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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: in the end, I'm the winner
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for a lot of you still going through the process it's really hard to imagine feeling like you've won. But heading on 6 years out from d-day #1, and over 4 years divorced, let me just tell you why I'm the winner.

I've rebuilt my life. Yes, with a lot of help, support, and love from my family, friends, and all y'all. But I did it. My old life imploded, and from the wreckage I created a new, better life. One that focuses on me. One that is authentic. One that suits me much better than the old one, as it turns out.

Even now, it is/I am a work in progress. But that's what life is. A moving, fluid thing that we all go through. There is potential, and possibilities, and choices and chances to take. The kind of life we have is up to us. I choose to make my life as positive and happy as I can. I choose to be authentic, and feel the emotions I feel, and deal with them. I am grateful that I got a chance at a "do-over" when I am at an age when I can fully appreciate how wonderful life is supposed to be.

I had the strength to make it through the shitstorm, and I came out of it a happier, better person. No question about it - I win!


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great positive post, inconnu. Very true, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9423 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this inconnu. I too feel that I have won over all. I understand that it really isn't a competition. I truly hope that xWH is happy. I feel like I won over circumstances that I could have let drown me. I have made me better and that is a pretty good win.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1678 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WXH doesn't occupy my thoughts often now, but when he crosses my mind- I hope he dies a slow, painful, and lonely death.

I am thriving and happy. I truly feel like I came through the mess of infidelity with a better life than I ever could have had with him. Life is so much better now.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post inconnu!

I feel like in a couple more years, all this hard work I'm putting into my new life is going to start paying dividends. In a way, I've been given the gift of a 'do-over.' Life with ex-shat would have been, well, shit. But having a chance to live an authentic life where I just get to be me...that's pretty awesome.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4564 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I love you! Thank you so much for posting today! I needed this.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2129 | Registered: Oct 2012
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well lived and well said...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5957 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cool, I've only got 4 more years to go lol!

Thank you for posting. It does help to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so needed to hear this after a hellish day here! Thank you!!!!!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Linus1968
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you inconnu! You are an inspiration to me.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 237 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
idontknowwhy5
♂ Member
Member # 42648
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good to read this, I've been having trouble imagining anybody winning.


DDays- too many

Status - In D.


Posts: 74 | Registered: Mar 2014
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations!!! I truly appreciate your post - it gives me hope that I'm going to make it to that point too one day.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 326 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lackingcourage
♀ Member
Member # 39394
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for those words, inconnu. I often tell people I'll be fine on the other side (of this D) but I am not sure I always believe it. I have certainly learned who my real friends are through this process, and have learned that I am blessed in many ways. But then I get teary eyed about what I've lost and the things that I am not really capable of doing on my own, at least at this point, that I used to do with STBXH. So much loss, and although I know intuitively that all will be well, it is good to hear that from someone who has been there.


BW 50
WS 50
DD -- which time?
Married 23 yrs, 2 kids 19 and 22
Reconciling maybe?-- Nope, false alarm. He continued to lie, I asked him to leave. Plan on divorce.

Posts: 59 | Registered: May 2013
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post. I'm on about the same timeline, and I definitely feel the same way. I've won a new life I can be proud of - one I control.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Dec 2008
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love it. Thanks, inconnu.


Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. -Rumi

Posts: 16478 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
coldshot
♂ New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fantastic post...I'm right there with you. I don't post a lot but I sure do read a lot. I'm very thankful for everyone on here.


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

not to shamelessly bump up my own post or anything...

I had a conversation with a friend today who is the mom of a friend of my sons. She has no problems asking my kids what's going on or how they feel, and since ds22 is at her house a lot, she's apparently heard a lot about ex & wifetress. Way more than I have, because I deliberately try to avoid asking my kids about what goes on at their other parent's house.

So um, I knew ex had gotten all kinds of stupid, what with the cheating on me and then leaving me for OW, but damn, hearing stuff my son has told my friend about wifetress...

yep, they really do affair down. Like, he had filet mignon and now he has roadkill affair down.

Not that I needed any proof that I came out the winner in all this, but... yeah, I may be gloating a bit over here, after all.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Topic Posts: 17

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