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User Topic: What should I have expected for wedding anniversary?
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The WS has to be willing to out for extra effort, above and beyond, for the BS. Especially post Dday. Not wing it, have it fall flat, then send a "whoopsie" email when called out

Yes. I agree Aubrie. And there may be times when they want to go the extra mile and the BS wants nothing of it. The main thing here is to talk about it as I also suggested. Well in advance. And keep in mind that even though you do talk about it, you may not actually feel up to it that day.

And I like Sad in AZ wrote,

Speak up when you want something

And speak up when it is not working for you. Glad you wrote the letter to him PreggoBS. It would have been nice had he beat you to the punch with an apology letter but you put yourself in a vulnerable position being honest and that takes guts.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ Member
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our 30th anniversary was last month. I spent 2 1/2 years trying to resolve how to celebrate and just couldnt do it. So now, our 30th was the start of our new marriage. I let the old one die, the good and bad memories are memories and we are moving forward.
Expectations are difficult. It works better for us to have a conversation about our expectations so that we are better able to meet each others needs. Not much room for surprises, but we are both happier for it.

Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 365 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: tl502
♀ Member
Member # 43465
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey preggo

Totally understand how you felt and what you wanted. However your husband seemed disappointed too. From his email it seemed he was thinking about it.

You know what get a sitter plan ahead go on a date.
Enjoy. I thought his email was genuine and he wanted yo make it great it just didn't go to plan.

So plan something together.
Life's yo short to wait for things to happen make them happen xx

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know his response was lame for the reasons sighted in others' responses, however, there is something here that I think makes everything slightly more understandable. There is a brand new baby in the house which requires almost all focus and energy to be on him. There is work, looking for work etc. All those things can be draining and zap one of energy and motivation. On top of that, there was infidelity and its devastating affects are present, I am sure, every day. So all of this can be overwhelming. However, it is "all of this" that is precisely why the extra effort should be made to take time out to acknowledge each other and do something special. Getting swept away by life and then not being happy with the unsatisfying results on the marriage can be exactly what precipitates actions which lead to infidelity in the first place. I agreed that communication and stressing the importance of making a point to fuss over each other will make a difference. I do think though that not going to counseling or doing something else that helps to deal with the why's of the infidelity or offers new ways for your husband to cope with his issues that lead to the betrayal is keeping you from getting satisfaction and healing day to day. If progress was being made there, maybe the major milestones would have slightly less importance? I am not sure, since I have not had an anniversary yet, but I was just thinking more about your statement around the work that has or has not beed done to date.

BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 731 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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