I think it was more confidence in morality. To not automatically think that 1. All men are pigs after 1 thing, and 2. All men expect payment for affection or favors. I mean really, how messed up is that!?
I was surrounded by some real jerks. And those who weren't jerks, I had a jaded view of because of the "all men are pigs" that was drilled into me. And yes dispite all that, men was the only way to feed the craving in me.
QS was literally the first man to not expect anything. He didn't ask for anything. But because of my stinking thinking, I offered myself up. Because that's what we do right? And yes, he took. Because if it's offered, don't you take? He was afraid I would feel rejected if he said no. (Yeah. We had all kinds of communication going on eh?)
I am more confident in myself as a whole. Coming into my own, growing up, blah blah. There are moments of regression. Mostly in social setting or in a moment where we are doing something new. I feel awkward. But I plaster the smile on and plow thru.
I have the utmost confidence in QS. That's new. Didn't used to. Said I did, but allowed outside influence to push doubts in. Those are shut up and gone. My confidence in him has actually been a huge boost for him. He feels safer and more secure. In himself AND us.
Aaaanyway. Yes. It's learning to mourn and let go of the past hurts. Generally I can. But every now and then, they come rushing to the surface. Guess it's a time thing. Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?