Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: wnt2chng (45300)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: year and 1/2 out what I've learned
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've learned that my WW has to blame shift . She can't accept the person she is . She hold's on to the fact that our M was in trouble and uses this as a reason to make her self feel better about the choices she's made . As a BS I would liked her to acknowledge that she was a selfish person and only thinking about herself . I know that this is wishful thinking because we all try to find reasons to justify our actions . I've realized it does not help to go down the blame road . The best thing I've learned to this point is to let the past go . I only punish myself by bringing the A back up . I now view my WW as a broken item that is trying to get fixed . I can help the process or I can stand back and let her do it on her own . Its up to us to decide .Although the pain is real I choose to try to help .


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This
I've learned that my WW has to blame shift . She can't accept the person she is . She hold's on to the fact that our M was in trouble and uses this as a reason to make her self feel better about the choices she's made.

And

I now view my WW as a broken item that is trying to get fixed . I can help the process or I can stand back and let her do it on her own . Its up to us to decide .

Don't go together too well. How is she trying to "get fixed"?


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It must be very painful to experience continued blame shifting itsgoingtobeok. You recognize that your wife has a ways to go (and maybe she always will) and yet you seem to accept this - takes a person of great strength.

If you don't mind...how do you see things progressing as the years move along?


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2431 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 3

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.