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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: how to receive compliments appropriately?
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was leaving my office today I passed a guy on the street who asked me if the daycare was open (my agency has playgroup for children once a week). He saw me come out of the building and he was going in...Thinking he was asking a serious question I explained playgroup is on Thursdays. He laughed and said "I was kidding. Im not a kid...im going to the computer lab."

As I was walking to my car he said " nice dress. You make it even more beautiful. "

I said thank you, got in my car and left.

I dont get compliments often so I didnt know if this is how to take one appropriately. I didnt want to be rude and totally ignore him....especially cuz my office is in a somewhat scary part of the city and I never know who is nice and who is sketchy.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 874 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
NoGoodUsername
♂ Member
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like a perfect response to me. "Thank you", get in your car and leave. Just don't take any ego kibble with you.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 252 | Registered: Aug 2013
IntoTheLight
♀ Member
Member # 42957
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree- do not take the ego kibble! I do not want a compliment from a man other than BH ever again. I think a man that compliments a married woman on her appearance is creeping and trolling. So I don't mind being rude!!

Since the affair, I dress much more conservatively, avoid talking to men as much as I can, am never alone with a man and avoid unnecessary eye contact. I can look back and see how clothes and my friendly behavior gave off a certain (unintended) vibe and I never want that again.


WW-Me
BS-Him
Reconciling after confessing LTA

Posts: 77 | Registered: Mar 2014
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My planned response to anything like this is , "my husband sure thinks so."
I've used it a couple times...,


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From a stranger? I would have ignored.

I also throw in the husband line, when responding to a compliment from an acquaintance.


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is a stranger and I am walking away, I ignore. If it is said to my face, I might say thank you, depends. I have walked away from that too.

By someone I know, I will say thank you.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5078 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know I thought about the husband line but it was after the fact. ...I had already driven away at that point. But if it ever happens again I will definitely use it.

I absolutely didnt take any ego k ibbles away w me...as soon as he started talking to me I was uncomfortable.

I get the thing about dressing conservatively but certainly dont think there was anything revealing or inappropriate with my dress....it was a simple knee length summer dress....it was 90 out today!! :)


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 874 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not want a compliment from a man other than BH ever again.

My BH's compliments are only the ones that matter to me anymore to me too. I light up when he compliments me. I realized that I was relying too much on other people's compliments to make me feel good about myself. I also have learned that I don't always need a compliment from BH. When I am feeling kind of crappy, I sometimes solicit a compliment from BH, but I am learning to not rely external validation - I need to learn to love myself. Sorry for the t/j.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 12:20 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 488 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 8

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