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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to stop feeling hopeless
DWelshe
♂ Member
Member # 43440
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today hasn't been too bad a day today. Still feeling a little frustrated as I am unable to do anything. Part of me is angry at myself and angry at her

What did other people do, what can I do. I'm trying to fix my shit. But at the same time, constantly beating myself up about how I'm starting to be a better person now, and why I couldn't do this before. That I want to be able to regain her trust again, but she doesn't even want to speak to me ( Blocked me on Facebook) and we have both deleted the others number.

Part of me is worried that if I go out with my friends on the weekend and by chance she does see me. She ends up wanting to talk to me again or us sleeping together again, even though i know it wont lead to us getting back together, I know it will throw me back again with more hope. Then again it might not lead to that, that might not even happen. Part of me just continuously wants to sleep and just keep dreaming. So I don't have to keep thinking about all of this.

Constantly just hating myself, for what I have done, and speaking to friends and family about it, I repeat myself or i over analyse which is something I have done since I was little. Starting to feel all alone again even though I know I have people there

[This message edited by DWelshe at 7:21 AM, July 10th (Thursday)]


Me - WBF, 24
Her - EX GF, 19
Dday - 04/2014

NC Since 6/7/2014


Posts: 61 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South Wales - UK
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

constantly beating myself up about how I'm starting to be a better person now, and why I couldn't do this before.

I so do this constantly. I look back on all of my wasted time. why didn't I do this sooner before I destroyed my BS. It is a hard place to be, but for myself I let me feel it. So that I can make sure to never waste time again.

Starting to feel all alone again even though I know I have people there

I have done this for a lot of years. I could be surrounded by a room full of people and still feel alone. Maybe you need some alone time in your head to process what has happened. And then work through what you want to be and how to get there. Put a plan in place for becoming the "you" that you want to be.

So I don't have to keep thinking about all of this.

You need to think about it, and process it or you will be doomed to repeat it.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
DWelshe
♂ Member
Member # 43440
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only problem is when I have this alone time in my head i start getting depressed about it all. I know this is good to feel as it shows I am guilty and want to change.

I know what I need to change and i feel like I have been able to make those changes in my life. I know speaking to the counselor about my issues will help as well, as it means i can finally get them off my chest.

I guess part of me is wondering will she contact me again in the future, when shes had her time to heal. Or will she just leave it there. And will i be the same, Im a person who always like to know answers, and with being in such an unknown. It scares me alot


Me - WBF, 24
Her - EX GF, 19
Dday - 04/2014

NC Since 6/7/2014


Posts: 61 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South Wales - UK
sorrowfulmate
♂ Member
Member # 43441
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been chanting the serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changes
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

It helps when I feel hopeless...


Me-WS 50
Her-BS 50 Questioningall
5 kids
Dday 1 12/12
Dday 2 - 3/14 EAs, 2 ONS, 1 LTA
TT until 7/14 when I gave a timeline
"Good night, Sorrowful. Good work. Sleep well. I can always divorce you in the morning." Dread BW Roberts

Posts: 208 | Registered: May 2014
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

understandable. my BS and I have concerns that after we both heal, the other will not like us anymore. But the reality is, if we are meant to be together we will be. The goal is not to save the relationship. The goal is to heal. Both of us. For us after being together almost 20 years we can't really understand why we wouldn't be great for each other. But it is the fear of the unknown.

Im a person who always like to know answers, and with being in such an unknown. It scares me alot

this is a control issue. I would be that something has happened to you when you were younger and you felt out of control. And somewhere deep down you will not let that happen again. This feel of loss of control appears to be rearing its ugly head again. This is something I have had to work on considerably. From my experience being afraid of losing control subconsciously you will do things to reinforce your fear. So why do you have to be in control? I would start looking there.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
DWelshe
♂ Member
Member # 43440
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The things is she has no removed anything connected with me, removing any friends of family that we had that were mutual, number removal.

Because of my past with my dad and my mum i wanted to do anything i could to stop it, but i couldn't i could only be there to comfort my mum afterwards. I was the one who found my fathers emails or images and told my mum about them thus ending them getting back.

I want to heal but I'm finding it hard when everyday im thinking of her and then beating myself up. Makes me breakdown all the time having to lie to myself and others thinking its fine ill speak to other people move on with my life.

I think that loss of control has already reared its ugly head. And i know all the stuff i did was completely fucked up. I wish i realized all of my issues sooner. Thats why I'm making these changes to be better. But i also want to fight to regain her trust again. But i can never do that now with the NC. Ye we might bump into each other but thats it. Nothing, Out of my life completely. Yes she might message me again in the future, but there is no guarantee of that.


Me - WBF, 24
Her - EX GF, 19
Dday - 04/2014

NC Since 6/7/2014


Posts: 61 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South Wales - UK
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a WS I need to reiterate NC means NC. I am sorry for your pain and loss at this moment. But you have to respect her boundaries.

Let her go, fix you, and if you are meant to be together you will be.

Makes me breakdown all the time having to lie to myself and others

why are you lying? You need to be authentic. work on telling the truth. SPECIFICALLY TO YOURSELF


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
DWelshe
♂ Member
Member # 43440
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I've just been finding it very difficult and confusing, I guess with her coming over etc. I guess if there is a next time, I won't allow her over if we have both been drinking. Judge and assess the situation.

I know I need to see how the future goes I do find it scary in a way but I know when I do, it will make me a better person.

When I meant im lying, its just if im breaking down in work. I have to suck it up a bit and lie to myself saying its fine your ok etc and hold it in, as i don't want it affecting my work. Should have been more clear on that i guess, I was in such a flustered state I guess I didn't realize how it came across, which is something else I have got to work on. When I'm at home or with family if I breakdown I can call someone and get it off my chest.

Tomorrow is a new day. Going out with some old uni friends for a send off for someone so that should be nice. Different crowd of people different place. Will help me forget about her and enjoy myself focusing on me.

[This message edited by DWelshe at 12:57 AM, July 11th (Friday)]


Me - WBF, 24
Her - EX GF, 19
Dday - 04/2014

NC Since 6/7/2014


Posts: 61 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South Wales - UK
Topic Posts: 8

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