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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Confident Women
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it was more confidence in morality. To not automatically think that 1. All men are pigs after 1 thing, and 2. All men expect payment for affection or favors. I mean really, how messed up is that!?

I was surrounded by some real jerks. And those who weren't jerks, I had a jaded view of because of the "all men are pigs" that was drilled into me. And yes dispite all that, men was the only way to feed the craving in me.

QS was literally the first man to not expect anything. He didn't ask for anything. But because of my stinking thinking, I offered myself up. Because that's what we do right? And yes, he took. Because if it's offered, don't you take? He was afraid I would feel rejected if he said no. (Yeah. We had all kinds of communication going on eh?)

I am more confident in myself as a whole. Coming into my own, growing up, blah blah. There are moments of regression. Mostly in social setting or in a moment where we are doing something new. I feel awkward. But I plaster the smile on and plow thru.

I have the utmost confidence in QS. That's new. Didn't used to. Said I did, but allowed outside influence to push doubts in. Those are shut up and gone. My confidence in him has actually been a huge boost for him. He feels safer and more secure. In himself AND us.

Aaaanyway. Yes. It's learning to mourn and let go of the past hurts. Generally I can. But every now and then, they come rushing to the surface. Guess it's a time thing.

Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 6423 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your original post made me tear up. It is easy to demonize OW for BSes - after all, we've had a limb or two taken off in an unexpectedly painful storm. When it was a friend, it feels very personal and violating.

Now that I have assessed the damage, I do feel grateful that for the most part, my roots and trunk are strong and resilient. I was actually, knock on wood (ha), stronger than I thought, not weaker. I am afraid the same is not true for my H -- it turns out he had weaknesses he did not suspect. But understanding where our weak spots are is important, and useful, for both of us.

Thanks for sharing, and helping BSes and WSes alike.

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 22
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