I would also let the company owner know what she is capable of, maybe he knows and doesn't care, but there's a good chance when he realizes he's fucking the office ho, she may get what she deserves....
If you want the OW to feel your pain, not going to happen
If you want your words to sting her, not going to happen.
If you want her to grovel at your feet, asking for forgiveness, not going to happen.
If you want peace that comes with a well worded vent to her, not going to happen.
If you want understanding, not going to happen.
If you want to change her ways so nobody else suffers from her, not going to happen.
If you want to sear her heart so she stays away from your WS, not going to happen.
You want to know what will happen?
She will get a good laugh at your expense.
She will know you are hurting and your marriage is cracked.
She will share your heartfelt email with coworkers and girlfriends so they can all gave a chuckle.
She will use your hurting to bolster her messed up self esteem.
She will circle back around, testing your WS's resolve because your email described your pains. It will give her a new recipe of seduction to work on, all provided by you.
You will feel good for a while. Then,tomorrow or next month, you will think of other things you should have said. The need to vent to her will not die. There will always be things floating around your mind you want to scream at her.
Closure with the AP and the BS is as illusive as the sparkly unicorn they rode in on. You know those obnoxious, life is so great Christmas letters you get? Now that might be just thing to send out to her to get your closure. Lay it on thick. JK
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
He probably does not.care and just wants a piece of ass
Completely agree with this ^^^
Although it is tempting to send him a Hallmark card. One that says:
Congratulations, I see that the office whore has moved on from my H to you. Enjoy!
Resist the urge!
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
We all wanted revenge. What we found out is there really isn't any.
Imagine this: You email company owner. He ends relationship with OW. Big deal. She moves on and starts dating someone else. Are you any less hurt? Did your H cheat less? What exactly did you get from ending a dating relationship in another country?
It's frustrating as hell, but there is simply nothing that will make you feel better about your H having an A. If you want to lash out, your husband is right there, in your home. HE is the one that deserves your anger. HE is the one still carrying a torch for OW. HE is the problem.
Instead of looking for revenge, I suggest you start the 180. For your H to 'not know' if he wants to reconcile is painful. For you to continue to say you want to R is basically telling him his behaviors are fine. HE needs to want this. If he doesn't, you shouldn't be telling him otherwise.
Start the 180. Detach from this mess. Maybe your H wakes up, maybe he doesn't, but at least you're preparing yourself either way.
Her response? "I was a fool. I'm sorry. If you don't mind, can you tell me who the other woman was?"
Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase tell me you said "Oh, just some dumb whore, much like yourself."
Bigger: OW IS a whore. Any BS is angry at the OP, and it's been discussed at length why. I have no clue what you meant by "If you call OW a whore, what do you call your H" as if we shouldn't think a woman that chases and screws a married man is a whore, but she IS a whore. And, as OP put it, so is he.
He had IC last night and I think it has helped but these apps allow him to hang on. The IC told him to have NC with that entire group, which is what he needed to hear. He does not need to keep a female friend who is friends with OW. This female friend is married but technically separated. They are all dysfunctional, that entire group he has chosen to hang out with in the banana republic.
Thankfully he is not physically there but emotionally is just as bad if not worse.
My timeline of putting up with this is tightening. I will get stronger and I will decide the last day I put up with not having full commitment on R. The hammer will drop soon if I don't see 100%.
I had a really good laugh about it though. Because it was that moment of her saying it that I realized how screwed up her entire thinking was.
Later, she turned on him, and starting telling me all the lies he was feeding me. Surprisingly, that was just as hurtful. But it did provide me with a LOT of closure I was desperately seeking.
I'm not against sending the letter, though I agree with the majority that she probably won't care. It will probably be very healing for you. But I would definitely not recommend any back and forth; nothing good comes of that.
I wanted to respond to this comment you made:
Maybe if my WS was committed to me totally with R at the moment it would be easier for me to stop thinking of the OW. He is using the excuse of waiting for his IC meeting to figure out his direction. This is bull shit.
Your WH had his IC Session...
Did he figure out his DIRECTION for "reconciliation" with you?
