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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do You Ever Feel....
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Stop  Posted: 11:08 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever feel like giving up, but then realize that you would be running away from the only person you love and care about? The person who can just make your eyes and heart smile without even saying a word?

Some days I feel like giving up, but then I know I would be running away from what I have done to BBF. He is here because of me and I can't just run away like I have been doing all my life. I see so much pain that I have caused him and it's not fair. I wish I could just take away all his pain.

Some days I wish we never met as he deserves a woman and not a girl/child. We started dating while I was in another relationship and I slept with the ex when we were together.

He is a great guy with a wonderful soul. Some one who loves his friends and family and will fight to the end of the world for them. He is a someone who listens and understands you and accepts you as you are. He makes me want to be a better person and he just literally makes my whole body feel like its smiling.

I guess this was just a vent as I am having a hard time.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
timidhope
♀ Member
Member # 43189
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are days that I feel like giving up too...honestly the process and limbo is tough. It's a roller coaster but even the highs kick me in the gut because of regret for not turning into the relationship to get to that high without the affair and the lows plays a different reel in my mind that's full of tough emotions.

Hang in there, I had a day of this recently and the next day I focused on why I didn't like being in that spot and why I didn't want to face these emotions and giving in to the tough situations is part of what led me to the affair. Escaping is just a temporary pause that does more harm than good in the long run.

Take a short break to regroup and reenergize...then dig deeper into those negative feelings and find a way to be strong.

You're not alone.


DDay: April 2014

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2014
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has crossed my mind quite a few times. But a realization I had the other day.

Giving up is still trying to control the outcome.

I know the feelings of: if my BS would have never met me. But we do not know what their fate would have been. We have to look back and accept our actions. And learn from them. and not go into a pity party or self-loathing. easier said than done.

feel the pain of it, feel the loss of it. Learn from it. You are absolutely correct. Our BS or BBF did not deserve any of this. The brokenness that we are. Keep your chin up. We can never make this up to them, but just maybe, we can make it worth staying by trying to make it up to them for the rest of our lives.


Moving from Jekyll the destroyer to Jekyll the rebuilder.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I do not PM with women


Posts: 697 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there, I had a day of this recently and the next day I focused on why I didn't like being in that spot and why I didn't want to face these emotions and giving in to the tough situations is part of what led me to the affair. Escaping is just a temporary pause that does more harm than good in the long run.
Thank you TimidHope. Escaping my emotions was part of my coping skills. It is so much easier to run away from how you are feeling instead if feeling vulnerable. It's very natural for me to want to give up and run away. I know it's not the answer and I know I have to work harder and dig into my negative feelings. I hope you are doing better.
Giving up is still trying to control the outcome.
Thank you DrJekyll, if I give up I am only trying to control the situation. Controlling what he would decide if to R or not to R. It's me running from fear of he will never want to be with me but it's not up to me to make that choice. It's if he feels I have changed into a me who I pretended to be in the beginning of our relationship.

Thank you two for your kind words. Today is a new day and I will be strong.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
timidhope
♀ Member
Member # 43189
Content  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A new day indeed!

Thanks for the well wishes, Matilda23, let's both motor on :)


DDay: April 2014

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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