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User Topic: Anyone else feel scared to be happy?
takingitdaybyday
♀ New Member
Member # 44259
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I have been on a path to R for about 5 months now and we have definitely had our ups and downs. It still feels like a nightmare.. like it never happened.. but then I have moments where they cut so deep I have to get busy doing something else. With MC it has definitely helped but to be honest lately we have been doing well. We took a week long trip away and toured another city.. we toured around and felt like our old selves again. Even when we are home I find myself feeling happy again.. but then I feel like something inside me pulls me out of that. Like a reminder.. don't get too happy you remember what happened.. and it haunts me sometimes because we will be enjoying our day outside than a moment from the A hits me or words from their e-mails come to mind and it just yanks me out of my happiness. Has anyone ever felt like that? I just hope I can find ways to stay in the happiness - perhaps time will allow longer and longer periods of happiness.
I'm just so scared too that if I get too happy and it happens again then I will be devastated all over - and I don't want to feel that hurt again. I just look into his eyes and feel the love again and I want to be happy -- but how to I stop those horrible moments from entering my mind?

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Canada
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time. Time and a fully committed, remorseful WS. Keep going to MC and keep holding your WS accountable. I am 22 months out from DDay and 19 from when we started trying R and those feelings are still with me too. At 5 months out, I don't think I had any good moments let alone good days. Personally, I think you are doing really, really good to be able to have some good times again. I understand your apprehension. I think we all feel it. Just remember, you know so much more now then you did before. You will probably always be a little on guard. Trust your instincts and listen to them. But, if your WS is truly remorseful and totally committed, time will be your best friend.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. 5 months is very soon so it's completely understandable. You are in protective mode. Your insides are protecting your heart and that's okay.

I'm 2yrs out, but 8months since real R. I still go into protective mode. We've been having a fantastic 2 weeks and now my alarm has gone off to stop being happy, protect yourself mode. I can't help it. Today I was cold with her. I feel terrible, but this is the new me.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 8:19 AM, August 1st (Friday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After being blindsided by DDay 1, completely brought to my knees by DDay 2, and made numb by a major TT event, I have a wall of protection around me that rarely opens the gate much less has been brought down.

Every time things start going a little too well and good things are happening, I go back to that scared soul who refuses to be blindsided again. I hate the way it feels.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with what the previous posters wrote. That and when I wasn't throwing a huge fit and I seemed happy my unremorseful WH assumed that everything was fine now and no more work was needed to heal. He latched on to every smile and laugh I had and told himself he was off the hook.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
sunny58
♀ Member
Member # 43645
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a wall of protection around me that rarely opens the gate much less has been brought down.

Me too and I hate being like this. This is not me!


Divorce Final - 9/25/2014

"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."


Posts: 92 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still scared. Even though all is going well, my brain is telling me to leave her. To let her go and move on. I hate having these thoughts.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes...and the moment I am happy I quickly remind myself they can be taken away at any moment.

I doubt I can, let alone want it, be happy in a relationship again for a long time. I rather just be happy alone. At least then I don't have to worry about some other person screwing around with my trust and life.


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 406 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Topic Posts: 8

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