 to 16 year old living at home, and she can't help cut the grass??

I know this is different, but she is terrified of the noise the mower makes. She helps me weed and do housework, she helps clean up the pet messes. But she actually shakes and cries at the lawn mower. The mower is very loud and it does take a lot of effort to push it so I'm not going to push this issue with her right now.

Also, if you have crushing chest pains, call an ambulence!
Yeah, I know, and thanks for the concern.....I would if they were unique, but I've had them off and on for the past year and a half. That is why I'm seeing the cardiologist. He ran every test on my heart, including the one where they inject radium or something into me so I light up when I go thru that tube......they thought I had an enlarged heart, then they thought I had a an enlarged aorta, then they decided it was just an arrthymia so that is what I am taking meds for. But I am supposed to go to see him when it does start to feel heavy or I get that crushing feeling. I did finally get back in yesterday, and he did an EKG again but it has gone away so I'm convinced it is stress causing the heaviness feeling....although I know stress can cause heart attacks.....so it is just something I am trying to learn how to control my stress better and go regularly to my doctors.

I also got to pick up my DD yesterday in my "new" used car (I love it! It is a 2002 Grand Prix and the engine seems pretty solid!) and my mom was there. She talked to me a bit and told me she loved me and no matter what, I am her DD and she will always love me, but she denied ever saying she didn't want a relationship with me anymore. I know I didn't just make that up.....I remember exactly what she said, where I was when she said it, etc....because it kind of traumatized me a bit. I do think she has totally blocked it out though or just truly doesn't remember saying it....I am really starting to fear her physical ailments are starting to hit the mental area.....

Thanks everyone that lended support to me while I'm dealing with this.....

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 8:59 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15289 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate loud noises too. It's why I don't vacuum. (I'm serious about this; even ear plugs don't work.) They still make hand mowers. I know you've got some extensive property, but you could pick a small(ish) area around the house to be mowed and give up the rest to volunteers (nicer word than weeds )

Push mowers are GREAT exercise. I used to use one when I lived on Long Island.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Topic Posts: 25
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