It's good you talked to your own IC; and that you intend to continue therapy for yourself.
Personally: If my WH could not commit to me, and my marriage without a 3rd party "giving him directions about his commitment to our marriage and reconciliation"....He'd find his belongings in a black trash bags and he would not be living in my home!
I do agree with you it is all BS.
It's not you place to sit back and watch your WH pine after his affair OW.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
When I emailed OW#1, it was very much a one-sided desire. I had no interest in knowing her side, her feelings on it, her thoughts of me, etc. I saw in their emails that there was NO mention of me, at all. My husband didn't talk about me, except a few small things here or there - I just plain didn't exist to them. I just wanted to let her know that her fantasy world was truly completely fake. afterwards, I haven't had any interest in contacting her.
It would be so much harder if it was with a friend of mine though. That's like going through the betrayal twice over and wanting to understand not just how your spouse could do it but also your friend :(
This didn't make me feel better, actually she responded by giving me a bunch of BS about how she didn't want to wreck a 20 year relationship. Even though I read a message from her to my husband telling him he should never confess to me.
About a week later I went to the store, where she works, since it's the grocery store I always went to. But I didn't prepare myself to see her. I saw her in person and had my kids with me. I was so heated and simply wanted to knock her teeth out so her next BJ would be a gum-it.
At this point I realized I was in trouble, I needed some kind of resolution with her. So a few days later I sat down to do exactly what you are talking about, writing a calculated letter explaining how I felt. This nice to start letter became almost unreadable by myself as it was so awful. I actually had gone from kind pity to hatred and torment and back again. Anyway, it was an all day event. I wrote and deleted and re-wrote and deleted - I did this until I said everything I wanted to say. In the end I then decided not to give the OW anything as she wasn't worth my time or effort.
Through this process I found that I was shameful. It was a suprise to me since I always though of shame as something that comes from guilt as if I had to do something but I was wrong. I realized by all this writing and the things I said it became such a great outlet for me. I identified the reason why I was so angry seeing her was the fact that I was ashamed to be the wife of my husband. I realized it was that shame that gives me furry. I also saw the insight that I was not his wife I was just a woman who married this man many years ago. I got some real emotional separation between me and my husband from this process.
Today I have no desires to communicate with her. Of course, the desire to knock her teeth in have not subsided but I have realized to keep myself out of jail I need to stay away from that store. Some days I have more control than others and I really can't afford to problem my own life any more for her sorry a**.
I am sorry but your message will never come across to the other party... if you're lucky and your wayward spouse wants to, they might eventually get it.
Personally, I urge you to never involve the other person, in any way, ever again.
Noooooooooo! Please do not contact the OW to tell her how much she hurt you by having the affair.
She might take pleasure in this. She may be a sociopath or a psychopath or just a self absorbed twit who has no empathy and only puts herself first.
Obviously she did not even care about your husband. He's a twit too for pining over her.
Also don't contact the boss she is screwing. He won't care either.
Contact the bosses wife, contact the wives of her coworkers.
Do it all in one fell swoop so it's a shock and awe thing.
When you contact the people only tell the truth so it is not slander.
I am still struggling with sending one to the company owner. He is a bit of a phony but he comes across as a moral man. (oxymoron I know) Since he is for the most part concerned with appearances I think it will bug him to know that he is involved with a home wrecker whore. Even a pig does not necessarily want to be seen with another pig, at least not in public. I think it will get to him.
She is after his money, he lives in a nice gated high end development and her ass is riding around in there. I want her out. She does not fit in very much anyway because there are mostly wealthy Europeans living in there which she is not. She is a local island whore.
He is divorced so he can do what he wants. I do think deep down he will not be happy with this news even if he already suspects. This will confirm it for him. He will be screwing yesterday's trash. I know what his former GF looked like and the island whore OW is like he is dating a drag queen while his ex GF was an "8".
Also, he knows me and I think he likes me even though I have not seen him recently. Of course he will not know it is coming from me as it will be done anonymously. I don't want or expect anything from him, I just want him to dump the whore, send her ass back to where she belongs.