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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Lying & TT Destroys and Poisons Everything
LostTime
♂ Member
Member # 42018
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted in a little while but the last 12 hours have been a painful reminder of what my lies and betrayals have done.

If you are reading this and have been unfaithful to your partner STOP NOW. Stop lying to them, stop lying to yourself and your family. If you are in an EA or PA or struggling with temptation to escape the emotions and pain you're feeling STOP NOW.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself who you are, what you want and who you need to be to get there. Be honest with yourself and the truth will find it's way out.

Sadly me writing this may be no help to you. I have read here a lot over the last 2.5 years, but to truly readyou need the proper perspective and there is no manual for stopping from being a selfish pos cheating spouse when you are living life with blinders on.

I have lied to my BS and myself for 20 years. I lied because I am broken and deeply flawed. My beliefs and fears are skewed and false.

I truly believe I have my blinders off now. 20 years too late and the poisoning has been done. I finally stopped torturing my BS with TT out of selfish self protection, denial and misplaced beliefs. After almost 2.5 years of reading what I should do and knowing what I should do I told her everything I had in me.

Last night she said to me - "when are you finally going to tell me the whole truth... I know there's more". The pain and anguish behind this rips me down to a worthless pile of nothingness. I know I haven't left out another encounter or OW. But I have poisoned the way she looks at me and life. I ruined a very real opportunity to make ammends 2.5 years ago and could be in R or well on the way, instead I see my kids on average twice a week, more if I'm lucky. I have to wake up and spend my days alone, not sharing the gift of connection with the woman I truly love knowing that quite honestly I will most likely never get the chance whether she still loves me or not all because I was incapable of seeing what was really behind the reflection in the mirror.

So please find some way, some one to help you, talk to, just find any way of realizing that your fear and of telling the truth and whole truth to your BS is nothing compared with the pain of living in limbo or worse a death sentence because of lying and TT.


Me: WS - 38
Her: Beautiful, amazing BS - 38
5 beautiful amazing kids ages 2 - 14.
Separated and hoping for reconciliation one day.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014
918Mama
♀ Member
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It looks like you're really doing the hard work. I hope and pray that even one BS will be spared from TT because their WS reads what you wrote and takes it to heart.

I'm much like your BS...two years in and I don't believe for a second that I have the whole truth. Three weeks of TT in the beginning killed me and while he claims to have told me everything now, because of the way that TT happened, I will never believe him.

I truly believe in my heart that there is more and fully expect at some point it will come out. And undo all the healing that's happened.

We always think the truth can be hidden don't we? But it usually comes out in the end.

It's brave of you to post this. Keep working on being the best you that you can be.


Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 561 | Registered: Dec 2012
Actionsoverwords
♂ Member
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostTime,

Just wanted to tell you that you are heard and you are in my thoughts. ICR to a lot of what you have posted.


Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 244 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
LostTime
♂ Member
Member # 42018
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

918Mama -

Thank you for your positive words however I can't accept the statement of being brave posting this. Had I truly been brave I wouldn't have lied and betrayed my wife. I have found strength to face everything, but at a very great cost.

I understand all to well now that those lies and self protection will make the leap of faith to trust again seem like a suicide jump.

Actionsoverwords - thank you and likewise i can also relate to your situation. I am grateful for the support of SI because when I am isolated. I sure has hell can't turn to my BS after turning my back on her after stabbing her in the back for all these years.


Me: WS - 38
Her: Beautiful, amazing BS - 38
5 beautiful amazing kids ages 2 - 14.
Separated and hoping for reconciliation one day.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your positive words however I can't accept the statement of being brave posting this. Had I truly been brave I wouldn't have lied and betrayed my wif

OP, I if you're not that person anymore, you need to consider living the person you are today . If that person is now someone who chooses integrity and live in a moral way, according to their values, it's ok to accept compliments.

Being a wayward isn't a life sentence. However, It is a call to be a better person. That may include paying it forward, as you did here..,

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:19 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)]


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4922 | Registered: Dec 2010
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had I truly been brave I wouldn't have lied and betrayed my wife.

I know this feeling. High on my list of them today.

Hang in there.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 391 | Registered: Dec 2013
LostTime
♂ Member
Member # 42018
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc - thank you for your insights. I am working at letting go of shaming myself. I have to in order to get to where I want to be and need to be.

Wayflost - thanks for your understanding. I am learning to look at the feelings instead of feeling overwhelmed and hiding from them. It won't change the regret and remorse and guilt, but if I don't learn from it that is yet another crime.


Me: WS - 38
Her: Beautiful, amazing BS - 38
5 beautiful amazing kids ages 2 - 14.
Separated and hoping for reconciliation one day.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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