So the crazy thing is, I came into a significant (by my standards) chunk of $$ today. I have known this date would be coming for some time and based on our state property laws, if I didn't want to split it with him 50/50 then we would have had to separate 6 months ago. So six months ago I had to 'bet' on us making it. So now that date is here and we are 'making it' and I'm trying to figure out if I really screwed up. Because now I feel like there has been so much damage. I've suffered through everything since Dday and all of the additional TT and other character flaw discoveries and have to split the money too if we don't make it. Which would be an extra kick in the xss.
I just keep holding on that overall we are doing better each month and in the end, the pain, suffering, staying strong, (and now $$ too) will all be worth it.
BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
Together 15 years, Married 11
2 kids (10 & 8)
False R 1/12/13-7/14/14
Money can make you feel stronger. it's nit everything, if course, but it's one less thing to worry about.
Have you discussed a post-nuptial with your H? My H has agreed to one as soon as I decide if I'm "all in". he says he'd agree to a clause that indicates if he cheats again (he's been prolific), he leaves the house with only his clothes and his musical instruments.
Would your H consider something like that?
I think every person who has been betrayed must ensure they are financially protected in some way. I don't know your personal situation, but I have many friends who have been SAHM raising kids and supporting their husband who got burned. Even though my state splits earnings/pension 50/50, betrayed SAHMs lost years of job experience/tenure and entered the job market at a terrible time while their WHs are at the top of their careers and already set up for high future earnings not applicable to the D. For whatever the reason, it sounds like a post-nup may work for you and give you peace of mind you deserve.
For myself, I don't think I could do it...I wouldn't feel like I was 'all in' but was already planning my exit strategy. If I get burned, the $$ will just be another prickly thorn thorn on the dead rose bush. I'm scared but rolling the dice every day.
all my best to you...