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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I was doing so well and POW a trigger.
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shortly after A started H leased a new truck. Had all the bells and whistles. I wanted us to buy what's called a utility truck. It's just get the basics, but it would have been new and the payment was close to the same as the lease...and we would have owned it. I know, silly, pratical me for thinking that way

Anyway, at the end of the lease we were starting R. I was so glad to see that vehicle go. We lost our ass on it due to early turn in, over the mileage (trips made to AP house) and excessive wear and tear (AP lived on gravel road and there were stone chips all over). It was worth it to be rid of it.

We purchased a used truck and from day one it felt like ours. Three years later we are looking again and bought one fairly new, it only has 2,200 miles on it.

Hence the triggers started.
■It SMELLS like the lease....new.
■The day we picked up the lease H couldn't wait to get me home and dump me so he could go show it I off to AP.
Two days ago he was going to his parents house. It just felt the same way to me.
■Yesterday he took a "me" day. He's been working 6 days 10hrs for the past 6 months or more. He deserved it, but again, it felt the same way.

This is so crazy. These are everyday occurrences. This is not in the middle of an A. This truck that I picked out is a trigger!

It's close to the same time of the year as the lease was and Antiversary is coming up next month. This was when things were getting really bad for us. Maybe it's everything all rolled together. I just don't know how to make this truck not be a trigger and I feel crazy for letting it be because it shouldn't.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 664 | Registered: Jun 2012
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are NOT crazy FL123! It very well could be the subconscious feeling of affair season for you fueling some of these seemingly outta nowhere triggers. It happened to me just this last April as I am pregnant now (like I was 10 yrs ago for DDay #2) and was getting awfully close to the antiversary of DDay #2 AND #4!
I haven't even had a problem with the last couple antiversaries, but for some reason, being pregnant this year may have brought it out.
Maybe just the act of buying and having a new truck, in your case, is a strong enough trigger. I hope that your WH is a FORMER WH and is remorseful even still and will comfort you thru this rough time for you. I REALLY needed my fWH's comfort, kindness and remorse to get me thru the last couple months so that the triggers stop affecting me.
Distractions helped... Only so much, but they helped. I tried focusing on how much progress we had made in R and on my kids and new baby coming.
(((Flatlined123)))


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H is a former. He's been great through this.

Even when I just wanted to be left alone last night. He got close to me and we spooned. He said he knew I was distancing myself so I could keep it together, but he wasn't going to let me do it on my own. That was my undoing. I sobbed...and I kept saying it was the same, but it wasn't and I didn't know why I felt like this.

The poor guy just kept saying he was so sorry he did this to me.

Today's another day and we'll deal with it together.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 664 | Registered: Jun 2012
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad your fWH was doing all he could to be gentle and comforting to you. We don't always know why our confused brains make us trigger, but even when we figure out why we do, the sad feeling can linger. It does feel good tho, to be comforted by the one who caused us the pain in the first place. Feeling and seeing their true remorse helps get us thru those rough moments. I hope you are feeling much better today Flatlined123

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 11:28 AM, June 8th (Sunday)]


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Breath, I am.

H came up with the idea we take the truck on a weekend away. Make some memories with it. I like that idea. I really like that he came up with it.

Now, just to figure out where to go


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 664 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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