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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Good story - my wife reminds my son he would be lying.
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Happy  Posted: 11:27 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife, two boys, and myself are at our kitchen table tonight discussing how we should take advantage of being together, make it a family night. We pre-concluded that seeing the new Transformer movie would be an good neutral choice.

During the end of our discussion, the phone rings, and its my son's coworker asking my son to work for him. My son replies he can't, that he's seeing a movie tonight with his family, -its a family night.

The movie wasn't for two more hours so we continued talking, transitioning to the upcoming college year, budget, bills, and just whatever about college. Two hours pass and my wife says it's time to get ready. My son replies he shouldn't go. I think our discussion of paying the college bills and needing to save more money made him feel guilty.

Instantly, and I mean instantly, my wife reminds my son he would be lying if he did not go see the movie, -he told his coworker he was going.

Wow, even I didn't catch this.

Sure my wife manipulated my son into going with us, she wanted him to go, but I like tactic and I like how she rated not lying as important. I also liked her fighting to hold together our family night. Before D-day the three of us would be covering for her white lies.

Things are different now and I like it. It's unplanned, unscripted times like this that make me feel good about our recovery. Its a true change in the right direction.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 777 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
peaceBmine
♀ Member
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand this completely. It just shows to just a minute extent that they "get it."

WH has had several parenting occasions lately that he has showed that he doesn't want our teens to follow in his path- like one daughter that was hiding her phone to text even though she was allowed to be texting (most of A communication was via text). It did put a little smile on my face.


Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jul 2014
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also liked her fighting to hold together our family night.

This is mrs still-living choosing actions that move her "ideals" into the "value" category...well done!!!!!!

Our actions are the best indicators what we place value on. Who wouldn't hold fighting for your family as an ideal? Thats a no brainer. But the real strength is in your choices that make that ideal a reality in every day, non-scripted life.

Solid action mrs still-living....keep it up! I like the whole dynamics of this family engagement.

This is the healthy way to "stay together for the kids"!

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you're happy with your current situation, but I disagree with the statement. It wasn't a lie when he told the friend about the movie, and he was making a sound financial decision about saving money. Instead of shaming him, you should have commended his conscientiousness and calmed his fears about the future.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20279 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure my wife manipulated my son into going with us, she wanted him to go, but I like tactic and I like how she rated not lying as important. I also liked her fighting to hold together our family night. Before D-day the three of us would be covering for her white lies.

I am concerned about the fact that she is still using emotional manipulation on people to force her will onto them.

Your son was not lying to is boss because at the time, he made the statement he WAS going to see the movie.

He changed his mind.

The manipulation twisted the truth.

IMO, people who use manipulation on others to force their will need counseling.

My Wayward husband was targeted by the MC and his IC as being very manipulative within relatioships, and she has encouraged him to stop using such tactics on family members to get his way.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1369 | Registered: May 2014
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Sad and See, I know what you mean and manipulation is on my radar, always has been. I'm confident this played out well knowing my wife, my son, and observing this event first hand. My gut was smiling. Our Son isn't "that" conscientious about saving our money, or his own, and I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because if he was sincere, likely it was temporary. Otherwise, he was schooled, by my wife of all people. As for my wife, it takes a lot of courage, confidence and belief to make the choice to suggest lying was not what he wanted to do when she's was a player herself, and.... my son knows she had an affair. She made herself very vulnerable to him. For now, I am happy my wife and son are rating truthfulness and following through on their word as paramount.

[This message edited by still-living at 7:11 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 777 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Topic Posts: 6

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