well maybe I'm not as crazy as I think as I immediately went to thinking
"well thanks for advertising your poor boundaries to two more women = guess I can't wait to see you let them "help" you deal with your crazy, depressed wife..."
it just sucks on so many levels since the irony is that
we met at work
he was still married, although in the process of a divorce he'd just filed
so the first words I speak to him after his STBXW calls the lab phone "I'm sorry I think I hung up on your wife." since I was new and goofed on transferring the call.
He was physically abused in that relationship. And yes I saw the scratch marks on his throat and the bruises she gave him. At first only she worked at the lab while he stayed home...until, (can you see where this is going?) she accused him of having an affair.
Yep - she accused several of her co-workers = including me = of sleeping with her husband. No, I was just a co-worker, but I now see how he has poor boundaries and as crazy as his ex is, (diagnosed NPD, borderline and something else mood disorder/OCD) I do understand the first justifiable part of the paranoia.
It was because He'd given me a book to read - Atlas Shrugged - as a "thought you might like to read, it reminded me of our conversation at lunch." When he told her that he'd lent me that book, what he labeled his "daily report" to her on the ride home, she comes barging into the lab that very afternoon and accusing me of having an affair. I didn't feel at the time that I'd crossed boundaries, but now?? holy geez
He divorced. He dated some other chick for awhile so I was of course just a co-worker (who knows he's dating again... hmmm)
I left the lab. I enlisted in the Army. So before I shipped off to basic I asked him out since he was in my mind "single" and no longer a "co-worker" so I wasn't crossing any boundaries
and then we decided to keep in touch since I was going to be in Texas for training and in my famous words "if it's meant to be, we'll be together."
ugh... I am feeling just so gut-punched stupid
But I did enjoy talking with him as I always remember it "about life and the order of the universe" and honestly I've always (until now) been so much for hanging onto the we were friends first regarding how I've always felt it was our similarity and compatibility that was so the basis for why we got through all the mess of life
So now I am trying to figure out how much he's willing to crap in his work-nest after he crapped all over his home-nest
because it feeds his "I can't do anything right" "It's all my fault" gerbil-wheel of negativity.
So yah, I am gun-shy in figuring out how to step up and speak my disappointment. I liken it to how we dealt with getting our son's pet turtle to come out of his shell = it wasn't by banging loudly "OK you can come out now, or else!"
anyhow, guess that was a good introspective moment on my past to make sure I don't repeat turning into the very person I thought I was "rescuing" him from (that was the old me, the arrogant before I got my butt kicked by the OW who of course I'm sure was told she was "helping" him - you know, what she wrote to me "to find happiness" )
truth really is stranger than fiction these days"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
WH is katumus and I am not reading his posts but we talk a lot and working on listening better!
married 17 years