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User Topic: Anyone else feel scared to be happy?
takingitdaybyday
♀ New Member
Member # 44259
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I have been on a path to R for about 5 months now and we have definitely had our ups and downs. It still feels like a nightmare.. like it never happened.. but then I have moments where they cut so deep I have to get busy doing something else. With MC it has definitely helped but to be honest lately we have been doing well. We took a week long trip away and toured another city.. we toured around and felt like our old selves again. Even when we are home I find myself feeling happy again.. but then I feel like something inside me pulls me out of that. Like a reminder.. don't get too happy you remember what happened.. and it haunts me sometimes because we will be enjoying our day outside than a moment from the A hits me or words from their e-mails come to mind and it just yanks me out of my happiness. Has anyone ever felt like that? I just hope I can find ways to stay in the happiness - perhaps time will allow longer and longer periods of happiness.
I'm just so scared too that if I get too happy and it happens again then I will be devastated all over - and I don't want to feel that hurt again. I just look into his eyes and feel the love again and I want to be happy -- but how to I stop those horrible moments from entering my mind?

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Canada
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time. Time and a fully committed, remorseful WS. Keep going to MC and keep holding your WS accountable. I am 22 months out from DDay and 19 from when we started trying R and those feelings are still with me too. At 5 months out, I don't think I had any good moments let alone good days. Personally, I think you are doing really, really good to be able to have some good times again. I understand your apprehension. I think we all feel it. Just remember, you know so much more now then you did before. You will probably always be a little on guard. Trust your instincts and listen to them. But, if your WS is truly remorseful and totally committed, time will be your best friend.

Posts: 1188 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. 5 months is very soon so it's completely understandable. You are in protective mode. Your insides are protecting your heart and that's okay.

I'm 2yrs out, but 8months since real R. I still go into protective mode. We've been having a fantastic 2 weeks and now my alarm has gone off to stop being happy, protect yourself mode. I can't help it. Today I was cold with her. I feel terrible, but this is the new me.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 8:19 AM, August 1st (Friday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1336 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After being blindsided by DDay 1, completely brought to my knees by DDay 2, and made numb by a major TT event, I have a wall of protection around me that rarely opens the gate much less has been brought down.

Every time things start going a little too well and good things are happening, I go back to that scared soul who refuses to be blindsided again. I hate the way it feels.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1474 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with what the previous posters wrote. That and when I wasn't throwing a huge fit and I seemed happy my unremorseful WH assumed that everything was fine now and no more work was needed to heal. He latched on to every smile and laugh I had and told himself he was off the hook.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
sunny58
♀ Member
Member # 43645
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a wall of protection around me that rarely opens the gate much less has been brought down.

Me too and I hate being like this. This is not me!

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still scared. Even though all is going well, my brain is telling me to leave her. To let her go and move on. I hate having these thoughts.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1336 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes...and the moment I am happy I quickly remind myself they can be taken away at any moment.

I doubt I can, let alone want it, be happy in a relationship again for a long time. I rather just be happy alone. At least then I don't have to worry about some other person screwing around with my trust and life.


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Topic Posts: 8

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